As we approach the year-anniversary of The Garlic, we will begin, from time-to-time, to offer Special Commentaries, from Garlic Staff as well as guests … Think of them as "Garlictorials" and, as always, thoughts and comments most welcomed
Welcome To Bushville … Nice Speech Al, and, On The Way Out, Don't Forget Zuzu's Petals
Al, we hardly knew ye.
Talk about coming off the bench and throwing a "Hail Mary" touchdown pass (and one, presumably, the NFL officials would rule that it is, indeed, a forward pass), with the Senate Democrats looking as clueless and beleaguered as the Indianapolis Colts, it took a veteran politician, six-years out of office, to enter the game and stand up the current, court-appointed President.
Save for Jack Murtha, who must be busy, using his military contacts to gather some intelligence on, not the boat, but the Swift Armada that is heading his way, the Dems have been standing on the sidelines, seemingly, hoping the coach doesn't call them to get in there and kick some ass.
Using the MLK Holiday to amp up the pressure, VP Gore's speech yesterday at the Daughters of the American Revolution Constitution Hall in Washington, "US Constitution in Grave Danger", with his calling for a special prosecutor and charging that "A president who breaks the law is a threat to the very structure of our government", was much needed.
The speech, sponsored by the American Constitution Society, a group founded in 2001 to be the liberal counterpart to the Federalist Society, and the Liberty Coalition, may well be the nectar that can nourish the parched Democrats.
But did it have to be Gore to be the water boy?
After all, back in the 2000 presidential election, our man from Tennessee won the popular count by more than 500,000 votes. It was all there for him, clear field ahead, but rather than running with the ball and diving into the end zone, Al strapped on the leather helmet and punted.
Instead of pushing for a full-state recount of Florida's voting, circa November 2000, Al let the Original Men In Black decide his fate.
What took place to give Bush the Presidency has played out like a acid-laced Hunter S. Thompson-written, Tim Burton-Directors-Cut remake of "It's A Wonderful Life". Only it isn't George Bailey being shown the irony of a slice of life without him, it was big Al Gore.
Clarence Oddbody, now, the over 300-year-old angel, with relatively low-mileage wings, is showing the former Vice President, as well as the rest of America, not to mention Iraq and the entire world, the ramifications of not asking for that state-wide full recount.
And that choke job has landed all of us, not in idyllic Bedford Falls, but in the intelligently-designed, wiretapped, Neocon-filled, Corporate-Congressional pork barrel of Bushville, USA.
Substitute Condoleezza Rice for Violet Bick, John Kerry for Uncle Billy, John Ashcroft and Alberto Gonzalez filling in as Ernie and Bert, and that hee-hawing Sam Wainwright saying "Fuck You", keeping his sweatshops overseas, with labor for pennies on the barrel, and a Wal-Mart inspired "no lunch break" employment policy.
Plug in John Murtha as war hero brother Harry, only, instead of flying home in a blizzard to save Big Brother Al, it's Bigger Brother George W. busy smearing the decorated veteran, much to the delight of a wheel-chair-bound Dick Cheney, in the Mr. Potter role of manager and owner of Bushville.
Ten-minutes into this fiasco is about all the bumbling Clarence will need, before he pushes Gore out of the way and does himself in (perhaps, moving the story to Oregon), newly-acquired wings and all, leaving the former internet inventor a destiny of searching the libraries of the world for his beloved Tipper, who has spent her days reading books backwards for subversive music lyrics, in her Tennessee Waltz-less life.
With Lobbyist-extraordinaire Jack Abramoff in the Green Room, warming up for his courtroom aria, in what looks like a payola scandal without precedent, this one may require the Capital Police to issue an official crowd estimate as to how many Congressman and Administration officials it snares.
Randy "Duke" Cunningham has already sobbed his swan song, so, perhaps, the soon-to-come slate of trials will clue him in as to why, it seems. that Abramoff, Scanlon or Tom DeLay forget to tell the former Top Gun that he could have pulled up to the overflowing feeding trough of K Street, instead of taking the Express /10-Items-or-Less line in the graft supermarket know as the Republican Conference.
The scope of the payoffs were such that, the stereotypical laundry trucks, that normally would have been deployed for Court-Appointed-President Bush's super secret wiretapping scam, instead were rerouted to K Street, to haul around the mountains of cash.
Didn't anyone on those special golf trips to Scotland make a cell phone call? If so, likely some more evidence in the NSA's archives.
At least that's what Abramoff must be hoping for. Forget about hitting the cigar lighter and wishing for a million-dollars, Jack-in-Black will settle for a scandal bigger than his.
No doubt, the army of Bush Team lawyers are busy today, combing over Gore's speech, and writing new legal opinions that justify anything Mr. Potter wants to do (and, perhaps a second team of lawyers figuring out, before the ship sinks, which department - Homeland Security, CIA, FBI, NSA or all-of-the-above, to throw under the bus on this one).
If we get lucky, Brother Harry/Jack Murtha gets to fly into the Capital during a blizzard, for the 2006 Congressional Elections, and with the music swelling up, the newly-elected Democrat-majority House knocks out a group rendition of Auld Lange Singe, with Cindy Sheehan filling in for Mr. Martini and pouring the wine.
If not, it's more oil derricks for Bushville and a barren, cold, windswept land, sans a functioning Constitution and Sam Wainwright wiring the money directly into the RNC coffers.
Nice speech Al, but only if you had changed the channel, to "Casablanca" and had Rick Blaine hand you the election and presidency letters. You would have saved so many of us the grief and burden of Bushville, and be able to say "This time, I know our side will win".
On your way out Al, don't forget Zuzu's petals.
"A president who breaks the law is a threat to the very structure of our government."
Tuesday, January 17, 2006