And In The Prediction Department ...

This morning, The Garlic takes a bold, previously-untaken step, in offering three predictions for Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

1. There's likely to be a large number of your employees calling in sick on Monday

2. Expect mass resignations in the very near future

3. Buy earplugs, so you can muffle the plaintive cries of "Help Me Mr. Wizard!"

What prompts this polishing of the old crystal ball? Has the spirit of Jean Dixon cracked through a few of those cloves?

It was the news - alarming news if you happen to work for the State Department - in this mornings' Washington Post;

State Dept. To Order Diplomats To Iraq; As Many as 50 Positions Are Expected to Be Open

And it carried this ominous gem;

On Monday, 200 to 300 employees will be notified of their selection as "prime candidates" for 50 open positions in Iraq, said Harry K. Thomas, director general of the Foreign Service. Some are expected to respond by volunteering, he said. However, if an insufficient number volunteers by Nov. 12, a department panel will determine which ones will be ordered to report to the Baghdad embassy next summer.

"Ordered to report to the Baghdad embassy ..."

You mean the Baghdad embassy that been in the news lately?

The one with poor workmanship and that is running over budget and delayed?

But wait a minute, they're dangling a few carrots for you;

Those who are ordered to Baghdad as part of the new call-up will receive incentives, known as the Iraq Service Package, already offered to volunteers. It includes additional pay of about 70 percent for most mid-level officers, plus another 20 percent of basic salary to compensate for long hours. Officers are not allowed to take their families to Baghdad, but the package allows them to leave spouses and children in whatever post they transfer from for the length of their tour, or to send them back to Washington.

U.S. diplomats in Baghdad are given five "rest and relaxation" breaks during the year, including up to three of them in the United States, for a total of 60 days outside Iraq. Those completing a Baghdad tour are also given preference in choosing their next assignment."

Well, they probably did tell you, either in the interview, or when you first came to work at State, that you could end up in an exciting and exotic location.

Could be worse - you could have been assigned to the team that is pretending to be conducting diplomacy with Iran.

In any case, Buena Suerta, Baby! ... You're gonna need it.

Bonus Condi Riffs

Top Ten Cloves: Ways To Tell Your Newly Constructed Iraq Embassy Is Poorly Built

Top Ten Cloves: Things About Condoleezza Rice Becoming NFL Commissioner

New Liz Cheney Op-Ed!

Our Girl Condi Gets A Theme Song - Neocons and Lovers


If Condi says so, a lot of new State Dept. boots will be walking around in Baghdad

Top Ten Cloves: Ad Campaigns U.S. Can Use To Win Over Iraqi People

News Item: The Pentagon Gets a Lesson From Madison Avenue; U.S. Needs to Devise a Different 'Brand' to Win Over the Iraqi People, Study Advises

10. Humor: Montage of Dick Cheney speeches, talking about being liberators, insurgency in final throes, not part of Executive branch

9. Saturation Campaign: "U.S. Democracy ... A Little Dab'll Do Ya!

8. Tough Love: "A Democracy tastes good like an occupation should"

7. In a PSA effort to get Iraqi's to rally around a new Constitution, will have a little old lady look into camera and bark "Where's The Beef!"

6. Retro (Optimistic): You've got a lot to live ... And the U.S. has alot to give ...

5. Ambassador Ryan Crocker descending down into a moving, shiny convertible car, with voiceover "Let America Put You In The Driver's Seat"

4. Have Miller Lite produce campaign; Clerics, politicians and celebrities around a square table for "Imam Law"

3. Subtle: In variation of Volkswagen campaign, black screen with only "Good Citizens Wanted"

2. Retro (Tough): The U.S. Military ... Takes A Licking But Keeps On Ticking ...

1. A good jingle: "The U.S. Occupation is that heavenly democracy, heavenly democracy, heavenly democracy ... The U.S. Occupation is that heavenly democracy, Better democracy a millionaire's money can't buy

Bonus Link

Glenn Greenwald: Further politicization of the U.S. military's public statements

New Barry Crimmins Essay - We Are Here

Another great, "must read" essay from Barry Crimmins, offering that there's a great deal of work to be done before we elect the next president.

"Gandhi said, “Fill the jails,” which was a brilliant strategy, meant to ball up the works of oppressive regimes. Now an oppressive regime has adopted the ‘ball up the works’ tactic with scandal overload, while perversely filling the jails with people other than themselves. Some of the jails are hidden beyond our borders and many of the prisoners are unidentified. But that’s getting too scandal-specific and I’m after the big picture here. Or big mug shot, anyway. "

"The ‘fill the jails strategy’ was tipped early with his choice of Dick Cheney as his vice-president. Right away watchdogs had two slimy trails to follow. In short order they led through a labyrinth of smoke and mirrors meant to obfuscate the most massive criminal enterprise ever to lay its hands on the government of these United States. "

Read We Are Here by Barry Crimmins








Barry Crimmins was the founder, and tirelessly producer, of The Ding Ho, legendary comedy club in Inman Square, Cambridge, MA, which launched Barry nationally, along with Steven Wright, Paula Poundstone, Bobcat Goldthwait, and many, many others. Barry also launched Boston's other fabled comedy club, Stitches, across the Charles River near Boston University.

Barry also been a featured commentator on CNN, NBC, MSNBC and The Phil Donohue Show and also appears in Fran Solimita's 'When Stand Up Stood Out', the critically acclaimed documentary about the Boston Comedy scene.

Barry received the Peace Leadership Award from Boston Mobilization for Survival. He has also been honored, along with Ms. Maya Angelou, with The Courage of Conscience Award from Wellesley College and The Life Experience School at The Peace Abbey in Sherborn, Massachusetts. Community Works gave the Artist for Social Change Award to Barry for his years of activism.

Barry is also a former writer for Air America Radio, writing and making commentary for the Randi Rhodes Show, including live reporting from Camp Casey.

In 2004, Seven Stores Press published Barry's first book, "Never Shake Hands With A War Criminal" and Barry's writing appears frequently in 'The Boston Phoenix' and the 'Cleveland Plain-Dealer'

Visit the Barry Crimmins website

Barry Crimmins news on The Garlic

Chopped Garlic ... Lightning Striking Twice ... Of Success ... Who's In Command ... Pentagon vs. Soldiers ... And Those Al Qaeda Guys - Again

The Chief Decider, yesterday, gave an Al-Qaeda-laden speech (to the Associated General Contractors of America, at the Willard Hotel in Washington D.C.) that I'm surprised the crowd didn't stampede out to the street in panic.

It was all but inferred that they were, perhaps, in the hotel, waiting to follow the conference attendees back to their rooms.

It was that Al-Qaeda-Iraq-Sept. 11th, throughly debunked tie-in that he, and the others in the Grindhouse, have so desperately clung to. If they can't find a War Czar that they can pin this disaster on, they gotta put the blame on somebody.

But there we're two gems in this speech, perhaps the equivalent of lightning striking twice, that leaves you shaking your head

In reference to the invasion and occupation of Iraq;

"...Either we'll succeed, or we won't succeed"

And on the question of command, who's running this war;

"And as you know, my position is clear -- I'm the commander guy."

We can also throw in the ever-evolving reason why we are still in Iraq, what the winning strategy is;

"Success is not, no violence. There are parts of our own country that have got a certain level of violence to it. But success is a level of violence where the people feel comfortable about living their daily lives. And that's what we're trying to achieve."

Amazing.

There's the answer, the whole apple cart on why our lives may be out of order - We haven’t struck the right balance of the proper amount of violence in our lives to feel comfortable. Do we have too much? Too little?

Maybe the endorphins were racing around his head, giddy and punch-drunk after doing his "I'm the commander guy" thing and signing the veto on the Iraq War Spending Bill

So it's gone from finding the WMD's, to putting a stop to Iraq's nuclear program, to taking out Saddam Hussein, to establishing a free Democratic Iraq, to allowing the Iraq people to vote, to "when they stand-up, we stand-down", to an Iraq that can govern and defend itself and now, to a level of violence where the people feel comfortable about living their daily lives.

We should, probably, be strapping ourselves in, for it is entirely likely the Bush Grindhouse will be pumping out more fear rhetoric, as he fights to save his failed policy while the rest of his administration explodes.

You have the Crony General Alberto Gonzales scandal sprouting spin-off scandals in time for Sweeps Month.

Turd Genius Karl Rove has more sights targeting him then an injured buck on opening day of hunting season.

And then there's the "My Sister-My Daughter" move by the Pentagon this week, announcing one day that they will be posting to YouTube their chip on the PR front, from war battles, to feel-good, uplifting stories coming out of Iraq (has the Lincoln Group opened up a film division?), and, on another day, shutting down blogs (and emails) of soldiers, who don't first submit their content to their superior officers for approval.


So, in a nutshell, here's what the Chief Decider wants you to do.

Be afraid, remember who the commander guy is, get the right balance of violence in your life, watch the Military YouTube channel, don't read the soldier's blogs or emails that haven't been approved and, with whatever you do, maybe you'll succeed, or maybe you won't.

Bonus Links

State Dept: Iraq Has Been ‘Good For The Effort To Reduce Terrorism’

The right's explicit and candid rejection of "the rule of law"

White House Plunges Into New Iraq Strategy; Moving From ‘Keystone Cops To ‘Marx Brothers’

Disney, With Secret Contract, Working With White House, Military On Building Baghdad Moats


"Whatta ya think there, Harriet, either we'll succeed, or we won't succeed"

Top Ten Cloves: Lengths White House Staff Will Go Today To Avoid Reminding President Of "Mission Accomplished"

News Item: Mission Accomplished?

10. Call MSNBC and see if there's some new, Anna Nicole Smith story they can break

9. Checking Congress rules to see if entire Democratic Caucus can be sent ouf of the country on a junket

8. Vacation Day! - Send'em down to Crawford for 24-48-hours

7. All U.S. aircraft carriers ordered out-to-sea, with strict orders to stay out of the news

6. Get the First Lady to bite-the-bullet and, even though she may get discouraged, make President sit and watch television with her

5. Lobbying Ann Coulter to call one of the other Democratic Presidential candidates a faggot

4. All Military pilots today will wear business suits, not flightsuits

3. If necessary, Vice President Dick Cheney will do live, on-air telephone call to his friend, Scooter Libby, who he hasn't spoken with since Libby's conviction

2. Have Crony General Gonzales - or one of his underlings - fire another eight U.S. Attorneys

1. Hope someone on the staff gets outted in DC Madam Scandal

Bonus Links

Bush Remarks on "Mission Accomplished" Banner Embarrass White House

White House pressed on 'mission accomplished' sign; Navy suggested it, White House made it, both sides say

White House Caught Doctoring "Mission Accomplished" Video

Minced Garlic - Keith Olbermann, Paul Rieckhoff and Larisa Alexandrovna Expose Bush Giving Aid To The Enemy

"One of the things that did happen today that concerned me was that during Bush‘s press conference, he actually showed a graphic that showed 24 urban military outposts in downtown Baghdad ... Our enemies aren‘t stupid. They can look at that and figure out a grid coordinate and try to drop mortars on those exact locations ... "

All the spin, the smears, the lies, the attacks on anyone who opposed the Great Decider, labeling them as giving aid and comfort to our enemies.

When an opponent does, they're a Nazi Appeaser, or worse.

When Bush, or one of his henchman do it, why they are supporting the troops and fighting the global war on terror.

It was an unguarded, unprompted, unplanned moment last Friday evening, on MSNBC's Countdown with Keith Olbermann.

Olbermann was interviewing veteran, veteran advocate and 'Chasing Ghost' author Paul Rieckhoff regarding the continuing growing scandal over the death of Army Ranger Pat Tilman.

Near the end of the interview, Olbermann ask Rieckhoff to comment on the Harry Reid "The War is Lost" statement made in the Senate the day before.Rieckhoff briefly addressed that and then turned to the bombshell of President Bush, complete with slides, showing off military position around Baghdad at a speech in Ohio.

Larisa Alexandrovna, of at-largely, and also an investigative journalist, essayist and poet, managing news editor of Raw Story, and contributor to Alternet, and The Huffington Post, picked up on it as well.

"My good friend Paul Rieckhoff just made an interesting point on Countdown regarding a speech given by the Decider today. I had not noticed this, but apparently our beloved leader put a big red X on where US are positioned in Iraq, showing once again that his version of supporting the troops is at best political theater and at worst, dangerous to our national security."

Links

Note: The video of the Olbermann-Rieckhoff interview, the Bush giving aid to our enemies comes at the very end of the video. And Alexandrova's link offers a transcript of Bush giving his speech and spilling the beans on where troops are located.

Larisa Alexandrovna - Bush to terrorists: Here is a map of our troop movements

Video: Keith Olbermann - Paul Rieckhoff Interview - New details in Tillman investigation

Transcript of 'Countdown with Keith Olbermann' for April 20

'Chasing Ghost' author Paul Rieckhoff

Minced Garlic: Another Stellar Keith Olbermann Special Comment - “A special comment about lying”

Minced Garlic Redux! ... New Keith Olbermann Special Comment, - 'Have you no sense of decency, sir?' This Time, Slapping Down The Decider, Himself

VIDEO COMPILATION: Bush Fear-Mongering Reaches Fevered Pitch In


"He who laughs first, laughs last"

Top Ten Cloves: Most Likely Graffiti Tags That Will Soon Appear On New Baghdad Wall

News Item: US builds Baghdad wall to keep Sunnis and Shias apart

10. Look, Bush invades Iraq and all he gets is this lousy wall

9. Sunnis Suck

8. Oh good, something new to blow up

7. Shiites Eat Shit

6. Hey Tancredo, where's your wall?

5. Who's paying for this wall - Iraq or Wolfowitz?

4. Kilroy Was Here

3. Here's my purple finger, right here!

2. Hey Cheney, gives us a few days and you can declare your wall here in its' final throes

1. Hey Americans .... Write down your names and addresses, so we know where to find you when we follow you home

Bonus Link

Disney, With Secret Contract, Working With White House, Military On Building Baghdad Moats


"Cool idea, huh? ... A wall ... That's why they call me The Decider"

Breaking News! Cheney Bound By Terror Policy, Told To Not Come Home!

After Bomb Attempt, White House Tells Cheney To "Stay Away"

Belief "They Will Follow The Vice President Home"; Cheney To Get New Secret Bunker "Somewhere In Iraq"

A crises has enveloped the White House today, testing their mettle and "stick-to-itness", after a suicide bomber struck the Afghanistan compound Vice President Dick Cheney was visiting earlier this morning.

Following a flurry of meetings in the Oval Office, at a hastily called news conference, White House Spokesperson Tony Snow delivered the news that President Bush has ordered his Vice President to "stay away from Washington"

"We don't want him coming to the White House," a somber Snow continued. "As we know, the terrorists are likely to want to strike again, and may follow the Vice President home."

The attack, at the main gate of the Bagram Airfield in Afghanistan, killed 23 and wounded, at least 20 others.

"President Bush is convinced," offered a West Wing source that attended one of the meetings, "that Cheney will be followed back to Washington."

"He [the President] kept pointing to some kind of report on his desk, and saying over, and over, "If we leave, they will follow us", over and over," said the source.

"It was like a mantra."

President Bush, Cheney, and Republican Congressional leaders have repeatedly predicted that terrorists are poised to follow the U.S. Troops home, and wage battles in the streets of America.

Earlier this month, House Republican leader, Rep. John Boehner (R-OH) flatly offered “If we leave, they will follow us home. It’s that simple.”

"With such a high profile targert as the Vice President," Snow offered in his briefing, "we're very certain he would be followed back to the White House. After an analysis, the President decided - yes, he decided - that it just was too big a chance to take."

News of Cheney being ordered to stay away from Washington sent the stock market spiraling downward, losing over 500-points, before a minor comeback.

Cheney To Get Second Secret Bunker

Later, at a briefing in the Vice President's office, Cheney spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride downplayed having a "Vice President in exile" and indicated measures were being taken to keep Cheney in the daily decision process of the the government.

McBride offered, that within 90-minutes of the attack aimed at Cheney, the Army Corps of Engineers began, to replicate Vice President Cheney's Secret Bunker "somewhere in Iraq", though sources have told The Garlic that it will be within the secure walls of the Green Zone in Baghdad.

Should it be necessary, in his role as President of the Senate, Cheney will be allowed to cast the tie-breaking vote via video feed from his New Secret Bunker, already dubbed "Come And Get Me East" by the Secret Service.

Sources have told The Garlic that Vice President Chief of Staff David Addington is composing a new Signing Statement for President Bush to allow such a move, and that it will extend to Cheney's U.S.-based Secret Bunker, should he be able to get back into the country without being followed.

It's not clear if the White House is putting its' muscle behind the belief that the terrorists will follow the Vice President home, or if the President, and Cheney, is attempting to raise the ante in their threats against Iran.

Coincidently, Cheney broke from the Administration late last year, to form his own Iran Study Group.

Rice Gives Okay To Move

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice defended the move to keep Cheney away.

"It's not like we have some binding, historic document, that delineates the offices of government that we can refer to and deal with this situation, and we have to go out and create one," said the husband-less diplomat.

Signs that Cheney could be staying in his New Secret Bunker for some time were evidenced at Andrews Airforce Base, where 18-wheel trailer trucks, filled with Caffeine-Free Diet Sprite, were seen being loaded into giant cargo planes headed for Iraq.
















The Secret Service has already dubbed Cheney's New Secret Bunker in Iraq "Come And Get Me East"

Our Girl Condi Gets A Theme Song - Neocons and Lovers

Well, Well, Well ...

After being pushed back into the shadows, first by our Decider, make that Decision-Maker's, New Way Forward Surge Speech, and then his sans-New Orleans, Civilian Reserves Corp-laden SOTU, and following that, we had Vice President Darth Vader making his splash, beating down Wolf Blitzer and topping his "final throes" with declaring our Iraq Occupation to be "enormous success", and sandwiched in there was the First Lady and Liz Cheney picking on poor Condi.

What's our top globe-trotting, piano-playing, error-admitting diplomat to do?

If you're Super Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, you grab the cover of the latest U.S. edition of Time Magazine, perhaps as a forerunner to a statement declaring 2007 as "Year of the Condi".



The puff piece "The Weight Of The World" certainly paints poor Condi as caught between a rock-and-a-hard place and how-could-that-happen-to-someone-so-brilliant?

And in a second article, an interview "This Can Be Done Through Diplomacy", no doubt she'll be standing on the carpet in the Oval Office, having to explain to Dubya" why she's reading from the Iraq Study Group pages and not his.

Yet, while not ready to go off with Cheney and Rumsfield to one their Armageddon Retreats, Our Girl Condi is putting Dubya's legacy ahead of hers and is dancing the beat of the Surge.

Maybe she is a Neocon, dressed in diplomat's clothing.

So, while The Garlic has, on many occasions, put the musical spotlight on the two people who keep getting in Condi's way - Bush and Cheney, we decided that Condi needed some theme music to call her own.

Inspired by a recent Song Parody contest, The Garlic cues up the "Wives and Lovers", retitled for the occasion to "Neocon and Lovers".

Neocons and Lovers

Hey, little Condi
Comb your hair, fix your make-up
Soon he will open the door.
Don't think because
Theres a surge in Iraq,
You needn't try any more

For Neocons should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
I'm warning you.

Day after day,
There's Cheney in his office,
And men will always be men.
Don't send him off
With your hair still in curlers.
You may not see him again.

For Neocons should always be lovers, too.
Run to his arms the moment he comes home to you.
Hes almost here.

Hey, little Condi
Better wear something pretty,
Something you'd wear to go to the Sit-Room.
And dim all the lights,
Pour the lies, start the spinning.
Time to get ready for Iran.

Oh, time to get ready,
Time to get ready,
Time to get ready
For Iran.


Links

Time Magazine - "The Weight Of The World"

Time Magazine - "This Can Be Done Through Diplomacy"

Rice's Rhetoric, in Full Retreat

Miss J's Newsvine Parody Contest - Song Lyrics

Top Ten Cloves: Things About Condoleezza Rice Becoming NFL Commissioner

New Liz Cheney Op-Ed!

Last week, Liz Cheney, a former principal deputy assistant secretary of state for Near Eastern affairs and the straight daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, offered some unsolicted advise to Senator Hillary Clinton.

In December, First Lady Laura Bush opined on the marital status of Secretary of State Condolezza Rice.

Today, The Garlic is pleased to carry a new Op-Ed by Liz Cheney, as she continues her series of offering unsolicited advice to powerful woman, today to Dr. Rice.


Being Single Isn't An Option
By Liz Cheney

First Lady Laura Bush said last month that "Dr. Rice, who I think would be a really good candidate (for President), is not interested. Probably because she is single, her parents are no longer living, she's an only child. You need a very supportive family and supportive friends to have this job."

Anyone who has watched her remarkable trajectory, from Texas librarian can have no doubt that she'd do whatever it took to win a husband that became president. I wish more woman felt the same way about the marriage.

In fairness, Mrs. Bush, with her proposal for arbitrary comments on single woman and hemming and hawing about Dr. Rice being single has company on both sides of the aisle. Sen. Joseph Lieberman is the only national Democrat is the only national Democrat showing any courage on this issue. Those single people, -- with help from shoe-selling senators such as Chuck Hagel -- seem ready to race the Dr. Rice to the bottom.

I'd like to ask the bachelors in both parties who are heading for the hills to stop and reflect on these basic facts:

· We are at war. America faces an existential threat. This is not, as Speaker Nancy Pelosi has claimed, a "singleness to be solved." It would be nice if we could wake up tomorrow and say, as Sen. Barack Obama suggested at a Jan. 11 hearing, "Enough is enough." Wishing doesn't make it so. We will have to fight these single woman, somewhere, sometime. We can't negotiate with them or "solve" their loneliness. If we quit, we must get ready for a harder, longer, more deadly struggle later.

· Quitting helps the single woman. Few single woman want to be known as spokesmen for loneliness. Instead we hear such words as "independence" "freedom" or "I'm fine." Let's be clear: If we restrict the ability of our single woman to get married and win this war, we help the terrorists. Don't take my word for it. Read the plans of Abu Musab al-Zarqawi and Ayman Zawahiri to drive America from Iraq, establish a base for al-Qaeda and spread single woman across the Middle East. The terrorists are counting on us to lose our will and retreat under pressure. We're in danger of proving them right.

· Beware the polls. In November the American people expressed serious concerns about Dr. Rice (and about Republican corruption and scandals). They did not say that they want us to lose marriage. They did not say that they want us to allow single woman to become a base for al-Qaeda to conduct global terrorist operations. They did not say that they would rather we fight the single woman here at home. Until you see a poll that asks those questions, don't use election results as an excuse to retreat.

Retreat from marriage hurts us in the broader war. We are fighting the war on singleness with allies across the globe, leaders such as Hamid Karzai in Afghanistan and Pervez Musharraf in Pakistan. Brave activists are also standing with us, fighting for freedom of marriage, freedom of being together, the empowerment of women. They risk their lives every day to defeat the forces of singleness. They can't win without us, and many of them won't continue to fight if they believe we're abandoning them. Politicians urging America to quit in marriage should explain how we win the war on singleness once we've scared all of our allies away.

What about marriage? There is no doubt that an American retreat from marriage will embolden Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, making it even less likely that the Iranian president will bend to the will of the international community and halt his nuclear weapons program.

A member of Lebanon's parliament recently told me that Lebanese Sunnis, Shiites and Christians are lining up with Iran and Syria to fight against Sunnis, Shiites and Christians who want to stand with America. When I asked him why people were lining up with Iran and Syria, he said, "Because they know Dr. Rice and marriage aren't going anyplace. We're not so sure about America."

· Our soldiers will win if we let them. Read their blogs. Talk to them. They know that free people must fight to defend their freedom. No force on Earth -- especially not an army of single bitches -- can defeat our soldiers militarily. American troops will win if we show even one-tenth the courage here at home that they show every day on the battlefield. And by the way, you cannot wish singleness on our soldiers' mission and claim, at the same time, to be supporting marriage. It just doesn't compute.

I suppose Laura Bush's announcement was a sign of progress. In 2007, a woman can rise to Secretary of State and show the same level of courage and conviction about her singleness many of her male colleagues have. Steel in the spine? Not so much.

America deserves better. It's time for everyone -- Republicans and Democrats -- to stop trying to find ways for America to quit. Marriage is the only option. We must have the fortitude and the courage to do what it takes. In the words of Winston Churchill, we must deserve marriage.

Dr. Rice must be married to win.


Editor's Note: Following the submission of her essay, The Garlic asked Ms.Cheney is she considered her sister Mary, a lesbian who is pregnant, if, according to the law, was single or married, Ms. Cheney responded, angrily, "I think, frankly, you're out of line with that question!"

"The Garlic appreciates --"

Ms. Cheney interrupted: "I think you're out of line."

"The Garlic likes you and your sister. Believe me, We're very sympathetic to you and to Mary. We like both of you. That was a question that's come up, and it's a responsible, fair question."

"I just fundamentally disagree with you," Ms. Cheney said.


Links

Laura Bush gives Condi Rice "The Singles Treatment," and Only Keith Olbermann Notices

Retreat Isn't an Option

Top Ten Cloves: Things Lynne Cheney Didn’t Get To Tell Wolf Blitzer About Her New Book

Defending Iraq War, Defiant Cheney Cites 'Enormous Successes'


"Wishing doesn't make it so. We will have to fight these single woman, somewhere, sometime. We can't negotiate with them or "solve" their loneliness. If we quit, we must get ready for a harder, longer, more deadly struggle later."

Breaking News! Hagel Speech Causes Havoc

Payless Shoes Flooded With Job Seekers, Resumes

Applicants Looking For " The Safe Jobs Senator Hagel Talked About"; Tancredo Offers Threats

Officials from the Payless ShoeSource Corporation are managing a crises today, as their shoe stores around the country have been flooded with job seekers, waiving resumes and seeking to fill out applications.

The sudden boom, a Payless spokesperson said, was a direct result of the impassioned speech given by Senator Chuck Hagel (R-NE) during a Senate hearing on Wednesday.

"Not only our stores are bogged down with huge crowds," continued the spokesperson, "but our website nearly crashed and the fax machines in Human Resources have been going, non-stop."

During a Senate Foreign Relations Committee hearing on Wednesday, in which the committee voted 12-9 on a non-binding resolution opposing President Bush "New Way Forward" plan of sending more troops into Iraq, Hagel chided and challenged his colleagues.

"Sure it's tough. Absolutely. And I think all 100 senators ought to be on the line on this. What do you believe? What are you willing to support? What do you think? Why are you elected? If you wanted a safe job, go sell shoes."

Later, Hagel added;

"I would go back to where I began, and pick up on a point that Chairman [Richard] Lugar mentioned: coherence of strategy. I don't know how many United States senators believe we have a coherent strategy in Iraq. I don't think we've ever had a coherent strategy. In fact, I would even challenge the administration today to show us the plan that the president talked about the other night. There is no plan. I happen to know Pentagon planners were on their way to the Central Com over the weekend. They haven't even Team B'd this plan. . . . And I want every one of you, every one of us, 100 senators, to look in that camera, and you tell your people back home what you think. Don't hide anymore; none of us.

"That is the essence of our responsibility. And if we're not willing to do it, we're not worthy to be seated right here. We fail our country. If we don't debate this . . . we are not worthy of our country."

Internet and Faxes Jammed; Crowd Control Issues

Payless reports that calls, emails and faxes began coming in Wednesday evening, and as news to Hagel's speech spread around the Internet on Thursday, the volume increased.

Soon people began lining up at the stores, carrying resumes and looking to fill out applications, with dozens choosing to camp out on the sidewalks overnight to retain their place in line.

In Boston, hundreds of people lined up outside Payless Shoe Stores, braving sub-zero temperatures, to submit resumes and fill out employment applications. One bundled-up prospect enthusiastically offered that they hoped to get "the safe job Senator Hagel talked about."

"I don't even want to have to offer and opinion to anyone, whether to purchase brown shoes or black shoes." she said. "Just give me safe, no pressure work."

Reports coming into The Garlic say this scene was repeated in cities across the country.

In San Francisco, so many applicants swarmed to a Payless Shoe Store that police were called in, to control the crowd and reroute traffic.

Crowd control also became a problem in other cities, including New York, Chicago, Denver and Atlanta, as street vendors moved from their standard locations to the spots in front of Payless Shoe Stores, creating tensions and some fistfights as people left the line to purchase everything from food, water, and hot cocoa, to mittens and scarves.

The Mall of America in Bloomington, Minnesota was the scene of the most violence.

After the Payless Shoe Store announced they were out of applications, the crowd went wild, breaking windows and store displays, before ransacking it and starting small fires.

A spokesperson in Senator Hagel's office indicated the Senator was "unaware" of the stampede to Payless Shoe Stores, and urged citizens to act "responsibly".

With Hagel contemplating a possible entry into the 2008 Presidential Race, the spokesperson offered no comment if the Hagel Campaign will seek support from Payless, as well as the shoe industry.

Payless ShoeSource was founded in 1956 in Topeka, Kansas and generated over $2.7 billion in net sales in 2005, selling more than 182 million pairs of shoes. The company operates stores in all 50 U.S. states, plus Puerto Rico, Guam, Saipan, the U.S. Virgin Islands, Canada, Central America, the Caribbean, South America, and opened its first test store in Japan in November, 2004.

Rep. Tancredo Weighs In With Threats

With the Payless Shoe Store in his territory one of the locations experiencing being overrun today, Congressman Tom Tancredo (R-CO) became irate, lashing out at Hagel and the Payless Shoe Corporation.

"I hope they have proper security at these stores," snorted Tancredo. "I better not find they're looking to go with cheap labor and are hiring illegal aliens. I plan on calling on the Attorney General to send teams of U.S. Marshalls to these stores to verify there isn't any undocumented workers there."

Tancredo indicated that, until the U.S. Marshalls arrive, the Arizona Minutemen promised to monitor the Payless Shoe Stores.

"As to Senator Hagel," continued an angry Tancredo, "I hope he isn't planning to launch a "Shoe Caucus" over there. We already have too many caucuses, with the Blacks and the Latinos. If he starts one, you can bet dollars-to-donuts that I'll add that to my list to abolish."

Yesterday, Tancredo announced he was opposed to race-based groups of lawmakers forming caucuses, as it amounts to segregation. Tancredo indicated he plans on taking measures to abolish such groups.

Tancredo, who holds a harsh position on Immigration and Border Security, is chairman of the Congressional Immigration Reform Caucus, which is not on his list as one he wishes to ban.


Payless Shoe Stores around the country were overrun with job applicants, following Senator Chuck Hagel's speech in the Senate earlier this week

Top Ten Cloves: Reason President Bush Is Now Only "The Decision-Maker" And Not "The Decider"

News Item: Bush: 'I'm the Decision-Maker' on Iraq

10. Hedging his bets on how the Libby Trial winds up

9. No issue - Decision-Maker on Iraq, The Decider on everything else

8. Thought it was time to break out his Civilian Reserve Corps moniker

7. After authorizing U.S. Soldiers to kill Iranians, part of the plan to throw Iran off-balance

6. Only recommendation of the Iraq Study Group he was willing to undertake

5. Just in an "Ek-A-Lec-Tic" mood today

4. Fred Kagan and General Keane said it would help the surge

3. First Lady was going to make him go into rehab if he kept going around, calling himself "The Decider"

2. Pulled the "I'm the Decider" on Cheney, right after the Wolf Blitzer interview and Cheney barked back "You're out of line ... "

1. Rove worked his "The Math" again and said the change would make my polls numbers go up












"The Decider" - Out

"The Decision-Maker" - In

New Bush Spying Expanding!

Nod To FISA May Signal Surge In Wiretaps, Experts Say

Bush Turns To Marx Brothers Policy Once Again; Signs Point To Coordinating Mail Reading and Eavesdropping

In a stunning reversal, not unlike one we've seen before, President Bush has abandoned his illegal domestic spying, known by the adminstration as the Terrorist Surveillence Program, and will concede oversight of his wiretapping by the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Court.

Some close to the White House say this is a "clear signal" that Bush is planning a "surge of wiretaps" to coordinate with his new Iraq policy.

The abrupt change by the White House also points towards the continuation of the President's "Hello, I Must Be Going" policy.

Back in October, the President shifted from his Keystone Cops method of operations and into the Marx Brothers, when he, and members of his administration denied ever stating "Stay The Course" or that it was the operational policy of the White House.

Surge In Iraq Needs Counterbalance With Surge In Wiretaps

"It's about time he put some lead in his pencil," bellowed Hugh P. Varicator, a consultant with the conservative hawkish think tank, “Cry Wolf”, that is said to be closely affiliated with The Project for the New American Century (PNAC), and, some say, may be an adjunct to the White House Iraq Group, or WHIG.

"We need to get those telephones calls over there, before we have to get them here, added Varicator.

"It makes sense," said Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication, that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century

"No doubt that the surge in Iraq will, inevitablly, lead to more telephone calls," offered Martins. "If he surges in Iraq, he has to balance it out on this end with the surge on the wiretapping. I don't see what all the fuss is about, he's already been doing it for nearly five-years and we haven't had a another, single attack within our borders. I say "Go for it, Mr. President, we're right behind you."

On Wednesday, Attorney General Alberto R. Gonzales sent a letter to the leaders of the Senate Judiciary Committee, indicating a reversal in White House policy, saying that the warrantless surveillance program run by the National Security Agency would now follow the law set forth by the Foreign Intelligence Surveillance Act, or FISA.

The White House indicated that they are not retreating from their position that President Bush has full authority to order warrentless wiretapping, but rather new rules have made it easierm and quicker, to work within the framework of FISA.

Faced with a Democratic-controlled Congress exercising oversight, and with lawsuits pending over the warrentless wiretapping, President Bush is also not conceding ground on his hold of broad, extraordinary Executive Power, having last weeked, along with Vice President Dick Cheney, said that Congress could not stop him from sending the 20,000+ surge troops to Iraq.

A Bigger Plan In The Pipeline?

Other sources have told The Garlic that the White House's sudden shift to allow the secret surveillience court oversight on their wiretapping goes towards a larger plan coming from President Bush and his recent strategy sessions.

"He set himself up to read the mail," says Dix Whitcomb, editor of the newsletter "Our Laws Are Different", "so this must be a part of that plan."

Earlier this month, through the use of his controversial use of Signing Statements, President Bush added the statement to a postal bill that the Bush Adminstration "shall construe" a section of that law to allow the opening of sealed mail to protect life, guard against hazardous materials or conduct "physical searches specifically authorized by law for foreign intelligence collection."

'It could be," added Whitcomb, "that the wiretaps gave them intelligence that there was something in the mail. Now it's a matter of coordinating the wiretaps with the mail, get a fuller picture on whoever it is they are targeting."

Yesterday, in a grilling before the Senate Judiciary Committee, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales made no reference of tying the opening of mail with the wiretaps

Main Street Quiet, Fears Getting Trapped By NSA

Public reaction to the move by the White House suddenly going to the FISA Court has been muted.

In an overnight survey, The Garlic found that over 77% of those polled say they have shied away from calling or emailing friends and family to discuss the news, out of fear that they may be monitored by the NSA.

"I insisted my friend," said one participant, "to meet me for coffee - and I didn’t say where, she knew - and we talked about it whispers and hushed voices."

"I started writing an email," said another, "but I deleted it before I sent it, I didn’t want to take any chances."

When asked what message the President was sending to the American people, with his policies of eavesdropping and opening others' mail, White House Press Secretary Tony Snow sighed;

"Well, let me -- because I'm constantly being asked, what message does the President get. It's probably worth asking, what message does Congress intend to give, and who does it think the audience is? Is the audience merely the President? Is it the voting American public? Or in an age of instant communication, is it also al Qaeda? Is it Iraq? Is it players in Iraq? Is it U.S. troops? Is it people in the Gulf who want to understand whether the United States is, in fact, a partner upon whom they can depend for security even in trying times?"

Surge Me The Money! ... The Results - The Garlic Week Poll

The race is on as to which gets built or rebuilt first, and, considering our Court-Appointed President's big "Win One For The Dubya!" speech this past week, Las Vegas must be placing odds that it will be Baghdad - that is if the insurgents (aka Iraqi citizens) don't burn it down first.

Mayor Ray Nagin, and the rest of the politicians down in Louisianna have to make the tough, political choices in the weeks and months ahead.

If they want to get the funds to rebuild New Orleans, they're going to have to invite the Shites and Sunnis to come on over and start battling in the Big Easy. Maybe then, the current administration occupying the White House will pay attention to the city.

As to the Bush Library.

Based on our Chief Surger's tenure, and with the drumbeat gettting louder for some level of violence with Iran (Cheney can economize and just use the same forged papers to claim that Ahmadinejad is trying to get Yellow Cake Uranium from Africa to get the ball rolling), they can just place the Bush Think Tank, errr, I mean Library, inside the PNAC or American Enterprise Institute.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll January 10 - January 13, 2007

For the remainder of Court-Appointed President Bush’s term, which will get more funding, construction and/or reconstruction?

1. Baghdad, Iraq Tally 50%

2. Bush Presidential Library Tally 33%

3. New Orleans, LA Tally 17%


This Week’s Poll - With the Scooter Libby trial beginning this week, we should be prepared for ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote