Saturday, February 03, 2007

Our Girl Condi Gets A Theme Song - Neocons and Lovers

Well, Well, Well ...

After being pushed back into the shadows, first by our Decider, make that Decision-Maker's, New Way Forward Surge Speech, and then his sans-New Orleans, Civilian Reserves Corp-laden SOTU, and following that, we had Vice President Darth Vader making his splash, beating down Wolf Blitzer and topping his "final throes" with declaring our Iraq Occupation to be "enormous success", and sandwiched in there was the First Lady and Liz Cheney picking on poor Condi.

What's our top globe-trotting, piano-playing, error-admitting diplomat to do?

If you're Super Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, you grab the cover of the latest U.S. edition of Time Magazine, perhaps as a forerunner to a statement declaring 2007 as "Year of the Condi".

The puff piece "The Weight Of The World" certainly paints poor Condi as caught between a rock-and-a-hard place and how-could-that-happen-to-someone-so-brilliant?

And in a second article, an interview "This Can Be Done Through Diplomacy", no doubt she'll be standing on the carpet in the Oval Office, having to explain to Dubya" why she's reading from the Iraq Study Group pages and not his.

Yet, while not ready to go off with Cheney and Rumsfield to one their Armageddon Retreats, Our Girl Condi is putting Dubya's legacy ahead of hers and is dancing the beat of the Surge.

Maybe she is a Neocon, dressed in diplomat's clothing.

So, while The Garlic has, on many occasions, put the musical spotlight on the two people who keep getting in Condi's way - Bush and Cheney, we decided that Condi needed some theme music to call her own.

Inspired by a recent Song Parody contest, The Garlic cues up the "Wives and Lovers", retitled for the occasion to "Neocon and Lovers".

Neocons and Lovers

Hey, little Condi
Comb your hair, fix your make-up
Soon he will open the door.
Don't think because
Theres a surge in Iraq,
You needn't try any more

For Neocons should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
I'm warning you.

Day after day,
There's Cheney in his office,
And men will always be men.
Don't send him off
With your hair still in curlers.
You may not see him again.

For Neocons should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
Hes almost here.

Hey, little Condi
Better wear something pretty,
Something you'd wear to go to the Sit-Room.
And dim all the lights,
Pour the lies, start the spinning.
Time to get ready for Iran.

Oh, time to get ready,
Time to get ready,
Time to get ready
For Iran.


Time Magazine - "The Weight Of The World"

Time Magazine - "This Can Be Done Through Diplomacy"

Rice's Rhetoric, in Full Retreat

Miss J's Newsvine Parody Contest - Song Lyrics

Top Ten Cloves: Things About Condoleezza Rice Becoming NFL Commissioner

Friday, February 02, 2007

The Garlic Celebrates 2nd Anniversary!

Well, it seems that we have survived the first two years, reasonably intact.

On one hand, I didn't know if I would keep this going this long. And on the other, it seems like yesterday and there's so much more to accomplish.

But rather than prattle on about one's self, I want to use this occasion to thank all of The Garlic's subscribers, readers, peekers, glancers and readers-on-the-fly, for taking to the time to visit and, when the moment has spurred you, to pass along praise or scorn, whichever befit the moment.

With such a bountiful of riches as The Garlic heads into Year Three, stay tuned. I will endeavor to continue to present the days' best offerings in the most entertaining manner I can muster.

Thank you again for reading and supporting The Garlic.

All-Time Top 5 Garlic Posts
(Based on PageViews and Search Engine placements)

Coulter Speaks (Sort Of)

Google Crashes! Besieged With “I’m Feeling Lucky” Searches From White House, Congress

Special Commentary: Welcome To Bushville …

Miller To Leave 'Times' With Movie Deal In Hand

Top Ten Cloves: What Would Be Different If Rumsfeld Was A Dog, But Still Secretary of Defense

Logo Design by Sean Collins and TenTen Design

HuffIt! - New Huffington Post Feature ... Vote For The Garlic On HuffIt!

Very recently, The Huffington Post launched a new feature called HuffIt. This allows anyone on-line to post to HuffIt an article or such that you find. It works similar to other sites that aggregate content (such as Digg, Reddit and others).

While HuffIt is still in Beta, they did announce that the post on HuffIt that gets the most "Huffs", they will post it to the main Huffington Post site.

So, if you see something you like on The Garlic (or anywhere else), take it over to HuffIt!

And if you see something from The Garlic on HuffIt!, give it a "Huff".

Here are the links

HuffIt Main Page

Direct to JTD Profile Page

The Huffington Post

HuffIt! and The Huffington Post (as well as a bevy of great sites) are also on The Garlic's Link List, down in the righ column

Thursday, February 01, 2007

Developing Story! Tancredo: Shut Down Super Bowl; Says Two Black Coaches "Amounts To Segregation"

Appeals To NFL Commissioner To Make Big Game "Color-Blind"; Biden Weighs In, Backs Coaches

Pregame preparations for Super Bowl XLI came to a screeching halt today, after Congressman Tom Tancredo (R-CO) threatened to seek a court injunction to ban the big game.

Tancredo is upset that, for the first time in its' history, the Super Bowl will be coached by two African-Americans.

On Sunday, in Miami, the Indianapolis Colts will face the Chicago Bears for the NFL Championship, led by Tony Dungy of the Colts and Lovie Smith with the Bears.

"It is utterly hypocritical for the NFL to extol the virtues of a color-blind league while officially sanctioning coaches that are based solely on race," said Tancredo.

Tancredo made his threats, to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell, after reports the Congressman said were made to him, that freshman Rep. Stephen Cohen (D-TN ) could not join the coaching staffs of either Super Bowl team because he is white.

It's not clear if Tancredo is taking this action separately from his call last week, to abolish the Black and Hispanic Caucuses in Congress due to membership in the groups is based on race.

Cohen issued a statement, echoing one made by the National Review, saying "Tom Tancredo is an idiot."

Cohen states he has not applied for an NFL coaching job with Indianapolis or Chicago "or any other team."

"I plan on, like thousands of my constituents, of watching the game on television with family and friends."

Tancredo, in has call to abolish the Black and Hispanic Caucuses, cited a report that Cohen had applied for membership in the Black Caucus and was denied based on that he is white.

Senator Joe Biden (D-MD), who announced his intentions of running for president yesterday, came to the defense of Dungy and Smith, saying the first mainstream African American [coaches] who are articulate and bright and clean and nice-looking guys. I mean, that's a storybook, man."

Controversy is no stranger to Congressman Tancredo, who, in the past, has called for the United States to merge with Mexico and Canada, and for the bombing of Mecca. Rolling Stone Magazine has voted Tancredo one of the top Worst Congressmen.

Tancredo, a fierce advocate of stricter immigration laws, says that he "is angry."

The Colorado Congressman states he's asked the officials in Miami, officials in Florida, and even has been asked the White House, for some emergency funding and action to erect 7-miles of the 700-mile fence he's called for at the border, outside the Super Bowl.

"They'll be pouring into the Super Bowl," lamented Tancredo, "denying good, hard-working American citizens the chance to take a seat at the biggest game of the year."

Tancredo, when reached by The Garlic, would not confirm that he plans on halting the Super Bowl, however, he indicated that he has made arrangements for the Arizona Minutemen sit in lawn chairs outside of Joe Robbie Stadium in Miami, and monitor the fans attending the Super Bowel for any illegal immigrants.

"It is utterly hypocritical for the NFL to extol the virtues of a color-blind league while officially sanctioning coaches that are based solely on race," said Tancredo.

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Boston Spent Nearly A Million Dollars Dealing With Cartoon Ad Hoax

News Item: Froth, fear, and fury

10. Had to pay all the police and emergency personnel to stand around, while they waited for school to get out, and they could find a kid to tell them about the "Aqua Teen Hunger Force"

9. All the emergency vehicles mistakenly gassed up at Exxon stations

8. Got huge bill from FEMA, who immediately sent in trailer trucks full of ice

7. Took advice from Boston Red Sox, and entered into sweepstakes to bid on ace Japanese terror expert

6. Upon discovering it was guerrilla marketing", mistakenly rounded-up zoo experts from around the world for expensive satellite conference

5. Felix the Cat and his bag of tricks doesn't come cheap

4. Since it involved roadways and highways, automatically have to calculate costs on the Big Dig scale

3. Tens-of-thousands spent flying the cast of NBCs' "Heroes" into Boston, just in case the threat was real

2. In order to get White House to release Federal resources, got strong-armed into making donation to Bush Presidential Library

1. Chasing down false lead, spent thousands on renting DVD's and hired dozens to watch Wile E. Coyote and Road Runner cartoons, to see if device was anything from the Acme Company

Felix the Cat and his bag of tricks doesn't come cheap

Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Top Ten Cloves: Surprising Discoveries At New Stonehenge Site

News Item: Dig uncovers Stonehenge people's settlement

10. Remarkably, signs that, at least three residents who Scooter Libby spoke to about Valerie Plame before he declared so in his Grand Jury testimony

9. Definitive, but unspecified evidence of Ox-Cart Road Rage

8. Symbols etched in stone, from a Cheneyesque high priest or politician, carping about how "The Scots have Weapons of Total Destruction"

7. Tattered, decaying cookbook, scratched out on leaves: "How To Cook Good British Food People Will Eat"

6. Floorplans so small, researchers believe it was an early Condominium complex, based on a stone etching of dozen of rules

5. Symbols etched in stone, from a Cheneyesque high priest or politician that the war against the Scots has been "enormously successful"

4. Notes, or a list - Hengestone, Hengewall, Stones-In-A-Circle, Hengeapalooza, Stones-In-A-Blanket, Hengesapoppin!

3. Some type of ritualistic, or entertainment, implement, with a faint impression that bears a remarkable likeness to Michael Caine

2. Symbols etched in stone, from a Cheneyesque high priest or politician that he hit a friend in the face with a slingshot

1. A Geico Insurance office

Researchers were startled to find a tattered, decaying cookbook, scratched out on leaves: "How To Cook Good British Food People Will Eat"

Minced Garlic: New Keith Olbermann Special Comment - Bush shoots for ‘Jaws,’ delivers ‘Jaws 2’

Somewhat pedestrian Special Comment by our anchor-hero Keith Olbermann last evening.

That is not meant to question the sincerity of Mr. Olbermann, or his anger. Well-written and well-delivered, it was, as teased earlier in the broadcast, about the "nexus of politics and terror, a subject well-covered in previous 'Countdown' programs ( The nexus of politics and terror revisited, The Nexus of Politics and Terror).

On the other hand, can't quite create a quorum of other mainstream news people who have called out the President on his lies as much, or as eloquently, as Olbermann has, either in his normal news reports and with his heralded Special Comments, and he honed in last evening on our Decider, aka Decision-Maker's, State of the Union Address.

(And he does give a nod to David Swanson, press secretary for Dennis Kucinich’s 2004 presidential campaign, "who has blogged about the dubious 96 words in Mr. Bush’s address this year and who has concluded that of the four counter-terror claims the president made, he went 0-for-4.")

"West Yorkshire in England has a new chief police constable.

Upon his appointment, Sir Norman Bettison made one of the strangest comments of the year:

“The threat of terrorism,” he says, “is lurking out there like ‘Jaws 2.’”

Sir Norman did not exactly mine the richest ore for his analogy of warning. A critic once said of the flopping sequel to the classic film: “You’re gonna need a better screenplay.”

But this obscure British police official has reminded us that terrorism is still being sold to the public in that country — and in this — as if it were a thrilling horror movie and we were the naughty teenagers about to be its victims.

And it underscores the fact that President Bush took this tack, exactly a week ago tonight, in his terror-related passage in the State of the Union.

A passage that was almost lost amid all the talk about Iraq and health care and bipartisanship and the fellow who saved the stranger from an oncoming subway train in New York City.

But a passage ludicrous and deceitful. Frightening in its hollow conviction.

Frightening, in that the president who spoke it tried for “Jaws” but got “Jaws 2."

Olbermann proceeded to go into Bush's claims, quoting, first, from the SOTU, then, debunking it with facts, quoting official sources.

At one point, in discussing the Los Angeles Liberty Tower claim, and referencing Roger Cressey, the former staff director of counter-terrorism for the National Security Council, now a news analyst for NBC News and MSNBC, Olbermann illustrated the absurdity.

"In our conversation, he put the “Library Tower story” into a category he called the “What-Ifs” — as in the old “Saturday Night Live sketches that tested the range of comic absurdity:

What if ... Superman had worked for the Nazis?

What if ... Spartacus had had a Piper Cub during the battle against the Romans in 70 B.C.?"

One-by-one, Olbermann hung up President Bush's boasting of foiling terrorism like a pinata, and then whacked away at it, with facts, causing, not candy, but the truth to spill out.

"What you gave us a week ago tonight, sir, was not intelligence, but rather a walk-through of how speculation and innuendo, guesswork and paranoia, daydreaming and fear-mongering, combine in your mind and the minds of your government, into proof of your derring-do and your success against the terrorists.

The ones who didn’t have anthrax.

The ones who didn’t have plane tickets or passports.

The ones who didn’t have any clue, let alone any plots.

But they go now into our history books as the four terror schemes you’ve interrupted since 9/11.

They go into the collective consciousness as firm evidence of your diligence, of the necessity of your ham-handed treatment of our liberties, of the unavoidability of the 3,075 Americans dead in Iraq.

Congratulations, sir.

You are the hero of “Jaws 2.”

You have kept the Piper Cub out of the hands of Spartacus."


Read or watch the video of Special Comment - Bush shoots for ‘Jaws,’ delivers ‘Jaws 2’

MSNBC Countdown with Keith Olbermann

The death of habeas corpus - Olbermann: ‘The president has now succeeded where no one has before’

Garlictorial - We’ll Need That Table

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Libby Trial Update - It's Miller Time!

The Garlic goes Retro today, with the news that our star, ace reporter, she of Pulitzer Prize-winning merit (even if is was based on the bogus intelligence spoon-fed her by the Bush Administration), Judy Miller is scheduled to testify today in the Scooter Libby Trial, the gift that keeps on giving.



Miller To Leave 'Times' With Movie Deal In Hand; Signs On To Star In Memento Sequel; Not Sure If She Will Continue Freelancing For Bush Admn.

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Scooter Libby Gave Judith Miller Okay To Reveal Source and Testify

"Scooter? ... What? ... Can't talk right now ... Don't worry, I know what to say ... Flame ... Valerie Flame, I know ..."

Monday, January 29, 2007

Top Ten Cloves: Most Surprising Things To Come Out of the Scooter Libby Trial So Far

News Item: Sixteen Words and the Trial of Scooter Libby

10. Libby still trying to leak info about Valerie Plame to reporters covering the trial

9. Karl Rove says he's not worried ... Along with "The Math", he also boasting he as "The Jury"

8. Just to bust his balls, Libby supporters having T-Shirts made up that read "We Control Tim Russert"

7. If Libby is found innocent, plans on taking Chuck Hagel's advice and will become a shoe salesman

6. If Libby is found guilty, his lawyers planning on asking for special circumstances and allow Libby to go to rehab

5. Libby's lawyers have already decided not to call Mary Matalin to testify - They don't want to take the chance of scaring the jury

4. Judge so fearful of Cheney testifying, considering having him brought into court, in straight jacket and mask, ala Hannibal Lecter

3. Libby's memory is so bad, his lawyers have hired someone to go over his house every morning and remind him of the trial

2. Every time Patrick Fitzgerald passes by the defendents table, he mumbles out of the corner of his mouth "Liar"

1. President Bush still doesn't know who the hell Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame are

Judge so fearful of Cheney testifying, considering having him brought into court, in straight jacket and mask, ala Hannibal Lecter

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 28 January 2007

Russian President Vladimir Putin
was said to be "complete unamused" after being teased by German Chancellor Angela Merkel, in a sing-song manner, whispering to Putin "Now I can't remember, where did I put my vile Polonium-210?"

In a stunning move on Friday, actor Willam Macy joined the Scooter Libby defense team

Macy said that he was researching a role, where he will portray a lawyer, and was "quite surprised" when Ted Wells, Libby's attorney, offered Macy to sit in on the trial

Both Macy and Wells denied that they were planting a seed to, if Libby is found guilty, appeal the verdict on the grounds that Macy is not a licensed attorney

The White House today admitted to an omission in President Bush's State of the Union Address earlier this week

After tense negotiations, that went right up to minutes before the speech, Bush was able to come to terms with movie producer and director George Lucas, to activate the Star Wars '501st Legion' Stormtroopers and include them in his new Iraq surge

And in another admission, Defense Secretary Robert Gates said that he was "a little paranoid" as to comments made by his predecessor, former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield, during the transition and, as a precaution, has bodyguards, one from each branch of the service

When briefed about Gates' comments, Rumsfield, and Vice President Dick Cheney, denied they had a "pact" to "get Gates".

"Heavens-to-Betsy, what planet are you from." scoffed Rumsfield to reporters.

Cheney simply brushed off questions, barking "Frankly, I think you are out of line"

Hollywood is shocked, following the bombshell announcement that actor Isaiah Washington was leaving his rehab early, to come out of the closet and announce, in an ironic and bizzare twist, that he and fellow 'Grey's Anatomy' actor T.R. Knight were getting engaged.

Washington had entered rehab for unleashing a homophobic slur against Knight, then denying it, but repeating it again at the Golden Globe Awards.

A spokesperson denied that it was a publicity stunt and that the couple plans on getting married, in San Francisco, later this year.

No, Really, I Do Want To Be President ... Really, I Do ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Bottom line, it didn't matter what she said.

She could have come out and offered that she was going into rehab, for calling Isaiah Washington a faggot, or that she was giving up politics to play middle linebacker for the Chicago Bears and she still would have been jumped on sixteen ways from Sunday.

While it may be that eight more people jump into the 2008 Presidential race while I post this, none, to-date, or none-to-follow, will have their announcement so scutinized as Hillary Clinton (excluding Oprah Winfrey) had hers.

Why on Saturday? Why on video? Why, why, why, why, why ...

Hillary Clinton will likely, for the choice of "Let's Chat", hear those words, mockingly and derisively for the remainder of her career (and a healthy dose of "Let's Not Chat" tossed at her along the campaign trail).

Would Bill Clinton have said "Let's Chat?

Ohhhh, here we go ...

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll January 21 - January 27, 2007

The timing of Hillary Clinton's Presidential Campaign announcement, on a Saturday, on the Internet had to do with ...

1. Was just messing around with the video camera and, OOPS, hit the wrong button Tally 32%

2. It was the one day daughter Chelsea was available to upload video to YouTube and MySpace Tally 27%

3. Wanted Sunday free-and-clear to watch football Tally 23%

4. Only competetion on Saturday would be bowling and cooking shows Tally 18%

This week’s Poll - If Congressman Tom Tancredo (R-CO) can't, as he hopes he can, abolish race-based caucuses, he'll likely ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote