19 July 2007... On The Garlic
Minced Garlic - Keith Olbermann Special Comment: Go to Iraq and fight, Mr. President
MSNBC's Matthews Uninjured Pulling Head Out Of Judy Miller's Ass; Hardball Host Fawns Over Former White House Stenographer; Stays Away From Tough Questions
19 July 2006... On The Garlic
Breaking News! Hannity, Coulter Call For Action; Talk Host Hannity Blasts U.N., Lebanon Over Evacuation; “Again, They Let The Buses Sit Idle”; Gets Backed By Coulter; Evacuate All “Except Any liberals, New York Times Reporters, or Any of The Jersey Girls”
Top Ten Cloves: Things About Ralph Reed Losing His Election
19 July 2005... On The Garlic
Bush Cites Need For Proof, Video To Axe Staff; Says Position Hasn't Changed; Also Laments Not Making Goldberg List
Rumsfield Said To Be Exploring Gitmo Options; Believes Love In Action Group Can Convert Enemy Combatants
Top Ten Cloves: Other Pay and Revenue Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger Will Give Up
Saturday, July 19, 2008
Friday, July 18, 2008
It seems, if the 110th Congress isn't going to do it, the citizens of San Francisco are.
That being, they are planning on flushing our Court-Appointed President (H/T Barry Crimmins) down the toilet.
George W. Bush Sewage Plant plan is on ballot
San Francisco voters will be asked to decide whether to name a city sewage plant in honor of President Bush, after a satiric measure qualified for the November ballot Thursday.
The measure, if passed, would rename the Oceanside Water Pollution Control Plant the George W. Bush Sewage Plant. McConnell said the intent is to remember the Bush administration and what the group sees as the president's mistakes, including the war in Iraq.
This is cool!
Perhaps, it may take a generation, or two, but little children will learn, when the graduate from potty training, to "Bush" the toilet, when they are finished.
I wonder if The Commander Guy's buddy, Stephen Payne, will be trying to raise money for this?
After all, a significant percentage of people refer to the bathroom as "the library" ...
Bonus "Bushing" Links
The Presidential Memorial Commission of San Francisco
Skippy, the bush kangaroo: what? no public toilets were available?
Wonkette: George W. Bush Sewage Treatment Plant One Step Closer To American Reality
Emptywheel: Does Ray Hunt Do This Kind of Fund-Raising, Too?
Kagro X: Bush "Pioneer" and WH Advance man caught soliciting bribes on tape
News Item: Warning on Tomatoes Is Withdrawn
10. Barack Obama is switching from arugula, to tomatoes
9. Well, the Government says so, isn't that enough?
8. Whether they are safe, or not, Phil Graham wants you to stop whining about them
7. Former Attorney General John Ashcroft even believes eating tomatoes doesn't constitute torture
6. Stumblin Bumblin John McCain isn't joking that we should let the Iranians eat them, so they can die
5. Nancy Pelosi is willing to put them on the table
4. You're comfortable enough to remove your lawyer from your speed dial list
3. Get Baby Alex to do a new spot, eating a tomato
2. Lift from Popeye, and the Spinach Industry campaign, and have Whimpy say "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday, for a tomato today!"
1. The one big sign tomatoes are safe? Cindy McCain is back scouring the Internet for recipes to steal
Say Hey Garlic Fans;
We hope you are all doing well (at least those of you not trapped in the heat and humidity, which is to be oppressive over the next few days).
I meant to post this last evening (see above heat and humidity), that I wouldn't be posting yesterday.
Things just got too jammed up on the homefront, and, then, too burned out (drained - see above heat and humidity) to sit down and be creative.
Something new (which goes to explain, to some extent, the odd-timing of posting) this month, is I got my Aunt a wheelchair, so as to get her out-and-about more often.
Since last year (the first hospital run, when, after getting her admitted and settled, 20-minutes later, she fell and broke her wrist), she has been reluctant to go out.
She walks fine (with the aid of a four-post walker), so it is more a dementia/mental thing, rather than physical, and I was loath to think of another summer with her sitting in the house all day.
Surprisingly, she has embraced it (that was a big worry).
There was some minor carping ("what will the neighbors think", or "people will think I'm crippled"), but that has subsided and she's groovin' on it.
(There has been a downside to it though, her dementia. More-and-more, she is getting confused, asking me to "to her home" referring to her childhood home. Now, with each wheelchair excursion, when we get home, it's a 15-or-20-minute thing, that she is in "her house", recognizing all her "things".)
Aside from walks around the neighborhood, we've taken her to the supermarket, out every morning down to Central Square, to get the paper, and, slowly, easing her back into going to the Senior Center.
And, that's where we where yesterday afternoon, for an "Ice Cream Social".
Yes, it was about as exciting as that sounds.
About 30+ elderly, gathered and sitting around tables (in their clicks, of course), being treated like kindergarteners by the staff person running this "Ice Cream Social" (including speaking in a, forced, patronizing, slow voice), and giving agonizing directions how all those 30+ elderly would get up, come to the ice cream table, and get their "two scoops", and then the choice of three different toppings (bowls, barely filled of Cool Whip, sat on the tables).
Though, no one asked, I expect it was verboten to put two, or all three toppings, on your two scoops.
And we definitely got tagged as subversive, when I only got my Aunt one scoop (which she didn't finish).
At least we left with party favors (small lollipops, and an even smaller bottle of Bubble Blowing something, which didn't work very well).
So, we'll try to play catch-up today (provided the heat-and-humidity doesn't overtake me) and, as always, endeavor to keep things sharp.
Many Thanks again, for visiting and reading The Garlic
18 July 2007... On The Garlic
Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell Your Next Door Neighbor May Be Conducting Illegal Dogfights
Of Legacy Maintenance - And Corrections! ... David Corn's "REBUTTAL - Why Bush Is A Loser"
18 July 2006... On The Garlic
Top Ten Cloves: Things About President Bush’s First Veto
18 July 2005... On The Garlic
Goldberg Book Gets Heat From Govt, Conservatives; Publishers Considers Changes In Face of Pressure; Calls Come For New Slant To Push Abstinence
Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell Your Next Door Neighbor May Be Involved In The CIA Leak Case
Thursday, July 17, 2008
17 July 2007... On The Garlic
Retro Garlic: I'm Surprised It Wasn't Headlined As "Mormon Candidate Ties To Cosmetic Industry Exposed"
Boy, I'll Bet David Vitters Wished He Could Have Invoked Executive Privilege ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll
17 July 2006... On The Garlic
Top Ten Cloves: Other Unscripted Comments Heard At The G8 Luncheon
Wednesday, July 16, 2008
The cool cats over on JibJab have surfaced again, for the 2008 Campaign, with their new Time for Some Campaignin';
In our first election satire since 2004's "This Land" and "Good to be in DC", we bid farewell to Bush and give Obama and Mccain a proper JibJab hazing! And, of course, who could forget about Hillary and Bill? This rip-roaring musical romp gives the election process the proper spanking it deserves!Time for Some Campaignin'
You can go HERE for more JibJab videos, or visit the JibJab website
You're traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind; a journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's the signpost up ahead — your next stop, the Twilight Zone."
Yes, there he is, the recently-departed Jesse Helms, relaxing in his big, plush condo, the extremely comfortable Barker Lounger, favorite beverage in-hand, settling in to watch some television.
Quickly, though, Helms blanches, fear and anger overtaking his body.
There, on the screen, is this;
Elizabeth Dole Tries To Name AIDS Bill After Jesse HelmsA guttural, anguished cry comes out of Helms.
Republican Senator Dole introduced an amendment to name an HIV/AIDS relief bill after the recently deceased Jesse Helms. Helms, of course, was a strident foe of HIV/AIDS prevention, research and treatment.
Then, on the screen, is "Joe My God", and he begins reading off the list;
Jesse Helms, the man who in 1987 described AIDS prevention literature as "so obscene, so revolting, I may throw up."
Jesse Helms, the man who in 1988 vigorously opposed the Kennedy-Hatch AIDS research bill, saying, "There is not one single case of AIDS in this country that cannot be traced in origin to sodomy."
Jesse Helms, the man who in 1995 said (in opposition to refunding the Ryan White Act) that the government should spend less on people with AIDS because they got sick due to their "deliberate, disgusting, revolting conduct."
Jesse Helms, the man who in 2002 announced that he'd changed his mind about AIDS funding for Africa, but not for American gays, because homosexuality "is the primary cause of the doubling and redoubling of AIDS cases in the United States."
"No!, No!", a weeping Helms shouts back at the screen.
Over and over, the same thing plays on this television - for hours and hours.
He can't escape it, the television won't turn off, the volume can't be lowered.
Then his host enters.
"Is something wrong, Mr. Helms?"
Maybe it's Louis Cyphre, coming to claim his soul.
Or, little, six year-old Anthony Fremont, who liked to create his own television (which Helms best learn to say, very quickly, "Real Good Anthony ... That was some real good television", otherwise, run the risk of being wished into the cornfield).
Or, is it the cornfield is where he is?
I prefer to think of it being Sebastian Cabot's "Pip", with Helms clutching at him, crying, pleading ...
"Why ... Why are you doing this to me? ... Why would you bring me here and do this? ...I'm a God-fearing man ... This could only happen in the other place and I'm a God-fearing man ... I'm a believer ..."
As in the episode, Pip retorts "Heaven? What ever gave you the idea that you were in heaven Mr.Helms? This is the other place!"
Bonus Helms' Karma Riffs
So Nice ... The Very Last Moments of Jesse Helms
Wonkette: Elizabeth Dole Wants To Name AIDS Relief Bill After Heroic AIDS Goblin Jesse Helms
John Aravosis: Dead racist bigot Jesse Helms, AIDS hero? I don't think so
Eschaton: Rolling In His Grave
Pam's House Blend: The Empty Wig's flipped: proposes naming AIDS bill after Jesse Helms
Andrew Sullivan: The Jesse Helms PEPFAR Bill
Chris Johnson: Punished for being HIV-Positive?
16 July 2006... On The Garlic
Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves
Poll Results ... It's A Three Amigos Kind of Day ... The Results To "With President Bush seemingly ending his Cowboy Diplomacy, this signals that ..."
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
She cooks ...
She bakes ...
And, she flies!
Cindy McCain: "In Arizona The Only Way To Get Around The State Is By Small Private Plane" (VIDEO)
Note in the interview clip, the beer biz must be booming, as Cindy, casually tosses off "and buying a plane ..."
I think, in that Obama family interview, Michelle also mentions buying ...
No, no, that was ice cream.
Buying a plane, the common touch
Buying ice cream, elitism ...
Ahhh, the good life ...
That deserves something from ol' Blue Eyes
Frank Sinatra - Fly Me to the Moon Lyrics
Though, not word on what type of plane she bought, like, could it fly the McCains to Czechoslovakia?
Bonus Stumblin' Bumblin John McCain Riffs
Hmmm ... I Wonder If Cindy Kisses His Balls ...
No, Wait ... I Think It's Iran Training al-Qaeda To Pump The Gas ...
What's Next ... An "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" Reading List?
This Is Just Going To Be Too Easy ...
It's history tonight, the last Major League Baseball All Star game in old Yankee Stadium
Yes, we are performing our tri-annual public service, of assisting you in making your baseball viewing much more enjoyable.
You don't have to sit in front of your television set, like Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain sits in front of a computer, scratching your head, waiting for someone to tell you what's going on (hopefully, unlike SB John, you do have the ability to turn the thing on).
All you have to do is to take a few minutes and read The Garlic's classic essay "Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?".
Soon after, you'll be jabbering with the best of them ... You become a veritable Red Barber, or Ring Lardner, tossing out the baseball bon mots like your were born at home plate (and, you'll know from the essay, it's not really a "plate").
Look at the impact of our "Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?" has had on governments;
I have to back up the President here. We haven’t closed down the office that is hunting for Osama bin Laden.
After reading your very fine baseball piece (okay, we didn’t exactly read it; It got swept up in our Domestic Surveillance Program), we decided to shift Alec Station to Summer Hours, so they could catch more baseball games.
Sorry for any confusion
General Michael V. Hayden
Director, Central Intelligence Agency
I so much liked your story on American Baseball, I am going have copies printed and make it mandatory for passengers of our new Himalayan train service to read it (sorry I can’t let them go out on the Internet and look it up for themselves)
President Hu Jintao, China
Since I’ve been in a letter-writing mode lately, thought I’d drop you a note to say how much I enjoyed the baseball essay and how much I learned from it. Perhaps, someday, we’ll have the game over here (and with the stadium lights powered by our new nuclear energy!)
Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, President of Iran
Go read "Could You Please Tell Me, What Is This Thing Called Baseball?" ... You'll be a star at the water cooler tomorrow morning ...
Bonus B-Ball Riffs
Weekend At Rogers'; Or The Dead Guy For The Mitchell Report
Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Mitchell Baseball Steroid Investigation Is Unlike CIA Torture Tapes Case
Breaking News! ... Baseball Bombshell Expands Steroid Scandal; Giants’ Bonds Tests Positive For Landis Testosterone; Cyclist Said To Be Kingpin Of Lucrative Doping Ring, Selling His Own DNA
15 July 2007... On The Garlic
It Takes A Neocon To Raise A Legacy ... They're Drinking The Kool-Aid Again ...
Where's Ernest Borgnine when you need him?
15 July 2005... On The Garlic
White House To Ice Down Rove, PR Effort; New Charges Emerge As GOP Rallies Around Leaker
NHL Players, Owners Reach Historic Agreement To End Lockout; Players Now Must Pay Owners; Some Media Coverage With 'Please Watch TV'
Top Ten Cloves: Other Ways Karl Rove Helps Journalists With Their Stories
Monday, July 14, 2008
It's milestone day around here at The Garlic, today.
Post No. 2,000.
We were going to celebrate it with a really, hard-hitting, political cartoon, the type-of-thing, that wasn't really satire, but we'd say it was satire once people started complaining about it, but The New Yorker beat us to-the-punch.
What about raising a glass, filled with a good ol' American beer, like, say, Budweiser, but that went out-the-window.
I hadn't really been aware of it, until early last week, when posting and noticed the count, and said "Holy Cow!"
So, what to do for such an endeavor ...
What about taking our most popular post, comment on it, waxing it with an update?
Well, out of all those 2,000 posts, our post popular, based on views, search engines, etc, turned out to be this;
Hooters Applauds FDA Breast Implant Vote; Opens Doors For More Woman To Become 'Hooter Girls'
Okay, scratch that one ...
Along with generating a comment or two to "keep you day job", our satire did, on a few occasions, befuddle some people.
During the uprising in Burma, we posted this;
Breaking News! Burma Junta Contracting Blackwater For Internal Security; Could Mean Exit From Iraq For Embattled Mercenary Firm; Radio's Limbaugh Charges "Phony Monks" Stirring Up Trouble
Which generated a buzz, before it got clarified;
Your quotes come from a parody blog, meaning the statements concerning Blackwater being hired by Shwe and Rush Limbaugh calling Burmese protesters "phony" are false and completely made up for the purpose of satire.
Also, the post "Ahmadinejad “Sort Of An Islamic Lyndon LaRouche”; Said To Have Made Offer To Mexico; Ahmadinejad Claims Letter A Hoax, Cites Propaganda, Prelude To U.S. Invasion; Other World Leaders Received Similar Tomes; Mexico Offered Iran National Guard Deployed on Their Side of Border", generated a small fit on some rightwing blogs, in particular, this passage;
“This Bush you call President does nothing but lie,” declared a defiant Ahmadinejad during a 4-hour rally in Tehran, before an estimated crowd of 500,000. Later in his speech, Ahmadinejad charged that “Bush wrote the letter himself ... To prepare for his evil forces to invade our great country.”
Many of those gathered carried white envelopes, with the name “President Bush, White House, USA” scribbled in English on them. Iranian government officials worked their way through the throng, with large baskets, collecting the letters for mailing, to which Ahmadinejad exhorted the crowd with chants of “We will bury him with letters” and “Send Satan the Iranian truth”.
Regrettably, I can't find, or lost the email, of the comment thread, that had those hotheads steaming, and calling for a similar campaign, of good ol' American patriots writing letters back to Ahmadinejad.
Unfortunately, we don't generate such uproar every day, however, we endeavor, ever so mightily to such ends (you can take a scroll down the left column to view some of the highlights and favorite posts).
From when I started The Garlic, in late January, 2005, I had no clear vision as to ending up here, at post 2,000.
I was coming off the end of a dream, the crash and failure of my own business, that I saw as being the last job (a non-profit Jazz Festival and Jazz Education Outreach Program) I would ever have, and, along the way, the situation on the homefront has become more cumbersome with the Aunt I am caretaker to.
So, for many of these 2,000 posts, it was an escape, a hiding place, to sneak refuge in for a few hours and, hopefully, whether you are a longtime reader, have just recently stumbled on The Garlic, or only read it via the feeds, the hope is you have been entertained, perhaps, enlightened on occasion.
And, it's enough of a hook that you'll stick around for the next 2,000 ...
Lastly, a heartfelt tip-of-the-hat to folks like Barry Crimmins, Michael Stickings, Joe Gandelman, Steve Benen, Sean Collins, and a boatload of others, who have assisted, tagged, linked, promoted, pushed, or otherwise helped me along the way.
14 July 2007... On The Garlic
Of Lawrence Welk and Disappointments ... We Yield To Others This Evening ...
14 July 2005... On The Garlic
Santorum Adds Red Sox Win To List On Priest Abuse; Says Belief In Curses, Hatred Of Yankees Shows Liberal Decadence
Bush Considers Reality TV Show To Determine Next Justice; Meets With Producers, Scans Video of Favorite Shows; May Let Public Decide
Ebbers Gets 25-Years; Judge Needs To Explain Sentence in Context
Top Ten Cloves: Specials Sections and Features of New CBS Blog
Sunday, July 13, 2008
We're giving way to what is to be a good, summer day (and a family event), so, not sure I will get to posting again later.
Besides, we are pacing the posts, in anticipation of a milestone event, coming tomorrow.
So, rather then just leaving a bland "Editor's Note", we'll throw in a couple of bonuses in, that you should thoroughly enjoy.
I espied a link in one of the email newsletters I received, of a recent speech given by comedian/actor and all-around talent, Patton Oswalt.
The occasion was Graduation Day at his old high school
AND NOW, THE ACTUAL SPEECH
So, 1987. That’s when I got my diploma. But I want to tell you something that happened the week before I graduated. It was life-changing, it was profound, and it was deeper than I realized at the time.Check it out and read the whole thing ... It's sprinkled with some, hilarious killer stuff ...
The week before graduation I strangled a hobo. Oh wait, that’s a different story. That was college. I’m speaking at my college later this month. I’ve got both speeches here. Let me sum up the college speech – always have a gallon of bleach in your trunk.
Just because it has that kind of feeling today ...
Bobby Hebb - Sunny
Have a good one today!
Yeah, oh so cold, and heartless ...
Jumpin' on the guy when he'd dead (no, we jumped on him when he was alive, as well).
No doubt, you heard the news, yesterday, the passing of former Faux News anchor and Bush Grindhouse mouthpiece Tony Snow, losing his fight against colon cancer.
Condolences, certainly to his family (and especially to his children; It was noted in one of the slobbering obits, that Snow's mother also went down to colon cancer ... Let's hope medical science gets a handle on it ASAP).
Faux News, likely, had to ponder quit heavily, whether to send Snow off with a Russert-like media tsunami, but, then again, it's Faux News, a Murdoch entity, so whatever happens, whoever dies, it's still about the dollars ... Always about the fuckin' dollars (As Joe Pesci noted in 'Casino').
No tears on this end.
Snow worked for, in his adult life, Fox News and the Bush Grindhouse (in essence, you could say his "work" never changed - just keep obfuscating the truth, lie, stonewall and otherwise smear whoever doesn't agree with you).
That's a SuperSizeMe barrel of bad karma.
With that double whammy on his resume, we're talking mezzanine level in the House of Evil, only a level or two above the likes of Pol Pot, or John Wayne Gacy (but they are building a new wing, just for Dick Cheney).
You can go out to Memeorandum, to catch some of the glowing obituaries.
There are a few, that didn't follow the script, or use the perfunctory "no matter what you thought" line, or shed a William Hurt tear, that you should take a look at.
Libby Spencer, over on The Impolitic offered "Do the right thing - get fired", in her valiant attempt to swing the spotlight over to a more deserving place.
As did LiquidStroke, with "Tony Snow MORE IMPORTANT than Dead Soldiers."
Lastly, our good friend Barry Crimmins gave us his breaking weather alert with "Snow Falls In July!"
13 July 2007... On The Garlic
Minced Garlic - New Keith Olbermann Special Comment ... All hail the prophetic gut!
13 July 2006... On The Garlic
Bush Stuns Germany’s Merkel With Hearty Belly Kiss; White House Cites – Again – Faulty Intelligence; Blames Former CIA Chief Tenet
Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Why Homeland Security Can’t Fill Cyber Security Post
13 July 2005.. On The Garlic
McClellan Battered, Digs Deeper Hole Over CIA Leak; President Disputes Having Confidence In Staff; Cites Rove and now, Press Secretary
Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard At The Major League Baseball All-Star Game