Saturday, June 16, 2007

Developing Story! Chiquita Case Emerges With Ties To Bush, DOJ, CIA

To Bolster Surge, President Weighs Using Banana Company Thugs In Iraq

Goodling Courted By Chiquita For "Hiring Expertise"; CIA Contractor Cuts May Hit '54 Coup Vets

Sources tell The Garlic that the Bush Grindhouse has been conducting secret negotiations with Chiquita Brands International, as part of the company's eye-popping $25-million fine and admission of guilt for using terrorists and right-wing militia groups in Columbia, to brutalize and murder the local population, to deploy some of these same "banana company thugs" in Iraq, to augment the current and latest Bush plan of a massive surge.

With the latest U.S. surge in Iraq said to be complete, but showing no signs of decreasing the violence - and top Congressional leaders telling the President it is a failure - Bush is said to have issued directions to his staff to "pursue all avenues" and "go outside the box".

With the Justice Department holding the cards over Chiquita, talks began shortly after the court proceedings.

"We're pretty confident", an unidentified Pentagon official boasted, "that these ... ahh ... soldiers, will adapt without much difficulty. Bananas ... Dates ... Apricots ... What's the difference ... Fruit is fruit ...They can employ their set of skills just as well over there, as they did in Columbia. The weather is pretty much the same, as well, so we see no issue with the transition."

Chiquita admitted, back in March of this year, that they paid United Self Defense Forces of Colombia (AUC), as well as the FARC and ELN rebel armies, nearly $2-million for "security" and to "protect their employees" in their operations, under their Banadex company in Urabá, Colombia.

As reported by the Christian Science Monitor, "The right-wing United Self Defense Forces of Colombia (AUC) joined the ranks of Al Qaeda and Hamas on the State Department's list of terrorist organizations in September 2001. Colombia's two main leftist rebel groups, known as FARC and ELN are also on the list."

The AUC is said to have committed some of the most brutal crimes, that saw thousands of Columbians killed between 1997-2004.

And there is more fallout, as famlies of the victims of Chiquita's thugs may sue the company, and the Columbian government may seek the extradition of eight Chiquita executives.

Deployment Of Banana Thugs May Increase Tensions In Iraq

The Garlic's sources could not confirm reports the Chiquita would continue paying AUC when they are deployed to Iraq.

Neither the Bush Grindhouse, or the Pentagon, would say how AUC would be deployed in Iraq - as part of the U.S. forces, or under the private contractor, Blackwater, which could introduce new problems.

"I can't see them working under Blackwater," offered Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication, that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century.

"Blackwater would see them as a competitor," continued Martins. "They'd be taking money out of their pockets and you could, potentially, see a scenario where Blackwater and the AUC start fighting each other."

Chiquita Balks At CIA Cuts

The talks with Chiquita over the use of their thugs did hit a recent snag, when the CIA announced earlier this week that they are planning on cutting their contractor staffing by 10%.

It is believed that Chiquita balked at the plan, fearing that veterans of the 1954 coup that ousted Guatemalan President Jacobo Arbenz would be laid off.

The United Fruit Company (now Chiquita) protested some of Arbenz's policies, leading to "a killing field" that saw 140,000 people killed and another 45,000 disappeared in a U.S. backed scorched earth campaign to wipe out dissidents, rebels and activists for peace and social justice in Guatemala.

Coincidentally, John Foster Dulles, the former Secretary of State under President Dwight D. Eisenhower, coincidentally had a brother, Allen, who was the Director of the CIA, and who was also a member of the Board of Directors of the United Fruit Company. Foster Dulles "was pivotal in promoting and executing the CIA-led Operation PBSUCCESS that overthrew the democratically elected Guatemalan government of Jacobo Arbenz Guzmán."

Chiquita threatened to back out of the deal until receiving assurances that any '54 coup veterans would not be effected by the CIA cuts.

Chiquita Courts Disgraced DOJ Underling

Also developing is reports the Chiquita has been courting Monica Goodling, the disgraced, former senior councilor to Crony General Alberto Gonzales.

Goodling admitted in Senate testimony that she "crossed the line" in her duties, using the political affiliations, as well as political donations, in her criteria for the hiring of hundreds of Justice Department career employees.

A company spokesperson for Chiquita would not offer details of their discussions with Goodling, or what type of work and compensation would be offered to her, but it was clear they have their sights set on landing her.

"If we had her working with us in Columbia, able to cut through and line-up the proper thugs, the thugs who would be on our team, with our morals and philosophies, we wouldn't have a $25-million fine and we wouldn't be having this conversation today."

The Chiquita spokesperson would neither confirm or deny that the company is also talking to former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield, former FEMA Director Michael Brown and, depending on the outcome of his appeal process, I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby about coming on board.

"Let's just say," offered the Chiquita spokesperson, "that we are looking to enhance our staff and we have learned our lesson. There are better ways, and better resources, for Chiquita to achieve its' objectives, if you have the right players on board ... If you work within the system ... All we had to do, from the beginning, was look back to 1954."


Virtual Truth Commission

Third World Traveler

A new blog covering Immigration, and Chiquita - Immigration Orange

What a bunch!

Friday, June 15, 2007

More Libby, Libby, Libby ... Bill Moyers' Begging His Pardon

Too tired tonight to write anything new on The Scooter ... You can visit yesterday's Libby, Libby, Libby ... It's A Scooterpalooza! to get a good hit on All Things Scooter.

Instead, we turn it over to a much better voice, and it's a good read

Bill Moyers: Begging His Pardon

Well worth clicking through and checking it out

Retro Garlic ... James Kilts and the Procter & Gamble - Gillette Merger

It's another installment of Retro Garlic tonight, thanks to 'The Boston Globe' Business Columnist, Steve Bailey, and is witty and biting review of former Gillette CEO James Kilts' new book, "Doing What Matters"

Steve Bailey's Writes the King

Bailey kicks it off with;

"And you thought King Kilts, who pocketed $165 million in the sale of Gillette Co. to Procter & Gamble Co., was the big winner in that epic Boston mega-deal. Not so, says the King.

"Employees would be perhaps the biggest beneficiaries," the King writes in his coming self-congratulatory book on how you too can turn around, sell off, and get rich on a global icon, all in five years. It's yours in hardback, if you can stomach it, for $27.50 this fall."

As to the Retro part of this ... This came in the early weeks of The Garlic's launch, back in February 2005 ...

Kilts, Gillette Board Vote For All Profits


Thursday, June 14, 2007

Libby, Libby, Libby ... It's A Scooterpalooza!

Judge says Libby, Libby, Libby, off to prison, prison, prison, he won't like, like, like it, pardon hopes fizzin', fizzin' fizzin'

Not even the 12 Angry Men could sway Judge Reggie Walton ...Nor could threats ...

The Scooter doesn't get to pass Go and collect $200 ... It's straight to jail for the former Assistant to the Vice President ... No waiting for the appeal in Aspen, he gets to stew in the big house ... He sits, behind bars, on Walton-Fitzgerald Time, not free time ...

And on The Garlic, It's A Scooterpalooza!

White House Sets Mark With No Terror Alert During Indictments; Libby's Bad News Passes Without Fear Package; Homeland Security Looks Into Missed Opportunity

Libby Indicted, Resigns and At Odds With Cheney Over Defense; VP Holds On To 'Nolo Contendere' In Event Charges Come; Has "No Problem" With Libby Doing Jail Time

Libby As Enemy Combatant Unlikely, But Treason Charges Could be Leveled; White House Quiet But Signs Indicate May Mount Offensive Against Libby; Sources Say ‘Everything Is On The Table”, Including Enemy Combatant Status; Rove Working On “Special Smears”

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard Last Night At Scooter Libby Fundraiser

OJ Out, Libby In, As Fox Looks To Make Lemonade Out Of Their Lemons; Reagan Snares Cheney Aide For “If I Leaked ...” Special; No Hush Money But Donation Made To Defense Fund

Trial In Chaos; Justice Dept. Gave Libby Lawyers Prospective Jurors Personal Info; Fitzgerald Livid As Emails, NSA Wiretaps, Financial Records Found In Defense Lawyers' Briefcase

Libby Trial Update: Cheney In The Crosshairs; Reports Surface Cheney Scouring eBay, Internet For Credibility; VP Office Silent, But On-Line Resellers Abuzz On Interest, Bartering With Vice President

Top Ten Cloves: Most Surprising Things To Come Out of the Scooter Libby Trial So Far

Libby Trial Update - The Scooter and Cheney Show Theme Song

Libby Trial Update - It's Miller Time!

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Tim Russert Didn't Ask Scooter Libby About Joe Wilson and His Wife

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard In The Scooter Libby Jury Room

Libby Verdict Has Bush, White House Urging Cheney Into Rehab; Sources Claim 'Can't Be Trusted He Won't Break"; Iraq Comments "Last Straw" and "Were Not An Enormous Success"

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Scooter Libby May Get A Pardon

The Scooter Doesn't Skate ... New Garlic Song - Let's Jail Libby!

The Happier Days

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Chinese Surname Problem Equals Golden Career Op For Bush - Name Czar

Much as we did last week, assisting the Vice President with building his team, The Garlic sees another career development opportunity in the news today, this one for The Uniter/The Decider/The Commander Guy himself.

It could go towards one of those late term diplomatic moves that gets hailed as a visionary thing by the historians, and we all know that the Bush Grindhouse desperately wants something to latch on to for a legacy.

This was in the news today;

Chinese surname shortage sparks rethink

And there was this caveat;

"The survey found 92 million people shared the surname Li, while 88 million were called Zhang. A further seven surnames -- including Chen, Zhou and Lin -- are held by at least 20 million Chinese.

Another report by the Chinese Academy of Sciences found at least 100,000 people share China's most popular name, Wang Tao."
Yeah! ... For the guy that loves to come up with new names, and to speak in a langague of one of his former careers, this is a big, fat ol' change-up pitch coming right over the middle of the plate, waiting to be one knocked out of the park.

With that name problem, it's unlikely that the Chinese have any kind of Bush Fatigue, so you're clear there.

Forget about Iraq ... Drop the Immigration charade ...

Here it is Georgie ... Appoint yourself as the new "Name Czar"

Fire up The Google ... Put that famous "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" Reading List to use ... Set yourself down with pen and paper and have at it ... When your finished, you can have that super diplomat of yours - Condi Girl - dash off to Beijing with the list and then you just sit back, let the legacy - and the library - build itself.

You're biggest worries now will be whether to have Michael Becshloss or Douglas Brinkley write the hosanna.


Move Over, Hoover

Garlictorial: The 4th Anniversary, Or "How I Invaded and Occupied Iraq and All I Got Were These Lousy Iranian Bombs"

Name Czar ... Yeah, we got a name for you, all right ...

Monday, June 11, 2007

It's About The Legacy, Stupid! ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Well, maybe he'll start calling himself "Banner Guy"

Our Garlic Poll Voters seem to think that "The Commander Guy's" heavy push to get his (not anyone else's) Immigration Bill has to be due to he's got the banner ready and, perhaps, the aircraft carrier booked.

Now, it could be that he's already counting the gate receipts for his library in his head, but more likely it was about the only thing that he could pin on that quickly evaporating legacy.

The Iraq Occupation isn't going to do it for him ... His Injustice Department has virtually collapsed ... The Courts are putting a pin in his "Enemy Combatant" balloon and Congress is set to restore Habeas Corpus... Lastly, there's that Scooter Libby matter hanging - almost literally - out there ..

And today, news of that the judges sitting in on immigration cases went through the same Republican Red Play-Doh mold that Monica Goodling employed at the DOIJ (Department of Injustice).

What's an Imperialistic President to do?

It seems, not much. He's vowed to keep pushing the immigration thing and he's still standing up his Crony General Alberto Gonzales.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll June 4 - June 10, 2007

President Bush is so anxious to push his Immigration Bill forward because ...

1. Got a deal on banners and has the "Immigration Accomplished" one sitting around, collecting dust Tally 35%

2. Sees 12-million potential visitors to the George W. Bush Library down-the-line Tally 33%

3. Itching to start calling himself "El Comandante Guy" Tally 18%

4. It's the only thing Dick Cheney doesn’t override him on Tally 14%

This week’s Poll - Since a new poll shows that a majority of Republicans don't believe in the Theory of Evolution, we can look for ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

He has the "Immigration Accomplished" banner ready and waiting to be hung

Top Ten Cloves: Ways CIA Will Cut Back On Using Contractors

News Item: CIA Plans Cutbacks, Limits on Contractor Staffing

10. See if Pat Robertson can launch a hurricane or stampede against them

9. Have the Senate tack on to the Alberto Gonzales No Confidence Vote, one for the contractors as well

8. Will get Blackwater to threaten to sue any contractor who doesn't resign voluntarily

7. Badger them by getting Bill O'Reilly to start one of his inane wars against them

6. Can lop off 15%-20% just by giving them standard CIA Personality Test

5. Hire Monica Goodling to weed them out

4. Ask the contractors if they believe in evolution - Keep the ones that do, layoff the ones that don't

3. Reclassfy the contractors as "Linguists" and then fire them like the Army did

2. Look through contractor list to see which ones covert, and then get Office of Vice President to expose them

1. Adopt Soprano tactic and, in video conference call about employment status, have screen fade to black

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Of Talking Head Paloozas ... Ahh, Dennis, I'll Take Has-Been Hosts for $500, Please ... And Wait A Minute, Didn't You Read This Before? ...

Not quite a Herb Caen mimic today, just a few odds-and-ends that popped up, that I haven't had the time, or energy, to develop into something larger ...

Another Missed Opportunity for Talking Head Paloozas

Quite amazing Friday, the blizzard of media coverage, screaming "Breaking News" crawlers and breathless anchors, all over a white woman - who wasn't missing ... Who didn't run away from her wedding ... And nary a man-voice whisper of intrepid celebrity news hound Rita Cosby ...

Undoubtedly, the cable news guys are bemoaning this happened on a Friday ...If it could have come on a Monday, or Tuesday - CHA-CHING! ... A week's worth of programming specials and talking head paloozas ...


MSNBC Cuts Away From Pentagon To Paris

VIDEO COMPILATION: The Assault On Reason, Paris Hilton Edition

Ahh, Dennis, I'll Take Has-Been Hosts for $500, Please ...

I had to do a double-take when I espied these little gems ...

GSN Taps Dennis Miller To Host Grand Slam

GSN Lands Dennis Miller for 'Grand Slam' Game Show

Oh, how the acerbically droll have fallen ...

I mean, Wink Martindale had a smoother career than Miller

From SNL, to CNBC (and working with the chimpanzee, Ellie, as his co-host), Monday Night Football ... The good gigs just keep shedding off him, like some reptilian scales, giving rebirth to new life, in Miller's case, further down the food chain ... He was, prior to the gleaming GSN spotlight, reduced to fawning in front of Bill O'Reilly on the Fox News Network ...

Now he gets to entertain the "Meals-On-Wheels" crowd, along with the contingent of unemployed, shouting in earnest at the gamers on GSN, often not realizing that they are watching a 20-year-old program

Signs that Miller will blow this one (unless they're paying the audience again), will be around the third or fourth taping, when Ellie appears, as his new co-host (or perhaps, auditioning, to take over the spot) ...

This leaves Miller to step down another rung, perhaps joining the late-night infomercial guys selling knives ...

Dennis, can you say "Look at these pearl handles!"?

Wait A Minute, Didn't You Read This Before? ...

This story popped out at me, leaving me with the haunting feeling, wondering if the mice used in the study felt like "Hey, I've been in this lab before ..."

Origin of Deja Vu Pinpointed

Noted in the article was MIT neuroscientist Susumu Tonegawa, who conducted the study;

As an aging neuroscientist, Tonegawa admitted it’s a typical phenomenon with him. “I do a lot of traveling so I show up in brand new airports, and my brain tells me it’s been here before,” he said. “But the rest of my brain knows better.”

New Barry Crimmins ... Politicize this!

Somewhat ironically, this appeared in yesterday's NY Times news email, the daily "This Day In History";

On June 9, 1954, Army counsel Joseph N. Welch confronted Sen. Joseph R. McCarthy during the Senate-Army Hearings over McCarthy's attack on a member of Welch's law firm, Frederick G. Fisher. Said Welch: ``Have you no sense of decency, sir? At long last, have you left no sense of decency?''

While, at the same time, satirist Barry Crimmins was using an image of Joseph McCarthy for his latest post;
Politicize this!

As The Garlic wrote last week, Crimmins was retiring from stage performance, so as to concentrate more on his writing, and "Politicize this!" is the first flare sent out of the chute ... Look for more to come ...


Read "Politicize this!"

Visit Barry Crimmin's website

Barry Crimmins on The Garlic