Saturday, January 03, 2009

It Only Took One To Spoil This Soup

Fans (if there are any ...More on that below) of actor/comedian Dane Cook gasped this past week, on the news that Cook's half-brother, and erstwhile manager, ripped him off for millions.

Dane Cook's kin accused of stealing millions from comic

Darryl McCauley, 43, is scheduled to be arraigned this morning in Woburn District Court on charges of larceny, forgery, and larceny by continuous scheme. He was arrested at his Wilmington home yesterday by State Police.

The state attorney general's office, which investigated the case, would not identify McCauley as Cook's brother yesterday, only saying that he stole from a national entertainer with local ties.

However, Cook's friends and state documents identify McCauley as his half-brother and as an official with his company, Great Dane Enterprises, Inc.
Surprising (again, more on that coming) that Cook has earned "millions", plural.

He was paying McCauley $150G's, per year, and got caught, when he was "recently replaced by a California-based manager. Despite repeated personal requests from Cook, McCauley refused to turn over Cook's financial records ...".

Probably, a little Bernie Madoff paranoia in play, no doubt.

Essentially, this is your average, "happened-before" sob tale of big entertainer/sports hero/otherwise celebrity bringing in the bacon by the truckload and not paying attention to where was being stored.

This writer has never been a particularly big fan of Cooks' "humor".

We never fretted that Cook was over-burdened with the worrisome problem of having "too much talent".

And, it appears, a fair number of others thought likewise.

In both stories that we linked to here, in the Comments section, Cook gets absolutely roasted, with the main themes being he was over payed, and that any money recovered should go to the people who paid money to see him perform.

A few samples;
"This man should be applauded. Dane Cook stole the money in the first place by being overpaid and unfunny. It's a modern day Robin Hood story, if you ask me. McCauley was stealing from the rich and giving the money back to the poor moviegoing public that wasted their hard earned money on one of Cooks' films or CD's."

"Fitting that this has happened to the biggest joke thief in the industry!"

"I youtubed this Cook person. Is there something funny about him? I couldn't find one bit that was funny. It's all so silly and juvenile. Instead of his half-brother or step-brother...whichever, they should go after the people who over-paid him for crap comedy."

Thank God! I love the previous comments about how un-funny this hack is!! People are such sheep, if you tell them someone is funny they just fall in line and gobble up his crappy comedy. Dane must have incriminating pictures of someone that lets him keep "entertaining"

You can read the comments HERE and HERE.

Good luck there, Cook, in making back that lost money.

Editor's Note ... Techinical Difficulties

Sorry, Garlic Fans, for the big goose egg as to posting yesterday.

We got caught up in some major, pain-in-the-ass, computer trouble, perhaps a "Trojan", that somehow cracked through the crack security system (Thanks Microsoft and MacAfee!).

I was, happily, tooling along, writing, reading, putting together a few things, with multiple tabs opens (three), and then, all-of-sudden, things froze up. It took an extremely lengthy time to do any action, liking closing the tabs, either due to this unspecified, possible "Trojan", or that Microsoft decided it was time to "Synchronize" my folders.

It took over an hour to get everything closed up, and then I began running the various scans and defrags, which chewed up another couple of hours.

At that point, creativity took the first train elsewhere and I decided best thing was to just chill out (I watched two movies, one that was absolutely, dreadfully awful, 'We Own The Night' - miss it by all means, if you can ... The first 10-minutes show promise, and then if just drops over the cliff the rest of the way).

So, today, we play catch-up.


This Date ... On The Garlic

3 January 2008... On The Garlic

'They Shoot Iowa Caucuses, Don't They?

Hey, You Iowans, Read This Before Pulling The Levers!

3 January 2007... On The Garlic

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Tenth Day

Chopped Garlic ... Oh, The Irony

Minced Garlic - Olbermann: Special Comment About ‘Sacrifice’

January 3 2006... On The Garlic

Schwarzenegger Said To Be In Furious Hunt For Another Stadium Naming

Walmart To Appeal $172M California Fine

Top Ten Cloves: New Year's Resolutions President Bush Is Likely To Break

Thursday, January 01, 2009

Happy New Year!

Voorspoedige nuwe jaar ... Kul 'am wa antum bikhair ... Urte Berri on ... Shuvo noboborsho ... Sun nien fai lok ... Xin nian yu kuai ...Stastny Novy Rok ... Godt NytÅr ... Gelukkig nieuwjaar ... Bonan Novjaron ... Onnellista uutta vuotta ... Bonne année ... Ein glückliches neues Jahr ... Eutychismenos o kainourgios chronos ... Hauoli Makahiki hou ... Shana Tova ... Boldog uj evet ... Selamat Tahun Baru ... Felice Anno Nuovo or Buon anno ... Akemashite Omedetou Gozaimasu ... Sehe Bokmanee Bateuseyo ... Nyob Zoo Xyoo Tshiab ... Felix sit annus novus ... Barka da sabuwar shekara ... Godt Nytt År ... Manigong Bagong Taon ... Szczesliwego Nowego Roku ... La Multi Ani si Un An Nou Fericit ... Ia manuia le Tausaga Fou ... Feliz año nuevo ... Heri za Mwaka Mpya ... Gott Nytt År ... Sawatdee Pi Mai ... Chuc mung nam moi ... Blwyddyn Newydd Dda ...


All things considered, we're not sure just how much happiness is coming in with the sashed-wrapped New Years' baby.

And, where we write from on this new day, it's about 12-degrees, accompanied by 30-MPH winds, producing a -15-degree wind chill, so there's little happiness in walking out the front door (which is adorned with the fresh 6-inches of snow from yesterday).

It "warms up" to about 30 tomorrow.

Enough of that, today's a day of parades, bowl games, polar bear club members jumping into icy waters, Mummers Parade (you have to wait until January 18th for the classic, irreverent, Doo Dah Parade), special concerts, and, of course, for many, the nursing of hangovers.

So, whatever you are doing today, no matter how 2008 played out for you, we have, we believe, the tune that can assuage you for 2009, carrying you forward, a call to perseverance and optimism, of gratitude, and believing in yourself.

It comes via a collaboration between Joe Cocker and The Crusaders, appearing on The Crusader's album, 'Standing Tall', and was nominated for a Grammy in 1981.

Our New Years' gift to you - "I'm So Glad I'm Standing Here Today"

Enjoy! ...

And, Happy New Year!

I'm So Glad I'm Standing Here Today

{Jazz} Im So Glad Im Standing Here Today -

This Date ... On The Garlic

1 January 2008... On The Garlic

"We Still Had Manners" ... Barry Crimmin's Year In Review

Something Off The Beaten Track ... How I Introduced the French to Onion Rings

Top Ten Cloves: Other New Years Resolutions President Bush Is Planning On Making

1 January 2007... On The Garlic

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Eighth Day

Happy New Year!

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Harry Reid and Democrats Can Keep Roland Burris From Taking Senate Seat

News Item: If The Senate Democrats Accept Lieberman, Why Not Burris?

10. Since he'll be in Washington, have Rick Warren bring along his "Cone of Silence" and issue that to Burris, as his office

9. Have a debate, between Burris and Caroline Kennedy, winner take all

8. Taking a cue from Obama, Harry Reid can say they are going to text Burris the info on getting into the Senate

7. Tell Burris that, if he comes to the Senate, he'll be the first one Michele Bachmann will have investigated

6. All they have to do is say that Chuck Norris is thinking about taking the seat and the controversy is all over

5. Ring the Congress with the Arizona Minutemen

4. Get Todd Kobus, who tackled Patriots linebacker Junior Seau, to line up Burris as he goes to enter the Senate

3. Shame him - Get Zbigniew Brzezinski to say to Burris, and Blagojevich, "You have a such stunningly superficial knowledge of what went on it's almost embarrassing to listen to you."

2. They can throw their shoes at him, until he gets the hint

1. Inform Burris that they lost the Senate seat in the Bernie Madoff Scandal

Bonus Burris-Blagojevich Hijinks

Deb Cupples: Blagojevic Shoots U.S. Senate the Bird

Attytood: Between Barack and a hard place: Blago picks a senator

Think Progress: Former U.S. Atty: Blagojevich appointment shows he’s ‘crazy like a fox,’ playing to future black jurors

Nate Silver: Reid Has Few Ways to Block Burris Appointment

Year End Brings Another Sad Note ... Loss of Jazz Giant Freddie Hubbard

We made reference to one year-end disappointment yesterday, and, on the heels of that, this morning, a good friend alerted me to another.

Jazz Legend Freddie Hubbard passed away, at the age of 70, apparently as a result of a heart attack suffered a week ago.

I had the good fortune to see Hubbard perform scores-of-times, here on the East Coast, and also in Los Angeles and San Francisco.

He was an incredible soloist ... You could walk into a room, with music playing and immediately recognize "Oh, that's Freddie Hubbard on ..." and you would stand and listen, the music washing over you, so, so satisfying.

From Don Heckman, in the LA Times;

From the beginning, Hubbard's playing was characterized by its strength and assurance, its capacity to roam confidently across the trumpet's entire range, and his gift for spontaneous melodic invention.

He was barely out of his teens in the late 1950s and working with such established jazz figures as drummer Philly Joe Jones, trombonist Slide Hampton, saxophonist Sonny Rollins and composer/arranger Quincy Jones. His identification as an important new arrival gained him a Down Beat Critics Poll Award when he was in his early 20s.


Seemingly the first choice for artists of every stripe, he was present on many of the most significant jazz albums of the '60s, among them Ornette Coleman's "Free Jazz," John Coltrane's "Ascension," Eric Dolphy's "Out To Lunch," Oliver Nelson's "Blues and the Abstract Truth," Wayne Shorter's "Speak No Evil" and Herbie Hancock's "Maiden Voyage."

He received a Jazz Masters Award from the National Endowment for the Arts in 2006.
He was both a master musician (he played with a "Who's-Who of Jazz History), and a top-notch performer, not shy about joking or bantering with the audience from the stage.

Always a pro ... Well, just about always ...

One performance, in the mid-90's, at the Regattabar, in Harvard Square, Cambridge, MA, wasn't quite up-to-par.

Bringing a new girlfriend to the show, that I had built up to incredible heights, saw the rhythm section come out, play for nearly a half hour, minus Hubbard ... Hubbard then came and took the stage, played for about 20-minutes and left the stage, with the rhythm section finishing up another 20-minutes, or so.

The heated discussion we noticed Hubbard engaged in, as we entered the club, must have had to do with, perhaps, the financial arrangement and, apparently, Hubbard came out and played just enough to meet the gig requirements.

That brought to mind stories of Hubbard I heard, at a party in the late 1980's, in Los Angeles, during the Playboy Jazz Festival, where the late John Stubblefield had the room in stitches, falling on the floor with laughter, retelling tales of being on tour with Hubbard.

Freddie Hubbard on Wikipedia

Freddie Hubbard at

NYT OBITUARY - Freddie Hubbard, Jazz Trumpeter, Dies at 70

BBC: Jazz giant Freddie Hubbard dies

AP - Freddie Hubbard dies - brilliant jazz trumpeter

A related note, word came today that Nat Hentoff, prolific writer of Jazz, and other subjects, has been laid off by The Village Voice.

“Nat Hentoff wrote liner notes for every great musician that I’ve ever loved, from Billie Holiday to Bob Dylan and Aretha Franklin, and that’s not even what he’s been writing about for the last 30 years,” said Tom Robbins, a Voice staff writer.

Mr. Hentoff said he learned the news in a phone call with Mr. Ortega on Tuesday morning. “I’m 83 and a half. You’d think they’d have let me go silently,” he said. “Fortunately, I’ve never been more productive.”

Mr. Hentoff plans to continue to write a weekly column for the United Media syndicate and contribute pieces to The Wall Street Journal. His book “At the Jazz Band Ball: 60 Years on the Jazz Scene,” is expected next year.

“With all due immodesty, I think it doesn’t help to lose me because people have told me they read The Voice not only for me, but certainly for me,” he said.

Some of Freddie Hubbard's Music

You can click to listen to classics Red Clay and Little Sunflower, as I post below a few personal favorites.

Freddie Hubbard "Hubbard's Cupboard"

Sky Dive - Freddie Hubbard


No doubt, Freddie will wow'em up in Bebop Heaven!

R.I.P. Freddie Hubbard ...

It was great having you here!

This Date ... On The Garlic

31 December 2006... On The Garlic

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Seventh Day

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 31 December 2006

Buck Up Rick, There'll Likely Be Better Days Ahead ... The Results - The Garlic Week Poll

31 December 2005... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Apology Owed

Well, the end of the year comes with a resounding "clang" for The Garlic.

Alas, our efforts to gain a berth in the 2008 Weblog Awards have gone unrewarded.

The Finalists were announced last evening, and, in the category of 'Best Humor Blog', The Garlic was nowhere to be found.

Initially, I thought - "We Wuz Robbed".

For, on the final day of nomination voting, it appeared The Garlic was sitting pretty, seemingly, racking up the second most "votes".

We use "votes" in quotes due to discovering this morning, via Kevin Aylward, of the Weblog Awards, those calls to "hit the little "plus" icon (+)" were not calls to vote for The Garlic, rather they were "Me Too's", which counted for nothing, or very little, basically just endorsing the nomination (For, the Weblog Awards were looking to trim down on duplicate nominations).

"Those aren’t votes, they’re “me too” indicators. The idea is to minimize the number of duplicate nominations. It doesn’t always keep people from nominating a site over and over, but it helps. The directions in the nominating post are pretty clear. Sites with one nomination are evaluated the same as sites with several “me too” votes."
Got that?

Going back and looking on the Weblog Award site, at the FAQ's, etc, we did notice this;
The number of nominations a blog receives is irrelevant. One nomination is enough...

Rather than add a "me too" nomination for a site you're encouraged to use the "+" icon to indicate your preference for nominees. The "+" ratings are one extra piece of information the finalist selection panel can use to help generate the finalist slates in each category.

See, hitting that little icon, registering your "Me Too" was only "one extra piece of information" and not an actual vote that counted for anything.

In the 'Best Humor Blog', 8-of-the-Top-10 "Me Too" getters did not get chosen as a Finalist.

All I had to do, quietly, was nominate (or have someone else do it) The Garlic, and kick back until they went through the nominations, leaving The Garlic's fate, as it were, in the hands of the judges.

There was no need to ask you, our loyal readers, to take a minute and jump on over to The Weblog Awards, to vote for The Garlic, when, as noted above, you were not, in fact, voting for The Garlic.

I wasted your time.

For that, a most grande "Lo Siento" ... A thousand-and-one pardons ...

Should The Garlic enter, or be entered, into any award programs in the future, we will make certain - absolute crystal clear - what-is-what, how it works, what is required, before we ask for your valuable time, regardless of how many few seconds it may be ...

And, in the end, it is your visits, and readership, that is reward enough.

This Date ... On The Garlic

30 December 2007... On The Garlic

Three For The Road To Democracy (And How To Make SUV Sunroofs Safer) ... Perrin and Crimmins ... And Perrin Again ...

What If Spartacus Ran The Justice Department? ...The Bush administration's dumbest legal arguments of the year

A spoonful of sugar helps the history go down ... Edward Copeland Review of 'Charlie Wilson's War'


30 December 2006... On The Garlic

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Sixth Day

Garlic Special: A George Bush Dream - The Victory

Monday, December 29, 2008

I Won't Dance

I suppose, there's a number of items I could spin off the title of this post.

You have Israel pounding the shit out of the Palestinians, almost as a final fireworks salute to The Bush Grindhouse ("Shock and Awe" - Again!) ...

And there's Mitch McConnell already defiantly declaring he wants to be the Biggest Asshole in 2009 ...

But no, it's just that I am beat tired, another banner day on the homefront (only to get better, with, not one, but two snowstorms coming down the pike this week).

So, a little musical interlude, and a quite tasty one at that ...

Blossom Dearie - I Won't Dance

This Date ... On The Garlic

29 December 2007... On The Garlic

Yes, Virginia, Even Sadder, Little Billy Kristol Is Going To The NYT

29 December 2006... On The Garlic

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Fifth Day

Developing Story - Self-Admitted Killer Offers Details of Friendship With ‘Godfather of Soul’; Former Ramsey Suspect Claims Was With James Brown In Final Hours; Says Longtime Friend, Confidant of Legendary Singer; Plans Were To Make Young Ramsey Girl “Princess of Soul”

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard During The NSC Meeting At President’s Crawford Ranch

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Our Ignorant Dolt of the Week ... RNC Hack Chip Saltsman!

Jesus, you really had to be, overtly, strenuously, going-out-of-your-way, knocking people over, to garner the IDOTW title - during Christmas Week!

I fully expected to come up with a goose egg for our "Ignorant Dolt of the Week" honoree this past week.

I mean, everyone is on the down low, chilling out for the holiday.

Even MSNBC had given most of their Big Dogs time off, and running their venerable Doc Block pap.

It was time to kick back, chow down on the leftovers, and wait to zombie-out in front of TNT's marathon showing of 'The Christmas Story'.

So, if you thought you could sneak a big Christmas-wrapped dollop of racism under the ol' tree, you screwed the pooch.

And that is exactly what RNC Hack Chip Saltsman did.

Who is Chip Saltsman, other than a full-grown adult that continues to call himself "Chip"?

Chip Saltsman, via Wikipedia, "has served as chairman of the Tennessee Republican Party, senior political advisor to Senate Majority Leader Bill Frist, and manager of Mike Huckabee's presidential campaign".

You remember the former Majority Leader, don't you?

Frist, also being a doctor, had the uncanny ability to make medical diagnosis via videotape, and was a deft player in the stock market, miraculously, selling his stock in a company, coincidentally, just before the stock crashed.

Mike Huckabee campaign?

Please ...

No, our IDOTW Chip, is one of those Republican hacks, and he's mounting a campaign to become Chairman of the Sarah Palin Party, err, we mean the other dying one, the Republican's.

He even has a cheesy website up, touting himself as the next hero, the guy with the juice to pull the party out of the ashes.

Leadership has impacted every milestone in American history. Looking forward at the opportunities ahead and examining the lessons learned from the past, it is apparent to all that now is the time for new leadership within the Republican National Committee.
Now there's someone with some serious vision, such prescience.

You just got your asses kicked in the Presidential Election, and your party is hemorrhaging seats in Congress, but you cut through all that and make the call for "new leadership".


So, as a warming gift, a little trinket to get his name in front of the potential other hacks who would want this particular hack to be running the show, "Chip" handed out a little gift bag.

From 'The Hill';
RNC candidate Chip Saltsman’s Christmas greeting to committee members includes a music CD with lyrics from a song called “Barack the Magic Negro,” first played on Rush Limbaugh’s popular radio show. Saltsman, a personal friend of conservative satirist Paul Shanklin, sent a 41-track CD along with a note to national committee members.

“I look forward to working together in the New Year,” Saltsman wrote. “Please enjoy the enclosed CD by my friend Paul Shanklin of the Rush Limbaugh Show.”
A closet Dittohead?

Maybe a Gold Level Dittohead, the friend-of-a-friend, who has actually worked with ...

Or is Chip just one of the Flying Monkeys that lives in that alternate universe and believes, as Barry Crimmins used to call him, "the cheeseburger that sweats", actually is a great mind, and spews out pearls of wisdom?

You know, because the former drug addict Limbaugh passes it off as harmless parody, than that is what it must be, not that a majority of the rest of the country would think it to be vile racist slander.

Because that's what Chip is claiming, as he actual defends the "gift".

Please, RNC members, elect this guy to lead your party!

Having Chip with a direct hand in the national campaign of Sarah Palin in 2012.... Priceless!

And, look, he already has another endorsement.

He can proudly post to his website - during Christmas Week, mind you - Chip Saltsman, The Garlic's Ignorant Dolt of the Week!

Go get'em Chip!

Bonus "Chip-in-Mouth" Riffs

Michael Shear: RNC Rivals Discuss Racial Song; Would-Be Chairman Who Sent CD With Parody Blames Media


Robert Stein: GOP Goes South But Obama Doesn't

Bob Cesca: Rush the Magic A-hole

This Date ... On The Garlic

28 December 2007... On The Garlic

As Goes Pakistan, So Goes Iowa ... But I'm Still Putting My Money On Colonel Mustard and Ms. Scarlet ...

Good Post Alert: Juan Cole's "Top Ten Myths about Iraq 2007"

28 December 2006... On The Garlic

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Fourth Day

28 December 2005... On The Garlic

Bush, White House Aiding Chalabi; Will Appeal Election Results To Supreme Court

Top Ten Cloves: Complaints Heard Most By Returns Departments This Christmas Season