The Garlic: 11/01/2009

Saturday, November 07, 2009

This Date ... On The Garlic

7 November 2008... On The Garlic

This One's For Sarah ...

7 November 2007... On The Garlic

Editor's Note: No Drum-Banging Rabbit Around Here

7 November 2006... On The Garlic

Breaking News! Developing Story! White House Rerunning 2000 Post Election Plans; Bush Unhinged, Huddles With Lawyers And Preps Briefs To Contest Election Results; With GOP Losing House, Tighter Senate, Appeal Will Be Filed; Snow: “What Worked in 2000 Can Work Again”

7 November 2005... On The Garlic

White House Tension Builds As Bush, Cheney Clash Over Ethics Classes

Top Ten Cloves: Other CIA Secret Torture Projects

Friday, November 06, 2009

Top Ten Cloves: Things Disney Should Consider For Mickey Mouse Makeover

News Item: After Mickey’s Makeover, Less Mr. Nice Guy

10. High Tech - Tie Mickey Mouse into Twitter, speaking in 140 characters, or less

9. Give Mickey a perpetual tan, like John Boehner

8. Like The Commander Guy, he should have an Ek-A-Lec-Tic Reading List

7. Scandalous - Put PR out he's in Carrie Prejean's home sex tape

6. Lots of security - No matter what the makeover is, Kayne West is likely to pop up,.and step all over it

5. Presidential - Give Mickey "Obama Ears", but downside is he would still have a couple of cab doors

4. Make him over as a a Northwest Pilot - All they have do is let him sleep!

3. For the launch of the makeover, with cellphone cameras, claim Mickey is floating away in a tinfoil weather balloon

2. Have him lose, and gain, weight, just like Oprah

1. Only one way to go - Bruno!

Bonus Links

Judann: Pollack: How Would You Remake Mickey Mouse? ...Disney Giving Corporate Icon a Makeover

Rebecca Tushnet: You blow my mind: Mickey Mouse makeover

Generous King: Disney’s Epic Mickey Mouse Gets Makeover; He Looks Meaner Now, Just A Steamboat Willie Inspired Design That’s All!

Andy McSmith: Mickey Mouse to get a makeover

This Date ... On The Garlic

6 November 2008... On The Garlic

Joe ... You're Nothing To Us Now!

6 November 2007... On The Garlic

Damn You, Nancy OffTheTable and Stagnant Hoyer!

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard Backstage at Saturday Night Live, With Brian Williams Hosting

6 November 2006... On The Garlic

Minced Garlic - Keith Olbermann Special Comment: Where are the checks, balances?

Top Ten Cloves: Ways James Dobson Will Cure Ted Haggard And Offer "Spiritual Restoration"

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Retro Garlic: We Called It, On The Terrorist-Killing Bears!

Once again, almost unfathomably, life has imitated The Garlic

We've had a handful of these instances, and on Tuesday, yet another.

Bear kills militants in Kashmir

A bear killed two militants after discovering them in its den in Indian-administered Kashmir, police say.

Two other militants escaped, one of them badly wounded, after the attack in Kulgam district, south of Srinagar.

The militants had assault rifles but were taken by surprise - police found the remains of pudding they had made to eat when the bear attacked.

It is thought to be the first such incident since Muslim separatists took up arms against Indian rule in 1989.

"Police found the remains of pudding ..."

I guess, despite all those terrorist training films, of jumping jacks and jungle gyms, the boys never gathered around the campfire, to read "Goldilocks and the Three Bears".

They would have know, the bears would be pissed off to find "pudding", instead of porridge.

Michael Stickings, over on The Reaction noted;

Oops. Not a smart move. How can these militants be expected to take over Kashmir if they can't even run their own cave without, you know, getting killed by a bear?

Don't they watch Animal Planet over there?

Anyway, here's the The Retro Part, from late 2006;

Developing Story - Polar Bears Added To Iraq Options ... Bush Administration Wavering On Polar Bears; Considering Employing In Iraq, War Against Terror ...Rove Claims He Also Has “The Science”, Says Bears “Will Do Fine In Desert Heat”

Hilarious Roland Hedley, on Larry King

This post was intended to go up on Tuesday, but due to a jammin' schedule on the homefront, it fell by the wayside.

We posted him back in April, that being Roland Hedley, Star Journalist

The intrepid reporter stepped out of the pages of Garry Trudeau's 'Doonesbury and opened a Twitter account, that is, frequently, hysterically funny stuff.

Howie Kurtz, of the WaPo, talked with Trudeau;

"It became a creative challenge unlike any I've ever set for myself," Trudeau says. "Kind of a comedy haiku. It's ridiculously short. The trick is to make it seem tossed-off. Roland rarely thinks about what he writes."

Kurtz also interviewed Hedley, in a gimmicky segment on his CNN Reliable Sources, via Tweets, saved only by the voice reading Hedley's Tweets was none other that Sam Donaldson (a very pointed comic irony, I would say).

Hedley later tweeted;

Headbutted w/ @howardkurtz on CNN. Made him cry like little girl, but still buds. Both pros

Now, Trudeau has put out a book, 'My Shorts R Bunching. Thoughts?: The Tweets of Roland Hedley', so, naturally, there's a barnstorming media tour.

And, Hedley tweeted about being on Larry King;

Larry King now played by elderly actress using motion-capture suit, voice synthesizer. Fascinating. O, this Modern Age!

Taping LKL. Didn't know Larry is just an avatar, that real Larry retired in '02, living quietly in Scottsdale. Hunh.

It made my day.

Zinger of the Week Goes To Joan Walsh!

We have to heart Joan Walsh today, with her "I heart Dede Scozzafava ...I promised to blog from vacation if Bill Owens won NY23; here's my lazy compromise."

I semi-promised to blog from vacation if Democrat Bill Owens defeated Conservative Party candidate Doug Hoffman, the right-wing carpetbagger backed by jobless Sarah Palin, in the NY-23 race. I did that because, um, I didn't think Owens could possibly win. But he did, and now I've got 20 minutes free before my next hike with Sadie, and here's the best I can do: My Twitter stream from last night, as I watched the returns on MSNBC with Anne Lamott and our three dogs.

Okay, she's solid.

She said, even if halfheartedly, that she would duke Bill Owens, if he won, and she did.

The NY-23 was where a flock of Flying Monkeys, including Mommy Moose, the former leader of the Free Alaska, ganged up on the Republican Scozzafava, because she wasn't deranged enough, backing the Flying Monkey who didn't even live in the district.

And, why does Joan Walsh heart Dede Scozzafaza?

I just want to say one extra thing: It's got to be great to be Dede Scozzafaza today. She gives me hope that moderate Republicans will either come to their senses and take their party back, or more likely, become Democrats.

That will only get a few of the Flying Monkey to throw feces at each other.

The real zinger, the zinger of the week, came at the end of the post, speaking to Ms. Ya Betcha's involvement, and her sterling work record;

See you Monday -- unless there's really big news, like Sarah Palin quits whatever she's currently doing, again.

Whatever happens Joan, when the Flying Monkeys swoop in on you, don't cave-in like Letterman.

Mo Dowd Slaps Down El Jefe de Dittoheads

We're agnostic when it comes to NYT Columnist Maureen Dowd

Once-in-awhile, she hits a triple, or even less often, a homerun, but, more, it a case of spraying out seeing-eye-singles, and, an occasional ground-rule double.

The other day, however, she had her claws out, and sharpened, taking on the Grand Poohbar of Dittoheads, The Cheeseburger That Sweats (h/t Barry Crimmins) himself, Rush Limbaugh.

She goes on, at some length, of meeting, and having dinner, with the man maggots consider to be a social class above of, and, that means she's a player, of course.

Robert Stein, over on Connecting-The-Dots has a very wry riff on it;

Dowd's Date With Limbaugh

In the annals of sexual politics and odd couples, none could ever match the possibilities of mating Maureen Dowd and Rush Limbaugh, a power pairing that would have made Mary Matalin and James Carville look like America's Sweethearts.

And, of course, she works in again, her sobriquet “The Boy Emperor”, as her "badge of honor" for drawing the ire of Smegma Man.

Yet, she recoups, waiting until the very, very end of the column, to level the slap across Rushbo's portly face;

But on Sunday, he ripped the president for having “an out-of-this-world ego,” for being “very narcissistic,” “immature, inexperienced, in over his head.” (Isn’t immaturity scoring OxyContin from your maid?)

It gives new meaning to pot, kettle and black.

Ouch!

Dissin' him for being a junkie!

(Can't wait for her and Glenn Beck to go out, at least, for coffee.)

This Date ... On The Garlic

5 November 2008... On The Garlic

Beam Me Up Scottie!

"We lock and load our ideological ammunition."

Tweety Baits, Rat Catcher Bites

5 November 2007... On The Garlic

Minced Garlic: New Keith Olbermann Special Comment - Kicking Ass and Taking Names!

If The Telecoms Get Amnesty, Will Reporters or Photographers Be Jailed For Reporting It?

Good Post Alert: Shaun Mullen and The Legacy of Paul Tibbets,The Enola Gay & Separating the Warrior From the War

Retro Garlic - Life Imitating The Garlic ... Again!

5 November 2006... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

Speaker Pelosi, Best You Make Like A Hockey Player This Week, And Skate With Your Head Up ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Editor’s Note - The Nation’s “Bring Democracy Home”

5 November 2005... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

No. 27

Breaking News Alert
The New York Times
Wed, November 04, 2009 -- 11:51 PM ET

Yankees Win World Series, Adding to Title Collection

The Yankees humbled the defending champion Philadelphia Phillies, 7-3, in Game 6 of the World Series at Yankee Stadium, capturing their 27th title and their first since 2000.

Good Satire Alert - Al-Qaeda Announces Move To CD/DVD

We got hip, recently, to the site 'Cap News', which bills itself as "News satire and parody, covering comedy and humor from politics to sports and health to technology."

For our money, it is sharper, and more sophisticated than 'The Onion', targeting current events daily, versus the latters' "Average Man Shocked To Discover He Has Above-Average Problems"-type stories.

And today, 'Cap News' delivered another howler;

Al-Qaeda Announces Move To CD/DVD

SAN DIEGO, Calif. (CAP) - Following continued complaints of poor audio quality and amateurish video, al Qaeda has announced a deal with Sony Corp. to begin distributing its terrorist messages in the CD/DVD format.

"We're proud to announce this strategic initiative with one of the world's leading terrorist organizations," Sony CEO Sir Howard Stringer said in a prepared statement. "We understand the extreme importance of communication in their industry and the explosive risks of failure and are prepared to meet those head on."

Go to 'Cap News' to check out the full piece, as well as others.

And, we recommend signing up for their daily email.

This Date ... On The Garlic

4 November 2008... On The Garlic

Oh, Happy Day!

Cheney Fluffer Hayes Blows Into CNN

4 November 2007... On The Garlic

"According To Our Records" ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Vote For The Moderate Voice

Was Something In the Air, or Water, Last Week?

A Hearty Thank You To All The Garlic Subscribers!

4 November 2005... On The Garlic

Bush Calls For Color-Coded Pandemic Warning System

Top Ten Cloves: Things Aaron Brown Is Considering Now That He's Been Ousted From CNN

Tuesday, November 03, 2009

This Date ... On The Garlic

3 November 2008... On The Garlic

Something's Coming

Retro McKKKain: Town Hall Whining

Blakeman Takes A Victory Lap With His IDOTW Award

Here's To You, Studs Terkel!

Good Post Alert: Media Matters Makes It On Broadway!

3 November 2006... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Surprising Things Found On “Operation Iraqi Freedom Document Portal” Website

3 November 2005... On The Garlic

Special Sing-Along: Dick, The Magic Vice Prez

Monday, November 02, 2009

Going Gaga

Well, we're still in our low posting/no posting mode, as tasks on the homefront, and appointments, have piled up, shifting our earlier projection back until tomorrow, or, more likely, Wednesday.

We hope ...

However, we do have a couple of "Gaga" moments to report on.

Frist, was the former Court-Appointed-President ((h/t Barry Crimmins)), The Commander Guy, punching the time clock, continuing to work at showing why he is going down in history as the Worst President Ever.

Bush on bin Laden: ‘I guess he is not dead.’

Eight years ago, President Bush asserted with great bravado that al Qaeda chief Osama bin Laden would be taken “dead or alive.” “I don’t care, dead or alive — either way,” Bush said at the time. This weekend, while attending a conference of business leaders in New Delhi, India, Bush struck a different tone:

Asked whether al-Qaida chief Osama bin Laden could be alive, Bush said “I guess he is not dead.”

He, however, noted that Laden is hiding and “not leading victory parades” or “espousing his cause” on TV.

He expressed confidence that Laden will be brought to justice which “he deserves to be” and it was a matter of time.

There must be a certain level of bliss, for someone that stupid, reveling in their own stupidity.

Maybe we should have this next guy read some of his speeches.

There was a minor buzz on the World Wide Web, over Christopher Walken, appearing on the BBC One program "Friday Night with Jonathan Ross" last week,

College Humor dubbed it "For Halloween Christopher Walken became an impression of himself."

Mahalo said;

The actor, known for his strange inflections and awkward, halting manner of speech, emphasized each individual syllable of the pop song's chorus, rendering it comical and ridiculous when spoken aloud.

What Christopher Walken did was read aloud Lady Gaga's song "Poker Face", as only Christopher Walken can do.

As they say on those sports show, "Let's go to the tape";

Christopher Walken performs Lady Gaga's Poker Face