Friday, September 08, 2006

Breaking News! When It Rains, It Pours ... More HP Board Leaks

HP Said To Be Readying Appeal To Congress For Greater Surveillance Powers

Dunn Echoes President, Calls Employees Who Tolerate Leaks “Appeasers”; May Bring In Cheney, Rumsfeld For Pep Talks

Embattled Hewlett Packard Chairwoman Patricia Dunn, according to a source inside the company, is preparing to head to Washington, to lobby Congress for greater surveillance powers, for her efforts to uncover the person, or persons, leaking confidential HP board information to the news media

The situation exploded earlier this week, after HP Board Member Tom Perkins resigned, in protest, over the dismissal of fellow board member George ``Jay'' Keyworth, who Dunn alleges was the person leaking information.

According to Perkins, Dunn used private investigators to pour through board members’ telephone records through the method of “pretexting”. Pretexting is illegal under federal law and California law.

California Attorney General Bill Lockyer has opened an investigation and issued subpoenas Wednesday to determine whether laws were broken

“I have no settled view as to whether or not the chairwoman's acts were illegal, but I do think they were colossally stupid,'' Lockyer said in an interview with the San Jose Mercury News. “We'll have to wait until the investigation concludes to determine whether they were felony stupid or not.'”

Lockyer also said that it is likely criminal charges will be filed will be filed, however no final decision has been reached, with the investigation still on-going.

Dunn To Link Actions With Global War On Terror

According to the source who spoke with The Garlic, Dunn is setting up to do battle and will soon leave for Washington, D.C., to meet with the California delegation in Congress as to adding an amendment to pending legislation that President Bush is asking Congress for, in granting greater surveillance powers.

“Dunn plans to lobby,” said the source inside HP, “that, since HP has government contracts, HP is on the front of the global war against terrorism. Any leaks about HP business amount to treason, and any persons with knowledge about the leaks, that doesn’t come forward, are appeasers.”

Much like the President, Dunn will seek in legislation, provisions that will cover surveillance actions taken prior to the legislation, again, citing the “national security” aspect of HP’s government contracts.

Additionally, according to the source, who is close to the HP Board, Dunn will visit with Vice President Dick Cheney and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld and extend an invitation to both, to come out to the Palo Alto campus to address the HP employees.

In recent speeches, President Bush, and both Cheney and Rumsfeld, have defended the Administration’s policies in Iraq, expanding them into the greater global war against terrorism. The three have challenged critics of the White House and linked them to “Nazi appeasers”.

There’s speculation that Dunn may even offer to host President Bush, for one of his current “Bushapalooza Tour” appearances and have him deliver one of the Nazi speeches at Hewlett Packard.

Dunn Not New To Ruffling Feathers

This is not Dunn’s first brush with controversy at Hewlett Packard.

In 2005, Dunn initiated the unusual move of replacing ousted CEO Carli Fiorina by filling the position with an auction on eBay for “CEO-For-The-Day”.

Dunn stated that the auction would likely generate bids of "high six, maybe even, seven-figures", and help offset the $21-million severance package given to Fiorina.

“She’s really doing a tap dance there,” says Daria Pannesi, editor of 'In The Loot', the newsletter for high tech dollar traders. "If she can pull this off, and avoid criminal charges, I wouldn’t be surprised if, after the dust settles, you see the White House tap her for a position. She’s playing hardball and that would make her their kind of player.”

Emersed in a scandal of spying on her board members, Hewlett Packard Chairwoman Patricia Dunn is expected to play hardball by seeking approval from Congress for greater surveillance powers

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At ABC Meetings About “Path To 9/11” Movie

News Item: ABC to Alter Show on Pre-9/11 Run-Up

10. I’m telling you, the guy we got to play Cheney... He’s just not evil enough

9. We have to go back and edit all the scenes with television on ... You gotta have ‘Good Morning America” playing on them

8. I think we might be able to spin a few things out of this ... Something like ‘Dancing With The Terrorists’

7. We need to get Clinton off our backs ... Get a cute, young intern to go over and talk to him

6. With the 9-11 Memorial thing stalled, maybe we win some points and offer to bring in the “Extreme Makeover” crew to help them out?

5. You mean there’s a whole book on the 9-11 findings?

4. We have to throw out the whole section we had Ann Coulter write - All she did was copy the script from “Triumph of The Will"

3. You know, we’ll get 10-times more ratings if we change it to 11-11 and run it during November Sweeps

2. Yeah, I know their on a Nazi kick, but maybe we can get one of them to plug the movie in one of their speeches

1. It worked for Katie Couric, so we have to get the Baby Suri pictures in there somewhere... It will boost the ratings, so try to get them in both nights

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Breaking News! President Speech “Absolutely un-American” Says Chicago

Chicago Council Stirs New Controversy, Passes Ban On Bush Speeches

President Joins Patriot Act, Foie Gras As “Verboten” In Windy City; Alderman Don’t Want “Hate Spin Shoved Down Our Throats”

In what is sure to kick-off an untold storm of controversy, the Chicago City Council voted this afternoon to ban Chicago-based media from broadcasting or printing all speeches by President Bush within the city limits of Chicago

Citing the President’s, and other Cabinet and administration officials, invoking Nazi Germany in their recent speeches, and mindful of the significant population of Eastern Europeans in Chicago, the council said it was acting “in the best interest of the city,” in banning the White House’s new campaign to shape public opinion on the administration Iraq policies.

“We don’t want hate spin shoved down Chicagoans throats,” read a portion of the ordinance passed by a unanimous vote.

Using that phrase - “shoved down Chicagoans throats” - in the ordinance raised irony, as, earlier this year, the Chicago City Council voted to ban foie gras from the city’s restaurants, raising a firestorm of outrage from owners and gourmet diners

The council also passed this year a bill, requiring Chicago's big-box retailers to pay employees a "living wage" of at least $10 an hour and $3 in benefits by 2010.

Back in 2003, the Chicago City Council voted to condemn the Patriot Act, one of only a handful of major cities, along with Minneapolis, Detroit, Baltimore,Philadelphia and San Francisco, to do so.

Recent speeches by Vice President Dick Cheney, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, and President Bush, all painted the invasion and occupation of Iraq, and the global war against terrorism as akin to the rise of Adolph Hitler, and label critics of the President and his policies as “appeasers”, similar to those who backed down from Hitler.

Almost immediately, the two major newspapers - The Chicago Sun-Times and The Chicago Tribune - announced they would violate the ban, and they were quickly followed by television superstation WGN, as well as a bevy of local network affiliate stations.

‘The words, and venom, coming from our highest, elected officials,” continued the ordinance, “has no place in this democracy. It is absolutely un-American.”

When reached for comment, The White House, through Press Secretary Tony Snow said, that unless the Chicago ordinance specifically mentioned Iran, or a combination of Al Qaeda and Iran working together, they would have no comment on it.

Speeches by any one of the "Three Terrors", as well as other Cabinet and White House officials have been banned in the City of Chicago

Garlic Exclusive - Developing Story “We Have To Fight These Afghan Narco-Fascists”

Bush Admits, Defends Afghanistan “Just Say No” Policy

No Word on Hidden Prisons There; Defends States’ Hughes Running Combined Terrorist-Drug Campaign

President Bush, this morning, at an impromptu press conference, declared that “I don’t have any new news on any CIA prisons” but offered to comment on both, his policy in Afghanistan and his former aide Karen Hughes, and her combined “Just Say No” program, to both terrorism and drugs.

Recently, the White House has been slammed, on multiple fronts, by a U.N. report that indicates opium production has soared in the war-torn country, yielding a record crop that goes to, according to the report, financing warlords and insurgents and increasing reports that the Taliban is regaining control in Afghanistan

"It's bad news and we need to improve it," said Thomas Schweich, principal deputy assistant secretary of state for international narcotics.

“We have to fight these Afghan narco-fascists,” said a determined Bush, “wherever they may be and, I believe its better that they grow the opium over there, or they’ll be following us home, growing it here.”

“And, I think I have the best person on the job for something like this.”

The President was defending his former aide, now Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs, Karen Hughes

Hughes, without much fanfare, built on her, according to State Department officials, wildly successful Tupperware program, to launch a “Just Say No” program, directed at young Afghans, to stay away from terrorism, earlier this year.

Shortly after her appointment to the State Department, back in March of 2005, Hughes launched International Tupperware parties as a means to promote the Bush Administrations positions and policies

"Along with developing self-confidence and self-esteem, the representatives from these countries will be building an important economic platform", Hughes stated at the time of the launch

When the reports started coming in, on the increased cultivation of opium, Hughes extended the “Just Say No” program to include drugs, where it was originally created, back in the 1980’s by First Lady Nancy Reagan

‘The program was beginning to have an impact,” said one State Department official. “She got a lot of mileage out of the President promoting that framed picture of the dead Zarqawi ... It really drove home to a lot of those youngster the importance of “just saying no” to terrorism.”

‘She [Hughes] can sell all the Tupperware and stop all the terrorism she wants in Afghanistan,” said Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication, that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century. “The White House could care less ... It’s all about building - justifiably - the case against Iran. The President wants them and is determined to get them.”

Neither Hughes, nor the State Department, would provide to the media, any documentation, or information how they were measuring results, on the “Just Say No” program, particularly how it was effective against terrorism, or the Taliban.

“I’m afraid,” said Under Secretary Hughes, “that I am just going to have to say no to that request.”

President Bush defend former aide Karen Hughes, and her "Just Say No" campaign in Afghanistan

Top Ten Cloves: Problems Created With President Bush Admitting To CIA Black Site Prisons

News Item: Bush Says Detainees Will Be Tried; He Confirms Existence of CIA Prisons

10. With Pakistan not bothering to chase Al Qaeda any longer, tough and expensive to keep these illegal prisons open

9. Catching a boatload of shit from TSA and DHS; CIA and White House were seeking exemptions from rules banning shampoo and gels on those “extraordinary rendition” flights

8. CIA wasn’t ready to have it announced; Now, may have to run interrogation program out of secret, black site FEMA trailers

7. With ABC movie “The Path To 9/11” showing this weekend, Clinton even more pissed-off that he can’t use CIA prisons to slam Bush

6. Catching a boatload of shit from Katie Couric; Would have bumped the Suri Cruise Photos for a scoop like this for her CBS News debut

5. Put Vice President Cheney into a funk; He’s worried CIA will want to use his secret bunker for interrogations

4. Karl Rove has to kill the plans to continue smear of Washington Post reporter Dana Priest, who originally broke story (Rove plan not really effective, since Priest doesn’t have spouse who was former ambassador who wrote a critical Op-Ed)

3. Can’t continue using Nazi Theme in speeches, since Hitler or Lenin didn’t admit that they ran secret prisons

2. Catching a boatload of shit from Donald Rumsfeld; Says President, now, turning into an “appeaser”

1. Doesn’t have a plan if any of the Al Qaeda detainees escape Guantanamo and just happen to assassinate Fidel Castro

For President Bush, in admittting to the Secret CIA Prisons, he also disclosed that his "extraordinary renditions" flights were becoming cumbersome, as he had to seek exemptions from TSA and DHA for shampoo and gels of the suspects

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Minced Garlic Redux! ... New Keith Olbermann Special Comment - 'Have you no sense of decency, sir?'

Minced Garlic Redux! ... New Keith Olbermann Special Comment, - 'Have you no sense of decency, sir?'

This Time, Slapping Down The Decider, Himself

He didn’t get around to his version of “my sister, my daughter” until near the end of the speech today, going heavy with the early stages of linking Al Qaeda with ... drum roll, please ... Iran (okay, act surprised if you run into him)

President Bush today continued the latest theme, speaking before the Military Officers Association of America, a deck so stacked it would have made Huey Long tear up with pride.

The theme, of course is All Things Nazi!

Okay, we all know, by know, what Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld spewed last week (Oh no, I’m appeasing right now) , comparing critics of the Administration, and/or the War In Iraq as the equivalent to the appeasers of the Nazi’s ...

Soooo... The Decider not only echoes his underlings conflation of the Nazis and Al Qaeda (and let’s not forget all the other Islamo-Fascists) with this head shaker;

In the 1920s, a failed Austrian painter published a book in which he explained his intention to build an Aryan super-state in Germany and take revenge on Europe and eradicate the Jews.

The world ignored Hitler's words, and paid a terrible price.

And, in case you didn’t get the message about staying in line, Bush and his White House Neocronies threw a “Shout-Out” to the “media”, to choose their sides and write carefully, declaring

“...Bin Laden says that Al Qaida intends to launch, in his words, a media campaign to create a wedge between the American people and their government. This media campaign, bin Laden says, will send the American people a number of messages, including that their government will bring them more losses in finances and casualties. And he goes on to say that they are being sacrificed to serve the big investors, especially the Jews. Bin Laden says that, by delivering these messages, Al Qaida aims at creating pressure from the American people on the American government to stop their campaign against Afghanistan ...”

About the only thing missing from this latest Bushapalooza is a flicking montage of film running behind the President (or, whoever is the Designated Goosestepper of the Day), the images of the Pentagon, World Trade Center Towers, that ubiquitous Al Qaeda Training Film, Osama bin Laden, the dead portrait of Zarqawi, Madrid trains, London buses, USS Cole, burned out embassies, shredded Hummers on deserted Iraqi roads, etc, et al.

All of these images, but quick-cut with pieces from various works by “that failed Austrian painter’sfilmmaker, Leni Riefenstahl and, just to keep the connection going, they can title it “The Triumph of the Coalition of the Willing” (come to think of it, they can appeal to the real fringe right, as this would evoke “The Parallax View” as well)

Some of the gems of Olbermann’s ever passionate and eloquent response;

The attempt to link, by the simple expediency of one word—“media”—the honest, patriotic, and indeed vital questions and questioning from American reporters, with the evil of Al-Qaeda propaganda.

That linkage is more than just indefensible. It is un-American.

Whatever the true nature of al Qaeda and other international terrorist threats, to ceaselessly compare them to the Nazi State of Germany serves only to embolden them.

It thus becomes necessary to remind the President that his administration’s recent Nazi “kick” is an awful and cynical thing.

More Links

Full Post, on his Bloggerman - 'Have you no sense of decency, sir?'

Crooks and Liars has video on “Olbermann’s Latest Special Comment Targets Bush”

Transcript of Bush Speech

Minced Garlic ... Keith Olbermann Special Comment - Feeling morally, intellectually confused?

Garlic Exclusive! New RNC/GOP Theme Song For Midterms

Garlic Exclusive! New RNC/GOP Commercial!

President Bush spoke today before the Military Officers Association of America, a deck so stacked it would have made Huey Long tear up with pride.

News In Brief: Pluto Move Won’t Change Standing With President Against Intergalactic-Fascists

Pluto Planning Run With Independent Solar System

Takes Cues From Lieberman, Who Says May Caucus With New Galaxy

With its’ ego bruised, and, possibly, billions lost to its’ economy, the planet Pluto announced today that it will seek a new status with an independent solar system.

“It is a tough, but needed decision,” said a representative of Pluto in a press release issued this morning.

With the decision to demote Pluto to simply a dwarf planet, we made the move,” the statement continued. “We took heart in the Earth’s Senator Joe Lieberman (I&R-CT) and saw that we had alternatives we could pursue.”

According to the statement, Pluto has secured enough intergalactic signatures to qualify for placement in an independent solar system.

“Pluto needs to stay true to the will of outer space, not just one solar system.”

Pluto also took time to hail President Bush, and his act of putting the other three new planets (Ceres, Charon, and 2003 UB313 or, also to be known as “Xena”) on the Terror Watch List, and said that it stood behind the effort to rid the universe of, as the President addressed them, “these intergalactic-fascists”.

Vice President Dick Cheney said that “it pretty certain” that the three new planets met in Prague with a representative of Al Qaeda.

Cheney also added that “the vote for Ned Lamont that we saw recently will only encourage these solar-system-types.”

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld chided that “we need to look at history” and that “accepting, at face value, these three new planets is akin to approving Hitler’s march into Poland.”

There was no official comment from the Lieberman campaign, however, one aide said that “the Senator is monitoring the developments with Pluto” and “hasn’t ruled out caucusing with the new galaxy.”

Vice President Cheney "pretty certain" new planets met with Al Qaeda and Lamont vote only encourages "these solar-system types"

Sunday, September 03, 2006

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 3 September 2006

President Dan Abrams quietly announced this week that anchor Rita Cosby has been put on a medical leave of absence, and will be entering a rehab clinic to deal with her "Breaking News Syndrome"

Along with attempting to break into the automobile carrying self-confessed Ramsey suspect John Mark Karr (photo below), Cosby is said have thrown a violent tantrum when
MSNBC would not issue a "Breaking News" bulletin in the middle of their "Doc-Bloc" so Cosby could report that the automobile carrying Karr was pulling away

The White House has reached an agreement with Verizon, giving them unlimited use of the trademark tagline "Can You Hear Me Now?" in their new PR effort to rebrand their failed Iraq policy with the new fight against Islamic-Fascists and linking, with speeches this past week by Vice President Dick Cheney and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, critics of the President and his policy with Neville Chamberlain and other Nazi appeasers for the stretch run of the upcoming Midterm elections

In the "It's the thought that counts" department, the new bumper sticker (above), promoting "Honk if Pluto is still a planet" has been causing havoc on the nation's roadways. A spokesperson of the Department of Transportation said that incidents of accidents and roadrage have "exponentially increased" since the bumpers stickers began appearing

In a related matter, NASA says they have been flooded with applicants, from "all walks of life" volunteering to be put in space to either "picket the solar system" over the demotion of Pluto's planet status, or are seeking to relocate and move to Pluto, in order to build it back up to planet size

Scientists are baffled and believe it may be yet another sign of the advancement of Global Warming, when in South Dakota, large stone heads began popping out of the ground

Katherine Harris said this week that God has already told her, if she loses her bid to be elected to the Senate, that she should immediately change her career and become a horseracing jockey

We Zigged, When We Should Have Zagged ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll August 27 - September 2 2006

We Zigged, When We Should Have Zagged

Boy, did we get our poll question wrong this past week ... Thinking, with the first anniversary of Hurricane Katrina, there’d be a bevy of conversation, editorials, unending cable news programs, with parades of talking heads offering a complete and thorough second look at President Bush, and his administrations’, failed response (then and now) to the Gulf Region and New Orleans.

But (drum roll, please) ... Enter Donald Rumsfeld ...

Nothing like tossing a few manhole covers around, putting a new spin on a different failed policy, and, in the process, labeling (not just Michael Moore, Cindy Sheehan or those darn Democrats in Congress) a majority of Americans “Nazi Appeasers”

Clearly, The Garlic underestimated (insert “Head Slap” here) just how outrageous the White House could get ...

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll August 27 - September 2 2006

With the first-year anniversary of Hurricane Katrina this week, the most outrageous act the White House is likely to undertake is ...

1. Releasing talking points that the vote for Ned Lamont was giving the “shorter-levee-types” exactly what they wanted ... Tally - 38%

2. Issuing a “President’s Cut” DVD - An exact copy of the news footage that Andy Card put together showing New Orleans flooded, so President Bush could understand the disaster that the rest of the country had already seen for days ... Tally - 30%

3. A contest to co-host, with President Bush, another speech from Jackson Square ... Tally - 25%

4. With Hurricane Ernesto heading towards the U.S., announce yet another terror alert that, regrettably, prevents the President from attending any events in the Gulf area, having to stay back in the White House, fighting the Islamo-Fascists ... Tally - 8%

This week’s Poll - If President Bush is reading Shakespeare, what’s Rumsfeld reading?...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Cost of rigging, err, winning 2000 Presidential election that gave you your job ... $530-Million ... Cost of invading and occupying a sovereign country ... $300-Trillion ... Shaking hands with a ruthless dictator ... Priceless