Friday 29 April 2005

Bush May Tap Coulter For Energy Source
Studies Cite Time Cover Girl "Has Enormous Capacity"

Following his Press Conference last evening, President Bush, when pressed by reporters for more details about his proposed Energy Bill, indicated that he is considering asking Congress for appropriations to develop Ann Coulter as an alternative energy source.

"She has enormous capacity" the President said. "Boy, if we could harness just about half of what she puts out, I'll tell you, I wouldn't trade in my SUV"

The right-wing, conservative commentator, recently featured on the cover of Time Magazine, has been a perpetual streak of energy, offering a wide range of criticism, aimed chiefly at Democrats and Liberals, on virtually any topic.

Coulter has attacked, among many, former President Clinton, the late Princess Diana, Ted Kennedy, former Ambassador Pamela Harriman, Vietnam veterans, National Review editor Richard Lowry, Rep. Christopher Shays (D-CT), as well as Hustler publisher Larry Flynt, actress/singer Barbra Streisand and rapper Sister Souljah

She ascribed that Princess Diana and Ambassador Harriman were "whores".

Following the September 11th attacks, Coulter advocated, referring to the terrorists, that we should "invade their countries, kill their leaders and convert them to Christianity." Coulter, when criticized for the remarks, defended them, adding further;

"Congress could pass a law tomorrow requiring that all aliens from Arabic countries leave....We should require passports to fly domestically. Passports can be forged, but they can also be checked with the home country in case of any suspicious-looking swarthy males."

President Bush offered that Department of Energy Secretary Samuel W. Bodman had his staff conduct a study of Coulter and, using a complicated formula, the results show that Coulter puts out nearly as much energy as a nuclear reactor.

"I think a lot of neighborhoods wouldn't mind if we built more Ann Coulter's around them", joked the President.

When pressed how he would go about employing Coulter as an energy source, the President stressed that "cloning" would not be involved. He did state that adult stem cells would be involved and the process would be well within Federal guidelines on the use of stem cells.

Bush stated that tapping Coulter as an energy source would be part of the package of the bill he will be sending to Congress. In his Press Conference, Bush challenged Congress to pass the Energy Bill by this summer.

Democrat Leaders were cautious in commenting on the President's proposal. Rep. Nancy Pelosi indicated that "let's wait and see the entire bill … If he's putting something that outrageous in it, there's likely something else that he really wants".

Republicans, upon hearing some of the details hailed the President's choice of Coulter as "bold"

Coulter's commentary and writings are often, over-the-top, cartoonish and very much based in the standard tirades of many other conservative pundits. Coulter often attaches to Democrats and Liberals certain tags and code words, meant to distort the issue and often defends conservatives, citing unending persecution.

Coulter could not be reached, however a representative did confirm the Ms. Coulter has been in talks with President Bush and is thrilled that she could be in position to become an energy source for the nation. The representative offered that Ms. Coulter asked the President if her "energy can only be used in strong, Republican districts"



More Steroid Hearings
The NFL Goes To Congress
McGwire Surprise Witness; Still Not Talking

The National Football League went before Congress on Wednesday, to give testimony as to it's Steroid Policy and the efforts they are employing to keep the illegal drug out.

Commissioner Paul Tagliabue told Congress that since 1989, 111 players have tested positively. Of that group, 54 were suspended and 57 chose to retire. Tagliabue defended the NFL policies, citing that they are effective.

Tagliabue did acknowledge that advances are being made in masking the use of steroids but that is a "overall problem", one not related solely to the NFL.

The Congressional panel complimented NFLPA Director Gene Upshaw, for his involvement and monitoring the league's drug program, highlighting the contrast versus Major League Baseball. In the hearing last month, baseball executives were often confused, or outright wrong, about what their steroid policy was and who was administering it.

In a surprise move yesterday, the panel called back former baseball slugger Mark McGwire. Citing he had the "size of a football player", the panel offered McGwire a second opportunity to offer his testimony as to his steroid use.

McGwire again cited that he doesn't "talk about the past".

McGwire went on to testify that he does watch NFL games, both on television as well as attending in person and is looking forward to the upcoming season this Fall. When pressed by the panel, McGwire did admit that he "occasionally" wagers on football games, both professional and college.