Robertson Goes All Angel Heart On Haiti

Quite the awful, terrible, horrific disaster going on in Haiti.

Good thing The Commander Guy is out-of-office, otherwise, there would probably be a massive airlift, bringing the Haitians to the New Orleans Convention Center, so they could wait for some help.

And, we come to expect things.

Like chest-thumping network news anchors "dropping in", to do live stand-ups of repeating their bleatings over-and-over, punctuated by "that's absolutely correct". Brian Williams and the NBC Survivor Team all were throwing around the word "absolutely" so much, I half expected to find out they were sponsored by the vodka company.

Another expectation is for former Republican candidate for President, and raving lunatic, Pat Robertson, goes off the rails, and starts spouting the events of the alternate universe playing inside his head.



Take it away Pat, courtesy of Think Progress;

Today on his 700 Club television show, Christian broadcaster Pat Robertson highlighted the tragedy and said that his network will be there “to help the people.” However, he then tried to offer an explanation for the earthquake, blaming Haiti’s own people for once making a “pact to the devil”:

ROBERTSON: [S]omething happened a long time ago in Haiti and people might not want to talk about it. They were under the heel of the French. Napoleon the Third and whatever. And they got together and swore a pact to the devil. They said, “We will serve you if you get us free from the prince.” True story. And so the devil said, “OK, it’s a deal.” They kicked the French out, the Haitians revolted and got themselves free.

But ever since, they have been cursed by one thing after the other, desperately poor. That island of Hispaniola is one island. It’s cut down the middle, on the one side is Haiti, on the other side is the Dominican Republic. The Dominican Republic is prosperous, healthy, full of resorts, etc. Haiti is in desperate poverty. Same island.

They need to have, and we need to pray for them, a great turning to God. And out of this tragedy I’m optimistic something good may come. But right now, we’re helping the suffering people and the suffering is unimaginable.

(GottaLaff, over on The Political Carnival, has the video)

Now, you think he would have been happy, with just the earthquake.

He's been wishing earthquakes, tsunami's, tornadoes, hurricanes, mixing in trying to hire assassins, calling on God to "smite' this one, or that one, on so many people who have different points-of-view than his, that when one comes along, he could have just left it with an "I told you so".

Ahhh, but that "Louis Cyphre", he's a tricky fellow.

I think something else was going on here.

This is what must have happened;

Netflix screwed up, and sent Robertson 'Angel Heart', rather than 'Angels With Dirty Faces' and once the scene with Epiphany Proudfoot, played by the steamy, sultry Lisa Bonet, came to the "racy nude and sex scenes", well, Robertson got all hopped up, and happy-in-the-pants, and went to bed thinking, actually, dreaming, hoping, that he was Johnny Favorite



Naturally, he woke up, how should we say, at attention, popped in the DVD for another view of his beloved Epiphany Proudfoot just before showtime and, Ta-Da, he pays his dues by giving old Louis Cyphre his star turn.

If not, get this man on lots, and lots, of Seroquel.


Bonus Pat Robertson Loony Tunes

Wonkette: Pat Robertson Does Usual Pat Robertson Thing Following Natural Disaster

Juan Cole: Pat Robertson's Racist Blaming of Haitian Victims; and the Televangelist Misuse of History

John Cook: Thousands Dying Because Haitian Slaves 'Swore a Pact with the Devil' for Their Freedom

Steve M: THE COMPANY REPUBLICAN OFFICEHOLDERS KEEP

Amanda Terkel: Shep Smith hits Robertson’s ‘devil’ comments: The people of Haiti ‘don’t need that’ at a time like this


Bonus Bonus

Breaking News! Robertson Held For Questioning In Falwell Death ... Threats Against Chavez, Sharon Make 700 Club Founder 'Person of Interest'

Robertson May Have, Inadvertently, Caused Hajj Stampede Deaths ...Was Working On New Material For Bush Video Blitz, Testing New Curses and Condemnations

White House Meets With Robertson; Plan Video Blitz ...Controversial Minister To Produce Al Qaeda-type Videos, Promising Death and Destruction, To Counter Bin Laden's

Today's Ignorant Dolt - Pat Robertson

In some way, we have to thank the certifiable loony tune head of the 700 Club.



With the week we've had, struggling to get time to read, let alone post, searching everywhere for some mojo, he hands us, virtually gift-wrapped, his (official, see the Bonus Links) induction into The Garlic roster of Ignorant Dolts.

Now, with the Right Wing Freak Show all but calling for "open season" on Muslim hunting, following the Fort Hood shooting, Mr. 700 Club polished up his orange vest and Elmer Fudd cap;

Pat Robertson on Ft. Hood: Islam is ‘not a religion’ and Muslims should be treated like ‘some fascist group.’

On his 700 Club TV show yesterday, Pat Robertson claimed that Islam is “not a religion,” but “a violent political system bent on the overthrow of the governments of the world and world domination”:

ROBERTSON: That is the ultimate aim. And they talk about infidels and all this, but the truth is that’s what the game is. So you are dealing with not a religion. You’re dealing with a political system. And I think we should treat it as such and treat its adherences as such as we would members of the Communist Party or members of some fascist group. Well, it’s a tragedy. Our hearts go out to the families who suffered. But those in the Army should be held on account for the fact they let this man loose.

Hmmm ...

I wonder if Robertson would include the "political system" in this country, that shoots doctors who perform abortions?

Should we treat them with "adherences" as members of Communist or fascist groups?

MediaMatters has the video that welcomes the 700 Club chieftain onto the roster of Ignorant Dolts.

Eli, over on Firedoglake, helps us on on the PR front, hailing Robertson as a "xenophobic ignoramus."

While Melissa, over on Shakesville thinks Robertson may be on to something;

Being an atheist, I'm more than happy to treat every religion as its own political ideology. Let's start with charging a religious organization the same taxes that, say, a feminist blog gets charged for doing business.

Somehow, I'm guessing P-Rob won't be on board with that idea, once it includes him.

P-Rob (we like that), drop by anytime to pick up your inglorious Ignorant Dolt Crown and Sceptre

Bonus Links

(Editor Note: As we referenced above, this will be Robertson's "official" Ignorant Dolt induction, for, as you will see below, he's had a hall pass, and visa, that has been continually renewed.)

Robertson To Ballmer: "I've Got Your Back" ...Looking to Strike Deal With Microsoft Chief For Help With Offing Chavez

White House Meets With Robertson; Plan Video Blitz ...Controversial Minister To Produce Al Qaeda-type Videos, Promising Death and Destruction, To Counter Bin Laden's

Robertson May Have, Inadvertently, Caused Hajj Stampede Deaths; Was Working On New Material For Bush Video Blitz, Testing New Curses and Condemnations

Breaking News! Robertson Held For Questioning In Falwell Death ...Threats Against Chavez, Sharon Make 700 Club Founder 'Person of Interest'

Our Ignorant Dolt of the Week ... Rick Warren!

As usual, we had a few different candidates this past week, doing their darnedest, vying, yearning, longing, to be named The Garlic's Ignorant Dolt of the Week.

Take the Turd Blossom, for instance.

Along with attempting to pass of the rotted, fetid eight-years of the Bush Grindhouse as freshly-caught fish, he's planning on writing a book and "naming all the Bush haters".

Here's a tip, Son-of-the-Golden Cock Ring, it might be easier just to ask people to raise their hands, of those who can, at minimum, stomach The Commander Guy.

And his old, Rovian ways are working on at least one person.

Chris Wallace, of Faux News.

Wallace bought passage on the S.S. Bush Legacy Restoration Barge, dropping to his knees for the Grindhouse.

From Think Progress;

Last Monday, at a screening of Ron Howard’s new film “Frost/Nixon,” Fox News Sunday host Chris Wallace vociferously defended President Bush against criticism by Howard that Bush has abused the office of the presidency in a way similar to President Richard Nixon. “Richard Nixon’s crimes were committed purely in the interest of his own political gain,” said Wallace. Wallace claimed that it was a “gross misreading of history” to say that Bush abused his power “for pure political self preservation” like Nixon did.

You whore yourself like that Chris, just for a "special exit interview" with Darth Vader?

Like that's going to be some earth-shattering, breaking news?

Did you miss the Little Scooter's trial?

Cheney must be sizing you up to take Little Timmy Russert's place, to feed his propaganda to, without the worry of any kind of push back.

All fine efforts, but the IDOTW has to go to the Purpose-Driven-Carny, Rick Warren.

I guess, since hustling the networks into doing an infomercial, for his "Blazing Saddleback" event during the campaign, complete with the mysterious, magical, "Cone of Silence", has him, boldly grabbing the baton from that other television preacher/God's Ninja, Pat Robertson, and issuing off death warrants for our enemies.

WARREN ENDORSES HANNITY'S WARMONGERING...

Pastor Rick Warren has a reputation for being far more stable and grounded than religious right leaders and TV preachers like Pat Robertson, but it's worth remembering that he's not exactly a moderate.

Last night, on Fox News, Sean Hannity insisted that United States needs to "take out" Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad. Warren said he agreed. Hannity asked, "Am I advocating something dark, evil or something righteous?" Warren responded, "Well, actually, the Bible says that evil cannot be negotiated with. It has to just be stopped.... In fact, that is the legitimate role of government. The Bible says that God puts government on earth to punish evildoers. Not good-doers. Evildoers."

Well, I guess, if it's a Purpose-Driven political assassination, than it's cool with the Big Guy, Upstairs.

Here's the transcript of the exchange, from The Wonk Room;

HANNITY: Can you talk to rogue dictators? Ahmadinejad denies the Holocaust, wants to wipe Israel off the map, is seeking nuclear weapons.

WARREN: Yes.

HANNITY: I think we need to take him out.

WARREN: Yes.

HANNITY: Am I advocating something dark, evil or something righteous?

WARREN: Well, actually, the Bible says that evil cannot be negotiated with. It has to just be stopped. And I believe…

HANNITY: By force?

WARREN: Well, if necessary. In fact, that is the legitimate role of government. The Bible says that God puts government on earth to punish evildoers. Not good-doers. Evildoers.

HANNITY: I’m just gotten, thanks to my wife, who you know, you know, been reading the Old Testament. Because as a good Catholic growing up, I studied more the New Testament.

WARREN: Just ignored that part.

HANNITY: I ignored the Old Testament. But what about King David? What about the — all the battles, all the conflict, you know, going back - - you know, Abraham — Adam and Eve and their children, going forward?

WARREN: The point is, there are some things worth dying for. There’s no doubt about that. And I would die for my family. I would die for my freedom. I would die for this country.

HANNITY: If somebody broke into your house, you would be justified to kill them?

WARREN: I would be justified to protect my family. Absolutely.

HANNITY: And if it took killing them?

WARREN: Absolutely.

HANNITY: But it’s not murder at that point?

WARREN: No. Murder is not self-defense.

Perhaps, Warren can plead insanity, since he was in discussion with The Royal Nitwit, Hannity, but I think its something more than that.

With the transition of power, from The Bush Grindhouse, to Obama, there must be some rumblings amongst the Bible Thumpers.

Who's going to lead the eyes-closed rabble of the Republican Far Right through these next four-years of darkness.

You can't just talk about doing good deeds, doing the Lords work.

No, you have to define, interpret the Lords work, mix in a little blood and guts, do a little Jimmy Cagney and talk about mowing down all those dirty rats.

Sorry, but attempting to consecrate the Bush Doctrine into a modern day Holy Grail, that takes a lot more moxie than just huckstering the networks, and trying to sell yourself as one of the good Bible Thumpers.

Nosireebob! ... That only gets the purpose-and-killing-driven Rick Warren the crown of our Ignorant Dolt of the Week


Bonus Purpose-Driven IDOTW Riffs

Melissa McEwan: Quote of the Day

Spencer Ackerman: Religious Wars, There’s No Reason Why They Sent You To Die

Think Progress - Warren: Bush’s ‘Peace Award Was Not About Peace’

Thomas Schaller: The attention-driven Warren, Book III

The Raw Story - Ron Howard: Jon Stewart should do Bush exit interview

The Gawker: Chris Wallace Defends Bush Against Mean Ron Howard

Robertson May Have, Inadvertently, Caused Hajj Stampede Deaths ...Was Working On New Material For Bush Video Blitz, Testing New Curses and Condemnations

Breaking News! Robertson Held For Questioning In Falwell Death; Threats Against Chavez, Sharon Make 700 Club Founder 'Person of Interest'

Something Rudy II ... Endorsements, Plugs, Unplugs and An Accolade (of sorts)

Perhaps, future political science courses may point to this past week of Rudy 9-11's campaign as the type of 1-2-disasters future candidates will want to avoid.

We speak of course of the curse-throwing, world-leader-hitman-wannabe Pat Robertson's endorsement, and the indictment of his crime-fighting Robin, Bernie Kerik.

And it had to be just a coincidence (wink, wink) that today, the Boston Globe, in their "series of occasional articles examining the 2008 candidates for president" features Mr. 9-11, in "Defining moments | Rudy Giuliani; Skills at ready when crisis struck", of which Jeralyn Merritt, over on TalkLeft, offers the choice excerpts in her "Rudy Unplugged".

But Rudy doesn't come away, completely, with a goose egg ... He does win an accolade, (of sorts), from Barry Crimmins, and it's the line-of-the-day;

" ...Giuliani now edges out Don Imus for the worst sidekick named "Bernard."

We shouldn't be surprised if it leaks out that Rudy threw his high-heel pumps across the room in frustration.

Bonus Rudy Riffs

Fred Kaplan/Slate - The Man Who Knows Too Little; What Rudy Giuliani's greedy decision to quit the Iraq Study Group reveals about his candidacy.

Attytood: Strange bedfellows: Robertson wanted to assassinate one of Giuliani's lobbying clients

Something Rudy

Top Ten Cloves: Ways CIA Will Cut Back On Using Contractors

News Item: CIA Plans Cutbacks, Limits on Contractor Staffing

10. See if Pat Robertson can launch a hurricane or stampede against them

9. Have the Senate tack on to the Alberto Gonzales No Confidence Vote, one for the contractors as well

8. Will get Blackwater to threaten to sue any contractor who doesn't resign voluntarily

7. Badger them by getting Bill O'Reilly to start one of his inane wars against them

6. Can lop off 15%-20% just by giving them standard CIA Personality Test

5. Hire Monica Goodling to weed them out

4. Ask the contractors if they believe in evolution - Keep the ones that do, layoff the ones that don't

3. Reclassfy the contractors as "Linguists" and then fire them like the Army did

2. Look through contractor list to see which ones covert, and then get Office of Vice President to expose them

1. Adopt Soprano tactic and, in video conference call about employment status, have screen fade to black

Breaking News! Robertson Held For Questioning In Falwell Death

Threats Against Chavez, Sharon Make 700 Club Founder 'Person of Interest'

The Garlic has learned that police, from Lynchburg, Virginia, as well as a team of FBI agents, brought in and held 700 Club founder, Reverend Pat Robertson for over six-hours of questioning in the death of fellow televangelist Jerry Falwell yesterday.

The police were careful not to label Robertson a suspect, but merely "a person of interest".

Without offering any details on what led them to Robertson, a police spokesperson said curtly that "we felt, in the early hours of the investigation, that it was prudent to talk with Reverend Robertson."

A source close to the investigation indicated that natural causes is presently listed as the cause of death of the 73-year-old founder of the Moral Majority, and Liberty University.

Falwell was found in his office yesterday morning, lying on the floor, unconscious and without a pulse. After being rushed to the hospital, efforts to revive the man who blamed the Sept. 11th attacks on "abortionists, pagans, feminists, gays and lesbians and the ACLU" failed.

Soon after, police turned their attention to Robertson.

According to our sources, it was Robertson's call to assassinate Venezuelan dictator Hugo Chavez, as well as the suggestion that "God smote" Israeli leader Ariel Sharon that tipped police to bring in Robertson.

"We couldn't over look those incidents," offered an FBI agent involved in the investigation.

The FBI was brought in, in the event Robertson's curses traveled across state lines.

Robertson has a history of making threats, or outrageous claims.

In 1998, Robertson threatened the city of Orlando, Florida, for celebrating 'Gay Days', saying "... It'll bring about terrorist bombs, it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes and possibly a meteor."

Recently, in 2005, after the city of Dover, Pennsylvania voted not to teach "Intelligent Design" alongside Evolution, a decision that was upheld by the courts, Robertson warned the town that they could be hit by a natural disaster.

It was the sheer brazen of his curses and threats that caught the eye of the Bush Grindhouse, who last year brought in Robertson, to work his calls of destruction against the terrorists in Iraq, as well as Al Qaeda and Osama bin Laden.

And as is the case with the Bush Grindhouse, disaster soon struck.

Warming up and practicing before recording his condemnations and curses, Robertson may have inadvertently caused the death of hundreds of Muslims, when a stampede occurred at The Hajj.

Robertson was well represented at his interrogation, by staff and students of the law school he founded, Regent University, which has placed over 150 of its' graduated in the Bush Government, including Monica Goodling, at the Justice Department.

Goodling is scheduled to testify soon, in the growing U.S. Attorney Firing Scandal, that saw Crony General Alberto Gonzales place the blame of the troubles on his assistant, Deputy Attorney General Paul McNulty.

No charges are expected to be filed against Robertson, in regards to the death of Falwell.

In a related matter, embattled World Bank President Paul Wolfowitz is reported to be interested in speaking with Robertson, to check his availibility on wrecking havoc on his accusers, in the scandal that has Wolfowitz giving an extremely generous pay raise to his girlfriend, Shaha Riza, when moving her over to the State Department shortly after taking the World Bank post.

The White House had no comment on the questioning of Robertson, and refused comment if Robertson would work in unison with the new War Czar Army Lt. Gen. Douglas E. Lute.

Bonus Links

Jerry Falwell - Lest We Forget...

For God's Sake

Hustler Magazine v. Falwell

Falwellhustler.jpg

The 700 Club’s Accu-Wrath Weather Forecast

Rev. Pat Robertson was held for over six-hours yesterday by police in Virgina, and questioned in connection with the death of Jerry Falwell