Hillary's New Campaign Slogan: Keep Hopelessness Alive! ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Just in time for the long run in Pennsylvania - "Keep Hopelessness Alive!"

Those in the Keystone State will be the first to embrace this new Hillary Clinton campaign strategy ... Vote for Hillary and "Keep Hopelessness Alive!" ... If you want a bleak future, vote for Hillary and "Keep Hopelessness Alive!"

How can she miss with that?

Very, very spirited voting, in the latest Garlic Weekly Poll.

With Hillary Clinton stumbling and bumbling her way through the campaign, Barry Crimmins chipped in to offer some sound suggestions of campaign slogans, for Hillary to soldier on with.

I mean, it was easy for her to get distracted, having to worry about what to load up in that kitchen sink she was going to toss at Barack Obama.

She had to come up with that 3AM Ad (and screwed that up), and then had to decided when to give the green light to Geraldine Ferraro, so the former Vice Presidential candidate could unleash her racism.

It just goes that her own campaign might fall behind a little bit, so Barry Crimmins, and all of our Garlic poll voters, gave of themselves to take that burden off of her.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll March 4 - March 15 2008

With Hillary Clinton continuing on, she should change her campaign slogan (H/T Barry Crimmins) to ...

1. Keep Hopelessness Alive! Tally 31%

2. Nobody's Ever Suggested She's a Muslim Tally 29%

3. Vote For Hillary Because Likability is a Liability Tally 26%

4. A Slogan For Every Supporter Tally 15%

This week’s Poll - For the 5th Year Anniversary of the Bush Grindhouse invasion and occupation of Iraq, we should give the gift of ...

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Sorry Elvis, Tests Prove Bat Boy Love Child Of President Bush Is The Winner ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

We tried to give him an edge. We kept the poll open an extra day, so that, maybe, his legions of fans would swoop in to vote him to the top of the list.

We, so much, wanted to have a blazing headline - Elvis Caught On NSA Wiretaps! Plans Comeback - With Lindsey Lohan!

We did it to tie into today, this day, the anniversary day, when the King left us ... The Day Elvis Died.

But in heavy, and spirited voting, cooler heads prevailed ... The one's with their fingers on the pulse ... The one's who know came out on top ...

And the winner is ... Tests Prove Bat Boy Love Child Of President Bush!

Who says it isn't true?

Sure would like to be a fly-on-the-wall during that press conference.

Who was the President in a tryst with? When and where? ... Was it his office wife, Condi Girl? ... Was there more going on, last year, than a mere neck rub with German Chancellor Angela Merkel? ...Did he and Tony Blair adopt? ... Is Bat Boy the reason Turd Blossom resigned? ... All those secret locations the Vice President was moving around to to, was that to keep Bat Boy out-of-sight?

I guess we'll have to wait for that final World Weekly News to give us the 411 ...

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll August 7 - August 14, 2007

The World Weekly News is shutting down ... It's final headline should be ...

1. Tests Prove Bat Boy Love Child Of President Bush Tally 29%

2. Iowa Man Powers Car With Dead Wife's Hair Tally 22%

3. Space Aliens Warn, If Hillary Elected, Will Destroy Earth! Tally 21%

4. Elvis Caught On NSA Wiretaps! Plans Comeback - With Lindsey Lohan! Tally 19%

5. Bigfoot Says Has Secret Plan To End Energy Crises Tally 9%

This week’s Poll - Fearful of China, the Bush Grindhouse is calling Mattel's Toy Recall ...

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Bonus Links

Telegraph.co.uk: What if Elvis Presley had never been born?

Goodbye Bat Boy! ... Rumors True, World Weekly News Shutting Down!

OOPS! We Almost Forgot ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Editor's Note: Mea Culpa! ...

I took, sort of, a mental vacation this week, totally forgetting to post the results of last weeks' Garlic Poll ...

Truth-be-told, it was needed ... I was dangerously close to going Howard Beal and filling The Garlic with post-after-post, ranting against our Congress (The Blank Check Club), and how they tanked it and caved on the FISA vote.

And the vacations - both in Iraq, and here in our country, are almost enough to heat up those Howard Beal vibes all over again.

It's the SOS ad infinitum

Bush: The 'Surge" is working ...
Reality: ‘Surge Is A Failure,’ Warns There Is ‘Major PR Effort Going On’

The Commander Guy, just yesterday, says everything is swell and the troops aren't going anywhere and we're staying in Iraq, to "change the conditions that caused 19 kids to be lured onto airplanes to come and murder our citizens".

The problems in Iraq aren't military, but political, and the Iraq government is on the verge of collapse.

Cue the movie, 'Q & A', at the end of it, when a young idealistic, naïve district attorney (Timothy Hutton), gets serenaded by the grizzled, corrupt Chief of Homicide (Patrick O'Neal) with "Que Sera Sera".

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll July 30 - August 6, 2007

The Iraqi Government is going on vacation for the month of August, which means ...

1. Meeting with their militias to get an update on the insurgency Tally 44%

2. A nice, quiet resort in Iran Tally 22%

3. A junket to meet with Sen. Ted Stevens (R-AK) on how to double the size of their homes Tally 21%

4. They'll issue a letter on how to interpret Crony General Alberto Gonzales testimony Tally 13%


This week’s Poll - The World Weekly News is shutting down ... It's final headline should be ...

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Nouri al Maliki ... You're country is in flames and your government is in shambles, what are you going to do? ...

"I'm going to Disneyland!"

Quick, Get Condi The Cliff Notes on al Qaeda ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Condi, Condi, Condi ...

It's been said that your star is fading and, by the looks of it, you're sinking faster than Ted Steven's plans to add another addition to his house.

I mean, your off on confirming the arms sales ... Errr, a new diplomatic mission, and they send you over there with a chaparone - The Secretary of Defense... Not so criptic a message there, heh, girl? ...

Is Cheney busting your balls about you taking the back seat, now that he, seemingly, has The Commander Guy back on the "Let's Bomb Iran" bus? ...

Did they ship Gates over with you, to help you bone-up on who the al Qaeda is that we're fighting, at least, for this week?

Our Garlic Poll Voters believe that to be the case, that you've been hitting the books to get it down (though, for awhile there, the voting was heading towards you being Michael Vick's bitch, that is, in Let's the dogfighting business).

So, not to leave you in a lurch, we have a little limerick here, that you can use to help you remember which al Qaeda is it we are touting, for you to be on-message with the Bush Grindhouse.

There was an al Qaeda in Pakistan
Safe and secure due to no plan
But the Neocons took a turn
For which now Baghdad burns
And it is al Qaeda in Iraq that we attack

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll July 23 - July 30, 2007

Where's Condi Rice? Is she out, or is she ...

1. Studying ... Having a hard time getting down which Al Qaeda group were fighting in Iraq Tally 36%

2. With Michael Vick's indictment, had to scurry off and shut down her illegal dogfighting joint Tally 34%

3. In an undisclosed location - White House wants her as far away from any subpoenas as possible Tally 15%

4. Like the Iraqi Parliament, taking the summer off Tally 15%

This week’s Poll - The Iraqi Government is going on vacation for the month of August, which likely means ...

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It Will Make A Nice, Keepsake, Photograph ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

In at least one way, our poll last week was too easy.

As our Garlic Poll Voters discerned, The Decider/The Commander/The Shakespeare Guy almost always (well, Donald Rumsfeld might still be sitting by the telephone) gives his biggest flunkies and fuck-ups the Presidential Medal of Freedom Award.

The way to succeed in the Bush Grindhouse is to fail. Fail miserably.

Perhaps Chertoff knew, in his gut, all along, that he wouldn't be fired, hence, allowing him to offer his "gut feelings" about the terror threat facing the country, not fully understanding the confusion he would cause by doing so.

After all, we have the Color-Coded Terror Alert Chart, with the occassionally-accompanying Duct Tape and Plastic warning added ... And now we have a "Who's On First" routine being played out by the Bush Grindhouse on just who Al Qaeda is and which Al Qaeda were fighting, based on the lasted NIE report released last week.

So, Michael Chertoff, "gut away" as you will, and know that at the end of the rainbow, a nice, shiney medal awaits your meritorious service.

When you get that medal hung around your neck, it will make for such a nice, keepsake, photograph, all those people down in New Orleans can hang on the wall of their toxic, FEMA-provided trailer.

(The Garlic wants to let the NBA, and investigating authorities, that referee Tim Donaghy has had no dealings or connections to the Garlic Weekly Poll and, to the best of your knowledge, has never gambled on the outcome of any of our polls).

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll July 15 - July 22, 2007

The reason President Bush didn't fire Michael Chertoff was ...

1. Already promised him he'll be getting a Presidential Medal of Freedom Award Tally 31%

2. Can't divulge reason, invoking Executive Privilege Tally 30%

3. Had his own gut feeling that Chertoff would follow him home Tally 24%

4. Still in the middle of Hurricane Season; Needs someone to blame in case U.S. hit big again Tally 14%

This week’s Poll - Where's Condi Rice? Is she ...

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For All We Know, Maybe Scooter Did Throw A Hissy Fit ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Move over Tenet, there's another lackey that's going to get his ...

At least, that is, if our Garlic Poll voters were advising The Commander Guy.

But wouldn't have been so sweet, to see the Scooter Man, tears running down his cheeks, slumped down in the back of the limo, crying out for his "Cheney, Cheney" ... And scaring the bejeezes out of television viewers, Mary Matalin with a screeching tirade on how unfair it was that Scooter had to go to jail ...

Ahhh, but that could only be a thought ... The reality came thundering down in the Quid Pro Quo delivered last week.

Who knows ... The Medal of Freedom could still be in the cards for Libby ...Some of the other guys who hatched this thing - now up to 4,000 casualties - already got one ... I mean, why should he be singled out as one of the only screw-ups not to get it?

Underlying Crime? ... Take Your Pick ...

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll July 2 - July 8 2007

Instead of giving Scooter Libby clemency, President Bush Should Have ...

1. Treated him like others and award Libby the Medal of Freedom Tally 38%

2. Told him to throw a hissy fit, like Paris Hilton, so he could get House Detention Tally 26%

3. Handed him a Presidential Toothbrush for his prison stay Tally 23%

4. Pull some strings and let him serve his time in same prison as Jack Abramoff Tally 13%

This week’s Poll - President Bush believes that Executive Privilege is ...

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You Got Away With It Once, Cheney, But We're Watching You ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Perhaps, it was the festive momentum of our recent Cheneypalooza, but, more likely, our Garlic Poll Voters know - despite The Commutation Guy's heinous actions yesterday - that Vice President Dick Cheney committed treason in the outing of covert CIA Agent Valerie Plame.

So, it may be that the CIA was less in the market for redemption, but rather letting Darth Vader know that they can pull off his mask at the drop of a illegal wiretap.

And Cheney has to think, with all the spooks and black bag ops - the ones off-the-books, operating without any official backing or cover - that the hardcore alliance doesn't take kindly to a bloated, over-reaching, wannabe-warrior exposing one of their own.

The Bush Grindhouse can bury and burn all the records and emails it wants.

These guys know payback and the Vice President will have to live out the rest of his days, never knowing when it will come, or from what direction.

In a warped way, we're sure the Vice President will appreciate and respect the secrecy of such action

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll June 25 - July 2 2007

The CIA releasing its' "family jewels" probably has to do with ...

1. Not-so-subtle warning to Dick Cheney, to not expose any more covert agents Tally 36%

2. Needing to clean out files and storerooms, to make way for new, clandestine, black bag ops Tally 33%

3. CIA Director Col. Michael Hayden bucking for his own Medal of Freedom award Tally 22%

4. Hoping someone makes a movie about them, so they can collect royalties Tally 9%

This week’s Poll - Instead of giving Scooter Libby clemency, President Bush should have ...

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Oh where, Oh Where Have The Missing Emails Gone ... Oh, Where, Oh Where Can They Be ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Sorry we're late posting our Garlic Poll Results this week, and, as you can see, we have a little "things lost - things found" theme going with our Poll.

Perhaps influenced by the ongoing Cheneypalooza, our Not-A-Executive-Not-A-Legislator Vice President was the big winner, with our Poll Voters directing the Congressional investigators directly to Cheney's Secret Bunker to find those missing White House Emails.

Lord knows what else you may find there. It is likely a stinking Collyer Brothers treasure trove of the Bush Administration, with dead policies, discard civil rights and trampled, crumpled copies of the Constitution piled high. It will take months, or perhaps, just long enough past January 2009 for anything to surface, as, no doubt, the reticent VP - much like the hording brothers - has laid out booby traps (legal wranglings as well as other) for anyone that wants to venture a try.

Perhaps it will be left to some future Geraldo Rivera-type that our grandchildren's grandchildren will watch in a highly-touted, madly-hawked television special - The Opening of Dick Cheney's Secret Bunker.

The Garlic's Weekly Poll June 18 - June 24 2007

Places Congressional investigators should include in the search for the missing White House Emails include ...

1. Vice President Dick Cheney's Secret Bunker Tally 39%

2. Same place President Bush keeps the copies of his plans for the Successful Invasion and Occupation of Iraq Tally 30%

3. Pretty close to wherever Scooter Libby keeps his memory Tally 23%

4. Where FEMA stores their plans for the Successful Response To A Category 5 Hurricane That Happens To Hit New Orleans Tally 9%

This week’s Poll - The CIA releasing its' "family jewels" probably has to do with ...

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"No, No, No, No, No ..."

Pissing With The Big Dogs ... Evolution Sundays, Here We Come ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

We probably should have paid more attention. They put it out there and, we end up with a 5-4 High Court.

Well, if you missed any of those earlier Justice Sundays, you're in luck ...

Start packing the cooler and point the station wagon to the nearest mega-church south of the Mason-Dixon line, because our Weekly Garlic Poll Voters believe we got some Evolution Sundays on the horizon.

Now, we be talkin' some serious fire-and-brimstone ... No more opportunistic, camera-hogging, rat-catching politicians like Bill Frist and Tom DeLay mugging for votes ... This'll be red hot Elmer Gantry, but in HD and Dolby Surroundsound ... And some major, fat, pay-per-view dollars ...

If any 2008 Presidential candidate wants to get on this stage, then he/she better be able to piss with the big dogs ...

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll June 11 - June 17 2007

Since a new poll shows that a majority of Republicans don't believe in the Theory of Evolution, we can look for ...

1. Tony Perkins and James Dobson launching a series: Evolution Sundays Tally 38%

2. Booming business at the Creation Museum this summer Tally 29%

3. Brownback, Tancredo and Huckabee seeing a tremendous jump in their campaign fund raising Tally 19%

4. Dover, PA bracing for an onslaught of new threats from Pat Robertson Tally 14%

This week’s Poll - Places Congressional investigators should include in the search for the missing White House Emails include ...

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Bonus Links

Justice Sunday Preachers

Frist In Dispute Over Dem Bashing Telecast; Says Only Promised to "View Tape" for 'Justice Sunday'

Thousands Overwhelm Justice Sunday Rally; Sick and Infirm Disappointed; Came Seeking Faith Healers

American Idol Spin's Off New Born-Again Virgin Show; All Christian Music Format; Special Segment For Declaring New, Multi-Born Again Status

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Reverend Ralph Verified Tim Haggard Was "Completely Heterosexual"

It's About The Legacy, Stupid! ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Well, maybe he'll start calling himself "Banner Guy"

Our Garlic Poll Voters seem to think that "The Commander Guy's" heavy push to get his (not anyone else's) Immigration Bill has to be due to he's got the banner ready and, perhaps, the aircraft carrier booked.

Now, it could be that he's already counting the gate receipts for his library in his head, but more likely it was about the only thing that he could pin on that quickly evaporating legacy.

The Iraq Occupation isn't going to do it for him ... His Injustice Department has virtually collapsed ... The Courts are putting a pin in his "Enemy Combatant" balloon and Congress is set to restore Habeas Corpus... Lastly, there's that Scooter Libby matter hanging - almost literally - out there ..

And today, news of that the judges sitting in on immigration cases went through the same Republican Red Play-Doh mold that Monica Goodling employed at the DOIJ (Department of Injustice).

What's an Imperialistic President to do?

It seems, not much. He's vowed to keep pushing the immigration thing and he's still standing up his Crony General Alberto Gonzales.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll June 4 - June 10, 2007

President Bush is so anxious to push his Immigration Bill forward because ...

1. Got a deal on banners and has the "Immigration Accomplished" one sitting around, collecting dust Tally 35%

2. Sees 12-million potential visitors to the George W. Bush Library down-the-line Tally 33%

3. Itching to start calling himself "El Comandante Guy" Tally 18%

4. It's the only thing Dick Cheney doesn’t override him on Tally 14%

This week’s Poll - Since a new poll shows that a majority of Republicans don't believe in the Theory of Evolution, we can look for ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote


He has the "Immigration Accomplished" banner ready and waiting to be hung

And The Warehouse of Shoes That Are Still To Drop ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Well, just taking care of some late business here.

Funny thing, being away for a week, or so, it's pretty remarkable that the Crony General is still the Crony General.

The pat-on-the-back could still be coming, not just from what has come out already , and about, our Injustice Department, but the warehouse of shoes that are still to drop.

Then again, it really isn't a big surprise. The Bush Grindhouse has excelled, beyond all others, at incompetence - from the Pentagon, to FEMA, now Injustice and right up to the doorsteps of 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

Since we've already had one "Godfather-like" scene, Fredo probably should be wary if some Al Neri-type from the Grindhouse, or Darth Vader's office inviting him to go fishing.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll May 21 - May 27, 2007

President Bush will get rid of Crony General Alberto Gonzales by ...

1. Having Karl Rove send a fresh list of attorneys to fire over to the Justice Department, with Gonzales' name the only one on it Tally 33%

2. The Death Knell: On camera, pats him on the back and says "Fredo, you're doing a heck of a job!" Tally 30%

3. The way he's done most of his underhanded business - via Signing Statement Tally 20%

4. Giving him another bump up, to the Presidency of the World Bank Tally 18%

This week’s Poll - President Bush is so anxious to push his Immigration Bill forward because ...

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"I'm Shocked ... Shocked To Find Terrorism Going On Here " ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Take heart Condi, at least, according to the Garlic Survey Poll voters, you being sans husband is not a concern to them.

But there is a raised eyebrow, as to getting some answers on all those WMD's, yellow cake and smoking-gun-mushroom-clouds you were raving about.

In case, in your globe-trotting, you haven't noticed, getting annoyed, saying you'll send a letter, when Waxman has issued subpoenas, isn't going to cut it.

Oh, and by the way, the flooding of Bush Grindhouse officials to counter George Tenet and his book, and your assertion that was, essentially, "Terrorism, what terrorism" was embarrassing.

There are paper trails and reports and video and a whole host of professionals who can rebut your claim that the Clinton Administration didn't leave you anything and you look absolutely silly trying to backtrack from your impassioned "imminent threat" rhetoric.

In fact Condi, here's something, from Keith Olbermann, to help refresh your memory;

Keith Olbermann proves Condi is a liar

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll May 6 - May 12, 2007

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice's rather sudden flurry of diplomacy could signal ...

1. Using all resources and the power of her office to avoid Henry Waxman and testifying before his committee Tally 48%

2. Since the President announced he's "The Commander Guy", Rice is building up her chops to declare she's the "Diplomacy Gal" Tally 24%

3. Just building up her Frequent Flyer Miles Tally 15%

4. She's on a serious hunt for a husband Tally 12%

This week’s Poll - Vice President Dick Cheney's recent trip to Iraq and Saudi Arabia was really about ...

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Condi, do you know the tune "Neocon and Lovers"?

Hey, No Whining There Tenet, It Was Your Job, You Silly Twit ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Whatever you do, George, don't - repeat - don't pose for Vanity Fair, with your wife, sitting in a convertible Jaguar.

Trust me, as the overwhelming voters of the Garlic Poll did this past week, if your wife happened to be a covert CIA agent, the Bush Grindhouse would have had billboards up by now, and flooded the Sunday morning news shows, and cable programs, with everybody - including Barney - to announce it.

You got'em pissed off there, Georgie Boy, not to mention a whole lot of other people.

You kept your mouth shut when you could have saved lives, but are now blabbering away, pitching the book, in sound bites weighed down by sacks of money.

And you even got the Medal of Freedom, for Christ's sake!

Poor Georgie.

You had tough, gut-wrenching decisions to make ...People don't understand ... Everything was super-duper urgent.

Well, it was your fucking job, you silly twit!

The Director of the CIA doesn't just sit and push pencils around. If you wanted a cushy, easy gig, you should have transferred over to FEMA, or aced out Wolfie for the World Bank job.

And you might as well get used to the "Slam Dunk" thing. That's on you with a big, neon arrow hanging over your head, pointing down at you, wherever you go, whatever you do.

The goat horns are all yours, Georgie, even if they fill War Czar post, which has "Scapegoat, Apply Here" written all over it.

Then, in all likelihood, after a few years, we'll have to deal with that War Czar's book, whining about how tough it was, all the gut-wrenching decisions, et al.

And, for certain, that person's book will drag you back into it, the whole "Slam Dunk" thing, and how you could have saved lives if you had spoken out, and not waited, holding it in, marking "X's" on a calendar until you could hit the big payday.

And don't even think about whining how tough it is to count all that money.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll April 30 - May 5, 2007

With all their dirty work and scandals bubbling to the surface, the Bush Administration surely must be wishing that former CIA Director George Tenent ...

1. Had a covert, CIA agent wife they could out Tally 49%

2. Took the World Bank job instead of Paul Wolfowitz Tally 20%

3. Worked for the Vice President; Cheney could have let him be convicted instead of Scooter Libby Tally 17%

4. Wrote a book about the Medal of Freedom Tally 14%

This week’s Poll - Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice's rather sudden flurry of diplomacy could signal ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Yes, Wolfie, People Will Be Talking, For Years, About You ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

There will be head-turning, whispers, and mumbling, as you walk into the restaurant ... When you're lining up to tee off at the country club ... Standing in line for your double, low-fat latte ...

Some if it will be over Iraq, and your involvement in the planning of it ...

But most of it will be about your World Bank stint and, invariably, the words "fucking up a free lunch" will be in the hushed conversations about you ... And directed at you ...

And it won't be just here, in the good, ole U.S. of A ...

No Wolfie, this will be reverberating all over Europe, Asia ... The entire world ...

The World Bank and "fucking up a free lunch" will be uttered over and over, in multiple languages ...

The World Bank, Wolfie ... The most taxing thing is just having to attend all those meetings ... Looking good in tux ... Doling out millions of dollars ...

To your credit, there is a small level or irony here, when you put the World Bank and ethics in same sentence.

Author and satirist Barry Crimmins offered "The World Bank of all places ... Ethics ... These are the guys that shakedown water drinkers in Africa ... "

You have your hearing today. Maybe you can pull it out with documents, and an impassioned plea ... Act innocent and use the standard training you got from the Bush Grindhouse, and accuse your accusers ... Perhaps you can even throw in the tried-and-true belief that you feel your girlfriend, with her generous raise in salary, would pay for herself ... You know the drill, just like you said about Iraq ...

Most importantly, you get the same advice we offered the Crony General earlier this month - at the hearing, make sure your fly is up and zippered ...

But, to play it safe, start preparing your self for the whispers ... And getting used to hearing the "fucked up a free lunch" thing ...

And fear not Wolfie, the Garlic Poll voters are already scouting out a new gig for you ...

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll April 15 - April 21, 2007

With the disastrous appearance and testimony of Crony General Alberto Gonzales last week, the White House, likely, has a short list of replacements for when Gonzales, either voluntarily, or is forced, resigns (assuming he isn't indicated beforehand)

1. Paul Wolfowitz (he needs someplace to land after the World Bank gives him the boot) Tally 40%

2. Condi Rice (allows Bush to move BlackBag Job Specialist John Negroponte up the ladder) Tally 22%

3. Bring Back John Ashcroft (but he's gotta leave the statues uncovered, and no singing) Tally 21%

4. Mike "Helluva A Job" Brown (between Brown, Gonzales, Miers and others, we know experience doesn't matter) Tally 17%

This week’s Poll - With all their dirty work and scandals bubbling to the surface, the Bush Administration surely must be wishing that former CIA Director George Tenent ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Move Over Fonzie, McCain Wants A Crack At That Shark ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Arthur Fonzarelli, move over, you have company.

Quite the spirited week of voting this past week, on The Garlic's Weekly Poll. Our voters believe that Senator, and Presidential Candidate, John McClain (R-AZ) has jumped the shark.

Maybe he's a maverick or maybe he's now just mush, McCain is freefalling in his bid for the GOP nomination, which Newsweek noted last week in 'McCain's Meltdown'.

Money woes has him trailing two other candidates and he remains attached to President Bush's Iraq freefall, including penning an Op-Ed to keep hold of his grip on that free fall

Then came the stroll, his jumping the shark moment, which McCain has exacerbated by pulling a "my sister-my-daughter" on.

And now he's singing little ditties that only cause him to spend more time pulling his foot out of his mouth.

In any case, it sure is going to fun watching him campaign. All the snippiness, the boiling rage just barely kept in check.

Stay tuned as McCain, likely, hasn't finished jumping over sharks just yet.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll April 15 - April 21, 2007

Despite his absurd and misleading statements about conditions in Iraq, and his third-place, 1st Quarter fund-raising finish, Senator John McCain's meltdown won't be complete until ....

1. He goes water skiing, wearing a leather jacket Tally 32%

2. Turns the Straight Talk Express bus into a mobile casino to help raise campaign cash Tally 29%

3. Relaunches his campaign, using John Ashcroft's' "When Eagles Soar" as his new theme song (with Ashcroft appearing to sing it live) Tally 20%

4. Starts campaigning, accompanied by 100 Soldiers, 3 Blackhawks helicopters and 2 Apache Gunships Tally 19%

This week’s Poll - With the disastrous appearance and testimony of Crony General Alberto Gonzales last week, the White House, likely, has a short list of replacements for when Gonzales, either voluntarily, or is forced, resigns (assuming he isn't indicated beforehand)

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Bonus Links

Fonzie Jumps The Shark

Michael Ware: “I don't know what part of Neverland Senator McCain is talking about…”

His Fly Is Down and Nobody Wants To Tell Him ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Poor, Poor Alberto.

With so may monikers being attached to him lately, from "Dead Man Walking" to "Gone-Zo", it seems more that he is the simple-minded dolt at the party, who goes around all evening with his fly down, and nobody wants to tell him.

Our Crony General just doesn't get it, which, after all, isn't so shocking for a member of the upper Bush Management team.

Everytime he opens his mouth, it seems, there's one or two new revelations, contradicting his new position and what he did or didn't do in the firing of the eight U.S. Attorneys.

Take yesterday, for instance.

The Crony General promulgated an Op-Ed in The Washington Post, claiming, among other things, he has nothing to hide.

Then, today, like clockwork, came the blaring headline - "Ex-Justice Official's Statements Contradict Gonzales on Firings"

And this - "Conservatives to Bush: Fire Gonzales"

Now, we've been told that the Crony General has been practicing, rehearsing and beefing up to prepare for his testimony, scheduled for tomorrow but now postponed until Thursday, due to the gun violence at Virginia Tech (cue the conspiracy; Bush needed something huge to get Iraq - and the Crony General - out of the headlines) and you have to wonder if he had the radio on ... Or was watching television with a cracked book open in front of him.

And why would the White House want him to testify again? Is it to score some talking points for the cameras? You'll have to fly across many a hurricane-ravaged city to find anyone who doesn't believe the firings were political.

Or is the White House resigned that they have to keep him on. Maybe, like their search for a War Czar, they can't find anyone to take the job. Nobody wants to jump on a sinking ship and, likely, no lawman worth his handcuffs wants to take a position that has them, not battling statutes, but rather being a stodge for the White House, running their agenda and not handling the citizen's business.

With the DOJ's morale at rock bottom, and their integrity now off that table, perhaps that's what it is all about.

Little Alberto has been, and is to be, more Crony and less General.

And that suits Bush & Co. just fine.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll April 7 - April 14, 2007

Crony General Alberto Gonzales is said to have cancelled his vacation in order to practice for his upcoming testimony before Congress. Gonzales is likely to rehearsing most, the phrases ...

1. Hey, this is all Karl Rove's doing ... Get him up here and grill that bastard ... Tally 31%

2. The U.S. Attorneys serve at the pleasure of the President and there was nothing illegal or wrong about removing them Tally 29%

3. Senator, I have no recollection of that Tally 23%

4. No Senator, I don't recall saying that Tally 17%

This week’s Poll - Despite his absurd and misleading statements about conditions in Iraq, and his third-place, 1st Quarter fund-raising finish, Senator John McCain's meltdown won't be complete until ....

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When you get to the hearing room, Mr. Crony General, make sure you check your trousers and be sure your fly is up

Ohhh, And We Had Such Nice Plans For Shock and Awe II -The Sequel ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Well, among other things to be thankful for having the British-Iran Hostage Situation resolve peacefully, is that Vice President Dick Cheney and the rest of the pro-war Bush Administration didn't get involved.

No doubt that the VP Darth Vader had his Iran Study Group cranking out all the options of war and attack (Shock and Awe II - The Sequel!), but the British stiffened their upper lips and said "No Thanks chaps, we'll handle this one", so that the only causalities out of this were the banners and copy of spin, with, perhaps, a new contract for the Lincoln Group, that all got fed into the Secret Bunker's shredder.

Since the Pentagon's own Inspector General has put the final bullets into the Bush-Cheney claims of Al Qaeda being in pre-occupied Iraq, the Boys on Pennsylvania Avenue may very well leaking some talking points that Osama bin Laden's gang is in Iran, and, somehow, was behind or involved in the kidnapping of the British sailors.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll April 1 - April 7, 2007

President Bush's advice to Tony Blair and the British, regarding their Iran Hostage Situation should include;

1. We'll lend you Cheney, and hire the Lincoln Group; They'll spin this to the point most Brits will believe the Iranians pulled off the Great Train Robbery Tally 41%

2. Changing the name of their iconic dish to Freedom Fish and Chips Tally 28%

3. When giving press conferences, wear RAF Flight Suit Tally 17%

4. If Blair can't pull it off, getting someone in his government to declare "Democracy is messy ... Stuff Happens" Tally 14%

This week’s Poll - Crony General Alberto Gonzales is said to have cancelled his vacation in order to practice for his upcoming testimony before Congress. Gonzales is likely to rehearsing most, the phrases ...

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Hey, Wait A Minute ... We're Not Falling For That One Again ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Considering the mess the Bush Administration is in, you, kind of, have to wonder why they haven’t resorted to their brand of patriotism again, i.e. outing a covert CIA Agent, as the majority of Garlic Poll Voters believe is what will happen.

After all, there are multitudes of critics, challenging, not only their policy, but also their veracity.

Surely somebody, somewhere, in the bowels of the CIA had to be "fair game" and fair enough to divert attention, as well as change headlines and conversations away from the Bush "Well, We Call It Justice" Department

Perhaps, Cheney's Cheney, new Vice President Chief of Staff David Addington, seeing how they cut Scooter Libby loose, wasn't going to be the fall guy during a second run-through.

And, no doubt, he's watched, anxiously, with beads of sweat accumulating on his forehead, as President Bush has let his Crony General swing and twist in the Congressional winds.

No, the Scooter is reading up on license-plate-making and Brownie is long past his "heck-of-a-job".

The lies and spins are casting such a shadow on the White House, they may just have to stop doctoring the reports and believe there really is something to this climate changing thing.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll March 26 - March 31, 2007

Boy, the way this thing is going, President Bush may have no better option with what to do with Crony General Alberto Gonzales than to ...

1. Have Vice President Dick Cheney leak and out another CIA covert agent to get him out of the headlines Tally 45%

2. Make him sit down for a biting, hard-hitting interview with Katie Couric Tally 24%

3. Nominate him to succeed John Bolton as U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations Tally 18%

4. Send him to Reverend Ralph, to give him the cure (something like he did for Ted Haggard) Tally 12%

This Week’s Poll - President Bush's advice to Tony Blair and the British, regarding their Iran Hostage Situation should include ...

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