Retro Garlic: Governor Gaucho Riding Off Into The Sunset

"Oh woe is me ..."

That about sums up the lenghty outpouring today of the former Governor Gaucho, the Appalachian-Hiking, Secret-Brazilian-Lover Mark Sanford of South Carolina.

He took to Facebook to annouce calling off his pending wedding to that Secret Brazilian Lover, fiancée María Belén Chapur, and rambles through the Fields of Elysia, giving a H/T to God in airing the dirty laundry of his divorce proceedings.

A snippet from his Appalachian-long Facebook post;

"...She wanted full control of their custodial accounts which were very significant in size, I gave it. I did these things for two reasons. One, because my good friend Cubby Culbertson had reminded me that it was all God's - and if he wanted you to have more, you would…and if he wanted you to have less, you would have less. He accordingly strongly advised against spending money and time and controversy fighting over things that God ultimately controlled ... "

To which the kids over on Gawker have some advise for Sanford;

"Lawyers, alas, may actually be more powerful than God."

He tells of his ex-wife putting demands on him, like drug and alcohol testing and this;

" ...Finally, Jenny and her lawyer also go on to ask me to undertake an array of programs and evaluations, each one more riveting than the next ..."

Without using the actual word, acting as a martyred Eddie Haskell, our former Governor Gaucho is actually calling his ex-wife a bitch

With a woe-is-me-smile, and heavy heart.

And, he seems to disengage himself, that all these troubles he's blaming on God, are actually the result of him lying, taking on a Secret Brazilian Lover, and putting on he was hiking the Appalachian Trail, when, in fact, he was flying down, to Rio.


Typical corrupt Republican - it's always someone else's fault.

You can read more about it;

TPM:  Mark Sanford Unloads Custody Battle Details In Agonizing Facebook Post About Breaking Up With His Fiancée

Wonkette:  Mark Sanford Leaves The Appalachian Trail; Also, That Chick He Was Banging   The end of the affair

Oh, the Retro Part;

Governor Gaucho!

Like A Lover

Paging Rollo Tomasi

Oh, what a tangled web we weave, When first we practise to deceive

Even if you have been paying minor attention, over the past weeks, and months, to the know-famous NFL-Ray Rice Domestic Abuse Scandal - let's get in the vernacular - NFL-RayRicegate is what we can start calling this - Rollo Tomasi is now entering, center stage.

TMZ released a video yesterday, showing for all, the 1-2-combo punches of the now unemployed NFL running back, his then-girlfriend-now-wife, dropping like a sack of potatoes.

It's eeire and heartsicking.

And, when it happened, Rice's then-girlfriend-now-wife made statements about "mutual combat' and was at Rice's side, apparently during the interview with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, and, at a press conference.

I don't know if even the most ignorant and terrible police department would interview a wife beater, with the victim in the room

Rice received, to the outrage of the world, a paltry 2-game suspension, and, actually, no discipline from the NFL team that employed him, the Baltimore Ravens (who were formerly the Cleveland Brown, who then-owner Art Modell moved them in the dead of night to Baltimore).

So, up until yesterday, the NFL, and Roger Goodell, and the Baltimore Ravens all thought they could get away with it.

But TMZ's video, which, according to hotel people where the abuse occured, the NFL never asked for it, has exposed the NFL, Roger Goodell, and the Baltimore Ravens as a gaggle of Roland Tomasi's.

They're not getting away with it.

And, now that we have an NFL-RayRicegate bubbling up, a classic Nixonian "who knew what and when", the weight of their deception is only buidling.

Charlie Pierce has a good take;

" ...The National Football League was exposed as either mendacious or shockingly unempathetic. Commissioner Roger Goodell was exposed as either a liar, or as someone who should not be allowed to count his own money. (Olbermann's right. He's got to go, but he won't, because most of the NFL owners think he's handled the whole thing splendidly.) The Ravens organization was exposed as a rat's nest of soulless, profit-driven drones. (And I hope nobody in the head offices of either the NFL or the Ravens misled the local prosecutors, who now also look like idiots on the national stage, and very likely are looking for someone to blame.) And, finally, Ray Rice is out of a job ..."

Keith Olbermann has called for a bevy of heads


Eric Wilber of Boston.Com has said "Goodell Needs to Go"


Chadd Fin of 'The Boston Globe' offers - No One Looks as Horrible as Ray Rice, but NFL, Ravens Sure Did Try.

When you look at this scandal, and, perhaps, Major League Baseball's plunging it's head in the sand over the steriod abuse, it's blatent how the greed over the billions these sports produce takes priority over the "right thing" to do.

Once in professional sports, there was a man, the first commissioner of Major League Baseball, Federal Judge Kenesaw Mountain Landis, who was faced with a scandal, and, didn't hesitate what to do, didn't concern himself with the greed of the game, and took definitive, and swift action - For gambling, and changing outcomes of games, he banned eight Chicago White Sox players (many say Shoeless Joe Jackson didn't deserve it), for life, the infamous Chicago Black Sox Scandal.


Instead, now, we have a gaggle of Rollo Tomasi's.

Top Ten Cloves: Surprises on NFL Opening Day

News Item:  NFL 2014 KICKOFF

10.  Seattle Seahawks considering using Mercy Rule this season 

 9.  New 49ers stadium has system crash, lose all scores and stats, need to reboot and start game over

 8.  Memo leaked, President Obama authorizing use of Drones if Chicago Bears fall behind by more than  two touchhdowns this season

 7.  NFL anounces relocating championship game to Crested Butte, Colorado, for the Anheuser-Busch-sponsored “Whatever, U.S.A. Superbowl"

 6.  Wes Welker invites fans to his place for "Welker Whatever USA" party

 5.  Tim Tebow now wants to join Dallas Cowboys Practice Squad

 4.  NFL annouces giving all players concussions, that way, everyone even and on the same level

 3.  After hard hit, Ray Rice threatens to beat tacklers wife

 2.  Johnny Football to trademark name, sue NFL unless they change name to National Manziel League

 1.  In major surprise, Washington team changes logo to Sticks-and-Stones

Bonus NFL Riffs

Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell Your Next Door Neighbor May Be Conducting Illegal Dogfights

Retro Garlic ... How Much Is That Michael Vick In The Window ...

Top Ten Cloves: Things About Condoleezza Rice Becoming NFL Commissioner

Developing Story! Tancredo: Shut Down Super Bowl; Says Two Black Coaches "Amounts To Segregation"

Flutie Sends "Cease-and-Desist" Letter To Media Over 'Hail Mary' References Regarding Surge