Top Ten Cloves: Ways James Dobson Will Cure Ted Haggard And Offer "Spiritual Restoration"

News Item: James Dobson, 2 Mega-Church Pastors To Lead Haggard's "Spiritual Restoration"...

10. Immediately, have him take down his MySpace profile, “LonelyPastor15”

9. Movie Intervention - Entire weekend viewing of the complete DVD Library of John Wayne films

8. Can you say NASCAR?

7. Lots of appearances on Dr. Laura’s radio show

6. Mandatory attendance at the next Liberty Sunday event

5. Before NFL season ends, have Haggard do Desperate Housewives commercial with Nicolette Sheridan in towel

4. New attire - Plaid Shirts, Chino Pants, Mac Truck Hats and a big, ol’ wad of chaw stuck in his cheek

3. Just in case, have Pat Robertson work up one of his special curses, and have it ready

2. Need to go all the way back to the beginning; Sentence Haggard to a summer at Jesus Camp

1. If all else fails, pay-off Miller Lite to get the men in the Square Room to pass a new Man Law, that it’s okay to get a massage and do crystal meth with a gay male escort

Spiritual Restoration or Man Law lies at the end of Ted Haggard's road