Thursday, October 13, 2005

Special Announcement - Political Satire in America

Barry Crimmins, with Kurt Vonnegut, Paul Krassner, Art Buchwald, Lewis Lapham, Sarah Jones

Longtime friend of The Garlic, author and satirist Barry Crimmins can be seen this weekend on an upcoming edition of Book TV, on C-SPAN 2. The program will air on Sunday, October 16th at 11AM and 1AM.

The event was recently taped last week at the Concert Hall of the New York Society for Ethical Culture. Crimmins was joined on the panel by Kurt Vonnegut, Paul Krassner, Art Buchwald, Lewis Lapham, Sarah Jones.

Barry Crimmins, was the founder of The Ding Ho, legendary comedy club in Inman Square, Cambridge, MA, which launched Barry nationally, along with Steven Wright, Paula Poundstone, Bobcat Goldthwait, Kevin Meaney, Jimmy Tingle and many, many others. Barry also launched Boston's other fabled comedy club, Stitches, across the Charles River near Boston University.

Barry is also a former writer for Dennis Miller and is currently working with Air America Radio, writing and making commentary for the Randi Rhodes Show. In 2004, Seven Stores Press published Barry's first book, "Never Shake Hands with a War Criminal" and Barry's writing appears frequently in 'The Boston Phoenix' and the 'Cleveland Plain-Dealer'

Barry also been a featured commentator on CNN, NBC, MSNBC and The Phil Donahue Show and has also appeared in Fran Solimita's 'When Stand Up Stood Out', the critically acclaimed documentary about the Boston Comedy scene.

Barry received the Peace Leadership Award from Boston Mobilization for Survival. He has also been honored, along with Ms. Maya Angelou, with The Courage of Conscience Award from Wellesly College and The Life Experience School at The Peace Abbey in Sherborn, Massachusetts. Community Works gave the Artist for Social Change Award to Barry for his years of activism.

Visit Barry Crimmins Website

Purchase "Never Shake Hands With A War Criminal"

Visit Seven Stories Press

Visit Book TV

Wednesday, October 12, 2005

Wednesday 12 October 2005

Apple Announcement Today May Unveil Miers iPod

Two Colors Offered and Pre-Programmed With Unknown Songs; Possible Video iSqueal Also Talked About

After teasing reporters for weeks, Apple Computer's press conference today, at the California Theatre in San Jose, is expected to announce a new addition to the popular iPod line - a Harriet Miers edition, available in two colors and pre-programmed with unknown songs from unknown artists.

Steve Dowling, a spokesman for the Cupertino company, declined to comment.

The Miers iPod will be available in 'Supreme Court Black' or 'Government-Issue Green' and with a new power system in which the owner will need to change the battery the Frist Monday in October.

One caveat is that the owner of the Miers iPod must play all the song programmed before they can be erased or recorded over.

There is also speculation that certain features of the Miers iPod may be integrated into the Roker, the new iTunes-enabled cell phone from Apple and Motorola, with the user being able to download Supreme Court decisions. The text decisions can be saved and transferred to a hard drive or emailed to friends, with an iTunes song attached as a personal soundtrack.

The prerecorded songs from unknowns may be a nod to Apple's growing battle with the music labels.

Sources tell The Garlic that a majority of the unknown artists are from Warner Music. Warner has been at odds with Apple and its iTune program, believing the music labels should have flexibility and control over the pricing of their music.

Apple has maintained its .99 price for iTunes songs.

Another long anticipated move by Apple may be forthcoming, as there is speculation that Apple will also debut the new Video iSqueal.

As first reported by The Garlic, Apple launched iSqueal back in March, as a means to root out leaks over new Apple product announcements and dissent aimed toward Apple.

The program, allowing users to call a special iSqueal Hotline or email their information, has been hugely popular and, at times, completely overwhelming Apple's iSqueal team and operators.

"They have," says Ralph Centanni, author of "I Scream For iPod", "gotten a lot of information on the objective but they've also gotten a lot of junk as well."

Centanni says the iSqueal Hotline has become a dumping ground for "every complaint imaginable".

"You've got people reporting traffic accidents, divorce cases, people complaining about products that aren't even Apple's … It's been a very challenging program for them."

With Video iSqueal, Apple hopes to root out the nonsensical complaints, believing people will be less inclined to leave such complaints if they have to identify themselves.

"It also gives Apple the opportunity to sell more video tools and software," says Centanni.

Centanni believes the Miers iPod concept came out of the iSqueal files.

"It started with the Roberts nomination, the calls and emails to iSqueal. I think Steven Jobs saw something and, with his flair, came up with the Miers offering. Either that, or he's going after the Conservatives, an older but prosperous market. Maybe there's some kind of blockbuster deal that will follow, like having a big push of Christian Rock on iTunes … It's a market … It's out there."

Webster's Dictionary confirmed debunking a longtime adage, as proof emerged that pigs do not fly, but swim

Google Launches Lobb
yist; As Usual, In Beta-Mode and By-Invite Only

May Signal Move To Broaden Google Wallet and Googlets With Expanding Empire

Google confirmed last week that the company has, in its' tradition, quietly launched a Washington Lobbyist to look out for the company's interests and "defend the Internet as a free and open platform for information, communication, and innovation."

The lobbyist, technology-law expert and Washington veteran Alan Davidson, is only operating in beta-mode at the time and Google has not made any predictions when they will unveil the lobbyist as a full running program.

Additionally, only users of Gmail and Google Talk have access to Davidson and only those users can invite friends and family into the Lobbyist program. Each user has 25 invites to offer.

As lobbyists are nothing new, Google's beta-lobbyist is said to be lacking some features and is "no way near" most of the complete and functioning lobbyists dotting the Capital, according to sources.

Google shied away from purchasing an already established lobbyist, preferring to build one from the ground, up, as with most of their programs. And it's also not clear if the lobbyist will be a independent program, or integrated into the Google Desktop Tool Bar

The need for a lobbyist comes at a time as Google expands its' empire.

There's speculation that Google is going to take on the Telecom industry. Google has already launched its' Google Printprogram and has run into trouble as publishers and the Authors Guild has filed suit over copyright infringement.

However, some insider say that it is the Google Wallet, and their new monetary system, Googlets, that may be at the heart of the lobbyist beta program.

In June, as reported by The Garlic, Google launched a pay system to rival eBay's PayPal and, took the extra step to seek having it also serve as legal tender. Googlets are wired with sensors so that a user can pull up Google Maps to research which vendors in their area accept Googlets as payment.

"It's a smart move," says Daria Pannesi, editor of 'In The Loot', the newsletter for high tech dollar traders. "If they're going to establish these 'Google Bars', or whatever they’re called, they are going to need a point person in Washington to get this pushed through."

In the beta-mode, Google's lobbyist will be located on J Street in Washington, not K Street where most of the other lobbyist firms are located. He'll have most of the tool used traditionally by lobbyists and a few extras, such as having the entire history of case law and Supreme Court decisions available for reference via his Google Desktop Search.

"He'll have all those things," says Pannesi, "plus a couple-a-few billion dollars to throw around."

Top Ten Cloves: Bush Picking Miers Is Disappointing To The Conservatives like ...

10. Discovering the $190,000 the Texas candidates received was the same $190,000 Tom DeLay sent the RNC

9. Finding out the Ford Motor Company knew Pinto's would explode if hit in the rear

8. The 1919 Chicago White Sox being paid to lose World Series

7. Kind of their own 'Dewey Beats Truman' moment

6. Joe Namath guaranteeing the Super Bowl and then going out and beating the NFL

5. That Karl Roves smears are smears and not true

4. Bush packing key positions in government with his crony friends … Wait a minute, scratch this one …

3. If Bucky Dent has flied out to left instead of hitting it over the wall …

2. Rosemary Woods really did erase the 18-and-a-half-minutes by accident

1. Elvis isn't in the building and is dead as a doornail

Tuesday, October 11, 2005

Tuesday 11 October 2005

FEMA Rushes Aid To Earthquake Victims Within Hours of Strike

"I don't think the ground stopped shaking, and FEMA was there"; "We screwed up, but that's okay," says Paulson

Already under heavy criticism, and a congressional investigation, the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) sent food, water, medicine and equipment, in error, to earthquake-ravaged Pakistan and they did it in record time.

"I don't think the ground stopped shaking, and FEMA was there already …," said Pakistan Chief Executive General Pervez Musharraf.

"They're already in some of the mountain regions, the hard-to-reach places. We haven't even had time to get our own people in there."

The 7.6 magnitude earthquake struck on Saturday, centered near Kashmir and the death toll estimates continue to rise, over 20,000 today and well over 50,000 injured. The quake also caused extensive damage in neighboring India and Afghanistan

"I had the television on - I always have it on, after, you know … - and I heard the words 'earthquake', " said FEMA Director R. David Paulson. "I just grabbed the phone and gave the greenlight to get everything out … I didn't stop to check the location."

"We screwed up, but that's okay," said Paulson. "It's a good screw up. The President would have been sending aid over anyway, we just jumped the gun."

World aid has been pouring into the region, from Britain, China, South Korea, Turkey, Spain, Iran, Russia, the Netherlands, Japan and Germany.

So far, the Bush Administration has sent much-needed helicopters, eight from the United States, including five Chinook transports.

"We sent considerable more aid." said White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan, "than we had planned, thanks to FEMA."

The White House wouldn't say if the President will be adding Pakistan, or India and Afghanistan, to his disaster itinerary. The President, accompanied by the First Lady, is in New Orleans today, his eight trip to the hurricane-stricken area.

There is also Guatemala, which was hit by Hurricane Stan and has suffered catastrophic damage, with thousands believed dead after a mountainside collapsed, burying a village in over 20-feet of mud.

"We hear," a source close to the White House said, "that he may send his brother Jeb to Guatemala. Jeb speaks Spanish."

What tipped Paulson off to the mistakenly-sent aid, was when he received the request for translators.

"From when our teams hit the ground," offered Paulson, "We start the clock and we have checklists. One of the first req's we received was for translators and it was only then that we realized we sent the aid out in error. It was beautifully executed but it was a mistake."

"Lose the guy with the taxi doors and meet me in my room in fifteen-minutes ...

With Red Sox and Yankees Bounced, MLB Postpones Playoffs

Unsure On Next Step, How To Proceed; Television Exec's Voice Pressure For Ratings

Anticipating, and expecting, a world-shaking rematch for the American League Championship, Major League Baseball is stunned today, as both the Boston Red Sox, defending World Series Champions, and the New York Yankees have been eliminated in the divisional playoffs.

Commissioner Bud Selig this morning, announced that the playoffs, the two league championship series, have been postponed, as baseball executives evaluate the situation and look at the options on how best to proceed.

The Yankees lost the deciding fifth game last night to the Los Angeles Angels, of Anaheim and Orange County, California, United States of America, while the Red Sox were swept by the Chicago White Sox last Friday.

Reports are circulating the television executives from Fox Sports and ESPN are livid and applying pressure to baseball's front office to do something. Both networks fear, with neither the Red Sox or Yankees still playing, ground-scrapping ratings, equaling lost revenues.

"This is a bad situation," says Fred Bouchard, editor of 'Glued To The Tube', an industry newsletter that monitors television and rates the ratings.

Selig would not confirm or deny the rumors that baseball was considering passing a special rule that will extend the divisional playoffs, currently a best-of-five series to a best-of-seven match, allowing the Red Sox and Yankees the opportunity to climb back in.

Fans in both cities, Boston and New York have mobbed Yankee Stadium and Fenway Park, hoping, if baseball does extend the series, to purchase tickets.

"With Game 6 and 7 at the Stadium," gushed Yankee General Manager Brian Cashman, "I'll take that any day. I like our chances."

"We'd love the chance to play again," said Theo Epstein, Red Sox General Manager. "It would be alittle unusual, but if they give it to us, we'll take it."

Red Sox fans had been riding a high, since their stirring comeback last year and World Series sweep, breaking the longtime "curse" in winning their first title in 86-years. Since the loss last Friday, a small, but vocal group has kept vigil outside of Fenway Park, chanting "Wait 'till last year".

Epstein added that he is eager to have the playoffs continue, regardless of who remains playing.

"I have my scouting to conduct. There's one player that we're looking at and we need the World Series to end to make that move."

Speculation is running that the Red Sox will go after whoever makes the final out of the season.

In 2004, Edgar Renteria, playing for the St. Louis Cardinals made the final out that gave the Red Sox the series. A few months later, Epstein engineered a trade to bring Renteria to the Red Sox. Ironically, Renteria also made the final out in the Game 3 loss to the White Sox.

If the issue isn't solved this afternoon, and the baseball playoffs remain postponed, both Fox Sports and ESPN say they will run Texas Hold'em Poker shows in place of the baseball telecasts.

Top Ten Cloves: Things Vice President Cheney Told Conservatives He Did To Get President Away From Harriet Miers

10. Got Tom DeLay indicted, hoping to slow down President

9. Called New Orleans Republicans to see if they could get President stranded or trapped there during next visit

8. Rigged the baseball playoffs so Houston advances to League Championship

7. Underwent "life-threatening surgery" as a means to distract President

6. Had Secret Service keep President locked in Oval Office under the guise of a 'security breach'

5. Mexican music was piped into Oval Office, thinking it would influence President to name Gonzales

4. Kept dropping subliminal hints that Presidnet should "name Edith"

3. Repeatedly tried to get President drunk so he and Rove could forge documents with good conservative nominee

2. Brought in James Earl Jones to intone over White House PA system that the Higher Father wants him to pick Pricella Owens

1. Got Halliburton to promise President "millions" if he went with Cheney as his nominee

Monday, October 10, 2005

Holiday Special - Sautéed Cloves 10 October 2005

Happy Columbus Day!

Sources say that President Bush has become obsessed with taking responsibility for the government's poor response to Hurricane Katrina, greeting each plane-load of relief worker, to personally apologize and thank them for their work and efforts.

Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani was arrested last Friday for allegedly threatening a subway toll collector during the heightened terror alert. Giuliani claims that he was only questioning the subway worker about the safety precautions and that it was his finger in his coat pocket and not a gun, which he demonstrated for the press.

In the terror alert issued last week, Homeland Security
offered an update on the vulnerability of trains, saying that, along with backpacks and luggage, terrorists may begin disguising bombs as elderly men walking with canes.

Barmaids at an Oktoberfest in Munich show their support for Harriet Miers and her nomination to the Supreme Court.

The Department of Justice is collaborating with the Department of Education, to help young Hispanic children learn about law and justice, with the release of a series of "Donde esta Alberto?" books.

This follows the successful joint effort of the D.O.E. and White House last year, with the popular "Donde está vice presidente Cheney".