Ex-Presidents Offer To Stump For Gay Marriage Ban, Border Wall, Hoffa Dig
Telethon and Benefits Concerts Part Of 3-For-1 Package; Cites Need To Act Before New Hurricanes. Marriages Hit
The Garlic has learned today the former Presidents George W. Bush and Bill Clinton have offered a proposal to the Bush Administration, for their services in raising funds for the battle to ban Gay Marriage, build a wall along the Mexican border, and for future searches and digs for former Teamster Chief Jimmy Hoffa.
Eager to get back on the road, and pointing to their success with the Tsunami Relief and Hurricane Katrina programs, which generated millions of dollars, the Ex-President’s proposal is said to offer a “very substantial return”.
“I think we could help, get something done in these areas,” said President Clinton.
Included in the proposed fund raising package would be a series of benefits concerts with artists such as Bruce Springsteen, Neil Young, the Dixie Chicks, the Neville Brothers and Kayne West.
Extra media publicity is said to be guaranteed for the FBI, with having West spout off on the tour that “Jimmy Hoffa didn’t like black or gay people”. And any such statements from the rap singer will be met with comments from Mary Cheney, lesbian daughter of Vice President Dick Cheney, that West is a “total slimeball”, garnering more PR for the tour and fundraising.
“Gosh, I really hate to see people of the same sex getting married, or have a wall go up, but there’s just so many of them , we have to do something,” added the former President Bush.
White House Considering; One Sources Says “These guys are bored”
There was “no comment” from the White House. Sources there tell The Garlic that the proposal is being given “consideration” but that no one in the White House is “taking it seriously”.
“You have,” said one, high-level administration official,” these two guys who are bored ... There hasn’t been any calamities and no one has been calling for them. Let them take their ‘Abbott and Costello’ routine somewhere else.”
“I think it’s important for the FBI to find Mr. Hoffa,” said Clinton. “If we can help by raising some money, so they can get better equipment, or follow more leads, that’s a good thing. We shouldn’t shy away from that.”
The two-ex-Presidents both cited the need to act quickly on the proposal, before any new marriages take place, or that hurricanes make landfall, as the new storm season just started this month.
“We can only be in one place at a time,” offered the elder President Bush. “And people have only so much they can give – though the gay people seem to be able to give a little bit more”
Walls For Humanity? Carter Says “Three, maybe four-days” To Build Border Wall
There are unconfirmed rumors that the two ex-Presidents may be joined by a third, if the Bush Administration takes up the proposal.
Former President Jimmy Carter is said to be ready to join the team. Carter will launch a new volunteer program – Walls For Humanity – to assist the Mexican Wall Project.
A spokesperson for President Carter would not confirm or deny the rumor, but did add that “with the right number of volunteers, and the supplies, of course, we could build such a wall in three, maybe four days.”
President Bush is planning on asking Vice President Dick Cheney to declare that traditional marriages are “in their final throes” unless Congress passes the Constitutional Amendment banning Gay Marriage
Moving forward, in his new career, Tom Delay wants to be known as “Hammer Uncle”
