Tuesday 29 March 2005

Garlic Exclusive!
Easter Egg Hunt Yields Sadam's WMD's

U.S. and Coalition forces on Sunday, participating in a improvised Easter Egg hunt, stumbled upon the long-sought cache of Sadam Hussian's Weapons of Mass Destruction.

A Pentagon spokesperson indicated the division stationed on the outskirts of Baghdad, consisting of U.S and Coalition forces were relaxing, waiting for their special Easter dinner, when they decided to improvise and conduct an Easter Egg hunt. An officer hid objects found in the camp and approximately 15 soldiers went about looking to find them.

In poking under a bush, Private Bobby Douglas, of Montgomery, AL discovered a covered trap door, leading to an underground storage unit, said to be the size of a football field. Contained in the storage unit were racks of a variety of weapon systems, chemical beakers, and undisclosed artillery and ammunition crates.

Forces were still cataloging the find late into Monday afternoon.

"I'm just tickled", offered Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, in a released statement. "Hunting Easter Eggs is an untidy business, it's messy. To find these WMD's is wonderful".

The United Nations Team of Inspectors admitted that they did not use 'Easter Egg Hunting' in their efforts to discover the WMD's and indicated that it would be added to their disciplines in future efforts.

As to the contest, Lt. Eddie Suater of Milwaukee, WI was the overall winner, collecting 8 of the 25 hidden Easter Egg objects. Both Suater and Douglas will be awarded medals for their efforts.

The Pentagon indicated that next Easter, they will mandate that all units stationed in Iraq conduct Easter Eggs Hunts for the purpose of finding additional WMD's.



Hughes Plans International Tupperware Party For First Image Effort

As her first initiative in her new role as Undersecretary of State for Public Diplomacy, Karen Hughes will begin and extensive, broad, far-reaching Tupperware party to help lift the image of the United States.

"What better way to get to know your neighbors", beamed Ms. Hughes, in her first press conference yesterday. "They can look at how properous and healthy Americans are and that is, in part, related to Tupperware.

The traveling Tupperware party will visit 15 countries in Europe, Asia and Africa and hosted by Hughes at U.S Embassies. In addition to selling the iconic food storage containers, Hughes also will recruit Sales Representatives, in under-developed Third World countries as a economic tool for those countries to enter the world trading stage.

"Along with developing self-confidence and self-esteem, the representatives from these countries will be building an important economic platform", offered Hughes. "They can help their fellow countryman properly store their rice and grains, or other donated food items, and, at the same time, earn bonus incentives, while they build their economy".

Secretary of State Condeleeza Rice endorsed the plan, indicating "we'd rather see them with a Tupperware bowl in their hands then a blackmarket nuclear device".

Hughes is said to be in talks with Mary Kay Inc., one of the largest direct sellers of skin care and color cosmetics in the world, for a second program next year, to help enhance the image of the United States.