Garlic Exclusive! 1st Draft Of Coulter’s Plagiarism Response

Coulter Speaks (Sort Of)

The Garlic, working with many sources, during a whirlwind 36-hours of back-alley meetings, bad coffee and barely edible food, has come into possession of Ann Coulter’s first draft of her remarks concerning the plagiarism charges now facing her.

Let’s put it this way.

Working on this story, about Ann Coulter, to get the script of her remarks ... Well, the scrubbing that Karen Silkwood received looked like a $5000 massage at the Bellagio after having to clean-up from this one

AC Response To Lies and Slander

Fans Readers, for the past two weeks you have been reading about a bad break the load of liberal lies I got. Yet today I consider myself the luckiest man woman on the face of the earth.

I have been in ballparks books and magazines for seventeen years and have never received anything but kindness and encouragement from you fans wonderful Christian Conservatives. Look at these grand men defenders of the American way of life. Which of you wouldn’t consider it the highlight of his her career just to associate with them for even one day?

Sure I’m lucky.

Who wouldn’t consider it an honor to have known Jacob Ruppert Ruppert Murdoch? Also, the builder of baseball’s television news’ greatest empire, Ed Barrow Roger Ailes? To have spent six years with that wonderful little fellow, Miller Huggins Bill O’Reilly? Then to have spent the next nine years with that outstanding leader, that smart student of psychology, the best manager in baseball conservative television host today, Joe McCarthy Sean Hannity?

Sure I’m lucky.

When the New York Giants Times a team a liberal Ouija board of a newspaper you would give your right arm to beat bomb, and vice versa, sends you a gift lies and fabrications - that’s something. When everybody down to the groundskeepers liberal soccer moms, who are precisely as likely to receive anthrax in the mail as to develop a capacity for linear thinking and those boys illegal immigrants in white coats remember you with trophies pies -- that’s something.

When you have a wonderful mother-in-law motherfucker, like David Horowitz, who takes sides with you in squabbles with her own daughter the 9-11 Widows -- that’s something.

When you have a father left-wing agenda and a mother gay priests, gay bishops, gay marriages -- much like The New York Times editorial board - who work all their lives so you can have an education lucrative career and build your body bank account -- it’s a blessing.

When you have a wife President and Vice President, like Bush and Cheney, who has have been a towers of strength and shown more courage than you dreamed existed -- that’s the finest I know.

So, I close in saying that I might have been given a bad break smear, but I've got an awful lot to live for to write and lie about.

"I'm here, I'm not queer, and I'm not going away."

AC

Editor Note

Tip of the hat to American Rhetoric

More On Coulter Plagiarism

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Suggested questions for the media to ask Ann Coulter

Ann Coulter: Republican Plagiarist

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