Friday, September 30, 2005

Friday 30 September 2005

DeLay's Wife Demands To Speak With President

Wants Answers But Not Sure Where To Camp Out - D.C., Crawford or Hurricane Region?

With her husband facing conspiracy charges, Christine DeLay last night demanded to speak with President Bush and wants answers on why the Republican Majority is more important than "Tom DeLay's personal freedom."

"I want him to tell me why my husband is being hung out to dry," Mrs. DeLay offered heatedly.

DeLay, whose nickna,ed "The Hammer" was indicted on Wednesday by Travis County District Attorney Ronnie Earle for conspiring with two former collegues of his political action committee, that alleges the three men violated Texas law by funneling corporate donations to Texas candidates.

Due to the indictment, and following House rules, DeLay was forced to step down from his Majority Leader position.

"He wanted Texas," said Mrs. DeLay, "Tommy gave him Texas. Tommy gave him a lot more, pushing through his 'so-called' agenda … No Child Left Behind … How about No Tommy DeLay Left Behind Mr. President!"

As reported yesterday by The Garlic, the Republican National Committee is putting together a 'Support Our Majority Leader' rally on Sunday, with a march down K Street. Celebrities like Carrot Top, Dennis Miller and Anna Nicole Smith are schedule to appear, along with California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger, Vice President Dick Cheney and all Republican members of the House and Senate.

It is still unconfirmed if President Bush will attend the event.

"I hope he comes," said Mrs. DeLay. "I want him to tell me, to my face, the reasons."

Mrs. DeLay did concede she is in a quandary as to her next step. She has plans to camp out, in the same manner Cindy Sheehan has in seeking her audience with the President, however, she isn't sure where she will sit in protest.

"I don't know if I should camp out in front of the White House, go down to Crawford or follow him to the Gulf Coast."

President Bush has come under criticism, for, first, his slow reaction to Hurricane Katrina. Reports circulating say that staff members needed to put together a DVD of the media coverage and have the President watch it to get him engaged.

Since, the President has made seven trips to New Orleans, Mississippi and Texas, to deliver a national speech and to visit the stricken areas and comfort victims. Critics charge that the President is doing nothing more than a photo-op campaign, in attempts to repair his image and boost his plummeting approval ratings.

"I'll take a photo-op with him,: said Mrs. DeLay. 'And he'll get an earful from me at the same time. If he thinks he's going to abandon my husband, I'll rip him a new one and knock his teeth out for mumbling about it."

When apprised of his wife's comments, the former Majority Leader smiled.

"That's my girl," said the indicted DeLay. "On the hill, I might be 'The Hammer', but back home, Christine's "The Bulldozer'. If I was the President, I wouldn't want to want to be in his boots."

Christine DeLay did say she's holding airline reservations to California, in the event the President goes out West for a photo-op with emergency crews battling the raging brushfires in Los Angeles County.

"I'm also in constant contact with the National Weather Service, to get the word on any upcoming storms. He's not going to escape me."

At his appearance before the special House Committee investigating the governments' failures during Hurricane Katrina, former FEMA director Michael Brown was surprised to discover that karl Rove had flown Brown's brother, Sal, over from Sicily to attend the hearings. Brown, subsequentlhy blamed everyone, excepting himself and the Bush Administration.

Top Ten Cloves: Reasons Scooter Libby Gave Judith Miller Okay To Reveal Source and Testify

10. Trying to curry favor with prosecutor and grand jury so he won't be indicted

9. Wanted to get her out in time to see the foliage

8. Figured with Cheney out of the office for surgery, he could get away with a few things

7. Was tired of the hurricane coverage and wanted to give the media something else, and recharge the Wilson smear

6. Lost a bet; Gambled the Senate wouldn't confirm John Roberts

5. Heard Judy Miller was out of cigarettes and couldn't buy or trade things anymore

4. Soft spot for Judy; Only reporter that didn't call him "Scooter" in public

3. Influenced by new show, "My Name Is Earl" and just going down his list

2. Did it as a side deal with Ronnie Earle, in case Tom DeLay tries to finger him for anything

1. Waiting 89 days … He was in his FEMA-mode

Thursday, September 29, 2005

Thursday 29 September 2005

RNC, Congress Planning 'Support Our Majority Leader' Rally For DeLay

Music, Speakers and Celebes Slated For K Street Parade; President To Attend If Not In Gulf Region Again

Within hours of the indictment of House Majority Leader Tom "The Hammer" DeLay, on conspiracy to violate election laws in Texas, the Congress, with the Republican National Committee rallied around DeLay and announced a 'Support Our Majority Leader march, that will take place in Washington, D.C. this coming weekend.

The indictment, in Travis County, which includes Austin, the state capital, accuses DeLay of conspiring, with two, already indicted colleagues of his 'Americans for a Republican Majority', James W. Ellis and John D. Colyandro, for funneling corporate donations, through the RNC, and back to local Texas candidates. Texas law bans contributions from corporations.

As DeLay was aggressively and vehemently declaring his innocence, House Speaker Dennis Hastert (R-Ill.) and RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman announced that on Sunday, a 'Support Our Majority Leader' rally will take place for "all American citizens to show their support".

'This is a specious, degrading political vendetta, "offered Mehlman. "This is something, not just for Republicans or Conservatives to be concerned with, but all Americans.

Similar to last month's 'America Supports You Freedom Walk', sponsored by the Department of Defense, the 'Majority Leader' rally will take place on Sunday, Oct 2nd. The march will begin, and end on K Street in Washington. Music, games and speeches will be the order of the day, as celebrities and others have been lining up to participate.

The RNC says that Kenny Chesney, the recently-separated country singing star will perform, as will comedian Dennis Miller and Carrot Top. Soon to-be-confirmed is celebrity Anna Nicole Smith, whose inheritance case will be heard this session by the Supreme Court.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger will participate. The RNC says that Schwarzenegger contacted them, asking to be allowed to speak about "these "girly district attorneys".

Former Speaker of the House Newt Gingrich is on-board. Gingrich, who is credited with leading the 'Republican Revolution' that saw the Republican Party retake the House of Representative for the first time in 50-years, and was the architect of the 'Contract With America, was, ironically, forced out of office by scandal himself.

Senate Leader Bill Frist, himself a target of an SEC investigation, will make an appearance, as will Tony Perkins, President of the Family Research Council and Dr. James Dodson head of Focus On Family.

Ann Coulter, the conservative pundit and author, will perform a routine, a spin of her book, 'How To Talk To A Liberal - If You Must', on 'How To Talk To A Democratic Texas District Attorney'.

Fox News anchor and radio talk show host Sean Hannity will take a break from his marathon of blaming New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin and Louisiana Governor Kathleen Blanco for the problems and mishaps from Hurricane Katrina to be Master of Ceremonies for the 'Majority Rally'.

Hastert has made it clear that all Republican members of the House, and the Senate will be required to attend.

"This is the time to rally around our leader," said the Speaker. 'It's time for all of us to become 'Little Hammers' and stand behind Tom DeLay."

Mehlman indicated that President Bush may attend as well.

"We're talking with the White House now, to see if he's going to be in town, or if he's going down to the Gulf Region again."

Vice President Dick Cheney will attend, however, due to his recent surgery, he will not march, but be carried, emperor-style, by members of his Energy Task Force and Haliburton executives.

In a statement released by the Vice President's office, Cheney said that "Ronnie Earle [the Travis County district attorney] can go f----k himself."

William Kristol, editor of The Weekly Standard announced that his 'Project For The New American Century' (PNAC) will launch a new sister group - Project For A New Texas Century, in support of DeLay.

Mehlman would not say who was paying for the event, nor would he confirm or deny that Jack Abramoff was sponsoring the program.

Abramoff, a lobbyist and former aid to DeLay, is currently under indictment, for allegedly bilking Indian casino owners, and is the target of other investigations regarding his dealings.

New In Brief - Thursday 29 September 2005

New White House Riff As First Lady Forced To Visit Hurricane Zone

Staff Complains To Card, Rove; First Lady Upset With New Relief Role

More trouble for the White House is surfacing as staff members for the First Lady have complained to Chief of Staff Andy Card that Special Advisor Karl Rove is "forcing" Laura Bush to visit the hurricane-stricken Gulf Region.

Earlier this week, the First Lady was flown to Biloxi, Mississippi, to make a cameo appearance on the blockbuster ABC reality show 'Extreme Makeover: Home Edition'. The program with the First Lady is schedule to be broadcast in November.

With a camera crew following her, the First Lady met with hurricane victims and listened to their stories, as well as taking part in passing out clothing, food and supplies.

The First Lady is no stranger to television, having previously made appearances on "Oprah", "Dr. Phil" and "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno".

According to staff members, the First Lady "doesn't embrace her husbands excitement" with visiting the areas hit by Hurricanes Katrina and Rita. And they are upset that Rove is forcing this on Mrs. Bush.

"She's not running for office and she doesn't have a policy agenda," said one staff member.

Reportedly, the First Lady is "taking good notes" for next years' White House Correspondents' Dinner.

Last year, Mrs. Bush drew widespread attention with a racy monologue, comparing herself to "Desperate Housewife" a for the early bedtime of the President.

"We've told Card, and Rove," said the staffer, "that she's made her appearance, did her job and that she's not going back down there again.

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard In The Senate Before The John Roberts Vote Today

10. Did we have it in the Energy Bill that the President can fly down to New Orleans every day?

9. I heard the President is going to nominate himself, just to bust everyone's balloon

8. You see that new show 'My Name Is Earl' … If Rove made a list like that, he'll have a show for years

7. Do we have to vote today? Can't we argue some more over FEMA, or the Relief budget or something?

6. I already told my brother-in-law to move so he can get set up in the Gulf Opportunity Zone

5. Cheney's here … Did he make you look at his scars too?

4. Is today the day we gotta have lunch and eat MRE's with some of the evacuees?

3. Maybe we can get him to hold the Supreme Court session with Anna Nicole Smith here in the Senate Chamber

2. Don't tell anyone but Frist gave me a 'Heads-Up" on the stock and I made a bundle dumping it in time

1. Think he'll come out and pardon Tom DeLay right away?

Wednesday, September 28, 2005

Wednesday 28 September 2005


Not Sure How Many Used Drug; Says It "Breaks Down Dysfunction"

In a day of heated testimony, former FEMA Director Michael Brown dropped a bombshell, telling the Committee on Government Reform investigating the failures of the governments' response to Hurricane Katrina, that FEMA used the drug crystal methamphetamine to aid in the evacuations.

This was the second news of the day involving crystal meth, as earlier, in a soon-to-be-published memoir, Atlanta hostage Ashley Smith revealed in an interview with Anna Weinberg of The Book Standard, that she gave Atlanta Courthouse shooter Brian Williams her supply of the drug during her time as his captive. Previously, Ms. Smith stated that she helped persuade Williams to surrender by reading from spiritual best seller "The Purpose-Driven Life."

Brown disclosed the use of crystal meth in the hurricane relief shortly after telling the committee that "My biggest mistake was not recognizing by Saturday that Louisiana was dysfunctional."

In follow-up questioning, Brown related how FEMA began using crystal meth in their relief packages last year, during the four-hurricane barrage in Florida.

"We had some studies that showed it cut through dysfunction," said the disgraced director. "We implemented it in Florida and we had good results with it."

Brown defended his actions throughout the hearing

"It's my belief that FEMA did a good job in the Gulf states," Mr. Brown said at one point. "We could do things better. We could improve them."

Governor Blanco, when informed of Brown's testimony, stated that it "clearly demonstrates the appalling degree to which Mr. Brown is either out of touch with the truth or reality."

"Perhaps Mr. Brown, and the rest of FEMA, has been doing alittle too much crystal meth themselves."

Brown couldn't tell the committee who used, or how much crystal meth was used during the relief and evacuations in New Orleans.

"That's not an issue with me." He went on to say that "I didn't have a problem with evacuations in Mississippi or Alabama," adding, "They were doing it."

With President Bush distant and aloof during the hurricane, Brown was asked if the President was using the crystal meth.

"I have no knowledge of that." was his responses.

The committee noted, for the record, that the President has, subsequently, made seven trips to the Gulf Region.

The Committee on Government Reform, headed by Representative Tom Davis, Republican of Virginia, is primarily made up of Republicans. The Democratic leadership is boycotting the hearings and calling for an independent, outside inquiry. Democrats William Jefferson and Charlie Melancon of Louisiana and Gene Taylor of Mississippi participated at the request of Mr. Davis out of the importance to their districts.

Despite being told by President Bush that "Brownie, you're doing a heck of a job", Brown was soon removed from directing the Katrina recovery effort and days later, resigned his post as the director of FEMA. It was announced shortly before his appearance before the special committee that Brown has been retained by FEMA as a consultant, primarily to aid in the transition to the new director and investigation of FEMA's failures.

Brown could not state to the committee if FEMA intends to continue using the drug, crystal methamphetamine, in future aid packages. Davis indicated he may subpoena others in FEMA, as well as former hostage Ashley Smith, to substantiate Brown's claims.

There are rumors and unconfirmed reports that Rick Warren, author of the "The Purpose-Driven Life" is collaborating with Smith to pen a new book, 'The Crystal Meth Driven Purpose."

Evoking memories of President Lyndon Johnson, Vice President Dick Cheney offerd to show President Bush and the First Lady his scars from his recent surgery this past weekend

News In Brief - Follow-up

White House Backtracks To Include '24' President

Haysbert Hastily Invited To Talks; Card Says 'Thought He Was The 'Good Hands' Guy

Already under fire, from black congressional and spiritual leaders, for the lack of response to Hurricane Katrina in New Orleans, as well as the governments polices towards the poor and disadvantage, the White House hastily reached out and invited actor Dennis Haysbert, who is African-American, to the upcoming conference with President Bush, and other actors who portray presidents on television and in movies.

As The Garlic exclusively reported this week, Chief of Staff Andy Card has invited Martin Sheen, Gena Davis and Michael Douglas to meet with President Bush so the President can 'pick their brains' as to how they would handle certains criseses in their fictional roles as president.

Haysbert, who has played President David Palmer of the hit Fox Channel program, '24', was not initially invited by the White House. Executives of '24', and fans of the show, flooded the White House with telephone calls and emails over the omission.

In a statement released by White House, Card apologizes for the oversight, indicating that "he has not watched the program".

"I know he's an actor," Card stated, "But I only associated him as the 'Good Hands' guy … The All State commericals."

Top Ten Cloves: Ways The White House Plans On Conserving Energy

10. Hire more interns, to stand on South Lawn holding solar panels plugged into White House

9. Calls Senate Leader Frist and asks if Nuclear Option can fuel all of Washington D.C.

8. Jack Abramoff can burn his $10-bills to provide heat for the winter

7. Can't President sign Special Order, expempting White House from conservation and use all the power they want?

6. Wait for FEMA to deliver alternative-fuel generators … Wait, that's not really conserving, just FEMA screwing up

5. President to pedal stationary bike (more for his Secret Service teams' protection) to generate electricity for Oval Office

4. Karl Rove will start hand-wrting his smears

3. President to federalize Willie Nelson's vegetable oil-fueled bus for his trips to the hurricane regions

2. Start letting GOP donors sleep in Lincoln bedroom, but they have to bring heat and electricity for the whole White House

1. Dick Cheney will use his pacemaker only three-days per-week

Tuesday, September 27, 2005

Tuesday 27 September 2005

Garlic Exclusive!

Secret Bush Call For Television Summit with Fictional Leaders Revealed

Meeting Scheduled With Sheen, Davis For Crisis Input; May Reach Out To Other Actors

Sources have told The Garlic that President Bush has reached out to actors Martin Sheen and Gena Davis, who portray presidents on television, to get their input on the unfolding crisis's engulfing the White House.

Sheen, who is President Josiah Bartlett on the award-winning 'West Wing' and Davis, whose new program, 'Commander in Chief' debuts this evening, plays MacKenzie Allen, a vice president thrust into the Oval Office after the sitting president dies, received the invitation to meet with President Bush from Chief of Staff Andy Card.

"It's either raw, naked panic," offered a staffer close to the White House, "or a stroke of genius by Card to make this call."

The President is reported to be "very shaky" and there are rumors that he has begun drinking again. Aides say he is unfocused, surly and spends a good deal of the day "sitting in the Oval Office listening to his iPod".

"He doesn't trust anyone," offered another aid. "His Senate and Congress leaders are up to their necks in indictable deals, he still has the Fitzgerald investigation waiting to drop a shoe and his vice president is a steak dinner away from taking a dirt nap."

The Fitzgerald investigation is the Grand Jury inquiry into the Valerie Plame leak that has White House Special Advisor Karl Rove, and Cheney staffers Scooter Libbey and Stephen Hadley possibly looking at indictments. The New York Times Judith Miller has been in jail for nearly three-months, for refusing to divulge her sources regarding the leak.

"With all this going on, as well as plummeting approval ratings, the war in Iraq going badly, two major hurricanes hitting the Gulf Coast leaving over a half-million people homeless and jobless, the FEMA fiasco and a looming energy crises that threatens plunging the nation's economy into a recession, Card needed to do something to get the ball moving again."

Details of the meeting with Sheen and Davis were not released. It may take place in Washington, Crawford, Texas or even having the President fly out to Hollywood

"Sheen was a no-brainer., "said the White House aide. "Along with his 'West Wing' experience, he's played Bobby Kennedy numerous times, who was an Attorney General, a Senator and a presidential candidate. Davis may give some insight to the RNC, in the event that Hillary runs in 2008"

There are unconfirmed reports that actor Michael Douglas was called as well. Douglas portrayed widowed president Andrew Shepherd in the film, 'The American President', with, ironically, Martin Sheen playing his Chief of Staff.

The Democratic response to the news of the meeting has been heated.

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) suggested that the "President should meet with Bozo the Clown, since his administration is nothing more that a three-ring circus."

Representative Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) said that it was "appropriate that we have no gasoline, since we don't have a driver either."

Senator Joe Biden (D-MD), when apprised of the meeting, indicated "I've got a show the President should be on."

"The President should go on the program 'Lost', because that's what he is right now."

As hearing open up today on Capital Hill, as to FEMA's performance during Hurricane Katrina, new charges emerged that Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff actually was directing aid and rescue operations in the wrong country

Top Ten Cloves: What Rafael Palmeiro Is Doing Now That His Season Is Over

10. Waiting for FEMA to come rescue him

9. Checking his list of other players on steroids that he can give to the Commissioner

8. Considering writing a book in hopes that Oprah Book Club picks it up

7. Call up McGwire and say it's time to put the contract out on Canseco

6. Starting to lobby journalists about his Hall of Fame qualifications

5. Trying out some of those new, designer steroids

4. Since President won't do it, no problem now fitting meeting with Cindy Sheehan on the schedule

3. Hmmm … Maybe a handsome, ex-ballplayer can move into Wisteria Lane?

2. Time to meet with lawyer to go over pending Congressional perjury charges

1. Stock up on Viagra and let's start the party!

Monday, September 26, 2005

Monday 26 September 2005

Cable News Giants Considering All-Hurricane Channel

Pool Resources To Contain Costs; Sponsored Levees In New Orleans Offered

Citing skyrocketing ratings and no end insight for content and programming, the heads of the major cable news networks have started discussions as to launching a 'Hurricane Channel', which would broadcast hurricane-related programming 24/7/365.

"It's wise, based on the patters emerging," said Stuart Vilma, a media analyst with IDG. "Stake out this turf and it opens the doors to cyclones, tsunamis, earthquakes … There's an umbrella of disasters that can be packaged this way."

Sources say the Fox Networks is leading the charge and made overtures to CNN and MSNBC. No word on when the Hurricane Channel would start up, as talks started just last week and there is no firm details on the operation.

It's being said that the National Hurricane Center, and AccuWeather may join in the operation and, the Hurricane Channel would go "head-to-head" with The Weather Channel.

A spokesperson for The Weather Channel was surprised by the news of a possible Hurricane Channel.

"I mean, who are people going to watch," said Kathy Lane, "in January, when it's zero-degrees and a blizzard is coming? Are you going to want that information, or more interviews from New Orleans or Houston with people in short-sleeved shirts?"

Roger Ailes, the chairman, CEO, and president of Fox News Channel did hint at the talks in a recent interview in New York on the coverage planned for Hurricane Rita.

"We need to get our bulls - O'Reilly, Hannity, and the others - back on track … Back backing Bush and pounding out the RNC positions … I mean, they can handle the routine disaster things … They know the questions to ask … How to show compassion but our ratings go through the roof when they're beating the drum and slapping liberals and democrats around … We might have a solution to that pretty soon.

Speculation is high that Fox anchor Shepard Smith would get the nod, having been Fox's man-on-the-ground in New Orleans, for Hurricane Katrina.

'Shep's doing a heck-of-a-job for us down there,: said Ailes. 'I mean he can make a slight breeze sound like Armageddon is coming in one sentence, then tug at your heartstrings in the next."

CNN President Jonathan Klein would not confirm talks of the Hurricane Channel but did mention that anchor Anderson Cooper would fit into such program, being that Cooper garnered media reviews of his coverage of Katrina, which included displaying raw emotions on-camera.

"Anderson is what I call three-hanky coverage, " said Klein. "Man, can he those waterworks going, or what!"

MSNBC didn't return calls and their spokesperson would neither confirm or deny participation in talks, or anything about the Hurricane Channel, other than "it would certainly cut cost, being able to pool resources".

"I don't think they want to plug Tucker Carlson into it," offered Vilma. "They've all but given up on that petri dish. They push his time slot back again and he's competing with infomercials."

"They might try to fit the new star in the stable there, Rita Cosby, though television sets around the country might explode if she, and former Fox colleague Geraldo Riveraappear in the same broadcast."

It is also being reported that advertising and sponsorship packages are being "floated" out to certain big name companies, some that include naming rights for the various levees in New Orleans. No word on if the Hurricane Channel would receive those payments or, if a deal has been struck with New Orleans and the Army Corp of Engineers.

"Hey," said Vilma, "If the Hurricane Channel is offering 24/7 coverage, someone will be willing to put their name on those levees."

Ailes tipped his hand a bit more in his interview.

"There's only so many runaway brides and missing teenager stories. Storms, hurricanes … You get mass evacuations, fires, damage, millions of people displaced, the economy … It's like a reality show, in real time … It's America, fair and unbalanced."

Hughes Makes Official Debut With Mid-East Jaunt

Fall Tupperware Line Just In; Says Flood Victims could have "saved heirlooms"

Karen Hughes, now that she is confirmed, is making her official debut this week, as Under Secretary of State, with stops in Egypt, Saudi Arabia and Turkey. Hughes has previously served as President Bush's campaign spokesperson and White House Communications Specialist.

Hughes has been in the position since March, when she launched International Tupperware parties as a means to promote the Bush Administrations positions and policies.

Ms. Hughes stated that the program shows how Tupperware is integrated into the American lifestyle "in a healthy and prosperous way". She believes that it can help in having these countries gain a better understanding of America and, at the same time, help themselves.

"Along with developing self-confidence and self-esteem, the representatives from these countries will be building an important economic platform", Hughes stated.

In Egypt, where Hughes displayed the new 2005 Fall line of Tupperware, she was peppered with questions about the hurricanes and devastation in New Orleans.

"It's really been terrible." offered Hughes. " So much was lost. If those people had used Tupperware, for instance, they could have saved a lot of their possessions, irreplaceable photos and family heirlooms."

Ms. Hughes also announced that, in 2006, she will be adding Mary Kay Cosmetics to the program and that an office will be set up in New Orleans under the President's new 'Gulf Opportunity Zone'.

"I've talked with many of the woman refugees in Houston and they were just sick over not having any make-up to wear while waiting to be rescued."

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard During Dick Cheney's Surgery

10. Think he'll invite us if he has a party over at the Secret Bunker?

9. No trouble if anything goes wrong … Nobody's seen him for months anyway …

8. I think he's waking up … He keeps mumbling something about "Bianca"

7. Let's tease him … Give him the pair of crutches, the one with one shorter than the other

6. Is that the President out in the waiting room, reading a children's book?

5. Jeez, even knocked out, he keeps that snarl on his face

4. Is his insurance paying for this or can we bilk FEMA for it?

3. Let's give him a tattoo!

2. Anybody got a camera cell phone on them? We could make a killing on eBay …

1. Who's doing the stitching? Remember, he wants them to read "Halliburton Rules"