News Item: Warning on Tomatoes Is Withdrawn
10. Barack Obama is switching from arugula, to tomatoes
9. Well, the Government says so, isn't that enough?
8. Whether they are safe, or not, Phil Graham wants you to stop whining about them
7. Former Attorney General John Ashcroft even believes eating tomatoes doesn't constitute torture
6. Stumblin Bumblin John McCain isn't joking that we should let the Iranians eat them, so they can die
5. Nancy Pelosi is willing to put them on the table
4. You're comfortable enough to remove your lawyer from your speed dial list
3. Get Baby Alex to do a new spot, eating a tomato
2. Lift from Popeye, and the Spinach Industry campaign, and have Whimpy say "I'll gladly pay you Tuesday, for a tomato today!"
1. The one big sign tomatoes are safe? Cindy McCain is back scouring the Internet for recipes to steal
Friday, July 18, 2008
Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell Tomatoes Are Safe Again
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Top Ten Cloves: Other Ways President Bush Could Have Dissed The G8 Summit
News Item: Bush to G8: 'Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter'
10. Hit'em all up for donation to his Presidential Library
9. Gave them all special nicknames
8. Via conference call, got Dick Cheney to tell them all to "go fuck themselves"
7. Announced he was leaving, but the Bush Twins were arriving
6. Give them all a pack of cigarettes, saying he hopes, like McCain said of the Iranians, that the cigs will kill them
5. Mockingly slapped himself upside the head and shouted "I coulda' had a V-8!"
4. Final parting shot - Hired Mark Penn and Karen Hughes, as consultants for the G8 Summit
3. Before leaving, handed out pics, with him photoshopped into the nude photos of Carla Bruni, French President Nicolas Sarkozy's wife
2. Paid off all his G8 Summit bills with those Bush Coins
1. Brought in McCain Economic Advisor Phil Graham, to call them all "whiners"
Bonus Commander Guy Riffs
Brilliant at Breakfast: John McCain should like this, he likes to make jokes like this too
Hilzoy: Goodbye From The World's Biggest Polluter
Attaturk: He’s just saying he’s Number One
