Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 1 April 2006

The White House released photographs today, to demonstrate that the Terrorist Surveillance Program is not reading U.S. Citizens' emails. The protocol, according to Justice Department officials are, that once an American citizen's email comes up, the agent is to turn his back on the computer and cover his eyes

CNN Anchor Lou Dobbs said that he is not satisfied with the Cancun Summit that ended yesterday, charging that "all the illegal aliens have not been dealt with."

Dobbs plans on broadcasting his news program next week from Area 51, in Groom Lake, Nevada

Rave reviews are still coming in from last week's Consistory ceremony, where, to the tune of "It's Raining Men" played by the College of Cardinals “Fighting Red Hats” Marching Band, Pope Benedict XVI and the newly installed cardinals spelled out the name of the Pope John Paul II as a tribute to the late pontiff

Peppered with questions about stepping down over his mishandling of the War in Iraq, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld lost his patience, saying to one reporter;

"How's about I come down there and deliver my resignation to your face! ... Then I'll kick your ass and knock your teeth out for mumbling about it"

Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) said this week, that if he loses his reelection bid, he plans on joining with the World Wrestling Federation, to become "Senator Doomsday".

Santorum said his signature move, after defeating opponents, will be to use the "The Claw of Redemption" on them

Politics and Sports Collide

Paperwork Mix-Up Has Feingold Censuring Bonds and MLB Investigating Bush

Bush Confused, Blames Iraqi Sectarian Violence On “Designated Bombers”; Cheney Hails NFL, Says TD Dances In Final Throes

With Congress’s look into the steroid scandal in Major League Baseball last year still, technically, open, it appears paperwork filed recently, to allow former Senate Majority Leader George Mitchell to investigate the issue at the behest of Commissioner Bud Selig, may have been misfiled and is causing a domino effect of comedic errors.

Because of the paperwork mix-up, Senator Russ Feingold (D-WI) is now attempting to censure San Francisco Giant Barry Bonds, with Mitchell and Major League Baseball examining President Bush’s unauthorized use of wiretaps.

Upon hearing the news, in Mexico, for immigration talks with Mexican President Vicente Fox, President Bush became confused over the news, telling reporters that the increase in sectarian violence in Iraq is due to, not continued U.S. presence in the country, but through the influence of baseball, with “the terrorists using designated bombers.”

“It wasn’t that long ago,” added the President, himself, a former baseball team owner , “that you knew the army you were facing, you knew the starting team.”

Forged “Niagara Papers” Found

Feingold said he was nonplaused by the mix-up, saying that “this is still a very serious issue and we need to hold people accountable for it.”

The Wisconsin senator is expected to grill Bonds in upcoming hearings, concentrating on, among other things, the newly found “Niagara Papers”, forged documents that may shed light on charges that Bonds, and other major league players who used steroids, had them smuggled in from Canada.

Feingold is also expected to call to the hearings to give testimony, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and former Secretary of State Colin Powell.

According to sources close to Feingold’s office, the reports and statements from Powell and Rice, during the build-up to launching the invasion of Iraq, the talk of “aluminum tubes” may have been code for White House staffers shooting up steroids.

The focus will be on Special White House Counsel Karl Rove and Under Secretary for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs Karen Hughes, who sources say, their names kept coming up during the investigation of the “Niagara Papers”, and during Bond’s Grand Jury case.

Bonds could be first major leaguer censured and, if it goes to the full Senate, the first impeached.

Mitchell: Can’t Have Illegal Wiretap Tapes Tarnishing Baseball

Mitchell’s investigation will center on the continued abuses of President Bush, in ordering unauthorized wiretaps of American citizens. The former Senator has the mandate from Commissioner Selig to “follow the evidence wherever it leads.”

“One of the areas I’ll be looking at,” said Mitchell, “is if any ballplayers were illegally wiretapped, and, if so, what is the status of those tapes, how is the information being used. We can’t have these tapes out there, possibly tarnishing the game of baseball.”

Selig, in announcing Mitchell, indicated that the penalties could be harsh.

“If we find the President violated the law, acted illegally,” said Selig, “then the consequences could range that the Bush Administration would be have an asterisk next to their policies and bills, to being barred from baseball, possibly going up to being banned from Hall of Fame.”

Cheney Out of Touch, Says Touchdown Dances “In The Last Throes”

Back in Washington, charges that the Bush Administration is “out of touch” with the country were flamed anew, after Vice President Dick Cheney was asked to comment on the developments Mitchell and Feingold’s investigations.

“'I think they're in the last throes, if you will, these touchdown dances."

Yesterday, the 32 National Football League owners, in voting new rules changes, banned prolonged or excessive celebrations” by a vote of 29-3.

In a related matter, Washington Post reporter, and Bush legacy author, Bob Woodward said, in defense of Vice President Cheney, that he knew the NFL was going to ban excessive touchdown dances “over two-years ago” but chose not to write about it, out of fear of “upsetting the fervently loyal Washington Redskins fans.”

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice's name has come up around the discovery of the "Niagara Papers", forged documents that may show steroids being smuggled in from Canada to Major League baseball players

Top Ten Cloves: Problems Iraqi P.M. al-Jaafari Has Telling Bush To Stop Interfering In Iraqi Politics

News Item: Get Governing,' Bush Tells Iraqis

10. President Bush might fix it that next three U.S. Presidents will be left to deal with Iraq

9. There have been veiled threats I could be sent to be tortured, with Bush claiming I know where the WMD’s are

8. After my house gets mistakenly bombed to rubble, Defense Secretary Rumsfeld will simply say “stuff happens”

7. Expects cheap Iraqi oil to be his “alternative energy source” before he leaves office

6. That Bush will get Karl Rove to start bad mouthing me to the Iranians

5. Bush isn’t buying that Iraqi Militias are just like U.S. National Guard

4. Has erroneously charged that Iraqi Government has side-deal with Halliburton to “skim the skim”

3. Bush is trying to make Iraqi Government sign contract to let Dubai Ports World manage Iraqi ports

2. If I push Bush too strongly, likely Dick Cheney will be paying me a visit

1. Is trying to force me into taking Andy Card as my Chief of Staff

“Mission Accomplished” and “The insurgency in its’ final throes” May Be Put On Card.”

White House Tense As Many Wait, Impatiently, For Card Exit

Rove, Hadley, Cheney Watching Clock For Timing; Have Smear and Blame Programs To Launch Against Former Chief

Sources close to the White House say that the tension is so thick in the West Wing, over the changing of the Chief of Staff position that virtually nothing is getting done, beyond waiting for outgoing Andy Card to leave on April 14^th.

“Boy, it’s rough in there,” said a government staffer, “This is worse then the time they were waiting to see what [former Secretary of State] Powell was going to say at the U.N. for the Iraq War build-up.”

Yesterday, President Bush announced that longtime friend, and Chief of Staff since he took office, offered his resignation, effective April 14^th, and will be replaced by Office of Management and Budget Director, and former Deputy White House Chief of Staff, Joshua B. Bolten.

Smear and Blame Campaign Building Against Card

The build of tension, many are saying behind closed doors, has less to do with the change in the Bush Administration, or others that may come, but more towards the over-two-week lag before Card leaves the White House.

“The people that are really pacing the floor, tapping their fingers are Karl Rove, Stephen Hadley and Vice President Cheney f,” said David Aaronson, editor of 'What Color Is My Coat Today?', the Capital Hill Newsletter that tracks politicians who turn on their own party.

“They were privy early on that Card would be leaving and they’ve put together an entire program of smears and blame that they will lay off on Card – once he’s out of the office.”

‘The only thing missing in this picture,” added Aaronson, “is President Bush saying “You’ve done a heck of a job Andy.”

According to Aaronson, as well as other sources, Rove will handle the smears. Plans call for the White House to release more of the behind-the-scene notes and communications from the days following Hurricane Katrina, to which the President, and White House was heavily criticized for the lack of response to the victims in New Orleans and Gulf Region.

‘Rove’s design a clear trail, complete with emails, voicemails, everything, that will put the fiasco at Card’s feet.”

There may also be an effort to place the Dubai Ports World failure on Card as well.

Bolton Gaffe Already Pinned On Card

Card is already being blamed for the snafu in announcing his resignation.

Though the White House has yet to explain what happened, early yesterday morning, U.N. Ambassador John Bolton misunderstood the announcement of Card’s resignation and the naming of Joshua Bolten to replace him.

Ambassador Bolton headed to the airport, giving an impromptu press conference along the way, boasting he has glad that the President was pulling him out of “this hellhole” and telling reporters he told President Bush to dump Card two-years ago.

“He had the White House in coma during the Hurricane last year,” said Bolton.

While waiting for his shuttle flight to Washington, Bolton received a telephone call, telling him that he was not being named, to which Bolton erupted, calling the newly-named Chief of Staff a “little bean-counting pansy.”

“Mission Accomplished” and “The insurgency in its’ final throes” May Be Put On Card.”

National Security Advisor Hadley, and Vice President Cheney will likely build the case against Card for the troubles the White House has experienced in getting their message out over the War In Iraq.

“Both Hadley and Cheney have the notes from the WHIG meetings, so that won’t be much of a stretch for them.”

Card, ironically, set up WHIG (The White House Iraq Group) to help “market” the Iraqi War. Members included Hadley, Cheney, Rove, as well as Under Secretary for Public Diplomacy and Public Affairs Karen Hughes , Special Councilor to Vice President Mary Matalin, Deputy National Security Advisor for Communications James R. Wilkinson, Assistant to the President for Legislative Affairs, Nicholas E. Calio, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and former Vice President Chief of Staff I. Lewis (Scooter) Libby.

“It wouldn’t surprise me,” said another State Department staff person, “to see them put “Mission Accomplished ” and “The insurgency in its’ final throes” on Card.”

The White House is waiting, impatiently, for Andy Card to leave, so they can launch a major "smear and blame" campaign against the former Chief of Staff

Top Ten Cloves: Testimonials Of Support That Didn’t Work For Jack Abramoff

News Item: Former Lobbyist to Spend 5 Years, 10 Months in Prison

10. During those Justice Sunday events, he always left the church when speakers began criticizing the courts and judiciary

9. At his restaurant, had strict policy for staff not to reuse uneaten bread and rolls for the next customer

8. Whenever he flew commercial, never stuffed the peanut bag wrapper in pouch in front on him

7. He always let children sit in the first row of his skybox at sporting events, and made sure they didn’t eat too much junk food

6. Whenever he lavished cash or gifts on a legislator, for a pro-gambling bill, he always insisted they include information for Gamblers Anonymous in it

5. Despite being in presence of others who did, Jack never told midget jokes

4. On a Saturday morning, with complete disregard for his own schedule, helped a friend find missing remote control for television set

3. To save his family, friends and business associates stress, and at peril to his own health, never told them he was running a fraud

2. Jack always said, that if Scooter Libby or Vice President Cheney leaked Valerie Plame’s name to him, he would have gone straight to the authorities to report it

1. As a child, when playing “Cowboys and Indians”, Jack always sought peace and coexistence with Indians

Bolton: Card Had White House In Coma

White House Shake-Up Causes Bolton Snafu

Fiery UN Ambassador Thought Bush Reaching Out To Him; Lambastes Card and “that little bean-counting pansy”

The morning surprise, of the White House announcing the resignation of Chief of Staff Andy Card, reverberated all the way up to New York City, causing yet another Bush Administration gaffe.

At 8:30AM today, President Bush, made the announcement, televised nationally, of Card stepping down and being replaced with Office of Management and Budget Director Joshua B. Bolten. During Bush’s first term, Bolten served as deputy White House chief of staff.

Through yet-to-be explained circumstances, U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, upon hearing the news, either in an email or telephone call, mistook the message that he was being called for the duty and immediately headed off to the airport, to fly down to Washington.

And the Miers thing

Encountering news media on his way, a beaming Ambassador Bolton offered a running, unprompted discourse, as he made his way to the shuttle flight.

“It’s about God-damned time they pulled me from this hellhole,” said the U.N. Ambassador. “I told the President, two-years ago, to dump that bastard ... He had the White House in coma during the Hurricane last year ... And the Miers thing, my God, he couldn’t have screwed that pooch more if he studied for it.”

Bolton was President Bush’s controversial, and contested, choice in March 2005 to succeed John Danforth, who resigned after a short term, as the United States Ambassador to the United Nations.

With a reputation for being a bully, Bolton faced a contentious Senate confirmation process, who reminded the public servant of some of his past statements, denouncing North Korean leader Kim Jong Il on the eve of talks, labeling Kim a "tyrannical dictator."

Bolton also held a low opinion of the United Nations, saying once that “There's no such thing as the United Nations. If the U.N. secretary building in New York lost 10 stories, it wouldn't make a bit of difference.”

Bolton’s appointment was ultimately filibustered and President Bush, in August 2005, named Bolton Ambassador through a recess appointment.

Chief of Ass Kicking

While waiting for his flight to Washington, Bolton continued speaking with the media.

“Yep, I’m going to settle right in and start kicking some ass right away ... I think I’ll ask the President if I can have the title of “Chief of Ass Kicking” instead ... Has a nice ring to it and it’ll kick those assholes in line.”

Bolton was then interrupted by his cell phone ringing and, after a few moments of listening, he became enraged and began shouting into the phone.

“That little bean-counting pansy! ... You gotta be shitting me! ... No way, not this time ... I’ve paid my dues, I want that office.”

At that point, members of Bolton’s staff arrived at the airport and ushered the still raging Ambassador into a private office off the lobby area and exited the airport through a different exit.

In Washington, there was no immediate comment from the White House.

After the President’s televised announcement, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan told reporters that “We have spoken with the Ambassador and he has passed on to the President and new Chief of Staff his congratulations and best wishes. He told the President that he made a strong choice.”

McClellan said he would have no comment if Joshua Bolten would replace Card in the White House Iraq Group, or the new, White House Iraq and Iran Group, or if someone new would be added.

In a related matter, Washington Post reporter, and Bush legacy author, Bob Woodward said this morning that Andy Card told him he was going to resign “over two-years ago”.

“He wanted time to market the resignation,” said Woodward, “and I promised I wouldn’t write about it until it was a done deal.”

U.N Ambassador John Bolton, disappointed he wasn't named new Chief of Staff, said that "Card had the White House in a coma" and referred to Joshua Bolten as "that little bean-counting pansy"

News In Brief: New Immigration Bill Sidelines Fox News; Dobbs Says “Ruins My November Sweeps”

Fox News, AMW, Dobbs Not Pleased With Senate Immigration Measure

Say Lucrative Programming and Syndication Could Be Lost; Fox’s O’Reilly “War To Save Borders” On Hold

The late night, 12-6, bipartisan vote by the Senate Judiciary Committee, backing President Bush's favored approach to new immigration laws, was criticized this morning, by members of Congress, as well as some of the nations’ media giants.

With conservatives clamoring for sealed borders, and felony laws to be charged to illegal immigrants, the bill that came out of committee and that will go before the full floor of the Senate will embrace the views of the President, offering Guest Worker status and visas to millions of undocumented workers.

Senate Leader Bill Frist (R-TN) said that he was “disappointed”, having his own, harsher bill that was to be put forward. Frist vowed that he will “beef up the security” of the new bill, and “insist on video cameras to be deployed” in the security of the borders.

“If I can diagnose a comatose, but healthy woman by videotape, I feel confident we can secure our borders with videotape. It is vital that they be used in this way.”

Fox News, AMW Come Out Against Measure.

Roger Ailes, Fox News President said that “this will be a blow to some of our programming.”

“We were laying out some big plans, with all our top guns – Cavuto, Gibson, Hume, O’Reilly and Hannity – to really lay into the border issue and how the government is giving away America. We may end up having to tone it down some, find another angle to fire up our viewers.”

Bill O’Reilly, host of Fox News’ “O’Reilly Factor” said that “these knuckleheads don’t know what they’re doing”.

O’Reilly conceded that his next effort, “War To Save The Borders” may not be launched and that he’s taking back San Francisco from Al-Qaeda and giving it to the illegal immigrants.

“No, the terrorist can’t have the fruit city anymore,” scoffed O’Reilly. “We’ll give it to the illegals’ now, let them run all over it ... do whatever they want ... That’s want the President and Congress are telling them.”

John Walsh, host of the popular “America’s Most Wanted” also expressed dismay.

“We had some big plans to add to the AMW franchise,” said Walsh. “If they kept the felony charges attached to the bill, we were going to launch “America’s Most Wanted Illegal Aliens” and we had a syndication deal with Univision that would have given us millions and millions more viewers.”

Dobbs Says November Sweeps Blown

CNN’s Lou Dobbs said, with resignation, “there goes another shining example of our democracy.”

Dobbs, along with his railing against the outsourcing of jobs in his “Exporting America” series, has beat the drum on border security as well.

“It just astounds me, “said Dobbs, “the things our government does. This bill, if it survives as is, ruins my November Sweeps plans. They’re gone ... poof ... But, hey, who knows, maybe by the Fall, CNN will have outsourced my job – or, our borders will be overrun and they’ve taken control of the station”

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Afghanistan Prosecutors Found Abdul Rahman Mentally Unfit

News Item: Afghan Convert Cleared, Released From Prison

10. Prisons filled up with CIA Extraordinary Rendition detainees, so no place to hold him

9. President Bush was mounting “New Strategy For Victory In Abdul Rahman Case” and couldn’t compete with that

8. Trying to explain what “apostasy” is to average Afghans would have been too much work

7. Found his claim of hearing strange voices was that he listens to Rush Limbaugh’s radio program, so he must be crazy

6. Fearful a trial would give rise to an Aljazeera Nancy Grace-type program

5. Says he had good reason to believe that K.T. McFarland was spying on him

4. Public support to execute Rahman was going to change after his upcoming appearance on “The Colbert Report”

3. Investigation got corrupted - Carla Martin was found coaching witnesses

2. Discovered he truly believed that new Afghan Constitution and Democracy was going to clear and save him

1. Rahman said he was converting from Christianity, to Scientology, and that meant having the wrath of Tom Cruise behind him

Bush Immigration Plan Gets "Some Influence"

White House May Employ Lincoln Group In Border, Immigration Clash

Unlike Iraqi Program, PR Firm Will Plant Anti-American Stories in Mexican Media

Seeking to shore up his base, and end the growing, heated battle with Congress, and his own party’s leadership, President Bush said this morning that he may extend the contract of the Lincoln Group, beyond Iraq, to begin planting Anti-American stories in the Mexican media, as means to stem the wave of illegal immigration.

Speaking this morning at a naturalization ceremony in Washington to swear in 30 new American citizens from 20 countries , President Bush, according to the Washington Post, urged Congress to pass legislation in a "civil and dignified way" and to "move beyond tired choices and the harsh attitudes of the past."

Bu against a backdrop of millions of demonstrators protesting in Los Angeles, Chicago and cities across the country, Congress and Senate members are facing re-election later this year and proposing legislation that would ignore the President’s “Guest Worker” program and make illegal immigration a felony.

Tancredo Wants “Star Wars Wall” Along Border

Yesterday, on ABC News’ "This Week with George Stephanopoulos", Senator. Arlen Specter (R-PA) sent the warning that there are "11 million undocumented immigrants in the country" and, "We have a national security problem. … We need to know who they are and where they are."

Appearing on the same program, Representative Tom Tancredo (R-CO) called for stronger measures.

Tancredo would like to see a “Star War Defensive Wall” built along the border between the United States and Mexico, as well as enforcing current laws and also prosecuting businesses who hire illegal immigrants.

Senate Leader Bill Frist (R-TN), who threatens to submit his own Immigration bill tomorrow, said he’d like to see a video of the President’s plans, and any others by his colleagues, before taking any action.

The White House has been scrambling to come up with a solution.

According to sources close to the White House, President Bush “is signing anything that will put a plug in this mess.”

“He’s looking at Executive Orders, Signing Statements, anything,” says David Aaronson, editor of 'What Color Is My Coat Today?’ the Capital Hill Newsletter that tracks politicians who turn on their own party

Aaronson said that the first instinct of the White House was to have Karl Rove launch a smear campaign against those in the Congress and Senate who oppose the President’s plan, but White House Chief of Staff Andy Card reined in Rove before the smears were released.

“I think Card felt it would have been too difficult to translate the smears into Spanish, “said Aaronson, “or that they would end up having a different meaning or context.”

The White House ruled out blaming the media for the immigration troubles, feeling they have to keep that focused for the problems their having with the War in Iraq

Lincoln Group al Rescate

Aaronson, and multiple sources, are saying that, from a chance, off-handed comment, the White House is looking at employing the Lincoln Group, the PR firm hired by the Department of Defense to “influence” the Iraqi media with pro-American and pro-U.S. Military stories.

Reportedly, at a breakfast meeting over the weekend, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld made an off-hand comment that had the President and Card just look at each other, in stunned amazement.

“You should let my guys take a crack at it, “said Rumsfeld, between bites of grapefruit, sprinkled with granola, “All they have to do is flip the influence around.”

A few hours later, the Lincoln Group's Paige Craig, president and Andrew Garfield, the Senior Director for Insight and Influence were seen being ushered into the West Wing.

“Operation Rove Reverse”

It’s not known if “Operation Rove Reverse”, the title given to the Lincoln Group’s immigration program has started yet.

It is expected that the Lincoln Group will being writing news stories, in English and Spanish, that will be planted in various Mexican media, showing life in America in a “very unfavorable light”, including the threat of jail time, with references to the prison in Guantanamo Bay.

Plans also call for product placement and plot lines in the extremely popular telenovelas, or soap operas, as well as producing humorous sketches with anti-American messages for the legendary program, “Sábado Gigante”.

“I heard,” said Aaronson, “that one of the pieces Lincoln will present is that Harry Whittington was an illegal immigrant and Vice President Dick Cheney caught him coming over the border.”

The Lincoln Group may use Vice President Dick Cheney's shooting incident in their "Operation Rove Reverse" campaign, to scare off illegal immigrants

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things K.T. McFarland Says Hillary Clinton Is Doing To Her Besides Spying

News Item: Clinton Challenger Says Spying Charge “A Joke”

10. Told Condi Rice that I’m going to go up against her, for the Commissioner of NFL job

9. Erroneously states I’m running the same type of campaign as Kathleen Harris

8. Claims I am an illegal immigrant and is going to draft legislation specifically against me

7. Spreading rumor that I’m am member of the Super Adventure Club

6. Attaching amendment to Feingold’s bill to censure me as well

5. Has the Lincoln Group planting bad stories about me in the Iraqi Media

4. Privately told me, next time she sends the helicopters over my house in Southhampton, they’re going to fire rockets at me

3. Attempting to link me to Zacarias Moussaoui and say I was the 21^st Hijacker

2. Is paying Keith Olbermann to name me “Worst Person In The World” until election day

1. Posting the photos she took of me outside my Manhattan apartment on MySpace.Com

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 26 March 2006

Left off the Vice Presidential Downtime Requirements rider was Dick Cheney's sometimes preference to be greeted at his location by a regiment of dress uniform-clad cadets, in salute pose

And speaking of being left off, former Attorney General-turned Lobbyist John Ashcroft said he was "disappointed" that Cheney hasn't required that his song, "When Eagles Soar" be playing when he enters his hotel room and has offered to donate copies of the music to the Vice President's travel team









Lambasted, justly so, by MSNBC's Countdown Host Keith Olbermann, for criticizing the media for only showing the violence in Iraq, saying that “it was not only unforgivable of her; it was desperate and it was stupid,” conservative radio talk show host Laura Ingraham announced that she will adopt the Bill O'Reilly policy of dumping any caller into her show who mentions Olbermann's name. Ingraham would not say if she will also have Fox News Security follow up and harass the callers

"I'm outta here!", said Bullseye, the Target Department Store icon and mascot, after abruptly resigning. Rumors suggest that Bullseye may be joining the "South Park" show, replacing the character of "Chef" and aiding the cast in their fight against the Super Adventure Club

Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad shocked just about the entire world, when he said that he can "relate and empathize" with President Bush. saying that "the American Media doesn't give me very good coverage either ... They don't show the good things that are happening ,,,"

Signs of trouble are brewing in the State Department, as, privately, employees, and staff of Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice say that are being harassed.

Reports are that Rice so openly is coveting the job of Commissioner of the National Football League, that she has taken to walking around the building, interrupting meetings, badgering people on telephone calls, to hand out autographed footballs

Garlic Poll Results

And The Winner Is ..... Tom Cruise

The results of the first poll by The Garlic, the new feature introduced last week, are in and sofa-jumping Tom Cruise was the winner in a squeaker.

With the question, “President Bush Will Say There’s Civil War In Iraq, When ...”

48% of the voters said when “Tom Cruise lets South Park rerun the “Trapped In The Closet: episode, beating out, at 42% of when George Clooney will begin blogging on the Huffington Post.

Be sure to vote in this week’s The Garlic Poll – Most People Think The PNAC Is ...

Scroll up to the top of the right-hand column to cast your vote!