Friday 20 May 2005

Dem's Dig In for Filibuster; Republicans For Coup

RNC Lining Up Corporate Sponsors For 'Nuclear Option Bash'

After a fierce day of arguments, and with no compromise in sight, the tension in Washington grew tighter than a congressman's wallet on a junket, as both sides of the Senate aisle head into the weekend, preparing for the final, climatic battle over the judicial nominations.

Sources close to the scene have told The Garlic that the Democrats have rented a warehouse in Virginia, where a complete replica of the Senate Chamber has been built. Plans call for a bevy of senators to practice their filibusting skills. A banquet of food is prepared, DVD's of the Jimmy Stewart classic, 'Mr. Smith Goes To Washington' are loaded and crates of bottled water stand in a corner.

Meanwhile, it's been reported that the Republican National Committee has been soliciting Corporate Sponsors for what they are calling the 'Nuclear Option Bash'. Ballrooms have been booked and an elaborate parade is being set-up for the day after Senate Leader Bill Frist presses the proverbial button that will put in motion, what some are calling, the first coup in United States history.

Many in Washington have already received invitations that encourage them to "bring your dancing shoes and leave your morals at home."

The invitation also has a photo of Frist, with the caption "Senator and First American to successfully lead a coup of the U.S. Government''

Said one unidentified RNC worker;

"We stole two presidential elections, we own the Congress, now we take over the judiciary - and we still have a few years left."

Another said that "we going to have to get some appropriations to renovate the Senate - we won't need aisles anymore".

There's also growing whispers of, with taking over the three branches of government, Frist and the Republican Leadership will next tackle a constitutional amendment to give Bush an "unlimited" term as President.

The parade has Democrats steaming.

One Democratic operative said he has seen Macy-parade-type floats of a giant judges' gavel that moves up-and-down and another showing Frist whipping groveling Democrats. There is also a giant Jumbotron that will carry prerecorded videotaped messages from Frist.

It's being reported that the Dr. James Dobson, founder and chairman of Focus on the Family, and one of the organizers and speakers at the recent 'Justice Sunday', will provide a float for the parade, depicting The Resurrection, with a giant tablet marked 'Roe v. Wade' that crumbles in front of the Presidential reviewing stand.

Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), who, recently, has introduced a bill to privatize the weather, indicated that he will give a special, no-fee wavier for bright sunshine on the day of the parade.

The RNC has a contingency plan to spirit Frist out of Washington as soon as he changes the Senate rules, as by triggering the 'Nuclear Option, Frist will be in violation of his bail, for his arrest last week on Patriot Act charges (See The Garlic 11 May 2005 - Dems Seek Arrest, Charges of Senate Leader Frist, and Others)

One longtime Washington observer, a Democrat, offered;

Let'em gloat now …For the want of a judge, the kingdom was lost … Their memories are short - look what happened when Nixon tried to take over the country …"

"This time, we won't let him fly off, waving …"


Frank Gorshin, Batman's Riddler, Dead At 72

Leaves Last Riddle - MD's, Undertaker Can't Find Body

Frank Gorshin, the impressionist, who came to fame with his role as the crafty Riddler on the Batman TV series in late 1960's, died on Tuesday at the age of 72. A family statement said that Gorshin '' … put up a valiant fight with lung cancer, emphysema and pneumonia."

That however is what is known. What isn't known is where Gorshin's body is.

Gorshin, reliving his famous role, left a twisted riddle in his hospital bed and doctors, family and the undertaker have yet to solve the riddle, which promises to divulge where the body is located.

Burbank (Calif.) Police have been brought in and so far, to protect the investigation, have not released the riddle.

"We are investigating this as a missing person case" a police spokesman offered.

Gorshin broke into show business as an impressionist, in New York, and did more than 40 impressions, including Al Jolson, Kirk Douglas, Bobby Darin, Dean Martin and James Cagney. From there came the movies, with roles in such films as ''Bells are Ringing'' (1960) with his idol Dean Martin and a batch of fun B-movies such as ''Hot Rod Girl'' (1956), ''Dragstrip Girl'' (1957) and ''Invasion of the Saucer Men'' (1957).

One memorable evening in Gorshin's career came with an appearance on the Ed Sullivan show - the same night the Beatles made there debut.

The role of the Riddler, with a high-pitched laugh that Gorshin created, played the villainous foil in the question mark-pocked green suit and bowler hat to Adam West's Batman in the popular television show that ran from 1966-1969.

Police have reached out to Adam West, Burt Ward, who played Robin, and others from the Batman show, to seek help with cracking the riddle.

"I know it looked easy on television", a somber West indicated in a press conference "but Frank went off script often and improvised his own riddles and we had to solve them pretty quickly".

"It seems", said West, "that the dastardly Riddler will get the last laugh after all".

Top Ten Cloves: Things Being Discussed In The Senate Compromises Over The Judicial Nominee Fight

10. If the public only knew that Bush was pushing for Judge Judy

9. Democrats need to stop snickering and murmuring "Dr. Death" whenever the Senate Majority Leader takes the floor

8. I'm bummed out … Can we pass a law that they have to keep 'Everyone Loves Raymond' on-the-air?

7. Can't we shut-off C-Span and go with "What happens in the Senate, Stays In the Senate?"

6. Is it too late to appoint a judge that will declare Michael Jackson guilty?

5. Republicans will back down completely if Democrats can guarantee that Hillary won't run in 2008

4. Anybody else in here a Born-Again Virgin? … Pumped my numbers up back home over 20-points …

3. Look, if you don't back the Senate Leader, we'll put it out the you Democrats flushed a Koran down the toilet

2. Motion to end this meeting by 7:30PM - The Apprentice Final starts at 8:00PM

1. Okay, let's work out tee times, have some lunch and then go out and give everyone the "We're still talking speech"

Thursday 19 May 2005

Google Fires Executive Chef
Caught Searching Recipes On Yahoo, MSN

The Google campus in Mountain View, Calf. was rocked yesterday when long-time Executive Chef, Charlie Ayers, was fired. Google officials would only say that "Mr. Ayers has left the company" but insiders say that he was terminated after being discovered searching for recipes on rivals Yahoo, and MSN's search engines.

Ayers, who once was the cook for the Grateful Dead, and with Google for over five-years, was said to be stunned by Google's actions. In a statement released through a friend, Ayer's said that "he always searched everywhere … It was never an issue"

Ayers said he was proud of his work at Google and never considered his work as "corporate"

In a recent interview with the San Jose Mercury News, Ayers said that ``I always wanted to provide something better than the restaurant down the street.''

Ironically, after being fired, Ayers had to wing his way to Chicago, to accept an award from Food Management Magazine for Best Menu Concept.

Ayers served over 2,000 people daily in what came to be called "Charlie's Place", and grew famous for Ayer's exotic and skilled cooking and far from a traditional corporate cafeteria. Googlers were treated to fares such as duck sausage, Israeli couscous, wood-fired pizzas and pumpkin chili.

"He was right up there", offered one Google executive, "with Larry, Serge, Eric"

One source close to Google says that, since Google went public, some tensions have surfaced and Ayers is not the first person let go because of using a competitor's program.

"They track every single search that goes on in that building" said the source. "It's almost that they can tell if you are even thinking about using a search engine not named Google".

Reportedly Ayers will soon open his own restaurant or healthy food store.

Google plans to use it's own search engine to seek out another high-quality chef



Rumsfeld Dismiss Call For Space Weapons Program

"Happens every time a new Star Wars or some other Sci-Fi film comes out"

Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld dismissed the Air Force's call for a new space weapons program yesterday

"For heaven's sakes, they really come up with some doozy's, don't they".

On Tuesday, General Lance Lord, who leads the Air Force Space Command, sought out President Bush's approval of a national security directive that would have the Air Force closer to fielding offensive and defensive space weapons, according to White House Press Secretary, Scott McClellan

"The President asked if it was ready yet and if it could be aimed at Newsweek" deadpanned McClellan.

Col. Lord, at a recent Congressional hearing, stated that "The Air Force believes we must establish and maintain space superiority. Simply put, it's the American way of fighting."

Air Force doctrine defines space superiority as "freedom to attack as well as freedom from attack" in space.

Rumsfeld once embraced the concept of a space weapons program.

Fresh from his appointment in 2001, Rumsfeld led a commission that recommended the military should "ensure that the president will have the option to deploy weapons in space."

Rumsfeld has since changed course, embracing a quick, flexible military force and is forging ahead with privatizing the military, as with the recently announced military base closing recommendations, and his deal with U-Haul (See The Garlic, Tuesday 17 May 2005 - Base Closings Tied To New U-Haul Self Storage Contract)

"This kind of thing happens every time a new 'Star Wars' or some other Sci-Fi film comes out" scoffed Rumsfeld. "Everyone gets all excited, running around, talking this weapon or that weapon … Really outrageous things that will cost … Billions … I mean Billions …And who knows how many years to develop, and test, and tweak and deal with all the deer-lovers and all that …

Rumsfeld's reference was to the new installment, 'Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith', due to open on Friday.

"I'm just an old-fashion, John Wayne, Smith-and-Wesson kind of guy anyway".

Top Ten Cloves: How Malcolm Glazer Will Make Manchester United and English Soccer More American

10. First order of business is to get these skinny Brits on some steroids

9. Raise the ticket prices so building of the Corporate Boxes can begin

8. Load the team up with some of the high-priced Brazilian ringers

7. Sexy Cheerleaders (Make note - bring them in from France)

6. Start a new youth program - Pint, Kick and Fight - to prepare them to be a big league English Soccer Fan

5. Oops - Don’t' forget to order a bunch of Original Whizzinators to hide the steroids

4. Lose the fish-and-chips and bring on the Jumbo Dog!

3. Three Words - Monday Night Soccer

2. Another Janet Jackson half-time show

1. Hire Gary Bettman as Commissioner so league closes down and paves way for NFL Football

Wednesday 18 May 2005

GoldenPlace.Com Issues Bonus For Flushed Koran

$100K Up For "Story-of-the-Year"; Offers To Buy Prisoner Too

GoldenPalace.Com, the on-line Canadian casino known for its outrageous promotions, issued a call last night and will pay $100,000 for the Koran at the center of the Newsweek article controversy.

A spokesperson said that it would be the "story-of-the-year to land that particular Koran" and that they'd "buy the prisoner too" if they could.

GoldenPalace.Com has released the offer in English, Spanish and Arabic.

Reports have been coming in that the Guantanamo Bay prison, where this alleged act took place, is in chaos.

Thousands of Cubans have descended around the area, digging up pipes in an effort to find the holy book. A flotilla of boats have been seen leaving Miami and heading towards Cuba, it's occupants holding picks and shovels.

Some wire services are reporting that U.S. Military staff have gone about ripping out toilets and plumbing.

GoldenPalace.Com has staff flying to Cuba, to hand out t-shirts with their name emblazoned on them for those digging to find the Koran.

"This is getting international media", offered the spokesperson. "We can't let that go by"

Over the past few years, due to the advertising restrictions placed on on-line gambling companies, GoldenPalace.Com has engaged in an aggressive marketing and promotions campaign, which as included tattooing the backs of boxers, paying a woman to name her baby GoldenPalace.Com, buying pieces of toast with images and sending a topless woman, with GoldenPlace.Com written on her chest, through a major golf tournament.

The White House was too busy lambasting Newsweek to offer comment.

With the President, Vice President, Secretary's Rice and Rumsfeld, Press Spokesman McClellan and a bevy of military brass all ganging up to badger Newsweek for printing the story, the White House Press Office released a schedule this morning of more people who will criticize Newsweek.

On tap to lay into Newsweek today are the White House Gardener and Chef, two of the First Lady's assistants, three sub-contractors from the Joint-Chief-of-Staff and six janitors.


Court Wine Decision Causes National Gridlock

Highways Jammed; Internet Slowed To Crawl With Wine Orders

An unintended consequence has developed since Monday, when the Supreme Court voted to allow the shipping of wine out-of-state as scores-of-thousands of wine drinkers have flocked to the internet to place orders.

With the wine companies poised for the ruling, they began shipping wine moments after the ruling was announced, resulting in national gridlock and the internet slowed to a crawl due to the vast number of wine orders being placed on-line.

FedEx and UPS are reporting record business, as their trucks and vans sit on blocked highways.

Reports from Route 75 in the Cincinnati area say the roads look like a "FedEx parking lot" and there is some reports of attempted hijackings.

Along Route 66 in New Mexico, the state was forced to close all public buildings, and schools, due to the gridlock.

"It's a mess", declared one state official.

Most industry observers believe the rush will soon die down, as the ruling doesn't necessarily open all the doors for the winemakers. Likely, the ruling places the issue back into the hands of state courts, where laws vary from state-to-state.

Some 15 states currently prohibit all direct-to-consumer wine shipments and in the remaining states, there is a patchwork of law around in-state and out-of-state shipping, while some states allow reciprocity, which permit direct sales only from wineries in states that in turn permit out-of-state direct shipments.

The ruling has taxed the entire system as wineries are working to full capacity to be able to make its shipments and wine drinkers are taking advantage of the situation while it lasts.

Contributing to the slowing down of the internet, is fraud.

Reports are coming in that the Nigerians scam artists have flooded the internet with pleas to "help the Prince release his wine" and promising high returns in this alleged winery.

White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan issued a statement saying that "as soon as we finish beating up Newsweek, we'll take a look at this wine situation".

When pressed, McClellan admitted that a number of staff in the White House have placed wine orders but denied they were contributing to the gridlock.

"The White House", McClellan stated, "has its' wine flown in".

Top Ten Cloves: Other Things Newsweek Says U.S. Military Uses The Koran For That Hasn't Been Published Yet

10. Armament for vehicles - Stands up well to most enemy fire (except RPG's)

9. In case field identification necessary, roughly 27 Korans stacked is same height of Osama Bin Laden

8. Coasters in Officer's Clubs; Sweat rings add to the mystique of the book

7. President Bush uses one as a doorstop in Oval Office

6. MP's tell Muslim prisoners that Michael Jackson uses Koran to seduce young boys at Neverland

5. Black Op's guys at Guantanamo have gift Koran, pages laced with poison, for Fidel Castro

4. Halliburton is making a killing selling the Koran-On-Tape in the Mid-East

3. You know, it only takes four-or-five copies to give a jeep stuck in the mud traction to get out

2. To inflict mental torture, U.S. Military gives Muslim prisoners the Gideon Koran

1. For some G.I.'s, a box of chocolates, pair of nylons and copy of the Koran covers an entire weekend

Tuesday 17 May 2005

Garlic Exclusive!
Rumsfeld Rolling On with Privatizing Forces
Base Closings Tied To New U-Haul Self Storage Contract

Deal With National Vendors To Save Billions; Commissoned Officers Can Take Home Vehicles

Critics are circling Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, after his defending of his sweeping recommendations on closing 33 major bases (as well as reducing forces at 62 major bases and 775 minor installations), in light of new information that Rumsfeld and the Pentagon have signed a multi-billion-contract with the national moving and self-storage company, U-Haul.

Rumsfeld, along with Vice President Dick Cheney, has long been an advocates of privatizing the U.S. Military in an effort to streamline operations and make forces more agile and prepared.

"My goodness", mocked Rumsfeld, "You'd think I was closing down the country … Some of these bases have been around since World War I … Most of them are Cold War relics …"

"Look at it … For heaven's sake, we have all our forces, our vehicles, our strategic weapons concentrated in so few places, making it as easy as baking an apple pie for some low-life terrorist creep, to pack his beat-up Toyota with explosives and drive right up the main road in one of these bases …"

Chairman of the Base-Closing Committee, Anthony Principi, a former Veterans Affairs secretary called Rumsfeld plans ''an arduous task and assessment.''

"It will have a profound effects on the communities and people who bring them to life".

Principi, as well as others, are questioning awarding such a contract to U-Haul without any public overview or hearings, which Rumsfeld scoffed at.

"We are in a time of war and I don't have time to write every liberal prissy a note"

Rumsfeld stated that such contracts are the purview of the Pentagon and, in wartime, do not need overview.

"This actually is going to be win-win for the country … More U-Haul storage units will be built and more people will be hired to manage them … And we get a fighting force that gets to eat their mother's cooking, sleep in their own beds …Studies show they make better soldiers".

"This plan would ''help move forces and resources to where they can best provide for our nation's defense".

U-Haul is celebrating its' 60th Anniversary this year, founded after World War II by L.S. "Sam" Shoen and his wife, Anna Mary Carty Shoen in the summer of 1945. U-Haul is the industry giant with over 13,700 independent dealers and over 1,300 company-owned U-Haul centers.

U-Haul's contract with the Pentagon calls for only company-owned U-Haul centers to hold and store U.S. Military equipment and property and industry experts say it will expand U-Haul centers by the tens-of-thousands.

U-Haul only released a brief statement, saying they were "happy" to be a U.S. Government vendor and "aiding the country in it's time of need".

Rumsfeld indicated that with so many U-Haul centers around the country, it would be hard for a terrorist to know where any of the strategic targets could be.

"Hey, they won't know whether to piss or wind their watches … We didn't do this deal with our eyes closed", offered the secretary.

Rumsfeld declined comment, citing it as classified, that, reportedly, Halliburton is a sub-vendor on the U-Haul contract and will be responsible for moving the property of the closed bases to their U-Haul locations.


Bush Furious Over Newsweek's Koran Misquote
"Madder than when he couldn't get intel the way he wanted" Say Staff

The White House yesterday, along with a band of other conservatives, angrily demanded that Newsweek retract its' story about American guards at Guantánamo Bay, Cuba, abusing and desecrating the Koran only hours before Newsweek did extactly that.

Newsweek Editor, Mark Whitaker apologized for the short article in the May 9 issue of Newsweek. Whitaker expressed doubts about information a "senior Penatagon official" had provided. The magazine did not identify the government official and Whitaker also offered his regrets over the loss of life linked to the report.

Throughout the day, White House, State Department officials, as well as other critics assailed Newsweek and the report as "appalling" and "unfounded"

Such priority was given to this that the State Department called back to Washington, Undersecretary of State for Public Diplomacy, Karen Hughes, from her world-wide Tupperware campaign, her first assignment in lifting the image of the United States aboard (See The Garlic, Tuesday 29 March - Hughes Plans International Tupperware Party For First Image Effort)

Reports say, along with being a close, longtime aide to the President, Hughes was assigned to come up with a special Tupperware container for the Koran, one that would meet the appoval of Muslims.

There are some conflicting reports as to the President's and the White House's actions.

One person inside the White House indicated that, once again, President Bush was off, riding his bicycle and unaware of the furor building over the Newsweek article. It was said it was "hours" before the President was briefed.

Others are saying the President was "madder than not being able to get an intelligence report on Saddam Hussian and the WMD's to say what he wanted it to say".

"Man, on that day, he was off-the-walls … Screaming at everyone … Running down the halls in the West Wing, clutching reams of paper, demanding to know who wrote this, or who wrote that and why couldn't he get anyone to say, unequivocally, that there were Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq", said one White House staffer.

"The Vice President was chasing him, panting for air …Telling the President not to worry about it .. That it would be fixed … We thought he was going to have another heart attack"

Reportedly, the President was livid when briefed on the Newsweek article and immediately called Attorney General Alberto Gonzales, ordering Gonzales to shut down Newsweek for violating the Patriot Act.

When advised that wasn't the best action to take, the President angrily ordered the reporters for Newsweek, Michael Isikoff, and John Barry, to be taken in custody and placed in Special Rendition before aides talked the President down.

For a few minutes, White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan was confused and ready to go into the briefing room. McClellan had mixed up papers and was readying to condemn Mexican President Vincente Fox for '"flushing a Koran down the toilet".

Just moments before he took the podium, other staffers took him aside, and after a heated conversation, McClellan addressed the media and demanded that Newsweek retract the article.

Said one longtime watcher of Washington and White House politics;

"It remains to be seen if they were upset over offending the Muslims and that it was a heinous act, or, if the fuss is over they got caught again".

Top Ten Cloves: Ways PBS Chief Ken Tomlinson Plans On Making PBS More "Right"

10. Replace Tavis Smiley with Mexican President Vincente Fox

9. Masterpiece Theatre becomes Masterpiece Justice Sundays Theatre

8. Not everyone into white wine and brie; How about a few, beer-drinking, whole-hog cooking shows for a change

7. Sign up Newt Gingrich and Anne Coulter to co-host the Tucker Carlson Show and in bow-tie as well

6. Nothing wrong with having some Christian music shows on NPR

5. Expand hunting season and place bounty for that gay-loving, lesbian-hugging rabbit, Buster

4. Kill NPR's All Things Considered and replace with 'Only Right-Wing, Conservative, Christian Things Considered'

3. Let the Bush Administration rewrite ombudsman's reports to the way they like it - they have the experience

2. New cartoon series - Patriot Act for Kids!

1. Two words for Bill Moyer - Special Rendition

Monday 16 May 2005

Jacko Bombshell!
Jackson Offers Embattled West To Be Mayor of Neverland

Needs Experienced Help; 4-Year Contract, Regardless of Either Trial's Outcome

There, seemingly, is never a dull moment in the trial of Michael Jackson.

Jackson, and a team of his lawyers, public relations and other staff, called a news conference yesterday in which Jackson announced he was reaching out to embattled, conservative Republican Spokane (WA) Mayor, Jim West, to take the post of being the first Mayor of Neverland.

The post would be for four-years and is open for the taking by West, regardless of the outcome of Jackson's current trial, or, potential legal actions pending against West. The position is more-or-less ceremonial and administrative and would have no legal bearing in Santa Barbara County or State of California

"We need a man of experience here at Neverland", Jackson stated softly. "As many of you know, during this unfair and most specious trial, allegations of come out that I just let children, the dear, sweet children, as well as some adults, run away crazy in Neverland. Mayor West can offer his experience and guiding hand.

West, the former sheriff's deputy and powerful Republican state senator, is currently on a leave-of-absence, following a Spokesman-Review newspaper series, starting on May 4th, detailing West's visits to gay internet chat rooms and, allegedly offering City Hall internship and various gifts to young boys.

West, 54, is also facing allegations that he had molested two boys in the 1970s when he was a sheriff's deputy and Boy Scout leader. West has denied the accusations, which he claims were made by convicted felons.

Last Thursday, Washington State Attorney General Rob McKenna indicated that the state will defer to the FBI for the initial investigation as to the accusations of West using his office to seek sexual favors from other men. West, a conservative Republican and longtime gay-rights opponent became mayor in January 2004.

West could not be reached for comment as to taking the Mayorship of Neverland. A spokesperson for the Mayor indicated he is aware of the offer and is giving it consideration.

"I hope Mayor West takes this position" Jackson stated. "It will be so much fun to have a Mayor for Neverland, I can hardly wait".


Apple Slaps Gates With Lawsuit
New iSqueal Hotline Flooded Since Friday

Apple Computer, backing up its' word on going after persons who divulge proprietary information or making defaming statements about Apple products, slapped a multi-million-dollar lawsuit on Microsoft chief Bill Gates.

This follows an avalanche of telephone calls and emails to the iSqueal Hotline Apple established, following its' court victory against three bloggers back in March (See The Garlic 10 March 2005 - Apple Takes Blog Ruling As New Club On Criticism and Dissent)

The Apple switchboard was bombarded with telephone calls to the iSqueal Hotline and the Apple website nearly crashed with the overwhelming amount of emails regarding Gates' comments disparaging Apple. Apple employees, many who worked straight through the weekend logging the complaints, scrambled to keep up with the pace of the calls and emails.

Many were rousted from bed or called in from vacations. Busloads of lawyers could be seen entering the Cupertino campus

The Associated Press, and other news outlets captured Gates in Europe last week, commenting on a range of issues, including mobile phones overtaking standalone MP3 players and that he views the raging popularity of Apple's iPod player as unsustainable.

The German daily Frankfurter Allgemeine Zeitung, in an interview published last Thursday quoted Gates as saying;

"I don't think the success of the iPod can continue in the long term, however good Apple may be …. I think you can draw parallels here with the computer - here, too, Apple was once extremely strong with its Macintosh and graphic user interface, like with the iPod today, and then lost its position."

Gates went further with his comments.

"We used to have a little box, with earplugs and that played random music over 50-years ago - it was called a transistor radio … Apple isn't doing anything special here … It's not iRocketScience …"

An Apple executive, who asked to remain anonymous stated that "if Gates kept his comments to the generic issues of the marketplace, we probably wouldn’t be taking action. His use of the term "iRocketScience" gets into a proprietary area and we have to respond to that"

Gates, through a Microsoft spokesperson offered a response.

"Since I haven't seen the iSuit, I will have to wait before making any iComments".

Top Ten Cloves: What Condoleezza Rice Told Muslims About The Koran To Calm Their Fears and Anger

10. Major League Baseball mandating reading of Koran to those caught using steroids

9. Searching Koran to see if anything in it to keep 'Everybody Loves Raymond' on television

8. U.S. Military will now issue prayer mats to all MP's so they can join in readings

7. Brittney Spears and husband reading Koran, plan on raising baby as Muslim

6. President Bush planning July 4th fireworks in Capital with a 'Koran' theme

5. Cessna that buzzed Washington DC was dropping Korans, by the thousands, to enlighten people

4. Runaway bride was reading Koran on the Greyhound Bus and thinking about converting

3. Though can't give names, Dick Cheney's Energy Task Force started each meeting with reading from the Koran

2. Wendy's giving out copies of the Koran with the free milkshakes this past weekend

1. Alabama Judge Roy Moore going to put up giant stone Koran next to his giant stone Ten Commandments