Wednesday 27 April 2005

Bush Plan For Iraq Statehood In Jeopardy
No New Government Yet; Window of Opportunity Closing

Late Tuesday, Iraqi's political leaders delayed for another day the naming of it's new government, indicating that they may leave some posts vacant for the time being.

This has the Bush Administration worried, as Iraqi is already behind the schedule President Bush has laid out and, at the moment, puts Bush's plans for Iraqi statehood in jeopardy (See The Garlic, Tuesday 10 April; Bush Moves On Making Iraq 51st State)

"Cheney and Rumsfeld are steaming", offered one source close to the administration.

Sources say that Bush is worried that the move to Iraqi statehood could get bogged down by the Iraqi's inability to establish their government, and drafting an Enabling Act.

With the Congress preoccupied by the protracted debate in the Senate over judicial nominee voting, the DeLay Scandal and the stalled hearings on Bush's appointment of John Bolton to the U.N., the window of opportunity is closing to grant Iraqi statehood under-the-radar.

"Andy (Chief-of-Staff Andrew Card) is really juggling a lot of balls. He's got Cheney and Rumsfeld breathing down his neck, the loose cannon that DeLay is, now Frist playing like Elmer Gantry and the Bolton thing sinking faster than his Social Security plans … They'll be lucky if the Iraqi cabinet doesn't start shooting at each other".

Prime Minister Ibrahim al-Jaafari is anticipated to submit a cabinet to the National Assembly today but it is expected to be incomplete, putting pressure on President Jalal Talabani, who is already under fire, from both Iraqi's and the Bush Administration, for not having a government formed.

At play is the role of the Sunni Arabs, who boycotted the January elections. Shiite and Kurdish alliances have fear that former Baathists, who were the oppressing force, will be included in the Sunni delegation.

Vice-President Cheney is eager for Iraqi to become the 51st State, believing that the congressmen elected from Iraq to serve will be conservative Republicans, adding to the majority and thereby enabling the President's agenda

A spokesperson for Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld indicated that Rumsfeld understands that "the business of government and launching a new state is untidy".

"We shouldn't expect miracles", offered the Secretary in a statement released to reporters. " But, My God, if I had been oppressed … If I was living under a dictator and suddenly breathed the air of democracy … I'd be damned sure to get my house in order as soon as possible …I wouldn't lollygag around"


Syria Leaves Lebanon After 29-Year Stay
Bill Unpaid; Towels and Soap Missing

The United Nation yesterday, verified that Syria has finally left the country of Lebanon after a 29-year stay, leaving in its wake, an unpaid bill and the theft of towels, soaps, bathrobes and mint candies.

"They had the best rooms, and they still trashed us", sighed Gen. Michel Suleiman, commander of Lebanon's army, who watched the last of the Syrians leave.

It was 1976 when Syria first came to Lebanon, as part of a Arab peacekeeping force following a civil war. Others left but Syria stayed. Over the years, various efforts were made to have the Syrians leave, with talks and sanctions from the United States, Israel and the U.N. and, including intervention from the International Hotel & Restaurant Association.

A spokesperson for the IHRA, Guy Franchot, confirmed their participation but admitted that it had little effect.

"Over the years, we had drawn up, from experience with rock bands, boisterous conventions and the like", offered Franchot. "A number of policies in dealing with unwanted guests. The Lebanon situation was quite unique".

As Syria began leaving Lebanon, thousands of Lebanese discovered missing towels, soaps, and bathrobes. Grocery stores and retail shops were stripped of their mint candies.

Gen. Ali Habib, leader of the Syrian Army, denied the claims that Syria left without paying it's bill, or the theft of any items.

Franchot indicated that the policy in such cases was "next time they come in, you can refuse to accommodate them or accept any reservations. Or, you can also require a deposit in-advance"