Friday 1 April 2005

Happy April Fools Day!

Entire World Clicks Onto The Garlic Sets New Web/Blog Record

At 2:06PM yesterday, 6,426,200,025 - the entire global population - clicked onto The Garlic: All The Cloves Fit To Peel, setting a new web and blog record.

Reports indicate that just before his fever soared, the Pope was logged on to The Garlic. Villagers in Africa and Asia, with no electricity, walked scores of miles to log on to the nearest computer.

Major League Baseball cancelled Spring Training for the day, so players could visit the humor and satire blog.

In France, transit workers staged a one-day strike, so they could stay home and logged on. In Belgium, rivers of melted chocolate poured out of shops as the chocolate-makers stayed glued to The Garlic.

Doctors took Geraldo Rivera out of his medically-induced vegatative state (as first as reported by The Garlic last Tuesday, 22 March - Geraldo Rivera To Go Under For Investigative Report, Schiavo Scoop) so he could use his laptop.

In a act of profound generosity, Bill Gates shipped tens-of-thousands of fully-loaded, Wi-Fi-capable computers to Tsunami victims in Indonesia so they could get on to The Garlic.

Congress, led by majority leaders Tom DeLay and Bill Frist introduced a new bill, unanimously approved, that suspended business for the day and allowed members to rush back to their offices to log on.

Trading on Wall Street was suspended, as pits and the floor cleared off, leaving tote boards clicking numbers to nobody. The merger talks between MCI and Verizon were postponed and rescheduled for next week.

New Hewlett Packard CEO Mark Hurd had the entire HP staff visit The Garlic, as a introductory team-building exercise.

In Brasil, Rio de Janerio beaches were empty. Buenos Aires saw plazas deserted. Ships and tankers lined up in both the Atlantic and Pacific Oceans, idle, as Panama Canal workers abandoned their stations.

Owners of the Petronas Towers in Kuala Lumpur had huge jumbotrons attached to the buildings and logged on to The Garlic, drawing scores-of-thousands to the streets.

Officials say that late in the evening, over 4-Billion were still logged onto The Garlic.