Friday, January 05, 2007

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Twelfth Day

Drum roll, please...

We made it!

Dubya is tapped out, unloading all his gifts this Christmas season. No doubt, he’s likely to toss a few more bonus tidings before the month is out.

And, I suppose, we have to wonder if he used his Executive Powers, and freshly-minted Signing Statement to snoop and open the letter Senate Leader Harry Reid and House Speaker Nancy Pelosi sent to him today.

As we have encouraged the past 11-days, keeping with the spirit of things, feel free to sing out loud.

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Twelfth Day

On the twelfth day of Christmas,

my Dubya sent to me

Twelve numbing speeches,

Eleven goats a-petting,

Ten WHIGs a-fabricating,

Nine wards a-flooding,

Eight aides a-spinning,

Seven Signing Statements,

Six priests a-praying,

Five golden lies,

Four of Cheney’s birds,

Three French Freedom Fries,

Two Fed-Soc Judges,

And a backrub at the G8


Links

Twelve Days of Christmas (Or Twelvetide)

A Tip-of-the-Hat to Carols.org

Twas The Night Before The New Congress

Garlic Christmas Special - David Sedaris Christmas Letter







Thursday, January 04, 2007

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Eleventh Day

Editors Note: We’re going Old School and stretching out this Christmas Season with a special Garlic rendition of the holiday classic, The Twelve Days of Christmas, with postings of a stanza each night, beginning tonight, and running through January 6, 2007.

Keeping with the spirit of things, feel free to sing out loud.

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Eleventh Day

On the eleventh day of Christmas,

my Dubya sent to me

Eleven goats a-petting,

Ten WHIGs a-fabricating,

Nine wards a-flooding,

Eight aides a-spinning,

Seven Signing Statements,

Six priests a-praying,

Five golden lies,

Four of Cheney’s birds,

Three French Freedom Fries,

Two Fed-Soc Judges,

And a backrub at the G8


Links

Twelve Days of Christmas (Or Twelvetide)

A Tip-of-the-Hat to Carols.org

Twas The Night Before The New Congress

Garlic Christmas Special - David Sedaris Christmas Letter


Garlic Special - New Congress Theme Song: Across The 110th Congress

The Dittoheads and Freak Show have to be really stewing this evening.

In their, and our, lifetime, we have a DEMOCRATIC WOMAN SPEAKER OF THE HOUSE!

And the bonus of this truly historic day, is that Speaker Pelosi is merely an impeachment and heart attack away from crashing down another marble ceiling.

So, for such a festive day, the new Democratic Majority-led 110th Congress needs a soundtrack.

And The Garlic has one for them. A little retooling of some Bobby Womack funk.

Across The 110th Congress

We had to push, we had to strive,
Doing whatever we had to do to survive.
We’re not saying that all is right,
Trying to break out of the GOP swamp was a day to day fight.


Been down so long, getting up didn't cross our mind,
We knew there was a better way of life that we were just trying to find.
You don't know what you'll do until you're put under pressure,
Across the 110th Congress is a hell of a tester.


Across the 110th Congress,
RNC trying to catch a woman speaker they think is weak
Across the 110th Congress,
Lobbyists want the junkets to go free.
Across the 110th Congress,
Still putting on all that Red State Heat.
Across the 110th Congress,
We’ll find it all with Oversight when we meet


I got one more thing I'd like to y'all about right now.
Hey Bush, there's a better way out.
Debts that choke, Signing Statements you stroke, man you're copping out.
Take my advice, it's either live or die.
You've got to be honest, if you want the troops to survive.


The party on the other side of the aisle,
Would catch hell without a GOP swamp around.
In every city you find the same thing going down,
K Street is the capital, even without DeLay the top clown


Across the 110th Congress,
RNC trying to catch a woman speaker they think is weak
Across the 110th Congress,
Lobbyists want the junkets to go free.
Across the 110th Congress,
Still putting on all that Red State Heat.
Across the 110th Congress,
We’ll find it all with Oversight when we meet


A woman speaker finally on the beat, ouh baby
Across the 110th Congress,
You can find it all the first 100 Hours.
Yes you can, oh

Look around you, just wait and see,
Look around you, we got what it takes to be.


Links

Listen To Bobby Womack and Peace

Across 110th Street


Madam Speaker!

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Tenth Day

Editors Note: We’re going Old School and stretching out this Christmas Season with a special Garlic rendition of the holiday classic, The Twelve Days of Christmas, with postings of a stanza each night, beginning tonight, and running through January 6, 2007.

Keeping with the spirit of things, feel free to sing out loud.

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Tenth Day

On the tenth day of Christmas,

my Dubya sent to me

Ten WHIGs a-fabricating,

Nine wards a-flooding,

Eight aides a-spinning,

Seven Signing Statements,

Six priests a-praying,

Five golden lies,

Four of Cheney’s birds,

Three French Freedom Fries,

Two Fed-Soc Judges,

And a backrub at the G8


Links

Twelve Days of Christmas (Or Twelvetide)

A Tip-of-the-Hat to Carols.org

Twas The Night Before The New Congress

Garlic Christmas Special - David Sedaris Christmas Letter


Chopped Garlic ... Oh, The Irony

Nothing like a good rivalry to get the blood stirred up.

The Congressman-Elect Keith Ellison (D-MN) versus Congressman Virgil Goode (R-VA) took a deliciously ironic turn, as Ellison will use the Koran, formerly owned by, none other than, Thomas Jefferson, according to the Washington Post’s Reliable Sources column today, for his ceremonial swearing-in tomorrow.

You may recall, last month, Ellison drew the ire of Goode, after indicating he was selecting the Koran as his book of choice to pledge the ceremonial Oath of Office. Ellison is the nation’s first person of Muslim faith to be elected to Congress.

Goode, from the state that gave us Thomas Jefferson, along with the word “Macaca”, after criticizing Ellison, also stood by his criticism, despite calls from colleagues to back off.

With this kind of sparring going on - before the session starts - perhaps Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) can rethink her position and allow C-SPAN to place more cameras in the House. Either that, or open it up to Pay-Per-View.

Links

But It's Thomas Jefferson's Koran!

Top Ten Cloves: How Rep. Virgil Goode Believes His Letter and Comments Against Rep Ellison and Muslims Are In The Christmas Spirit



Rep. Goode is from the state that gave us Thomas Jefferson, along with the word “Macaca”.













Minced Garlic - Olbermann: Special Comment About ‘Sacrifice’










It must now be branded as propaganda — for even the president cannot truly feel that very many people still believe him to be competent in this area, let alone “the decider.”

Well, if anyone was thinking that, in 2007, our MSNBC anchorman-hero Keith Olbermann was going to sit on his laurels, they best think again.

The New Big “O” (sorry, Oscar Robertson will, forever, be The Big O) came out swinging in his first newscast since the holiday lull (or Gerald Ford’s funerals, if you will) with a Special Comment About ‘Sacrifice’.

Not only was it another hard-hitting rumination on our Court-Appointed Decider, it was, to some degree, breaking news.

Olbermann based his Special Comment on the BBC news reports that Bush is putting his chips down on the legacy, announcing next week that he will pour more troops into Iraq - for security, not training - in a speech themed “sacrifice.”

This is where we stand tonight with the BBC report of President Bush’s “new Iraq strategy,” and his impending speech to the nation, which, according to a quoted senior American official, will be about troop increases and “sacrifice.”

The president has delayed, dawdled and deferred for the month since the release of the Iraq Study Group.

He has seemingly heard out everybody, and listened to none of them.

And in another Administration classic, the White House Iraq Group must have worked straight through the holidays (and funerals), for we have another Madison Ave slogan in lieu of a real strategy.

But from our impeccable reporter at the Pentagon, Jim Miklaszewski, tonight comes confirmation of something called “surge and accelerate” — as many as 20,000 additional troops —for “political purposes” ...

Surge and Accelerate.

Sounds more like a direction, a motivation, from a Pilates or Spinning class.

And what focus group pitched in on this one? This crew seems stuck on the S&A combo - we all remember “Shock and Awe”, don’t we? Is there a list that they pull from?

Stand and Answer ... Smash and Annihilate (which would have to come from Cheney) ... Sack and Abuse ... Scorch and Accomplish ...

The surge is self-explanatory, but what, exactly, are we going to accelerate? The Iraq Civil War? Lighting up the entire Middle East? More world condemnation?

As Sen. Joseph Biden has pointed out, the new troops might improve the ratio our forces face relative to those living in Baghdad (friend and foe), from 200 to 1, to just 100 to 1.

“Sacrifice?”

No.

A drop in the bucket.

The additional men and women you have sentenced to go there, sir, will serve only as targets.

Hopefully, which Olbermann also posed, the BBC report is wrong, in error. Perhaps paperwork got mixed up and the “surge and accelerate” is about the fund raising for Bush’s post Imperial reign library, or Bush was talking about how he’s going to ride his bicycle next time down in Crawford.

The equation is simple. This country does not want more troops in Iraq.

It wants fewer.

Go and make it happen, or go and look for other work.


Links

Read Olbermann: Special Comment About ‘Sacrifice’

Crooks and Liars has the video

Garlic Special: A George Bush Dream - The Victory

Scroll down the sidebar to read other Minced Garlic posts

Tuesday, January 02, 2007

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Ninth Day

Editors Note: We’re going Old School and stretching out this Christmas Season with a special Garlic rendition of the holiday classic, The Twelve Days of Christmas, with postings of a stanza each night, beginning tonight, and running through January 6, 2007.

Keeping with the spirit of things, feel free to sing out loud.

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Ninth Day

On the ninth day of Christmas,

my Dubya sent to me

Nine wards a-flooding,

Eight aides a-spinning,

Seven Signing Statements,

Six priests a-praying,

Five golden lies,

Four of Cheney’s birds,

Three French Freedom Fries,

Two Fed-Soc Judges,

And a backrub at the G8


Links

Twelve Days of Christmas (Or Twelvetide)

A Tip-of-the-Hat to Carols.org

Twas The Night Before The New Congress

Garlic Christmas Special - David Sedaris Christmas Letter


Top Ten Cloves: Things President Bush Is Thinking Of Doing To Have A Better 2007

News Item: Bush taking more time to craft Iraq plan


10. If I can just stall things until next month ... Once I get the reading on what Punxsutawney Phil comes up with, then I can set up what the way forward will be...

9. Go for all the marbles. Take the winner of the B.C.S Championship between Ohio State and Florida and challenge the insurgents to a Winner-Take-All Bowl Game


8. Instead of Press Conferences, institute “Media Scavenger Hunts”. The Press will have a ball, running around Washington, trying to find pieces of your policies, Tony Snow won’t have to bang his head on the podium, it will leave David Gregory winded and less grouchy and I’ll be freed up to do more serious Iraq thinking... or clearing brush ...


7. I scored some points with plastering that Zarqawi Photo all around... Maybe I should do the same thing with one of Saddam Hussein


6. Still stuck on coming up with the new Iraq Strategy? Then pull a Steinbrenner and fire Robert Gates immediately. Sure, he hasn’t been in long enough, but you can bellow he’s acting too slow. At minimum, it gives me another 30-60-days to come up with something on the new ideas for Iraq. And, to stay in the Steinbrenner mode, bring back Donald Rumsfeld


5. Find a really obscure cleric - we’re talking the Dan Quayle of Iraq - and have him announce he’s converted the U.S. Troops to Islam and adopted them as HIS militia ... Now I can start fighting on militia terms and really kick some ass


4. Since that first face transplant, over in France, seems to be a success, I’ll have the Secret Service stage a terrible auto accident, that requires me to have a face transplant. Because of the damage from the accident, and my facial bone structure, doctors can only work it out that I look exactly like my brother, Jeb ... Yeah, yeah, now you see where I’m going with this ... Jeb gets his playing time in the big leagues ... I go chill out in Crawford for the next two-years, where, miraculously, due to advances in the procedure, the doctors are able to restore me back to my original face at the end of the term


3. Gotta start using “The Google” more... Do my own research ... Can’t trust what these guys are telling me half-the-time... And I can’t understand them the other half...


2. Bite the bullet and meet with Cindy Sheehan. No, not Cindy Sheehan, but Cindy Sheehan, age 74 of Lima, Ohio. Go in with the big guns - Air Force One, big motorcade, lunch in the local diner and lots of photos of me and the elderly Sheehan. Next day, tens-of-millions of people see somewhere - newspapers, on-line, television - that I met with Cindy Sheehan and the issue goes away (P.S.Talk to “Turd Blossom” on this, he’ll know what to do with it)


1. Start hanging out with Paris Hilton and Britney Spears. They’ll only think it’s cool for awhile, so I have to take advantage of it while I can. Hit a lot of clubs, don’t wear any underwear and get tons of paparazzi coverage, perhaps building a new “Tabloid Constituency”


I scored some points with plastering that Zarqawi Photo all around... Maybe I should do the same thing with one of Saddam Hussein

Monday, January 01, 2007

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Eighth Day

Editors Note: We’re going Old School and stretching out this Christmas Season with a special Garlic rendition of the holiday classic, The Twelve Days of Christmas, with postings of a stanza each night, beginning tonight, and running through January 6, 2007.

Keeping with the spirit of things, feel free to sing out loud.

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Eighth Day

On the eighth day of Christmas,

my Dubya sent to me

Eight aides a-spinning,

Seven Signing Statements,

Six priests a-praying,

Five golden lies,

Four of Cheney’s birds,

Three French Freedom Fries,

Two Fed-Soc Judges,

And a backrub at the G8


Links

Twelve Days of Christmas (Or Twelvetide)

A Tip-of-the-Hat to Carols.org

Twas The Night Before The New Congress

Garlic Christmas Special - David Sedaris Christmas Letter


Happy New Year!












Happy New Year!


Bon Année!


Feliz Año Nuevo!


Here’s to our Garlic Subscribers, Readers and Visitors ... I hope you and yours are having a very happy New Year Holiday, and that 2007 plays out to be a very good year for you.

Thank you, again, for your readership and support.

Happy New Year!

Peace

JTD

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Seventh Day

Editors Note: We’re going Old School and stretching out this Christmas Season with a special Garlic rendition of the holiday classic, The Twelve Days of Christmas, with postings of a stanza each night, beginning tonight, and running through January 6, 2007.

Keeping with the spirit of things, feel free to sing out loud.

Twelve Days of Dubya ...The Seventh Day

On the seventh day of Christmas,

my Dubya sent to me

Seven Signing Statements,

Six priests a-praying

Five golden lies,

Four of Cheney’s birds,

Three French Freedom Fries,

Two Fed-Soc Judges,

And a backrub at the G8


Links

Twelve Days of Christmas (Or Twelvetide)

A Tip-of-the-Hat to Carols.org

Twas The Night Before The New Congress

Garlic Christmas Special - David Sedaris Christmas Letter


Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 31 December 2006












A rather surprising development has come out of President Bush's extended deliberations as to coming up with a new policy for his Iraq Occupation.

The brainstorming sessions have produced a new singing group - Dubya and the Neconettes. The group plans on recording military and religious tunes that will be sent to the troops over in Iraq for inspiration in carrying out the new strategy.



The rumor mill is blazing with the reports that, beginning in 2007, Gayle King is out and Julia Roberts in as Oprah Winfrey's "special friend"




























Michael Jordon announced this week that he is divorcing his wife of 17-years..

Jordon, a notorious gambler also said that he will be flying off to Las Vegas as soon as the divorce is official, to collect on a $5-Million bet he made, that his marriage wouldn't last 20-years.






















In the "N0-Luck Department", ousted publisher Judith Regan said that she worked "right up to his first step on to the gallows" with landing now-deceased and former Iraq Dictator Saddam Hussein, for a "tell-all" blockbuster, "If I Was Guilty, Here's How I Would Have Gassed The Kurds"



Jason, who never put any stock in making New Years Resolutions, thought, perhaps now was the time ... He would stop wearing his matador outfit on first-dates as means to, hopefully, land that elusive second date

Buck Up Rick, There'll Likely Be Better Days Ahead ... The Results - The Garlic Week Poll

It’s probably no surprise, to anyone, that our Garlic Poll Voters had a horse race this week on who would top Santa’s naughty list.

But for former Senator Rick Santorum, it’s gotta be kind of depressing when you finish dead last in an obscure blog’s weekly poll. He has to be thinking that so few had so little Christmas spirit that they wouldn’t even give him a dirty, dusty piece of coal

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll December 24 - December 30, 2006

When it is all said-and-done this Christmas, who will have ended up with more coal in their stocking?

1. Vice President Cheney Tally 35%

2. President Bush Tally 34%

3. Conservative Pundit (Oooh, has that phrase been used before?) Ann Coulter Tally 15%

4. Former Congressman, nee Blogger, Tom DeLay Tally 10%

5. Former Senator Rick “Man Bites Dog” Santorum Tally 6%


This week’s Poll
- The most glaring thing missing from former President Ford’s funeral (all of them) has been ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote















Keep the headphone on Rick, you don't want to hear that you finished dead last in an obscure blog's poll