Friday, February 19, 2010

Paging Michael Douglas

I feel, sort of, cheated.

No Whammy Burgers.

We refer to, of course, yesterday's action of one, seriously deranged, likely-mentally-ill Joseph Andrew Stack, flying his airplane into the Austin, Texas building, that housed the local area Internal Revenue Services offices.

Subsequently, as Cable News went into DefCon 5, wall-to-wall coverage, a ranting manifesto was unearthed, with Stack writing that he was wronged, by just about everyone, except, possibly, SpongeBob SquarePants.

Yeah! ... Power to the people! ... Down with The Man!

Trouble is, for Stack, a serious lack of imagination.

We've seen this movie before, specifically, back in 1993, with 'Falling Down', starring Michael Douglas.

Douglas's character was an engineer, just like Stack, felt like he was getting screwed, just like Stack, and then snaps, just like Stack, except, this was in the day before flying airplanes into buildings was in vogue, so Douglas's character goes on a romping, engaging rampage through the city (Los Angeles), including, visiting, and shooting up, the above-referenced Whammy Burgers.

What did Stack give us?

A charred IRS office (if, indeed, he did hit their office, since other businesses also occupied the building), in the center of Nowheresville, Austin, Texas.

Not sure Douglas is gonna want to sign up for this sequel.

So, today, we had the usual follow-up, with the Flying Monkeys of the Right Wing Freak Show, throwing feces at anybody dare say he was one of them, or a Teabagger (with his flaming manifesto, this guy could have had a "E" Ticket to any one of about a dozen tinfoil hat entities), while others, including the Obama Administration downplayed the "terrorism" angle, leading David Neiwert, over on Crooks and Liars, to ask "Huh? Since when is attempting to blow up a federal building NOT an act of domestic terrorism?"

Now, this might have boiled over, and ruptured, with the heat of Three Mile Island, except, Mister-Flying-Into-Buildings-Manifesto, again, didn't plan this out all the way.

Tiger Woods held court this morning, causing Cable News to go to DefCon 6, and bring in every talking head following it, to parse every single word Mister Can't-Keep-His-Golf-Club-In-His-Bag had to say (and, for our money, Woods came off like the President of the National Honor Society, apologizing for getting caught drinking at the Home Coming Dance).

Tough going in the Lone Wolf Revolution biz.

This Date ... On The Garlic

19 February 2009... On The Garlic

Santorum, Speaking in United Statesism, Explains Islam

Retro Garlic: J. Edgars Gay Dating Service?

Forget About Tuesday, Cash On The Barrelhead Today, Wimpy!

19 February 2008... On The Garlic

Forget About What Obama Said ... Check Out Wolfson's Defense of Hillary!

Good Thing Barry Crimmins Doesn't Work For MSNBC!

19 February 2007... On The Garlic

"But I Really Did Want To Testify ... Really!" ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Thursday, February 18, 2010

Top Ten Cloves: Signs That Your Neighbor May Be Attending CPAC

News Item: The New Conservative Hierarchy

10. Learning Spanish, in case they get to meet Mark Rubio

9. Saw them furiously scribbling notes on the palm of their hands

8. Praying, that on their flight to CPAC, Kevin Smith isn't on same plane

7. They have a "No Teleprompter Zone" sign posted on their lawn

6. Breathlessly hoping, since she sold her company, that Michelle Malkin has time to stalk them

5. Admitted that they have volunteered to let Dick, or Liz, Cheney torture them

4. Making plans to touch Mitt Romney's hair

3. Witnessed them breaking in heavy work boots, so they can stomp on Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews

2. Since RNC meet with Teabaggers, plans on lobbying to have Lewis and Clark Tea Party hang Senator Patty Murray at CPAC

1. Watched them take batting practice, to tune up for whacking the Nancy Pelosi piñata

Bonus CPAC Riffs

Kate Zernike: CPAC Speaker Bashes Obama, in Racial Tones

Eve Conant - This Week in Conservative Media: 'Air America Has Shut Down and Gitmo Is Still Open'

Media Matters - Erickson: Media Matters employees are "the guys who can't get jobs anywhere else"

Media Matters - Armey: "The number 1 biggest problem in America is the physical size of this government"

This Date ... On The Garlic

18 February 2009... On The Garlic

The Garlic Poll Is Back! ... And, Putting You In The Driver's Seat

Garlic Poll Results - 'Sir, Will That Be A One-Way Ticket To The Hague?"

IDOTW Update ... New Michelle Bachmann Meltdown!

For The Feed Readers ...

18 February 2008... On The Garlic

Thank God, We Have So Many Media Options In This Country ... So People Can Be Informed!

Where, Oh Where, Can Those Missing White House Emails Be ... Oh, Where, Oh Where Can They Be ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

18 February 2007... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

18 February 2006... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

18 February 2005... On The Garlic

Selig Drops Bombshell; Steroids Legal and Mandatory

Prosecution Plays Tape Showing Blake Confused, Confessing To Fictitious Murder

Starbucks Abandons Coffee; Goes For Happy Hour Market

Top Ten Obstacles for New Homeland Security Director John Negroponte

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Top Ten Cloves: Other Ways SouthWest Airlines Thought of Telling Kevin Smith He Was Fat

News Item: Kevin Smith: Too fat to fly? ...The director gets grounded by Southwest but proves the supersonic power of social media

10. Not sure of their inventory, ask Smith if he would be bothered sharing food cart with other passengers

9. Since flight was going to Burbank, ask Smith if he was contestant on "Biggest Loser"

8. Rather than board plane by sections, or rows, call boarding by height and weight

7. Keep calling him Dom DeLuise

6. Make pointed apology to Smith, that the In-Flight movie was 'La 'Grande Bouffe'

5. Advise Smith, In case they had a Captain Sullenberger moment, he would have to stand on other wing, alone, to balance weight of plane

4. Ask him if he was related to Chef Paul Prudhomme

3. Inquire if his real name was "Tuesday" and did he come from New Orleans

2. Jet tire ... Smith standing next to it ... Ask boarding passengers to vote which one was slimmer

1. Have him get on moving sidewalk in terminal lobby, and see if it still moved

Bonus Kevin Smith Riffs

Kate Harding: Kevin Smith Kicked off Southwest Flight for Being Fat

Menachem Kaiser: Twitter Wars: Kevin Smith vs. Southwest Airlines

Foster Kamer: Update: The Kevin Smith Southwest Airlines Fat-Flight Tweakout of Epic Proportion

Show your support, or follow Kevin Smith, on his Twitter Account

This Date ... On The Garlic

17 February 2009... On The Garlic

The Fat Lady Is Singing!

17 February 2008... On The Garlic

OMG! ... The Country Is Still Safe, and Standing!

The Rightwing Smear Machine, Running As Strong and Smooth as the Edsel!

17 February 2006... On The Garlic

White House Primed To Replace "Miranda" With New, "Cheney Decision"

Top Ten Cloves: White House Reactions To United Nations Call To Close Gitmo

17 February 2005... On The Garlic

Slumping Wrist Band Sales Force Armstrong Into 7th Tour

Pay-Per-View Scores Big; Signs Up Sugar vs. Splenda Bout

Ricky Williams Waived By Marlins - Sort Of

Top Ten Things ESPN Will Replace NHL Hockey With (and get better ratings)