Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Breaking News! Report Slams Seeds Of Democracy Currently Used “Worthless”

Stunning IG Reports Cites Use Of Cheap, Mail-Order Seeds Of Democracy For Iraq, Middle East

Spotlight On White House, Rumsfeld For Low-Cost Military Vision; Dirty Halliburton Water Also Cited

Coming on the heels of a budding civil war in Iraq, a fragile cease-fire between Israel and Hezbollah, and a looming deadline with Iran, a Pentagon Inspector General report, released yesterday, blasts the Department of Defense, and the White House, for using ineffective, low-quality seeds of democracy in Iraq, and elsewhere in the Middle East.

The report also highlights that not enough seeds of democracy were purchased, or employed, fitting in with Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld’s belief in a smaller, leaner military

Additionally, the report cites that the cheap seeds of democracy, combined with the dirty Halliburton water used for irrigation in Iraq, has had “disastrous” results.

“Between Halliburton’s dirty water, and the quality of the seeds, you’d be lucky if weeds grew”, according to one section of the report.

There have been allegations that Kellogg Brown & Root, a subsidiary of Halliburton Co., both with billions-of-dollars in military contracts, provided contaminated water to U.S. Troops in Iraq.

No Mention of Seeds Used In North Korea

The report does not mention North Korea, as the scope of the Pentagon Inspector General was limited to Iraq and the Middle East

Sources in Washington speculate that the same seeds of democracy may have been used in North Korea as well.

“With the North Koreans launching rockets on July 4th,” said John Lloyd Sullivan, principal of All American Seeds, the think tank that monitors the use of seeds in political or humanitarian projects, “it’s very likely that this same batch of seeds were used - or, quite possibly, no seeds at all were planted.”

One section of the Inspector General’s report was redacted and classified, which Sullivan speculates may detail what, if any, seeds of democracy the U.S. supplied Israel in their recent battle with Hezbollah.

President Bush announced yesterday that Israel won the battle, yet Israel has some doubts and Hezbollah is making its own claims of victory

In yet another section, the Inspector General’s report said that “these seeds of democracy currently in use by the Pentagon are virtually worthless” and that “they will be, almost assuredly, not likely to sprout a single flower.”

“This is Rumsfeld and Cheney’s garden all the way”

While the Inspector General’s report does note President Bush’s frequent call for “planting the seeds of democracy” or planting the seeds of liberty”, it’s not clear if the President directly approved the use of the ineffective, low-quality seeds of democracy.

“Whether he approved them or not,” says Sullivan, “they were planted and he’s been huffing and puffing that they are growing.

“I have sources that tell me Israel knew the seeds of democracy they got were bad, and argued fervently about them with Rumsfeld and Cheney. They were blown off. This is Rumsfeld and Cheney’s garden all the way”

Sullivan says that, likely, the U.S. wanted to see the seeds in action in Lebanon, how they would take root and grow, with an eye to eventually planting them in Iran

In his new blog, Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad scoffed at “the Great Satan’s seeds”, saying, “We dug up all the seeds they planted before, for the Shah. Iranian soil will reject any new seeds.”

The report also details how the Department of Defense, with a nod from the White House, went outside and around the standard purchasing procedures, to acquire the now-allegedly-tainted seeds of democracy, from an unapproved vendor, who was selling the seeds of democracy at a price “that should have raised some flags”, according to the Inspector General’s report.

When reached for comment, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld responded tersely.

“Oh my goodness ... You people and your ridiculous questions ... Do we plant seeds of democracy? - Yes! ... Do we water the seeds we plant? - Yes we do! ... Do we fertilize and nurture the seeds of democracy? - You bet’cha! ... Will we continue to plant seeds of democracy? - I certainly hope we do! ...”

When asked about the part of the report that cited Halliburton’s use of the dirty water, Rumsfeld remained focused and equally terse

“Look, we’re at war here,” growled the Secretary. “As you know, you water the seeds of democracy with the water you have ... Not the water you might want to have at a later time ...”

In related news, CNN Headline News Anchor Chuck Roberts is reporting that Senator Joe Lieberman (I&R-CT) said today, if his challenger, Ned Lamont, gets elected, “he’ll go around planting seeds of terrorism, just to appease his Al-Qaeda buddies.”

A Pentagon IG report today slams President Bush and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld, for using ineffective, low-quality seeds of democracy - and not enough of them - as other critics say it’s “Rumsfeld and Cheney’s garden all the way"

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