Friday, January 27, 2006

Friday 27 January 2006

Iraqis Wake-Up To Their 'Dewey Beats Truman' Snafu With Hamas Upset

Lincoln Group, U.S. Military Was Confident In Fatah Victory; PNAC Said To Be In "Crisis Mode"

Hundreds-of-Thousands of Iraqis woke-up yesterday morning, to headlines and stories detailing the Fatah Party's slim victory in the Palestinian elections on Wednesday, only to turn on their televisions and radios to later learn that the Hamas Party was the majority winner in the elections.

Quickly, throughout the country, newsstands, bookstores and the newspapers themselves were stormed by mobs of people seeking copies, after it became clear there was a snafu and news anchors, disc jockeys, and even clerics, began saying that this was the young democracy's "Dewey Beats Truman" moment.

U.S. Military officials in Iraq offered little comment, saying that "we are not responsible for the content".

Sources close to the Pentagon dispute the claim, saying that the Lincoln Group had been working on copy to be placed in the Iraqi media, detailing the slim victory of the ruling party, Fatah and drawing comparisons to the recent Iraqi elections.

"It was all over the place," said the administration source. "The Lincoln Group had reams of copy they were feeding the Iraqi press. Straight news reports, features, Editorials and Op-Ed pieces … They had this stuff plastered all over the place … all over the place."

It's being reported that Iraqi President Jalal Talabani was not amused with the snafu, or "Dewey Beats Truman" chants outside his office, and has demanded from Washington an answer as to why it happened.

"President Bush seemed to know the real results early enough," said an angry Talabani, "why didn't they share them with us?"

Rumors began circulating this morning, in Washington, that the White House is even more distracted by the Hamas victory than reported.

Senior staff members have been rushing, back-and-forth, to the offices of Project for the New American Century (PNAC), who other sources say are "completed immersed in crisis mode".

"This wasn't part of their plan," said the source. "The PNAC doesn't have any files for this. The Iraq plan went so perfect for them, they never saw this one coming."

The White House refused comment and, shortly after, released a statement saying that the President was establishing, as was alluded to yesterday in his press conference, the "Palestinian Surveillance Program", only now it is being modified, and will be manned along with Israel, to the "Hamas Surveillance Program" and, for Talabani, and the newly elected government there, the "Iraqi News Media Surveillance Program".

Senator Arlen Specter (R-PA) is joining the growing number of voices that want answers on how the Iraqi media called this weeks' Palestinian elections for the Fatah Party, gving the young democracy there 'Dewey Beats Truman" moment

Breaking News! 27 January 2006

Disgraced Author Frey Claims Kidnapped and Beaten By Oprah, Staff

Says Tortured For Hours; "Oprah Like A Wild Animal"; Nationally Televised Berating No Impact On Bush, DOD Work

A disheveled, and seemingly intoxicated, James Frey, author of the now-debunked memoir, "A Million Little Pieces", was found early this morning sleeping behind Chicago's Navy Pier next to a trash container.

Reports say that Frey told the responding Chicago Police that he was "kidnapped" and "held over night" by Oprah Winfrey and members of her staff, who, he says, "tortured and beat me."

The Chicago Police say they are investigating the charges, but that they have "indications" that the story "may not be accurate".

Sources close the department have told The Garlic that "there were no visible marks or bruises" and that the first-responding officers "noticed a strong smell of alcohol".

Frey, on Thursday, appeared on the "Oprah" show, live, to face questioning from host Oprah Winfrey about the charges that he fabricated the element of his best-selling memoir. The book was featured by Oprah's infamous book club and has sold over 2-million copies.

The controversy emanated when a report by The Smoking Gun, an investigative web site, known for posting the police mug shots of celebrities, discovered multiple discrepancies between Mr. Frey's life and what he wrote in his book.

"I made a mistake," Frey told Oprah. "And when I was writing the book, instead of being as introspective as I should have been, I clung to that image." Frey was referring to the "tough guy" image he portrayed himself as in "A Million Little Pieces.

"I feel duped," Ms. Winfrey told Frey. "But more importantly, I feel that you betrayed millions of readers."

Frey remained on stage, red-faced, throughout the program as Oprah interviewed the publisher of the book, Nan A. Talese, who heads an imprint of Random House's Doubleday division, as well as columnists Richard Cohen, of The Washington Post, and Frank Rich, from The New York Times.

According to the police report, Frey claims that, after the show, backstage, Oprah continued to "verbally berate and abuse me", and was joined by members of her staff. At some point, the confrontation escalated when "Oprah, or possibly someone else, sucker-punched me". Either from the assault, or hitting his head when he fell, caused Frey to blackout.

"Next thing I knew, I was in an empty room, handcuffed to a chair," Frey told police.

Over the next four-hours or more, Frey says he was beaten with "a telephone book", spit on and slapped. He says throughout the ordeal, Oprah Winfrey was present and "yelling at me like a crazy woman".

Frey says that at another point, a man entered the room, and proceeded to give Frey a root canal, without any Novocain or pain medicine.

"It was just like that scene in 'Marathon Man', when they drilled Dustin Hoffman," said Frey in the police report.

A spokesperson for Oprah Winfrey denies that Ms. Winfrey "or anyone else employed here" took part in what Mr. Frey claims.

"After all, it has been proved that Mr. Frey has a predilection for not telling the truth. We have that on tape now."

In Washington, a spokesperson for the Department of Defense said that Frey's appearance on "Oprah", or his alleged assault "has no impact" on Frey status of working on the U.S. Military's Iraqi Media Program, and his contributions to Bushapalooza.

"We still have the strongest confidence in his abilities," said the spokesperson.

"In fact," continued the spokesperson, "the White House, this morning, advised us that they will be having Mr. Frey work on the new 'Lobbyist Surveillance Program' at the earliest he can."

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard In The Hamas Election Headquarters

10. Authorize the spending for the cell phone plan, the "Friends and Family" one … Maybe we get the Americans and Israelis on it

9. Let's rattle our swords at ABC .. Make a demand that they put Heather Graham's "Emily Reasons Why Not" back on the air

8. Holy Shit! … We Won!

7. Call the television station, tell them to get this crap off and run that Oprah show … I want to see her slam that guy

6. Forget the election, did you hear the Sly Stone might perform at the Grammy's!

5. Hey, Chris Matthews is on the phone … He wants to know if we have any speeches coming that sound like Michael Moore

4. What do you guys think of making Gaza a Chocolate, or better yet, a Baklawa City?

3. Let's wait and see how much they give us … If they stall, we'll tell them we're going to sell our photo of Bush and that Abramoff guy

2. Get our lawyers ready, just in case those Americans, Gore and Kerry, decided to contest the results

1. Somebody log on to Amazon.Com … Buy all the books you can that tell you on how to run a country

Thursday, January 26, 2006

Thursday 26 January 2006

Bush Says Palestinian Elections Not Valid; "No Official Purple Fingers Verified

Rice Offers To Send Bremmer, Halliburton In To Set Up Interim Government Until New Elections Can Be Called

In a wide-ranging press conference this morning, covering numerous hot issues, President Bush said that "the elections are not valid", when asked a question about the pending upset by the Hamas party, in apparently winning a majority number of seats in the Palestinian elections held yesterday.

"We have our people on the ground over there," continued the President, "and they could not verify one, single purple finger coming out of the voting places. Not one … In our view, that says these elections were corrupted … Fixed … We just don’t know the full story yet."

The White House confirmed that, along with normal, diplomatic personnel, additional staff was sent from the Republican National Committee offices in Florida and Ohio, to oversee the election and the vote count.

With the results not official just yet, it appears that the Hamas Party was won 76 or the 132 seats in the Palestinian Parliament, with the favored Fatah Party picking up only 43. This was the first elections for the Palestinians in over a decade.

And, with a barb aimed at his opponent in the 2004 U.S. Presidential Election, The President joked about the upset by Hamas, saying "they must have been using John Kerry's exit pollsters over there".

Hamas, on the United States Official Terrorist List, calls in its' platform for the destruction of Israel.

The White House is also considering adding Hamas on their "Axis of Evil" list, for the President's State of the Union Address next Tuesday. The White House would not confirm if the allegedly illegal election victory would increase Hamas's chances of making the Axis of Evil list.

Asked how the White House, and the United States would deal with a Hamas-led Palestinian Government, Bush said "difficultly".

"It's a complicated issue … We can't count on PLO Chairman Yasser Arafat to fix this problem. He's dead … That means he's not alive, he's not with us anymore …You understand? … We have to work with someone over there that is alive, that is with us … you see what I mean?"

The President called for new elections to be held, and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice issued a statement, saying the State Department would work with the Palestinians, and "could offer former Iraqi Ambassador and Administrator of the Coalition Provisional Authority L. Paul Bremmer, and the Halliburton Company to assist you in setting up an interim government".

When reached by The Garlic for comment, Bremmer said that he'd "be happy to serve" and "this time, I won't be surprised by any insurgents"".

In her statement, Secretary Rice warned the Palestinians that "looting with not be tolorated, no matter what Secretary Rumsfeld has said in the past".

In his press conference, the President intimated that the White House may set up a "Palestinian Surveillance Program" and that, for "the forseeable future" all Hamas leaders will be monitored by the National Security Agency.

The President, forceful said of the "Palestinian Surveillance Program", like his "Terrorist Surveillance Program" that "there's no doubt in my mind it is legal."

"The program's legal, it's designed to protect civil liberties, and it's necessary," Bush said.

During the conference, the Presidend was also peppered with questions about indicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff and defend his decision not to release the alledged photos the White House is said to be holding.

"Like Scott said yesterday," huffed the President, "buyer beware."

President Bush also pointed out that there is an on-going federal investigation into Abramoff and that they would "look into all aspects of his influence on Capitol Hill". The President then went on to commend the Congressional Republicans and their "Lobbyist Surveillance Program".

In a related matter, MSNBC host Chris Matthews said today that he was "pouring over" statements by the Hamas group, to see :how much of their rhetoric is "rehashing the Democratic Party's, and those far-out left-wingers, like Michael Moore, John Kerry, Dick Durbin and that whole gang".

Former Iraqi Ambassador and Administrator of the Coalition Provisional Authority L. Paul Bremmer, shown here with Under Secretary Paula Dobriansky, says if he's called to head an interim government for the Palestinians, he won't be surprised by the insurgents this time

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Kayne West Posed As Christ For Cover of Rolling Stone Magazine

10. Promised Mike Myers he'd do something to make up for messing with him on the Katrina broadcast

9. Laying down the groundwork for a Rap/Hip-Hop version of "The Passion Of Christ"

8. Jesus Christ was great, Kayne West is great … Someone's got to say it now

7. Uses the crown of thorns at home, to help him break his addiction to pornography

6. His way of announcing he's giving up Hip Hop and moving over to Christian Rock

5. Didn't look as good in just his underwear, like Mark Wahlberg

4. Trying to reach out to President Bush, for the Katrina comment, because he's religious and compassionate

3. Believed 'Rolling Stone' was a religious magazine, you know, about the Resurrection

2. Played along, thought he was being "Punk'd" by Ashton Kutcher

1. Warming up for the Grammy Awards, where he will hang, on stage, on a cross

Wednesday, January 25, 2006

Wednesday 25 January 2006

Breaking News!

White House: "We Know No Such Person Named Jack Abramoff"

"We Couldn't Even Find A Library Card"; McClellan Defends GOP, Calls Scandal "Lobbyist Surveillance Program"

Under increasingly tense pressure, with calls to release records and photos, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan responded to questions in a briefing this morning, saying that "The President, and the White House, knows no such person named Jack Abramoff".

"We've done an extensive search, through our records here, other agencies," said McClellan, "and we've turned up nothing … Not even a library card for this person."

There are new reports this week that Abramoff, the indicted lobbyist and at the center of an on-going investigation that he bribed members of Congress, is shopping to media outlets, photos of himself with President Bush.

"I can't comment on that, McClellan said, responding to a direct question. "As I said, the President doesn't know this person. If he has photos that he is trying to sell, I can only advise buyer beware."

If the President doesn't know Jack Abramoff, the President Bush Reelection Committee certainly does, as Abramoff raised over $100,000 for them, earning "Pioneer" status. Additionally, Abramoff has close ties to longtime Bush aide, Karl Rove.

Abramoff is accused of bilking Indian Tribe clients out of millions of dollars, as well as bribing members of Congress and influencing legislation.

The high-powered lobbyist lavishly wined-and-dined Republican congressman and senators, and their staff members, including sponsoring an international junket, taking House members golfing in Scotland.

McClellan admitted hearing about "these rumors".

"It is the President's understanding, that the Republican members of Congress were operating within the law and conducting a 'Lobbyist Surveillance Program', to catch the exact kind of abuses that are being alleged. These charges are so pre-9/11"

The President believes,' added McClellan, "that when the hearings are held and the court cases settled, you will find that this Administration, and the Majority party of Congress, have been victims of extreme partisan politics. You never know, we may have the wiretaps to prove it."

In a related story, Washington Post reporter, and author, Bob Woodward said today that he knows the full Jack Abramoff story but doesn't intend to write about it "for another year, or two".

President Bush, and the White House, after saying they don't know "any Jack Abramoff", are calling the scandal the "Lobbyist Surveillance Program"

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Google Tried To Avoid Censorship Of New China Search Engine

10. Have to wait for the court cases to play out, but if successful, Blackberries for everyone!

9. Pry away Theo Epstein from Boston Red Sox so he can run Chinese National Baseball Team and get them to World Series

8. Free downloads from Google Video for all programs from new CW Network

7. Promised to have all Google Ads on network point to Mao Se Tung products

6. If Ray Nagin can build a Chocolate City, Google will build a Noodle city for China

5. Over first three-years, will let every Chinese citizen hang out with Larry and Sergey for a day

4. With stock and market clout, gets U.S. Government to nix Disney-Pixar deal, so Google can purchase Pixar and give as gift to China

3. Would pay subscription fees for Howard Stern on Sirius Satellite Radio for one-year, for all top officials

2. Has enough money to hire people to type in searches for Chinese citizens

1. Offered to give Chinese Government subpoenaed search records, instead of Bush Administration

Tuesday, January 24, 2006

Tuesday 24 January 2006

Deadline Looms For Axis of Evil Applicants

White House Cramming To Fill List For State of Union Address; Is Considering Adding Individuals For First Time

With President Bush's State of the Union Address less than a week away, the White House indicated today that there is some worry that the "Axis of Evil" finalist list isn't completed yet.

"We're still sifting through the applications," said Chief of Staff Andy Card. "A lot of people were late this year in getting them in."

Despite the tardiness of some Evils, the Administration is upbeat and announced that they are expanding the "Axis of Evil" program this year to include individuals, and will have at least three alternates.

Sources tell The Garlic that Vice President Dick Cheney is lobbying the President to have a special category designated for those that oppose and criticize the Administration on the wiretapping on U.S. Citizens.

Axis watchers speculate that Iran and North Korea will retain their spots and stay on the list. Syria and Palestine are expected to secure placement as two of the alternates

Iraq, which had been a long-standing member, now that they have had free elections and are forming a democratic government, will be decertified. A small ceremony will take place in the White House just prior to the State of the Union.

"We will be giving them a plaque, and a proclamation from the President, thanking them for their years' of service in the Axis," added Card.

The White House would not release the names of the individuals being considered for "Axis of Evil" status, but sources tell The Garlic that Congressmen Jack Murtha and anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan "will definitely be on the evil list".

A late entry to make the cut, following his speech last week, in which he stated that the President is violating the law, is former Vice President Al Gore.

"There's a real battle going on in there," offered Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication, that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century. "Rove wants this person, Cheney wants that person. The President is at wits end on filling out the list.

Reportedly, Vice President Cheney has dug in his heels and wants Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald added to the Axis.

Some members of the administration, according to Martins, are pushing the President to place indicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff as a Honorary Axis of Evil designee, but so far, the President is resisting that choice, some say, out of fear of offending fellow Texans Karl Rove and Tom DeLay.

"Believe it or not," said Martins, "but it's a hot rumor that they're putting the squeeze on Abramoff, to kick in more money before he's convicted, and dangling the Evil List out there as leverage."

Martins says this could come right down to the wire, with the Axis of Evil List still not complete "minutes before the speech".

"All I know," says Martins, "is, after the Sergeant booms out "Mr. Speaker … The President of the United States", I wouldn't necessarily want to be the first congressman to shake hands with Bush as he strides in."

On the Bushapalooza Tour today, MSNBC Host Tucker Carlson said he'd "bet his bowtie" that President Bush will be found innocent of any illegal wiretapping

News In Brief 24 January 2006

NBC, Feeling Pressure, Reverses Ax; Will Merge West Wing, Will & Grace

Flood of Calls and Emails Shut Down Rockefeller Center; "Even More Liberal Plot Lines" May Save Shows

A day after canceling two of their most popular, award-winning shows, NBC reversed course and announced that they will merge "The West Wing" and "Will & Grace" to create one show, retaining all the established characters.

The new title of the single program will be "The West Wing, Featuring Will & Grace".

This came after a blizzard of telephone calls and emails that, by late afternoon, shut down the entire workings at NBC Headquarters in Rockefeller Center. Back-up generators, pre-recorded programming and a switch to studios in nearby New Jersey kept the Peacock network from going dark.

"After talking with our programming people, and the show's producers," announced an exhausted and beleaguered Kevin Reilly, president of NBC Entertainment, "we've come up with a plan that will keep both shows on-the-air, and their legions of fans happy.

Combined, "The West Wing" and "Will & Grace" have won 36 Emmys and, in its first season, "The West Wing" garnered nine Emmys, a record for most won by a series in a single season.

Reilly refused to say when the new, merged show would air, offering only "Likely in early 2007, after we shoot enough new episodes.

The plot will have the cast of 'Will & Grace" moving to Washington, after lawyer Will Thurman, played by Eric McCormick, is recruited by the Bartlet Administration to work on some still-to-be-determined, hot gay issue. It will be written so that Thurman gets carried over into the new administration, as the plotline of 'The West Wing" is a heated presidential election race between
Republican Alan Alda and Democrat Jimmy Smits.

"It will be more of a change for Will and Grace, than the others," Reilly admitted.

Other plotlines, Reilly stated, could involve Jack McFarland, portrayed by Sean Hayes, in Senate Page Boy Heaven, and Megan Mullally's character, Karen Walker, having her way with old, rich lobbyists.

"For fans of the show, they won't miss a beat," said Reilly.

Reilly also hinted at a dynamic cliffhanger to end the first season of the newly merged shows.

"I've suggested to the producers that we have Chief of Staff C.J. Cregg (Allison Janney) hit up on Grace (Debra Messing). It would shock both fan bases and we leave it hanging on which way Grace goes with it."

Reilly refused to comment on rumors that a third show would have plotlines mixed in, NBC's new mega hit, "My Name Is Earl"

"If we need that for ratings, we'll look down that road when we have to."

Reilly did concede that it would offer "some very interesting subplots to explore" with "any of the Will and Grace people."

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things That Karl Rove Believes Is "Wrong - deeply and profoundly and consistently wrong"

10. More reporters weren't jailed along with Judy Miller

9. The Supreme Court, for not taking the Blackberry case

8. Jeff Gannon is no longer part of the White House Press Pool

7. They won't let him Wi-Fi the NSA Wiretaps into his study at home

6. That, that hillbilly James Carville getting a Sport Show on XM Radio

5. The cancellation of "Will & Grace" (fingers crossed, hoping they spin-off a show for Jack)

4. Hillary Clinton using the "plantation" reference … That was Newt Gingrich's, fair and square

3. Right after 9/11, that President Bush just didn't round up all the liberals and Democrats as Enemy Combatants

2. The indictments of Scooter Libby, Tom Delay and Jack Abramoff

1. That the White House has to pay any attention at all to the Congress, it's such a waste of time

Monday, January 23, 2006

Editor's Note: Excellent Truthout Perspective

Democrats: Get Up and Walk Out
By William Rivers Pitt
Sunday 22 January 2006

Managing Editor and Senior Writer for, as well as an internationally best-selling author William Rivers Pitt has proposed a dynamic protest for the Democrats during next week's State of the Union Address by our Court-Appointed President, George Bush.

" a predetermined moment, stand up and walk out. No yelling. No heated words. Every Democrat should simply stand silently and leave."

If this doesn't get CNN's William Schneider's "Political Play of the Week", then you know the game is rigged.

Pitt, quoting former Republican Senator Phil Gramm, from 1995, details the Republican agenda to "exterminate" the Democrats and notes the specious attack by the GOP and their talking head puppets of tying Osama bin Laden's latest audio tape to the talking points of Howard Dean and the Democratic Party.

Imagine if Dean, or another moderate or liberal Democratic said that of a Republican? There'd be three-days of burning down buildings and killing first-borns.

With Bush doing his "Clear Skies" thing to the illegal wiretapping (it's now the "terrorist surveillance program") and Karl Rove painting anyone who cleanly opposes and debates the Administration's Iraqi polices as being so "pre-9/11", the GOP is opening up the playbook on how they are going to manipulate the lies, scandals and indictments for the 2006 Congressional elections and point out all the mushrooms clouds building up on our coasts.

"But "three to five years" isn't going to help the GOP win the midterm elections. They need things to be scary, and they need things to be scary now. The same right-wing groups that ginned up the fantasy that Iraq was laden with weapons of mass destruction, and was an imminent threat, are now at work building up a martial froth about Iran. They did this in time for the midterms last time, and are preparing to do it again.

Read the entire article at, then call or email your Senator or Congressman and tell them to read the piece as well - and follow through on Pitt's suggestion;

"Walk outside to the steps of the Capitol Building and hold a Counter-State-of-the-Union. Lay out your plans for a better future. Explain how you will reform the system that spawned Mr. Abramoff. Demand answers and explanations about what is happening in Iraq, what is happening over at the National Security Agency, and why this administration believes itself to be completely above the law."

This would be tremendous, a throw-back, Capraesque moment, in a Congress that would spend two-weeks smearing a poltical-appointed Boy Ranger Jefferson Smith (nee, Jimmy Stewart) as a deranged pedophile, and, being Republicans, probably an embezzler as well.

And, if our Democratic Congressman and Senators do follow Mr. Pitts advice, don't forget to invite him down there, to greet you as you come filing out


White House Scores Again, Adds MSNBC Trio To Bushapalooza Tour

Matthews, Scarborough, Carlson Join To Continue Slam, Equating DNC Talking Points and Osama bin Laden

The White House's "Bushapalooza" was amped up this morning, with the announcement that Chris Matthews, Joe Scarborough and Tucker Carlson, all hosts on MSNBC Cable News, will join the tour this week.

On two of his "Hardball" programs last week, Matthews compared Osama bin Laden to Michael Moore, and with Scarborough and Carlson in agreement, equated the diatribe from bin Laden as "that he is parroting the Democratic left talking points about Iraq".

"This is a major score for us," gushed White House Communications Director Dan Bartlett. "Just getting Matthews would have been good, but to get all three of them … This is big …"

When apprised of Matthews joining Bushapalooza, Joe Gandelman, of The Moderate Voice said that "It was a sad day for TMV when Matthews abandoned the world of print journalism to do his TV show …"

This is the second huge talent for 'Bushapalooza" in less then two-weeks, following the signing of embattled "Million Little Pieces" author, James Frey.

While the trio of MSNBC hosts will be exclusive on "Bushapalooza", author Frey is splitting his time between the tour, and writing of the U.S. Military's Iraqi Media Program.

The White House also has controversial televangelist Pat Robertson at their disposal. Robertson was brought in by the Administration, to produce a string of "Al-Qaeda-type" videos, raining condemnation down on the Islamic terrorists.

"This is a major score for us," gushed White House Communications Director Dan Bartlett. "Just getting Matthews would have been good, but to get all three of them … This is big …"

Matthews, host of "Hardball" on MSNBC, came to the White House's attention last Thursday and Friday, with the alleged release of a new audiotape from Al Qaeda leader, Osama bin Laden.

First, on Thursday evening, with Matthews interviewing Senator Joe Biden about terrorism and the new bid Laden tape, said;

"This is from bin Laden in the audio today. “There is no defect in the solution other than preventing the flow of hundreds of billions to the influential people and war merchants in America.” I mean, he sounds like an over-the-top Michael Moore here, if not a Michael Moore. Do you think that sells in America, that this war is being fought for the Daddy Warbucks?"

The following night, Friday, Matthews did a spilt-screen conference with Scarborough (Scarborough Country), and Tucker Carlson (The Situation). Rita Cosby, former Fox host, now with MSNBC and her own program, "Rita, Live and Direct", also joined the discussion.

Matthews, already catching criticism for his Thursday comments, attempted to explain himself, saying;

"Why is he doing it? Why is he trying to track what he picks up in the Internet and from the media as the lingo of the left in America, like Moore? Why would he start to talk like Moore? … People misunderstood what I said last night. I think he's getting some advice from people, he's getting some lingo, some wordage that he hears working somewhere in the United States about this being for war profiteers and he's jumping on every opportunity …"

Scarborough picked up on Matthews' point and offered that "bin Laden is actually parroting a lot of what we've heard from Democratic leaders across America over the past two or three years and also, of course, Michael Moore and other leftists …"

Carlson chipped in with "of course I buy that … And I think it is an important distinction to make. There's no question, and anyone who reads bin Laden's statements yesterday will come to I think the same conclusion, that he is parroting the Democratic left talking points about Iraq."

"We couldn't write this any better ourselves," said Bartlett. "My phones lit up as soon as the program was over, with Andy [Card] and Karl [Rove] saying that we had to get these guys for Bushapalooza."

"We might have them come on stage, ala 'The Three Amigos, guns blazing." offered Bartlett.

Bushapalooza has been ramped up, starting last Friday with Special White House Counsel Karl Rove delivering a speech to the Republican National Committee.

Rove stayed on the offensive, defending President Bush's NSA Wiretapping program, saying "Let me be as clear as I can be: President Bush believes if Al Qaeda is calling somebody in America, it is in our national security interest to know who they're calling and why ... Some important Democrats clearly disagree."

President Bush continued the tour with a speech at Kansas State University earlier today and Lt. Gen. Michael V. Hayden, former head of the National Security Agency; will layout a defense spying program with a speech, as will Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales on Tuesday. President Bush will visit N.S.A. headquarters on Wednesday.

Bartlett indicate that Matthew, Scarborough and Carlson will be on all stops of Bushapalooza this week and they may also employ Robertson as well.

"Pat's been cranking them out," said Bartlett. "I think we need to get him out of the studio and let him loose with a live audience."

MSNBC refused comment, and gave no indication if their hosts would be on-air live, or if reruns or alternate programming with be run, until their return from Bushapalooza.

The Fox News Network issued a terse statement, questioning why the White House hasn't called in any of their personalities for the tour.

"Sean Hannity can talk circles, dripping with blood, around those pansies," said Fox New President Roger Ailes. "Not to have Sean, or Bill [O'Reilly] on Bushapalooza is a mystery to us."

O'Reilly is said to be flying back to New York, interupting his new "War To Save Valentine's Day".

Former Congressman Joe Scarborough will be doing alot of talking, when he joins fellow MSNBC hosts Chris Matthews and Tucker Carlson on the Bushapalooza Tour this week.

Top Ten Cloves: Things That Can Go Wrong For James Carville's New XM Radio Sports Show

10. May have to fire that one production assistant he keeps putting, by mistake, a microphone cover on his head

9. Will piss off the Maintenance Dept, who will have to cart away all those anvils Fox News and the GOP will be sending him

8. After a few good programs, he'll get greedy and want Howard Stern money to continue

7. To beef up ratings, may have to have Robert Novak on and get into a good, old-fashion, CNN Crossfire head butting contest

6. Will have to listen to his partner Luke Russet's father carping about the Buffalo Bills

5. When he has his wife, Mary Matalin on, listeners won't know if it's sound effects or that she's really that depressing

4. Call-In portion of show will fail; Listeners afraid, because of Carville's politics, they'll be wiretapped by President Bush

3. When he gets excited, his accent will be harder to understand on radio, than it is on television

2. Now, with XM's deep pockets, University of Louisiana at Lafayette can finally sue him for using "Ragin' Cajun" as his nickname

1. Will realize too late when he has his friend, Former President Bill Clinton, on, that handballing isn't about sports