Thursday 19 January 2006

Breaking News!
Bin Laden Surfaces With New, Wide-Ranging Audio Tape, Triggering Swift Boat Vet Action

Al Qaeda Leader Promises Attack, Comments On Hillary, Abramoff, Vatican ID Ruling and Dancing With Stars

The Arabic news network Al Jazeera broadcast an audiotape today, that claims to be Al Qaeda Leader Osama bin Laden. It was the first tape from the hunted terrorist since December 2004, when he called on the Iraqis to boycott their upcoming elections.

In today's tape, bin Laden, directing his speech to the American people, on a wide range of topics, indicated more attacks inside the United States are being prepared and made an unusual reference to a truce, but without stating any details.

"We know that the majority of your people want this war to end and opinion polls show the Americans do not want to fight the Muslims on Muslim land, nor do they want Muslims to fight them on their [US] land.

"But Bush does not want this and claims that it is better to fight his enemies on their land rather than on American land. Bush tried to ignore the polls that demanded that he end the war in Iraq.

Bin Laden made references to the war in Iraq, and attacks on "European capitals", leading terrorist experts to speculate that the tape, if not brand new, is fairly current. Also, it establishes that bin Laden still has a communications network and is able to stay current on news, both in the Middle East, as well as Europe and the United States.

The White House offered little comment on the the tape, now over four-years in their pursuit of bin Laden, noting that the broadcast is being examined, to verify that it is bin Laden speaking, and to search for any hidden intelligence inside the message.

Within hours of the tape's broadcast today, the Swift Boat Veterans immediately challenged bin Laden on his record as a terrorist and indicated they will continue to attack the Al Qaeda leader "until he comes clean".

"This means," says Swift PR man Keith Appell, "that we'll have to jump off Murtha for awhile, but such is the price of freedom."

The White House refused to comment on bin Laden's criticism, aimed at the Bush Administration.

Bin Laden joined in the growing chorus, calling for the White House to release information and logs on how many times indicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff visited the White House, and as to who he met with. The terrorist leader suggested that "Bush and his infidel cronies are lining their pockets"

Bin Laden also complemented Hillary Clinton, on her remarks Monday, referring to the House of Representatives being run "like a plantation … And you know what I am talking about …"

"I know exactly what Mrs. Clinton is saying," cautioned bin Laden, then going on, warning "the imperialists best not create the same mess in the Iraqi Parliament".

A surprising segment of the tape was when bin Laden stated he was "glad to see" the Vatican coming down against Intelligent Design.

"Thankfully, we have Allah and we don't need to seek false theories."

The official Vatican newspaper, this week, published an article agreeing with the ruling in Pennsylvania, that Intelligent Design should not be taught as a scientific alternative to evolution

The most startling words from bin Laden came when he suggested that the producers of "Dancing With The Stars" should "come to the Middle East". Bin Laden confessed to "practicing as much as I can" and indicated he would find "dancing with Scarlet Johansen or Halle Berry a dream come true".

In a related matter to the release of this new bin Laden tape, Washington Post reporter and author Bob Woodward said he wasn't sure if he would "write about this now, or sit on it for a few months … or years".

Government and Military agencies are pouring over the new message today from Osama bin Laden with "all available tools"