Saturday, July 12, 2008

If He Really Wanted To Scare'em, He Would Have Named Big Daddy Lipscomb ...

Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain
likes to talk about his military service.

He's made a career of it.

It's not cool when other people talk about his military service, that it doesn't qualify him for office, or that it is full of potholes and hype.

In the "Irony Department", shortly after the manufactured outrage over General Wesley Clark's comments, the Stumblin' Bumblin' McCain campaign put out a new ad, leaning heavily on - you guessed it - his military service.

John McCain TV Ad: Love

You should get a laugh, with the attempt to paint Obama with "The Summer of Love", complete with Haight Ashbury, tie-dye footage, but the kicker in this offering is the money line - "Don't hope for a better life, vote for one ..."

And, with his General chief Economic Advisor calling us all "whiners", I suppose we can't whine about hoping to have a better life.

We are, if we follow the directives of the SB McCain campaign ads, to be silently hopeless.

Well, Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain put out his own version of hopelessness the other day.

And the spin isn't a good one.

He's either losing his memory, getting confused ...

Or, it was outright, nauseating, obsequious pandering

We speak of this;

McCain Exploits the Steelers. Now the Man Has Gone Too Far

Here's the deal. John McCain tells a story from time to time (it's in his 1999 memoir "Faith of My Fathers," for example) about how under pressure as a POW in Vietnam to give up vital information, McCain pretended to hand over the names of his squadron mates by reciting the starting lineup of the Green Bay Packers. The kicker was McCain's CO, Ray Nitschke.

It's an incredibly admirable story and it reminds you that underneath the artifice of campaigns that we spend so much time trying to peel away here at MoJoBlog, there are men and women of character who seek to lead the country.

But John McCain has thrown this story into the political ring. In an interview with KDKA-TV, a Pittsburgh CBS affiliate, McCain professed his boyhood love for the Steelers and retold the charming POW story. But this time he inserted the Steelers where the Packers had been.

Any sports fan will tell you, that's just not cool.
On Countdown last night, "More Lies About Viet Nam From McCain's Double Talk Express"

(You can go to the full interview here)

What makes this an incredible faux pas, the Pittsburgh Steelers of 1967, when SB John was shot down and captured, sucked.

Yet, in the interview, McCain emphasized the "defensive line", inferring, no doubt, putting into the minds of the viewers, the infamous, Super Bowl-winning Steel Curtain (which, of course, didn't come to fame until the early 70's, long after McCain was released and out of Viet Nam).

Yet, he's on the record, multiple times, in his book, in the television movie of his book, interviews, etc, of telling this story, as noted above, using the powerhouse Green Bay Packers of the day.

So, if we follow his strategy, next time he's in Chicago, it will be he names the Cubs? ... Kansas City, the Chiefs? ... Boston, the Red Sox or Celtics? ... Hell, why not go for it all, and blurt out the "Murderers Row" New York Yankees?

Surely, things he, or his campaign could have Googled.

If the campaign wants to salvage this, they can fall back on the "he is aware of the internet".

Good for him - that means he's going to be aware what a jackass he's looking like for pulling this stunt.

But for my money, this is a loser, Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain blew it, back in '67".

If he really wanted to scare-the-shit out of his captors, he should have named Big Daddy Lipscomb.

Or, Chuck Bednarik

This Date ... On The Garlic

12 July 2007... On The Garlic

"I'm aware of the fact that perhaps somebody in the administration did disclose the name of that person ..."

12 July 2006... On The Garlic

Top Ten Cloves: Things White House Will Do To Avoid Adopting Geneva Convention Codes For Detainees

12 July 2005.. On The Garlic

Cheney Says Rehnquist is in "Final Throes"; Everybody Swears "Today Is The Day" Resignation Comes

Did You Mean Low Market Share and Worse Prospects?: Google Goes For Hot Red Star Searching But Beijing Cool To New Money System

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things Karl Rove Didn't Identify By Name

Friday, July 11, 2008

A Remark You Made

Boy, what a week it has been.

So much for the lazy, hazy days of summer ...

Things have been jumping, with both campaigns ...

Obama turned into "Obushama", with his FISA Flip-Flop, and, going all Leni Riefenstahl for his nomination acceptance speech.

And McCain ... Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain....

I think, for safety, with all the stumblin' and bumblin' he did this week (take your pick - Killing Iranians, dissing Social Security, distorting his voting record and, of course, labeling all of us "whiners"), McCain's going to have campaign the rest of the way wearing a helmet (and, perhaps, elbow and knee pads).

And with all this laying out there, I am taking the day off.

It's been a week on the homefront as well, and have run out-of-gas today.

So rather then throwing something half-hearted up, I will leave you a most wonderful offering.

Weather Report.

The seminal Jazz Fusion group, who have yet to be surpassed or dethroned.

And we present a most relevantly-titled tune, considering the above-referenced gaffes;

A Remark You Made (circa 1978, from a concert at Offenback, Germany), with Joe Zawinul, Wayne Shorter, Peter Erskine and Jaco Pastorius (and check out the licks by Jaco ...Out-of-Sight!).

Killer tune, and one of my all-time favorites.

Weather Report - A Remark You Made

This Date ... On The Garlic

11 July 2007... On The Garlic

"Anyway, look, nobody has accused me of being Shakespeare, you know?"

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things DHS Secretary Michael Chertoff Feels In His Gut

11 July 2006... On The Garlic

Have Head-Butt, Will Travel - Mr. Zizou Goes To Washington; World Cup Golden Ball Winner Wooed By Bush Team; Likely Will Be Assigned To Bolton at U.N.

11July 2005.. On The Garlic

London Bombings Force Blair To Name Own Axis of Evil; Bush Upset; May Sue In International Court To Force Name Change

IOC Dumps Baseball; Fewer HR's and Little Scandal Potential; New MLB Ban On Steroids Limits PR Effort of Games, IOC TV Time

Top Ten Cloves: What Will Happen To The Europe Union Without A Constitution

Thursday, July 10, 2008

Top Ten Cloves: Other Ways President Bush Could Have Dissed The G8 Summit

News Item: Bush to G8: 'Goodbye from the world's biggest polluter'

10. Hit'em all up for donation to his Presidential Library

9. Gave them all special nicknames

8. Via conference call, got Dick Cheney to tell them all to "go fuck themselves"

7. Announced he was leaving, but the Bush Twins were arriving

6. Give them all a pack of cigarettes, saying he hopes, like McCain said of the Iranians, that the cigs will kill them

5. Mockingly slapped himself upside the head and shouted "I coulda' had a V-8!"

4. Final parting shot - Hired Mark Penn and Karen Hughes, as consultants for the G8 Summit

3. Before leaving, handed out pics, with him photoshopped into the nude photos of Carla Bruni, French President Nicolas Sarkozy's wife

2. Paid off all his G8 Summit bills with those Bush Coins

1. Brought in McCain Economic Advisor Phil Graham, to call them all "whiners"

Bonus Commander Guy Riffs

Brilliant at Breakfast: John McCain should like this, he likes to make jokes like this too

Hilzoy: Goodbye From The World's Biggest Polluter

Attaturk: He’s just saying he’s Number One

Retro Garlic: Tupperware Lady and Map Maker Team Up

Christ, what's the logo of this company going to be, the Hindenburg?

Failed advisers Mark Penn and Karen Hughes team up to counsel ‘corporations in crisis.’

“Karen and I have had so many of the same experiences in the White House and campaigns, and have worked around the world,”
Let's see ... Hughes can, utilizing her Bush Grindhouse experience, advise to lie, stonewall, destroy evidence, ignore the rule-of-law (however, actually, if she gives the same effort, while she was the prototype Bush Grindhouse Soccer Mom, she actually will contribute nothing), while Penn brings to the table the golden rule, the big ticket of .... Blame everyone else!

Hmmm ... Maybe we have it wrong.

Perhaps, they are going to bring crisises to corporations!

And, hiring this dimwitted, less-then-dynamic duo would be the first action as to going into crisis mode ...

Okay, now it makes sense ....

The Retro Part

Clinton Campaign Causes Havoc, Sends Map Makers Scurrying For Updates; Satellites Scrambled, Causing Hours of Blank Screens On Google Earth; Rand McNally. Others Dig Through Antique Maps For Answers

Retro Garlic: Karen Hughes, Our National Tupperware Lady

This Date ... On The Garlic

10 July 2007... On The Garlic

MLB All-Star Game ... Get Your Handy Baseball Primer, Right Here!

Introducing The Reaction!

10 July 2006... On The Garlic

Developing Story – Santorum Channeling Dead Pols; Santorum:“I See Dead Politicians!" Aides Talk Of “Wild Ranting”; Fear Strain Of Up-Hill Campaign Taking Toll On Embattled Senator

Top Ten Cloves: Ways White House Will Go About Naming President Bush’s New Diplomacy

Wednesday, July 09, 2008

It Will, At The Family's Request, Be A Closed Casket

Bye Bye Life
Bye Bye Happiness
Hello Lonliness ...
I think I am gonna die
I think I am gonna die ...
That is the tune the 4th Amendment will be singing later today, as the 110th Congress - the Senate, in particular - completes their cowardly cave-in to the Court-Appointed President (H/T Barry Crimmins), when they vote for the latest FISA Bill, which expands the Bush Grindhouse's powers to illegal spying, and grants their crony telecom companies immunity, for conducting the illegal spying.

(The Senate has begun voting on the bill this morning, the various amendments to it, and will complete their capitulation later this afternoon; Check out Glenn Greenwald for a rundown on all this).

Do not, repeat, do not buy into Obama's, and others, mealy-mouthed bullshit that this is a compromise.

(There was a good rip on Obama yesterday, by Lawrence Lessig, his "Self-Swiftboating" and, to give you an indication of just how bad it can get, Lanny Davis actually endorses Obama's cave-in)

It is an outright sell out of the Rule of Law, kissing our rights away, the gutting of the 4th Amendment, and holding those responsible accountable.

Last evening, on 'Countdown, sub Rachel Maddow and Law Professor Jonathan Turley laid it all out.

And this, from Scarecrow's "The FISA Cavein Is Congress’ Shame", over on Firedoglake;

The excuse these “leaders” offer for their craven refusal to uphold the Constitution and the rule of law is that we face unprecedented threats from terrorists. They are so afraid that they’re willing to give up our rights against a powerful government if the government will only protect them. But the Constitution does not give Congress the power to make this compromise; their oaths compel them to uphold the Constitution.

The nation’s founders were not such frightened people. Those who signed the Declaration of Independence pledged their lives, their fortunes and their sacred honor in open defiance of the world’s most powerful empire, a regime that would certainly have hanged them if they failed in their efforts to become free men. Now our Congress cowers because they fear a President with 25 percent approval ratings and a Republican Party that the electorate can’t wait to throw out of office. Pathetic.
Other suggested reading;

Glenn Greenwald: Aug. 8, 1974 vs. July 9, 2008

Timothy B. Lee: The new FISA compromise: it's worse than you think

Hopefully, and not those just in the grassroots, will come to realize the full implications of today, and what the Senate votes, and it will be remembered, hard.

And every single Senator who votes in favor of this FISA Bill, gets targeted, and drummed out of office at the earliest, and next opportunity.

The 4th Amendment dies today, and not anywhere near as glorious as this;

Bye Bye Life - "All That Jazz" 1979

This Date ... On The Garlic

9 July 2007... On The Garlic

Oxymoron of the Day: Karl Rove at an Idea Festival

For All We Know, Maybe Scooter Did Throw A Hissy Fit ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

9 July, 2006... On The Garlic

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 9 July 2006

Poll Results ... The Ball's In Robert's Court ... The Garlic Poll July 2 - July 8 ... New Poll - End of Cowboy Diplomacy

Tuesday, July 08, 2008

It's Now The Denver Four!

Apparently, in unveiling his "Abracadabra" Economic Plans, Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain left out that, oh yeah, were cutting Free Speech as well.

Or, at least, clamping down on 61-year-old librarians.

Librarian carrying McCain=Bush sign kicked out of McCain Event

DENVER, Colo.-On orders from Senator John McCain's security detail, Denver police escorted a 61-year-old woman away who was waiting in line to attend a so-called town hall meeting with McCain that was billed as open to the public.

Carol Kreck, who works as a librarian in Denver, held a homemade sign reading "McCain = Bush." On orders from McCain's security detail, police cited her for trespassing and escorted her to the sidewalk. She was told if she returned she would be arrested.

I suppose, the one silver lining in this is the woman didn't have to sit through Stumblin' Bumblin; John's speech.

Now, we can understand the SB John Campaign wanting to fight (upstream, a Sisyphean effort) the charges of McSame, and this is just Bush's Third Term.

And, as was heralded, there's a new crew running the show, a bunch of Rove Acolytes ...

But, Jesus, is anyone there thinking at all?

To, publically, in full view of a throng of people ... And with a camera present! ... They want to enforce their "We're Not McSame" at the expense of a 61-year-old librarian, carrying a homemade sign?

Here's the video of it;

John McCain kicks librarian out of town hall event

So, what does the Stumblin' Bumblin' McCain Campaign gain from this?

Well, for one, posts like this (and more below).

Two, I would speculate that Ms. Kreck will soon gain legal representation to fight her "trespassing" ticket (put an "X" on your calendar for July 23rd) ... Which, in turn, generates a whole new news cycle on this (and think the "Today Show", GMA, Olbermann).

Three, check the Vegas line of how many signs (perhaps carried by a contingent of librarians) will pop up at McSame's next event?

We have been saying for some time now, that this campaign was going to a lot of fun and, sure as heck, the Stumblin' Bumblin' McCain people are making damn sure of that ...

Lastly, we could make this a Retro Garlic, rather easily.

Top Ten Cloves: Other Places and Events The Denver Three Are Barred From Entering

Lest we forget, the Bush Grindhouse did nearly the same exact denial of Free Speech just a short, few years ago ...

McSame, anyone?

Bonus McSame Riffs

Skippy, The Bush Kangaroo: use a simile, go to jail

Wonkette: Lady Makes Terrible Sign, Gets Thrown Out Of McCain Event

Think Progress: Librarian with ‘McCain=Bush’ sign charged with trespassing at public campaign event

If He Lived In Australia ...

There was a great line, in the Michael Hodges movie 'Pulp'.

Lionel Stander, a great character actor (who become more famous for his television role in 'Hart To Hart'; Also, Stander infamously gave an "Up Yours" to the HUAC fascists), uttered it when a movie was being shown, and whoever loaded the camera, loaded the film upside-down.

Stander, in the sandpapered, chiseled, gruff voice of his, belts out "This film would do great in Australia ..."

So, we give you;

Tenant Banned from Flying Flag Upside Down, Gets Death Threat

He says he wanted to signal to his neighbors that this country is in distress, so he started flying the flag upside down.

Two days later, Manitowoc police officer Jason Delsman came to his door. But Decker was at Wal-Mart, so, Delsman left his business card with a handwritten note, "Call ASAP."

Decker decided to go down to the police department, but Officer Delsman was out, so Decker called him on the phone from there.

"He told me I was committing a criminal act and could face fines or imprisonment," Decker said.

When Decker asked for the statute criminalizing this, he says Officer Delsman responded: "I'm sure that it is somewhere."

According to Decker, the officer also said: "You fly your flag at night with no light on it. The next time I see that I'll have to do something about it."

Little-by-little ... Piece-by-piece ...

An upside-down flag here ... A missing lapel pin there... A simple sign held by a librarian...

Ahhh ... The smell of patriotism burning in the morning ...

This Date ... On The Garlic

8 July 2007... On The Garlic

Retro Garlic: Sorry Rita, We Tried ... 7 New Wonders of the World Chosen

8 July 2006... On The Garlic

More Letters On The Garlic’s Baseball Piece

8 July 2005... On The Garlic

A Call For Peace

Monday, July 07, 2008

This Was Too Surreal ...

Ed. Note - Just popping in for a quick post, while it's hot (both literally, and figuratively; I may not get to posting to later tonight, due to both, things on the homefront, and the OPPRESSIVE HEAT AND HUMIDITY rolling in here today, and staying around another two days).

I had been sitting here, going through email, responding, etc, with the television on in the background (tuned, at the moment, to MSNBC).

Not really paying attention to what was on, I suddenly heard a voice railing against Barack Obama, that he's raise your taxes and if you want someone who will lower your taxes, then I am the candidate to vote for.

The voice sounded tinny, and false ... Feigning enthusiasm and, straining to create a pace and cadence ...

I thought, quickly, that MSNBC must have been showing a report on the comical and satirical YouTubes aimed at the campaign, as they do from time-to-time.

Well, when I swung around to see what was one, I almost fell out of my chair.

It was a live report, from Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain, speaking at an "Economic Town Hall", in Denver.

I believe he was unwrapping his grandiose Economic Plans, the one that promises to balance the budget by the end of his first term (if elected, of course) and, since he's including the money in the plans, victory in Iraq and Afghanistan.

(You can look at Josh Marshall's post to get a feel for how much this is already being derided; Think Progress's Wonk Room also has "McCain’s Victory Dividend" and Steve Benen offers "When a candidate unveils an economic plan — without any numbers", and, the plan is, reportedly, being rejected by his own economists)

It was nearly surreal, for to match the voice, Stumblin' Bumblin' John had a cheesy, shit-eating grin plastered on his face, obviously struggling with attempting to speak and smile at the same time.

I mean this was really, truly bad ... Really bad public speaking.

It was a man giving a speech, as if he was standing in front of his bedroom mirror, practicing giving the speech ...

Man ... Saturday Night Live has to bring back Dan Aykroyd this fall, to have him reprieve his Leonard Pinth Garnell character, run one each week until the election, perhaps changing the skit title from 'Bad Theatre" to 'Bad Campaign Speeches', and have him, ever so drolly, take Stumblin Bumblin' John apart.

As far as Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain and public speaking goes, if this were boxing, the ring doctor and referee would be calling the fight, seeing that he was being brutally beaten, and not letting him injury himself any further with continuing to go on.

And, almost as if on cue, this appeared yesterday;

McCain Battles a Nemesis, the Teleprompter

By his own admission, Mr. McCain is not a great orator. He is ill-suited to lecterns, which often dwarf his small stature, and he tends to sound as if he is reading his lines, not speaking them. His shortcomings have been accentuated in a two-man race, particularly because the other man — Senator Barack Obama, the presumptive Democratic nominee — can often dazzle on stage.
You don't need to compare him to Obama, to see how awful he is.

The McCain Campaign does seem to recognize this problem, and, in the classic American "Can-Do" spirit, they're spinning the ol' "making lemonade out of lemons" saw;
Indeed, Mr. McCain and his advisers seem to be trying to present him as a kind of anti-Obama whose weaknesses as a political performer underscore his accessibility to regular voters.
Yet, in the same article, a former aide has a different perspective;
Dan Schnur, Mr. McCain’s communications chief during his 2000 presidential campaign, said, “Besides his convention speech, the only time I would even put him behind a podium at all between now and the end of the campaign is when he’s announcing a policy position.”

This has the makings, of a good, old-fashioned screwball comedy, with a gaggle of people running around crazy, trying to keep Stumblin' Bumblin' John McCain away from a microphone, and/or giving speeches.

Hmmm ... That would have to star William Bendix... He was a big lug-of-a-guy, always good playing someone that was clueless ...Not, necessarily, the brightest bulb in the patch ...

This Date ... On The Garlic

7 July 2006... On The Garlic

Breaking News! Lieberman Pledges To Support “Whichever Party Elects Me”; Post-Debate Bombshell - Lieberman Announces Plan C – Will Run In All 50 States; Hires Nader For ‘Underdog” Experience; Pledges To Support “Whichever Party Elects Me”

Top Ten Cloves: Issues For Tom Delay With Having To Stay On Ballot In November

7 July 2005... On The Garlic

Miller Sticks To Guns, Jailed For Not Naming Source; "His Way" Hogan Places Writer With Other Special Cases He's Sentenced

London Wins Olympic Bid, But With A Catch; IOC Names Switzerland As Games Official Food Host

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Senate Will Ignore Special Interest Groups Over Court Pick

Sunday, July 06, 2008

Oil That Is, Black Gold, Tehran Tea ...

Osama bin Laden 1
Paul Wolfowitz 0

Now, despite a Bush crony swinging his own deal in Kurdistan, and the other enormo-oil companies getting an "E" ticket back into the country, our invasion and occupation of Iraq was not - repeat - was not about the oil.

After all, Lover Boy Paul Wolfowitz had already pegged Iraq's oil for paying for the invasion and occupation.

Hard lesson for Wolfie, on not doing any comparative shopping, but, then again, those that have to be the first to get the new, latest/greatest, thing, always pay a higher price.

So, what do we make of this item, espied yesterday on Think Progress;

FLASHBACK: Ten Years Ago, Bin Laden Demanded Barrel Of Oil Should Cost $144

In a 1998 interview, Osama bin Laden — the terrorist organizer of 9/11 who still roams free — listed as one of his many grievances against the U.S. that Americans “have stolen $36 trillion from Muslims” by purchasing oil from Persian Gulf countries at low prices. The real price of a barrel of oil should be $144, bin Laden demanded.
Holy Cow!

Here's a headline from just the other day;

Oil passes, settles above $145 for first time; As holiday weekend approaches gas is $4.10 a gallon — another record

Light, sweet crude for August delivery settled at a record $145.29 Thursday on the New York Mercantile Exchange, up $1.72 from the previous day. Earlier in the session, the contract rose to $145.85 a barrel, also a new high.

Oil has set trading or closing records in each of the last six trading sessions.

You'd almost think for a minute, that OBL was working for the Carlyle Group, or something, pumping up Daddy Bush's portfolio.

That must have sent Jim Cramer ballistic, probably pushing the buttons on all his sound effects.

Or, maybe, a new tune
The Terrorist Hillbillies

Come and listen to a story about a man named Osama
Still on the run with a boatload of karma,
Then one day he was plannin' a new wreck
And up came a bubblin' the prices from OPEC

Oil that is, black gold, Tehran tea.

Well the first thing you know Osama's an oil seer,
Talibanfolk said "Osama move away from here"
Said "Tora Bora is the place you ought to stand"
So they loaded up the terrorists and moved to Pakistan

Hills, that is. Mountain Caves, Tribal Villages ...

Most unfortunately, all the ones with the "schoolin', the Jethro's, are in the Bush Grindhouse...

Or Congress ...

Bonus Riffs

Bill Moyers and Michael Winship: It Was Oil, All Along

Yves Smith: Bush Administration Role in Iraq Oil Deals Confirmed

NYT: Bush Administration Role in Iraq Oil Deals Confirmed

TimesOnLine UK: Alan Greenspan claims Iraq war was really for oil

Bonus Bonus

The Beverly Hillbillies 1962, 1971

Rice Audtioning For New Role of Aricept Spokesperson

As far as legacies go, I guess, you go with the one ya brung ...

And Condi Rice has a death grip on hers, and her work husband, The Commander Guy

Condoleezza Rice Says She's `Proud' of Decision to Invade Iraq

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said she's ``proud'' of the U.S. decision to wage the Iraq war and insisted that the world is not more dangerous than it was when George W. Bush took office.
And, from Think Progress;

“We tend to forget very quickly what Saddam Hussein meant. … In the post 9/11 environment, you couldn’t let a threat to international peace and stability like that remain.” She added:
Yes, it’s been very, very tough. But I know that great historical events go through difficult phases and often emerge with the world left for the better. And I am proud of the decision of this administration to overthrow Saddam Hussein. I am proud of the liberation of 25 million Iraqis.
You can go over to Think Progress to see how forgetful Rice has become.

How's about that "liberation" ... How's that coming?

Key Iraqi Leaders Deliver Setbacks to U.S.; Premier Rejects Terms of Proposed Pacts; Cleric Reactivates Militia

And the guy that wants to pick up the Court-Appointed President's (h/t Barry Crimmins) third term;

McCain defends '100 years in Iraq' statement

A country in shambles and a guy that wants to keep it in shambles for another century

Yeah, that's some legacy, alright ...

Bonus Condi Gems

Top Ten Cloves: Ways White House Is Thinking About To Help Condoleezza Rice Remember Meetings She Attends

Our Girl Condi Gets A Theme Song - Neocons and Lovers

The Condoleezza Rice Ballroom Dancing & Charm School; Or: Shopping For A Legacy on Cyber Monday

Top Ten Cloves: Ways Google Can Provide Better Day Care

News Item: On Day Care, Google Makes a Rare Fumble

10. Out with the "organic, natural" food and in with cheaper McDonald's Happy Meals!

9. Offset cost for parents by renting the Google Day Care kids out as focus groups

8. Make the kids generate revenue - put'em to work on the Google Phone

7. Send the kids out on the grounds of the Google Campus, collecting bugs, and then announce the new "Google Gas" (but only in Beta-Mode, fill-ups by Invite-Only)

6. Resolve Viacom dispute with own content - Start putting a daily "Best of Google Day Care Bloopers" up on YouTube

5. Hire Chuck Norris to run the program - Just his staring at it will make it perform better

4. Cut down on Waiting List and notify parents of acceptance by having them hit the "I'm Feeling Lucky" search bar

3. Weed out any of the toddlers who have been using Google Earth for "pool parties"

2. Sponsor multi-million-dollar contest - Google Day Care Preschoolers vs. John McCain, on using the Internet

1. Public Service - Have them do a group "Not Alex" commercial

This Date ... On The Garlic

6 July 2007... On The Garlic

Let's Hear It For The Quid Pro Quo ... New Garlic Song - Hush Little Libby

Of Blackboards, Chalk and Legacies ... The Constitutional Crises Continues

6 July 2005... On The Garlic

Cheney Emerging As Next Justice Pick By Bush Feared; VP On Vetting Panel; Nearly Same Situation But Now Has Residency Established

Rove Said To Be "Under Pressure" Over Leak Accusation; Key Bush Strategist Shows "Erratic Behavior" As Critics, Press Call For Admission

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things Jacques Chirac Thinks of England and Finland