Friday, March 17, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: How To Tell That It’s St. Patrick’s Day Around The White House

10. President Bush orders the NSA to only wiretap people with the name of Green or Greene

9. Staff has to sit through recital of Condi Rice Irish Step Dancing and act excited about it

8. Halliburton is serving green-dyed water to the troops in Iraq today

7. Bush pranks Irish President Mary McAleese, saying he has evidence they’re tied to Al Qaeda and will use new preemptive war doctrine to invade country

6. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield doesn’t get joke and has to be stopped from deploying “Operation O’Swarmer"

5. Symbolic signing of new bill, “No Leprechaun Left Behind”

4. Hesitated, only slightly, to drink the case of Guinness beer Claude Allen boosted in his scam and gave to President as gift

3. Bush says he’ll approve Dubai Ports World selling port contract to American branch of Sinn Fein

2. Has Secret Service bring stripper Mary Carey to White House, wearing a “Kiss Me, I’m Irish” button

1. Vice President Cheney barges into Oval Office, drunk, and with his 12-gauge, shouting “Who wants to go hunt some corned beef and cabbage with me?"

"The Irish gave the bagpipes to the Scotts as a joke, but the Scotts haven't seen the joke yet

Thursday, March 16, 2006

New White House Iraq and Iran Group.”

IG Report Casts Doubts On New Bush Security Plan; Says Nation “Out of Strategies”

Shortage of Strategy Makers and Bush Administration Wiping Out Inventory Puts Office On Brink Of Crisis

The White House, and the Republican Leaders of the Congress were hit with a major setback this morning, after the Inspector General for the National Strategy Office said that the office “is wiped out of inventory” and that President Bush cannot launch, “by law”, his new National Security Strategy

“There’s nothing left on the shelves,” said John Crane, Assistant Inspector General, from the Department of Defense’s Office of Communications and Congressional Liaison. “The Bush Administration has used everything the NSO had and, actually, is in violation of the law regarding owing the department about five-years worth of strategies.”

For a presentation due today at the U.S. Institute of Peace, by National Security Adviser Stephen J. Hadley, the White House last night gave advance copies of President Bush’s new, 48-page National Security Strategy to The Washington Post, New York Times and two other newspapers.

Bush’s strategy is less new, and more of an update reaffirming his doctrine of preemptive war against terrorists and hostile states with chemical, biological or nuclear weapons.

White House In Violation of Law

The National Security Strategy has no legal law behind, but is used by various government agencies and officials as a guide for policies, across a wide range of areas, including military and diplomatic actions.

A 1986 law requires the Administration to revise the strategy annually, to which the Inspector General says the Bush Administration is “clearly in violation of that law.”

The new National Security Strategy released by the White House last night was the first, since 2002.

‘They haven’t filed a new strategy in nearly five-years,” said Crane. “We’re forwarding a report to the Justice Department to see if charges need to be filed.”

Last night, in an interview with The Washington Post, Mr. Hadley began, what is expected to be yet another new strategy, to defend the administration

"I don't think it's a change in strategy. It's an updating of where we are with the strategy, given the time that's passed and the events that have occurred.”

“Being that we haven’t changed our strategy or position, I believe the President feels he doesn’t need to meet that requirement,” added Hadley. “There are measures that cover this, in the Executive Powers section of the Constitution, as we well as the War Powers Congress voted to give the President. He’s well within the limits of the law and I don’t expect we’ll worry about this very much.”

White House Ignored Warnings From NSO

Crane says that the White House ignored warnings from NSO Chiefs, as the President churned out new strategy, after new strategy over the past few months.

A recent audit by the NSO’s Inspector General shows a rush of new strategies, just in the past few months, undertaken by the Bush Administration.

These include;

National Strategy for Victory in Iraq

Bushapalooza: Strategy For A Scandal (in the wake of Republican Lobbyist Jack Abramoff’s indictment)

New Media Strategy (in the wake of Vice President Dick Cheney’s shooting)

Replacing Miranda With New, "Cheney Decision"

The New Strategy For Winning Olympic Medals

The New Strategy For Victory On Port Security

“The National Strategy Office has suffered in recent years from a shortage of strategy makers,” said Crane. “This has led to the increasing use of outside resources and, I believe, you’ve seen some of that in the results of actions and policies by the White House.”

“We have, repeatedly and often,” added Crane, “cautioned and warned the White House, and Congress, that the NSO was on the brink of a crisis.”

Crane said that if the situation isn’t addressed soon, if new strategies aren’t developed, this will likely be “a strategy debt we’ll be passing on to our children and grandchildren.”

Congress Stunned By Strategy Shortage and May Call For Hearings

As news of the strategy shortage swept across Capital Hill this morning, members of Congress and Senate expressed shock and dismay over the prospects of the nation being without a clear, national strategy.

“I’m very concerned by this,” said Senate Leader Bill Frist (R-TN). “I want to go to my office and review as much videotape on this crisis, before I make any comments for the record.”

“This is another sign of the White House’s irresponsibility,” said Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV). “Back home, everyone knows, you can’t keep flipping over griddle cakes and not check on how much batter you have ... This President keeps setting the table, put he doesn’t have anything to put on the plate.”

Both the House and Senate Leadership said they are concerned and may call for hearings.

“We’ll have to check first,” said Rep. Nancy Pelosi, Minority Leader in the House. “If we have to strategize, before we call for hearings, we may be in violation of the law. The President has used up all the strategies, without any consideration to the Congress. I don’t know if we can do it.”

Feingold Feels Now Is The Time For His Censure To Flourish

One senator believes this bombshell of being “strategy-less” is a golden opportunity.

Senator Russ Feingold (R-WI) said that “this is the best thing that could have happened for my Censure Resolution.”

Earlier this week, Feingold introduced the resolution to censure President Bush, for his violation of law in conducting his warrantless NSA Wiretapping program

So far, Feingold has gotten scant support for the measure, with fellow Democrats “cowering” and moving away from it, and Republicans using it to branded the Democrats as unpatriotic and weak on national security.

“Look,’ said Feingold, “it’s already out there, it’s been introduced. We, being the Democrats, can call for a vote on it now. The Republicans can’t strategize on it without being in violation of the law ... If they do, I’ll introduce more censures.”

Name Change For WHIG - Now Becomes WHIIG

White House Spokesman Scott McClellan reiterated Hadley’s comments, saying that “the President is operating, fully, within the scope of the law.”

“We’ve had this vetted by White House council, the Justice Department and, others in the Cabinet and the Department of Defense. President Bush clearly has the authority to launch new strategies, and is protected by the Office of the President and all appropriate Executive Powers.”

McClellan also announced, as an adjunct to the new National Security Strategy, that the White House Iraq Group would be undergoing a name change.

“WHIG is still same, but will now be known as WHIIG – The White House Iraq and Iran Group.”

WHIG is the group of White House staffers, Cabinet Members and other Neocons who launched the marketing aspects of President Bush’s decision to invade and occupy Iraq.

Those that regular attend WHIG meetings include Chief of Staff Andy Card (who started the group), Special Council to the President Karl Rove, I. Lewis "Scooter: Libby, Vice President Cheney's former Chief of Staff, special media advisor to the Vice President Mary Matalin, former cabinet member, now World Bank leader Paul Wolfiwitz, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice and Under Secretary of State Karen Hughes, and policy advisors James R. Wilkinson and legislative liaison Nicholas E. Calio

When pressed by reporters, McClellan admitted that “this isn’t really a big change.”

“I suspect, as we ratchet-up the rhetoric on Iran, we’ll likely use a lot of the same things we used for Iraq – mushroom clouds, WMD’s, fighting them over there ... All the standard fear-raising phrases, making the dire case for immediate action ... So we felt the name should reflect that and we want to keep this group together, versus creating a new group. It’s simply reducing a redundancy, that’s all it is.”

McClellan couldn’t confirm rumors that the Department of Homeland Security will be introducing a new, color-coded chart for Iranian threat.

“I can’t speak to that,” said McClellan, “You’ll have to talk to DHS. My thoughts would be that it is doubtful. The current group of colors we have are working fine ... I don’t see a need to change them ... It may confuse the American people, at time when we will need their support.”

“Likely,” added McClellan, “DHS would have a strategy on this. If they don’t, they may have to wait awhile.”

An Inspector General's report cites that President Bush and his Administration has wiped out the inventory of national strategies

Top Ten Cloves: Biggest Surprises In "The Da Vinci Code" Author Trial

10. Came out in testimony Anna Nicole Smith trying to seduce Dan Brown, in case she loses her Supreme Court case

9. Actually, trial all part of the plan. When over, Brown can write another best seller about the case

8. Google plans on putting book on-line, but you’ll have to sift through thousands of searches and clues to get to URL

7. Author Dan Brown meant to testify that he reworked passages from “Monty Python and the Holy Grail

6. Second lawsuit filed – J.K. Rowling says she sees elements of Harry Potter in The Da Vinci Code

5. When it came to making movie, Tom Hanks initially wanted the Mary Magdalene role

4. If he had known it would turn out like this, Author Brown said he would have written about the secrets of Morse Code

3. Courtroom gasped when it came out in testimony that it was wife Blythe Brown who wrote the book

2. Oprah Winfrey attending trial ... if this turns out to be another hoax, Oprah waiting in the wings for Brown

1. Rumors flying about a mistrial - TSA Lawyer Carla J. Martin seen stalking the witnesses, trying to coach them

Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Breaking News - White House Launches “Save The Ports, Save Claude” mission

White House Sought Deal With Target To Let Bush Aide Off

Coleman Played Point Man; Offered “Halliburton-Sized Contracts” and Would “Shut Down Wal-Mart”

If Senator John Warner (R-VA) was the face for the Bush Administration on the still-smoldering, chaotic Dubai Ports World Deal, then you can paint a red bullseye on Senator Norm Coleman’s (R-MN) forehead.

Sources tell The Garlic that a detailed and frantic effort was made by the White House over the past two months, to keep Claude Allen, President Bush’s top domestic policy adviser, out of jail - and the media - following his arrest for theft, involving a phony refund scheme at two department stores.

Allen is accused of swindling Hecht’s, the dominant, 148-year-old Washington area department store chain, and Target Corporation of over $5,000. Allen, allegedly would purchase items, place them in his automobile, then go back into the stores, and take the same item off the shelf and over to the Returns desk for a refund, producing the freshly-printed sales receipt.

White House Launches “Save The Ports, Save Claude” mission

According to sources close to the Bush Administration, the White House swung into action on the news of Allen’s arrest, with some West Wing staffers dubbing it as “Save The Ports, Save Claude” mission.

“They probably should have pulled in Katherine Armstrong,” said Dix Whitcomb, editor of the newsletter "Our Laws Are Different", “if they wanted to keep the spin straight on this one.”

Almost immediately, according to Whitcomb, the White House sought meetings with the two department stores.

Reportedly, Hecht’s was willing to work with the White House, essentially seeking only to be reimbursed for the items taken by Allen in the scam.

Target Corporation, who boasts one of the nation’s top forensics crime labs, refused and indicated they would seek criminal charges.

Bush Uninvolved, Laser Focusing On Iran

It’s not clear at this time how involved President Bush is in this matter.

“He’s in his “Iran” mode right now,” says Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century.

“He’s getting boxed in,” added Martins. “He can’t say with certainty who the enemy is in Iraq… He doesn’t have anybody left to kick over Hurricane Katrina … He’s drawn the line in the sand on the ports deal – and got the sand thrown back in his face, so it’s time to make up a new force of evil … Somebody else who’s coming along to threaten the country …Iran is coming right out of Central Casting for this one ...”

Coleman Suggests Replacing Target Mascot With President’s Dog Barney

With their headquarters in the Nicollet Mall, in downtown Minneapolis, Minnesota, the White House called in the junior senator from the state, Norm Coleman, to intercede on their behalf.

“No big surprise there,” said Whitcomb. “Karl Rove says “jump” and Coleman asks how high.”

Coleman was first convinced by Rove to run for public office, and to go for the Senate seat opened up by the sudden and tragic death of Senator Paul Wellstone. Coleman narrowly defeated former Vice President Walter Mondale and has consistently supported President Bush in his voting, up to 98% of the time in 2003.

Coleman came into the nation’s attention, back in May 2005, when he was publicly dressed-down by British Member of Parliament George Galloway (Respect Party) during Senate Hearings, on a report issued by Coleman's Permanent Select Subcommittee on Investigations that charged Galloway with personally profiting from Iraq's United Nations Oil-for-Food program.

Galloway denied the charges, and had previously won lawsuits against British newspapers over the allegations, which Coleman cited, unsubstantiated in his report.

Reportedly, in a meeting with Target Chief Executive Officer Robert J. Ulrich, Coleman broached the subject of Allen’s arrest, indicating the White House would be “appreciative” if something could be worked out.

“Supposedly,” said Whitcomb, “Coleman, having initially been left to his own devices, suggested to Ulrich that Target replace Bullseye, the company’s Bull Terrier and trademark, with the President’s dog, Barney, giving Ulrich the opportunity to meet with President Bush in the Oval Office, film their television commercials on the White House grounds.”

Ulrich rejected the offer, citing to Coleman the work Target has done with the Secret Service, the ATF, NASA, the FBI, and other law enforcement agencies around the country and that they had a rock-solid case against Allen.

Rove, Card Offer Halliburton-Sized Contracts and Would Shut Down Wal-Mart

‘The White House wasn’t happy with the news,” said Whitcomb.

At this point, Rove, and White House Chief of Staff Andy Card got directly involved.

Unconfirmed reports say that Ulrich was offered by Rove and Card “Halliburton-sized contracts” and that the Administration could take action to “shut down Wal-Mart”. There was also discussion about giving Target uncontested rights to build stores in Iraq and using monies from the reconstruction budget to get them up and running.

‘I heard they even suggested they could hook-up Target with DP World, and put retail into the ports deal,” said Whitcomb.

Ulrich Angered, Threatened With Rove Smear Campaign

The entreaties by the White House reportedly angered Ulrich and he let Rove and Card know it.

“This isn’t some rabbit hutch in Texas, where you can choreograph how it all plays out,” Ulrich fired off in an email to the White House. “We’re not going to say we’re sorry for having your person arrested.”

Reportedly, Rove responded to the email, asking if Ulrich “was gay”, and if Target offered special discounts and credit terms to “woman who have had abortions”, perhaps an oblique reference to a pending Rove smear campaign.

In a related item, Washington Post reporter and author Bob Woodward said he knew of Allen’s refund scam but chose not to write about it.

“I cover the President of the United States, not the suburban Washington crime beat.”

Senator Norm Coleman (R-MN) was the White House point-man in an attempt to make a deal with Target Corporation, to not press charges against Bush Aide Claude Allen

Top Ten Cloves: Potential Problems Mike Wallace Will Face In Retirement

10. Hitting up on Lara Logan will still make him feel like he’ll bring scandal down on 60-Minutes with a Sexual Harassment suit

9. Has the time now to kick his son’s ass for working at Fox News

8. Realizes quickly, that even with title of Correspondent Emeritus, he will still have to pay for lunch in company cafeteria

7. Late night, drunken phone calls from Dan Rather, pissed off that he was pushed out and Wallace wasn’t

6. Since he traveled with 60 Minutes all over the world the last 38-years, no new places to go for vacations

5. Les Moonves hits him with a lawsuit the second he gets off the air

4. Finds he misses more than he thought he would, the smell when Ed Bradley walked around office with his shoes off

3. Won’t be able to sleep without a ticking stopwatch nearby

2. Crushing disappointment when CBS tells him his news scoops from Nestor at the bodega near his apartment just aren’t up to network standards

1. Every 50-Minutes, no matter where he is, he’ll turn sideways in his chair and announce “And, now, a Few Minutes with Andy Rooney

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Observers Say That The Bush Administration Aiding Mistrial Attempt

Libby’s Lawyers Mull Using Moussaoui Trial Strategy

May Coach Witnesses, Have Them Communicate With Each Other, Hoping For Mistrial

Coming off a minor victory from last week, the lawyer for I. Lewis “Scooter” Libby said this morning that “we may use some of the strategies from the Moussaoui trial”.

Last Friday, Federal Judge Reggie B. Walton, in a compromise, ruled that the Libby defense was entitled to receive limited amounts of highly-classified intelligence and information, instructing prosecutors to turn over "general topics of the matters" that were given to Mr. Libby when he was chief of staff to Vice President Dick Cheney.

These lists, of the President's Daily Briefs, may be in the form of a “table of contents”, as well as being heavily redacted.

Watching the trial of Zacarias Moussaoui “with great interest”

Seeking to gain momentum, and continued to build the case the his client was “too busy” to have outted covert CIA Agent Valerie Plame, of remember who he spoke to about her, Theodore V. Wells Jr., Libby’s chief defense lawyer indicated that he is watching the trial of Zacarias Moussaoui “with great interest”.

The Moussaoui trial, the sentencing phase of it, has been thrown into chaos, and risks being declared a mistrial, after the court learned that Carla J. Martin, a Transportation Security Administration lawyer, has allegedly coached other witnesses, as well as communicate with them about the trial – doing so in violation of a court order from U.S. District Judge Leonie M. Brinkema.

Brinkema, extremely agitated, halted the trial yesterday and threatened to remove the death penalty as a possible sentence for Moussaoui.

Plans To Force Mistrial By Coaching Witnesses

Specifically, Wells said that he may notify Judge Walton that he intends to “coach any or all witnesses in this case, and encourage them to email each other, about elements of their testimony and, overall, the scope of the trial.”

“Some have suggested that we wait for the trial to start,” said Wells, “to engage in these activities. I feel, if we can gain ground, or possible get a mistrial before we begin, then that would be in the best interests of my client.”

‘We’re looking to build some momentum off the PDB ruling.”

The momentum Libby and his lawyer are seeking my be derailed, as the White House, and CIA, has not yet decided to turn over the documents, giving some indications that a claim of “Executive Privilege” may be inserted.

Unconfirmed reports say that, when apprised of Friday’s ruling, President Bush immediately, and angrily, threatened to veto Judge Walton. When advised that wouldn’t be possible, the President summoned Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to the White House, to seek his advise on removing Judge Walton from the Federal bench.

Observers say that the Bush Administration may be attempting to challenge pretrial motions and procedures, looking for a flaw or a crack to jump the case over the Supreme Court.

“They can’t come out and overtly help Scooter,”, said Sonny Earl, editor of a Supreme Court newsletter that monitors the court's activities, 'OMIB" ('The Original Men In Black'). “What they can do is exercise their Executive Powers to the extent it pertains to the trial and make it as difficult as they can for the prosecutor and judge … Wear’em down and hope the can weaken the case.”

‘If they come up with a precedent that can get it into the big court … Well … That’s, more-or-less, is the end game here. Get the OMIB to back up the Executive Privilege claim and get the whole thing tossed out.”

Wells dismissed any talk of getting covert assistance from the White House.

“Everyone there is as busy, or even more busy then Mr. Libby was, during the period the prosecutor says he lied. I’m sure they’re so busy, that they wouldn’t even have the time to conjure up such a scheme – I barely had time to notice the Moussaoui trial and the great legal opportunities that may present us.”

Dubai Ports World Turning Over Any Libby Evidence To American Entity

In a move, not yet clear if it will be related, or not, to the Libby trial, scheduled to begin next January, Dubai Ports World announced that they are moving all their evidence and testimony on Scooter Libby to a yet-to-be-determined American entity. The company said in a statement released this morning that they wanted to avoid “any more hassles for the Bush Administration, as well as stoking any more anti-Arab, anti-Muslim rhetoric.”

Experts say that Dubai Ports World has testified in “a bevy of cases here in the U.S.” and have done “a bang up job … no problems whatsoever.”

Scooter Libby is planning to use his crutchers during his trial next January, to bolster his defense that he is "too busy to remember his foot is healed"

Top Ten Cloves: Why Democratic Leadership Isn’t Backing Feingold’s Censure of President Bush

10. Thought he was bringing up a “Census” Bill, and was really over-the-edge

9. Fear they’ll get tagged, and embarrassed, with being first veto by President Bush

8. With President talking about Medicare today, elderly with hearing troubles may confuse “censure” with “dentures” and party loses votes

7. Well, Lieberman might back it, but that’s more like getting one from the other side of the aisle

6. Fears that Pat Robertson will label them “satanic”

5. Worried, if it isn’t happening already, that they’ll be illegally wiretapped

4. Upset he brought it to the floor during March Madness

3. Obama not sure he’ll vote for it, but has interest in recording it … Sounds like Grammy material

2. Wanted to wait until President Bush dropped to below 30% in polls

1. If the vote for Censure ends in a tie, that brings in Cheney, and, Lord knows, what will happen with that

Monday, March 13, 2006

Clooney: Wouldn’t Cast Matthews In A Daydream

When Pressed, Matthews Admits Miffed Not Cast in Clooney Film

“Forget This Zelig Mishmash, I Could Have Played McCarthy … And Played Him Damn Good”

In an interview this weekend, MSNBC “Hardball” host Chris Matthews admits he is “pissed off” with Academy Award-winning actor, writer and director George Clooney.

Matthews’ comments came during this weekend’s Southern Republican Leadership Conference in Memphis, Tennessee, in an interview with David Aaronson, editor of What Color Is My Coat Today?, the Capital Hill Newsletter that tracks politicians who turn on their own party.

During the conference of party activists, Senator Bill Frist (R-TN) won the straw poll voting as the early favorite for the 2008 Presidential nomination.

“Maybe they should have taken a straw poll on me playing McCarthy,” said Matthews.

“Forget this Zelig mishmash thing he did … Just showing a few clips ... I could have played McCarthy … And I would have been damn good at it, I can tell you that.”

McCarthy was referencing the Clooney movie “Good Night and Good Luck”, about legendary newsman Edward R. Murrow’s battle with the late Senator Joseph McCarthy. In the film, McCarthy was portrayed by actual news footage, versus having an actor play the role (and the “Zelig” mention referred to the 1983 Woody Allen film, in which Allen’s character, Leonard Zelig, inserted himself into historical newsreel footage, in a mock documentary)

“He was very livid,” said Aaronson. “You could see it, clearly … His face reddened, and he actually started speaking in slow, measured tones, not his usually, 180-miles-per-hour, gatling gun manner.”

Matthews Defends McCarthy

What got Matthews hot, said Aaronson, was the question of his recent comments, defending McCarthy were brought up.

Recently, Matthews, speaking on Michael Smerconish’s radio show, on 1210 – The Big Talker in Philadelphia said to Smerconish, after he brought up the Oscars, and Clooney’s movie;

“You know, one-sided, to some extent liberal propaganda. Because you know there Communists – I’m sorry…there were Communists in the government…I could go through the whole list – Elizabeth Bentley, Harry Dexter White, and of course Alger Hiss – there’s a whole gaggle of them.

And the biggest nonsense of this sort of revisionist history is that there wasn’t a Communist threat and that McCarthy was just a drunken fool. Well, he may have been a drunk – he certainly was – and he may have been unable to shoot straight, but there were lots of targets there. He just didn’t hit any.”

Matthews has also come under fire for, reportedly, taking large speaking fees from conservative groups – without disclosure, and against MSNBC policy – as well as slanting his MSNBC “Hardball” program with conservative Republican guests. Matthews has also been chastised for comparing filmmaker Michael Moore to Osama bin Laden, and fawning over House Majority Leader John Boehner, gushing to Boehner that “you’re a great guy”.

Matthews’ background includes being a speechwriter for former President Jimmy Carter, as well as an aide to democratic congressmen, including for the former, and legendary, House Speaker, Thomas P. “Tip” O’Neal .

Matthews: Would Loved To Have McCarthy On Hardball

While ignoring Aaronson on his apparent shift to the right, Matthews defended his McCarthy comments.

“If McCarthy were in Congress today, he’d probably be like a Zell Miller character … A good, lovable older guy that goes off on the deep end every now and then … I would have loved to have him on Hardball – Could you imagine him and Pat Buchanan on the same program? … It would be fireworks television … great stuff!”

As to the speaking fees, Matthews says “there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“Hey, I gotta make a living … It would be one thing, if I were lining my pockets, taking money under the table, or free dinners at some swank restaurant, like a few of these shiny suit congressman and lobbyists …Like the Dukester … I mean, when I was working in Congress, we were lucky to get a hamburger at McDonald’s …So, don’t fault me for going out to put some bread on my table … Jeez Louise!”

Clooney: Wouldn’t Cast Matthews In A Daydream

Matthews wouldn’t say, with President Bush resuming his Bushapalooza Tour today, to start putting out, yet more new, new strategies for winning the War in Iraq, if he will be joining the line-up.

As reported by The Garlic back in January, Matthews, along with MSNBC colleagues Joe Scarborough and Tucker Carlson, joined the Bushapalooza Tour, to which White House Communications Director Dan Bartlett gushed that "This is a major score for us. Just getting Matthews would have been good, but to get all three of them … This is big …"

As to bemoaning not being cast by Clooney, when reached for comment, Clooney was dismissive of Matthews.

I am a liberal. And I make no apologies for it. Hell, I'm proud of it. As for Matthews, I wouldn’t cast him in a daydream, let alone a major and critically-acclaimed film.

Top Ten Cloves: Signs That March Madness Is Taking Root In The White House

10. New article says, when pulled off WMD story, Judith Miller said to Bill Keller; “Who gives a shit about basketball!”

9. NSA runs special Wiretap program, concentrating on teams in tournament, to get inside info before placing their bets

8. President Bush and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice briefed fully on tournament, so there’s “no surprises”

7. Scooter Libby’s lawyers to subpoena NCAA Tournament records to show how busy he was in March

6. White House Office of Faith-Based and Community Initiatives putting it all down on Oral Roberts to sweep the brackets

5. Big Screen TV for Final Four part of ex-Bush Aide Claude Allen’s phony refund scheme

4. President Bush encourages NCAA to embrace “globalism” and expand tournament beyond just 64 teams

3. Secretary of the Interior Gail Norton resigned so she could attend tourney in person this year

2. President Bush directs Department of Health & Human Services, to cover March Madness in new Medicare prescription plan

1. White House Staff too burned out to make up Tournament Pool Box Chart

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Update - Now 32-Hours Left To Vote For The Garlic

Help Lift The Garlic Into The 2005 Koufax Award Finals!

Update On The Koufax Awards Voting

The good folks at Wampum, sponsors of the Koufax Awards
announced that voting will be extended another 24-hours, due to inclement weather, causing power outages and a minor server snafu

Semi-Final voting will end at midnight, Monday, 13 March for the 2005 Koufax Awards.

If you are a regular visitor, or enjoying for the first time, the satire and humor of The Garlic, please take a few minute and use the links below, to place a vote for The Garlic

You have until Monday (tomorrow, 13 March), until 11:59PM to place your vote for The Garlic. Simply use the links below, and, when you get to the page, scroll down to the Comments Box and register your vote for The Garlic

Thank you, in advance, for your consideration


The Garlic: All The Cloves Fit To Peel Nominations

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Best New Blog

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Most Deserving of Wider Recognition

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Most Humorous Blog

The 2005 Koufax Awards: Most Humorous Post