10. She’ll finally have a job where she won’t be surprised by the outcome of most games
9. Games tied at the end of regulation, teams will have to go to United Nations Security Council to have winner determined
8. Likely, she’ll have league renew sponsorship with Erectile Dysfunction Drug Levitra
7. Can probably extend the Bush policy of complaining about media not telling the good stories happening in NFL
6. Because of ties to the Lincoln Group, can get NFL stories planted in Iraqi media
5. Gives Halliburton No-Bid Contract to provide all half-time shows
4. Instead of fines and suspensions for breaking rules, Commissioner Rice will have CIA put offenders in Extraordinary Rendition program
3. As a favor to Bush Administration, will open up NFL fields and stadiums to drilling for oil
2. Will order Terrell Owns to do steamy locker room opening to ABC's Monday Night Football promo with her, in the towel
1. Launches invasion and occupation of Canadian Football League; Says sports world will be safer without them
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