Sunday, August 13, 2006

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 13 August 2006

Ripped from the headlines is the announcement that actors Keanu Reeves and Sandra Bullock will reprise their roles as Officer Jack Traven and Annie Porter, respectively, and star in Speed III, being rushed into production and due for a Christmas release date

The storyline has Ms. Bullock being forced to take over the controls of a jumbo jet crossing the Atlantic Ocean, rigged with a terrorist bomb, unknowingly made from shampoo taken from Ms. Bullock’s carry-on bag, and that will detonate if she flies the jet below 600MPH

Mr. Reeves will spend much of the film, attached to the belly of the jet, attempting to defuse the bomb

In related news, also from the headlines, the Department of Homeland Security announced that they will be issuing new guidelines for evacuation procedures during hurricanes. Under the new rules, evacuees will not be able to carry any bottles or containers of liquids with them, for fear they may attempt to build and unleash their own hurricane

News leaks are reporting that a rift developed between the United Stares and
England, over the latest terrorist plot. Sources say arguments developed over the timing of the arrests of the suspects, as well as fear, by the Brits, that U.S. officials would leak the plans

A compromise was reached, as to the announcement of the arrests, when British MI5 officials advised their U.S. counterparts to “look for the Santa Claus toting a zebra past a green-uniformed man” for news that the mission was in-motion

Very quietly, the Department of Defense, as a means to offset the massive costs of occupying
Iraq, has begun a program of Product Placements to generate additional revenues. Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld is shown here at a recent press conference, sponsored by Chrysler

With a United Nations resolution passed, and a Cease-Fire imminent, perhaps as soon as Monday,
Israel is claiming victory in diminishing Hezbollah’s capacity to wage war. The IDF released photos this morning, showing that what remains of Hezbollah has been reduced to lobbing darts into Northern Israel

With Immigration and Border Control still on the agenda of the Republican Congress, Rep. Tom Tancredo (R-CO) is pushing for a new “Spaghetti Wall” defense along the border, saying the long strands of starchy pasta slow down the illegals crossing over and that, for those choosing to eat the wall, Tancredo offered that “we catch them napping, about an hour later”

Reports are coming out of Cuba that that the illness of Fidel Castro was a ruse, and that the aging dictator “kidnapped” himself, as a means to get back in the international headlines, so dominated by war and terrorism

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