Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 1 April 2006

The White House released photographs today, to demonstrate that the Terrorist Surveillance Program is not reading U.S. Citizens' emails. The protocol, according to Justice Department officials are, that once an American citizen's email comes up, the agent is to turn his back on the computer and cover his eyes

CNN Anchor Lou Dobbs said that he is not satisfied with the Cancun Summit that ended yesterday, charging that "all the illegal aliens have not been dealt with."

Dobbs plans on broadcasting his news program next week from Area 51, in Groom Lake, Nevada

Rave reviews are still coming in from last week's Consistory ceremony, where, to the tune of "It's Raining Men" played by the College of Cardinals “Fighting Red Hats” Marching Band, Pope Benedict XVI and the newly installed cardinals spelled out the name of the Pope John Paul II as a tribute to the late pontiff

Peppered with questions about stepping down over his mishandling of the War in Iraq, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld lost his patience, saying to one reporter;

"How's about I come down there and deliver my resignation to your face! ... Then I'll kick your ass and knock your teeth out for mumbling about it"

Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA) said this week, that if he loses his reelection bid, he plans on joining with the World Wrestling Federation, to become "Senator Doomsday".

Santorum said his signature move, after defeating opponents, will be to use the "The Claw of Redemption" on them