Breaking News! With DisneyBaghdad, Bush Says “Nobody Wins Hearts and Minds Better Than Disney

Disney, With Secret Contract, Working With White House, Military On Building Baghdad Moats

‘Pirates of the Caliphate’, Other Attractions To Mask Security Measures; State Dept. Touts “DisneyBaghdad Will Pay For Itself”

Through a secret, “No-Bid” contract, and under a covert initiative, titled “Operation E Ticket”, by both the White House and the Pentagon, the Disney Company has been working side-by-side with the forces in Iraq, building DisneyBaghdad, where popular Disney attractions will aid in masking the new security measures, such as moats, trenches and berms, being implemented, sources have told The Garlic.

Since reports broke late this past week, that the U.S. Military was in the process, as part of their efforts to secure Baghdad, of building moats around the Iraqi capital, to control who enters, a steady stream of denials have come from military commanders and the Iraqi government. No official word has come from the President or White House, either confirming or denying the Disney deal in Baghdad

Once source, a senior official close to the White House, who spoke to The Garlic on the condition their identity would not be revealed said that President Bush personally pushed the deal for DisneyBaghdad.

“With all that has gone wrong with winning over the Iraqis,” said the senior official, “President Bush believes that nobody wins the hearts and minds of people better then Disney.”

Sources say that the DisneyBaghdad deal was in no way a “make-up” to Disney Co., after they were rebuffed in purchasing the City of New Orleans, after Hurricane Katrina, and turning it into a multi-themed, hurricane-related park.

State Dept’s Hughes Key To Pushing DisneyBaghdad To President

‘This could be significant,” offered John Lloyd Sullivan, principal of All American Seeds, the think tank that monitors the use of seeds in political or humanitarian projects.

“Is this part-and-parcel of Bush’s Messianic vision, his declaration of a ‘Third Awakening’?” questioned Sullivan. “That he’ll conquer the terrorists, not with military might, but with American entertainment and capitalism? That they are readjusting, using more carrots than sticks?”

Another source that spoke to The Garlic indicated that is just what the strategy is, giving credit to Under Secretary of State for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs Karen Hughes, who the source said played a large part in pushing President Bush towards the Disney Deal.

Hughes, according to the highly-placed administration source, offered to the President that “DisneyBaghdad would end up paying for itself”, citing her own success at the State Department with her International Tupperware program.

Sullivan remains cautious, that DisneyBaghdad could be another “financial fiasco”, citing the report late this summer, from a Pentagon Inspector General’s report, that the “seeds of democracy” the administration was using in Iraq are “worthless”.

Disney To Modified Classic Attractions; No Tomorrowland or Future World

For Iraqis, or any other tourists to enter DisneyBaghdad, Disney will adopt the Bush Administrations “painted finger” identification program, which has been used frequently by President Bush, and others, as proof of democracy by the number of Iraqis who have voted in the three elections to-date.

Disney indicated they will not use “purple” and is in the process of developing a unique color, with security measures being taken so it will be difficult to replicate or counterfeit.

As to the attractions in DisneyBaghdad, the Disney Co. is making a number of concessions for its’ first theme park in the Middle East. Many of the favorite Disney attractions known to Western audiences will be modified for DisneyBaghdad, such as;

Pirates of the Caliphate

Hall of Ayatollahs

It’s A Small Mosque

Country Camel Jamboree

Snow White and the Seven Imams

Minnie Mouse, Cinderella, Snow White and all other female characters will be required to observe Muslim customs, in public, wearing veils or hijabs and burkas.

There will be no Tomorrowland, or Future World, until both the violence is eliminated and the political situation in Iraq stabilizes. Frontierland will just incorporate areas around Baghdad and DisneyBaghdad visitors will be required to sign a waiver and enter at their own risk.

Matar Sadam Al Duwali Road, or Airport Road will serve, due to the adrenaline rush of a high speed ride in order to avoid the longstanding violence, as Space Mountain, being renamed as “Space Highway”. The White House, Pentagon or Disney Co. would comment on the type of vehicle that will be used for “Space Highway”, or the speculation that unarmored Army Humvees would be the vehicle offering the most excitement.

Unconfirmed reports say that Disney is eschewing famous pro athletes for its’ promotions, and instead, will employ U.S. Soldiers and National Guardsman, who are being redeployed to Iraq for their third, fourth or fifth tour-of-duty, to shout into the cameras - “I’m going to DisneyBaghdad!