Thursday, March 22, 2007

Top Ten Cloves: Expected Republican and Freakshow Blowback Against John and Elizabeth Edwards

News Item: Cancer Worsening, Edwards's Wife Says

10. After Matt Drudge weighs in, she'll have even more toxins to deal with

9. James Dobson and Ralph Reed will rally both the Indian Casinos and Christian Right against the Edwards

8. Armitage, Cheney and Rove leak Edward's medical records to Robert Novak, who prints them

7. Sen. James Inhofe (R-OK) immediately blames Mrs. Edward's cancer on Al Gore

6. New platform for Catholic League President Bill Donohue to rant and blame fired Edwards' bloggers

5. Rush Limbaugh claims she's faking it

4. Dick Cheney brands her a traitor, saying getting treatment for her cancer will validate the al Qaeda strategy

3. Ann Coulter says that Edward's is probably glad his wife has cancer and that he's probably going to divorce her

2. Fox News' John Gibson and Bill O'Reilly begin a war against chemotherapy during Christmas and Easter

1. Newt Gingrich will say that Elizabeth Edwards was too dumb to get out of the way of getting cancer

Go Get'em Girl!

Wednesday, March 21, 2007

Top Ten Cloves: Other Conditions President Bush Has To Allow Rove and Meirs To Testify Before Congress

News Item: Indications of Obfuscation

10. Let's make it "Rock, Paper, Scissors", but I gotta warn ya, Harriet, there, has some serious puños de la piedra

9. Don't even bother trying to ask Rove about "The Math", he won't answer any of those questions

8. For every day you don't accept my terms, we'll send you another 3,000 pages

7. It will have to be like Jeopardy - You guys give the answers and then Karl and Harriet will have to answer in the form of question or be penalized

6. We won't give you Rove, or Miers, but we will let you question Lynne Cheney ... She'll have a few things to say to ya, all right

5. Questioning must be outsourced to Halliburton

4. Tony Snow will have to be in the room, when you question Rove and Miers, and, the first question you ask that makes Snow bang his head on the podium, we're outta there!

3. Leahy again ... Get Dick down here and have him deal with Leahy ... Like he did before

2. To be fair and balanced, will let Fox News host the questioning

1. Sticking to "no oath, no transcript" but will allow Congress to use pantomimes to record questioning

Leahy again ... Get Dick down here and have him deal with Leahy ... Like he did before

Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Top Ten Cloves: Things Not Anticipated About Grand Canyon Skywalk

News Item: Tribe Set to Open Grand Canyon Skywalk

10. Had to spend millions clearing loose stones from the area

9. Possible bad vibe, as horseshoe design was modeled after one of the late Barbero's shoes

8. Will have to increase security, to keep Bungee Jumpers off the Skywalk

7. Worried that research showed people won't pay $25 to stand on Skywalk, but, from the safety of their homes, using their computers, get same view via Google Earth

6. Perverts flocking to base of Grand Canyon, under the Skywalk, equipped with high-powered zoom lenses

5. Already budget problems - Didn't factor in how much Windex they would need to keep it clean

4. Microsoft serving injunction, preventing them from using the word "Vista" in describing views from Skywalk

3. Talks with Super Bowl Champion Indianapolis Colts, to promote Grand Canyon Skywalk by wearing glass helmets next season, not going well

2. Other Indian casinos taking heavy betting on when glass skywalk cracks or breaks

1. Not sure of the confluence of energy that will take place if Philip Glass and Ira Glass show up on same day to take tour


Grand Canyon Skywalk

Already budget problems - Didn't factor in how much Windex they would need to keep it clean

The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Warning - Bypass this post if you don't want to be discouraged.

As we announced previously, The Garlic will be presenting The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day as an on-going feature.

This had to be a double-bummer for the First Lady, coming on the day of the 4th Anniversary of her husbands' invasion and occupation of Iraq.

Did she watch last evening, or was she busy, celebrating the anniversary? Has the President noticed his wife being bummed out every day, by that one bombing a day she sees on television? Does he comfort her? Has she asked him to stop, and get out of Iraq?

Will she, eventually, just stop watching television? Or will the developing scandal of her husbands' Crony General captivate her, leading her to pronounce "Much of the Administration is stable ... But of course, what we see on television is the one fired U.S. Attorney that discourages everybody ..."

Todays Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day

Iraqi Army Post Destroyed By Bombs in Anbar Province


Laura Bush: Much Of Iraq Is ‘Stable,’ There’s Just ‘One Bombing A Day That Discourages Everybody’

Brookings Institute Iraq Index

CNN Larry King - Interview With Laura Bush/"The Lost Tomb of Jesus"

Laura Bush: My husband never misled about Iraq

New Feature - The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the-Day

Tuesday, March 06, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Friday, March 09, 2007 The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Friday, March 16, 2007 - The Laura Bush Bummer Bombing-of-the Day

Is the First Lady looking for a way not to be bummed out any longer?

Monday, March 19, 2007

Garlictorial: The 4th Anniversary, Or "How I Invaded and Occupied Iraq and All I Got Were These Lousy Iranian Bombs"

Boy, has the Legacy Shopping taken a big hit these last few weeks.

Emboldened to eschew the Iraq Study Group, not to mention the November 06 election mandate from "we the people", our Court Appointed President and his gang, er, Administration had it all figured out.

Throw, or, in their words, "surge" more troops into the Civil War, club down the centuries-old hatred and violence in mere months, then order the bunting for the unveiling of George W. Bush Boulevard in downtown Baghdad.

Legacy all wrapped up. The remaining days in office can be spent going over the Bush Library donor list, to hit them again, notifying them that the price of the legacy has gone up.

Funny thing, in order to go Legacy Shopping you have to, kind of, done something.

Something good. Something selfless. Something that betters others. Something for the common good.

Instead, we've had a six-year (with the camera still running) John Carpenter film, the daily takes, be they from Iraq or Washington, getting grimmer and grimmer as this movie plays on.

Shock and Awe had quickly spiraled into "Aw, Shucks", as pillar after pillar of their false claims to go to war in Iraq crumbled, only later to see whatever integrity they had left crumble from the winds of Katrina.

Lies to protect the "Aw Shucks" turned into criminal charges, which turned into "Aw, Shit" after Dana Priest and The Washington Post visited the Walter Reed Medical Center Outpatient section, which turned into "Aw, Double Shit" as soon as Karl Rove, Harriet Meirs and Crony General Alberto Gonzales huddled around and chanted "Romper, bomper, stomper boo. Tell me, tell me, tell me, do. Magic mirror, tell me today. Which U.S. Attorneys get to stay?"

Oh, Lordy, Lord, but for the good, old days, when a lame duck president did little more that cutting ribbons at some memorial opening ceremony, have photo-op festivals with other world leaders who knew they were a lame duck and dread the opening of baseball season, when they knew they would be mercilessly booed throwing out the first pitch.

But these Bushies have drive. They are staying the course. It's Legacy, or Bust, nothing inbetween, nothing short of that.

It will be fascinating to watch, as they claw at the air, desperate to latch on to a thread of Legacy, something they can trumpet as victory.

And we've seen the signals of a new Legacy-maker being auditioned, White House Central Casting knocking on Iran's door with the five-minute warning, admonishing them to be sure to hit their marks and to stay to the written script.

They don't want to leave town with having set the Middle East ablaze and no parting gifts to tote away.

Hey, wait a minute, that's a Legacy, right?


Iraq at Four Years: The Past is Indeed Prologue

The Ides of March 2003

Four Years Later... And Counting

McClatchy Newspapers: Iraq Cost in Blood and Dollars

Transcript: President Bush Delivers Remarks on the War in Iraq

Garlictorial - We’ll Need That Table

Excuse me, but is that a legacy in your pocket or you just glad to see me?

Sunday, March 18, 2007

"Karl, We're Going to Have Harriet Coach You For The Grand Jury This Time, Okay? ... The Results - The Garlic Weekly Poll

Oh what a tangled web
they weave, when they practice ... Well, just about anything they do ... Their entire Administration has had the look of Spiderman, testing out a new Web Shooter for the past six-years.

The 'they" of course is our Chief Decider, and the debacle that it's turning into over his “Politically Dead Man Walking" Crony General and the politicially-motivated firing of eight U.S. Attorneys.

They've already offered a Rubek's Cube of excuses, even falling back on "hazy memories" and "Does it matter who comes up with an idea?" The glowing fingerprints of Karl Roves are shining through this, like a cheap, Grade-B murder mystery, who knows what they will attempt to spin next

First Dog Barney might want to think about hiding out in the East Wing for the upcoming few weeks.

Assuming the inevitable happens, either this week or next, who does the Chief Decider decide on who replaces his former Crony General?

Who better, if only to piss off the Democrats and sail through the confirmation hearings, then the Independent Crony from Connecticut, Joe Lieberman?

Since one of the qualifications to be a U.S. Attorney in the Bush Administration Justice Department is loyality, Lieberman is a natural, having been a former state attorney general and he was most open about it - the loyalty-to-Bush thing - with "The Kiss" and his Plan C campaign last year.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll March 10 - March 17, 2007

If it turns out that Karl Rove was the mastermind of firing the U.S. Attorneys, President Bush will ...

1. If a Grand Jury is convened, urge Rove to break his record and testify six times Tally 48%

2. See if Scooter Libby will take the fall for this one too Tally 28%

3. Make Tony Snow hold Press Briefings, saying Rove wasn't involved at all Tally 24%

4. Line Rove up for a Medal of Freedom Award Tally 0%

This week’s Poll - For President Bush to remove, either by firing, or accepting the resignation of his Crony General Alberto Gonzales, the race is on as to who will the Chief Decider will pick to replace him, so the choice is ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Does Lieberman wake up from his kiss the new Attorney General?

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 18 March 2007

Former Deputy Secretary of Defense Paul Wolfowitz said that the 4th anniversary celebration of the war in Iraq "should pay for itself"

Former U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations John Bolton indicated he may toss his hat into the ring, to become the next Attorney General once Crony General Gonzales is fired or leaves, saying, "They want to fire some attorneys? I'll fire them alright! I'll boot their asses out the door so hard they'll have my shoe imprint for months!"

Rita Cosby, recently let go by MSNBC, called a news conference to announce that she'll be "super live and real direct" if she ever catches Dan Abrams in a dark alley

Dallas Mavericks owner Mark Cuban announced he plans on sitting with his arms folded, "for as long as it takes" until Google gives up the names of persons using copyrighted material on Google Video and YouTube

Former Senator and actor Fred Thompson dismissed criticism of his possible run for president, saying "it takes a big pair of brass ones to be President and I got'em"

Thompson then immediately said that one of his rivals, Congressman Duncan Hunter "doesn't have'em!"

Said by White House insiders that she is still bitter over her aborted Supreme Court nomination, Harriet Miers is fighting to hold back emails in the U.S. Attorney Firing investigation, as there may be a few where she is said to have explored the options on firing President Bush