News In Brief - 24 October 2005

New Tape From Al Qaeda Suggests Following NBA With Dress Code

Bin Laden Calls For "More Professionalism"; Suits and Ties When On The Clock

Intelligence agencies, The Garlic learned today, are examining a new tape from Al-Qaeda leader Osama bin-Laden, in which he appears agitated and is calling for a dress code for his followers.

Citing the new NBA dress code issued last week by Commissioner David Stern, bin-Laden says, according to a source who as seen the videotape, that he wants his followers to look "more professional" as they go about their terror missions.

"He definitely looks agitated and distressed," said the source.

Bin-Laden appears in the video in a Calvin Klein tuxedo, and has a walking stick. Intelligence agents are examining the tape for clues if the walking stick is part of his new formal ensemble, or if the Al-Qaeda leader is suffering from an illness or injury.

"It looks like a European-cut suit," says Paula Malady, a analyst for the think tank All Things Terror, which specializes in Middle East affairs, who has seen excerpts of the tape. "Could be London or Paris, so that raises the question if bin-Laden has the ability to travel or, if he's doing mail-order."

In the tape, bin-Laden lays down a dress code of suit and tie attire, with polished dress shoes. No neck jewelry or rings are allowed and for those terrorist that don't comply with the edict, bin-Laden threatens harsh penalties, including the removal from the suicide bomb roster.

"He'll get compliance," says Malady. "Being taken off the suicide bomb list is like a slap in the face to Allah, so these guys will clean up their act."

Malady says this new tape is likely to stretch intelligence agencies thin, as now tailors around the world will have to be researched and monitored.