Monday 15 August 2005

Pope, Vatican Relieved New Sex Scandal Is Adultery

Videotape Flown To Rome; Teams of Lawyers, Denial Machine Stand Down

The Vatican announced today that Pope Benedictus XVI
was "relieved" that the St. Patrick's Cathedral sex scandal was a matter of "adultery" and not, as events that that rocked the Catholic Church over the past 5-years, an abuse of young boys.

A Vatican spokesperson stated that, after additional information was gathered, including having flown to Rome, the videotape that alleges Msgr. Eugene V. Clark and Mrs. Laura DeFilippo carried on an illicit affair, did the Pope "relax, and was happy that a new wave of negative media wasn't being visited on the church."

The Vatican called for a "stand down" of an army of lawyers that is kept on retainer and the Vatican Press Office immediately ceased working on the pages of denials being prepared.

The stand-down order was too late to stop Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), who has a three-year contract with the Vatican to defend the church and deflect attention away from any sex abuse reports.

Santorum, on Friday, lambasted Boston once again, blaming the alleged affair on Boston's "liberals" and, indirectly, suggesting the Kennedy family as being involved.

"Look, for one, there's a lot of Kennedy's in New York and they worship at St. Patrick's. So there's a clear line right there."

Earlier this year, Santorum defended remarks he made over three-years ago, putting blame of the enormous sex abuse scandal in the Boston Archdiocese, in an on-line essay, citing Boston's liberal culture was a ''sexual license and sexual freedom that nurtured an environment where sexual abuse would occur.

Santorum's office stated that the stand-down order was received, however, after Santorum had made his comments.

"The Senator will have no further comment at this time."

It's being reported that, after reviewing the videotape and documents on the Clark-DeFilippo affair, Pope Benedictus XVI broke open with celebration, having his favorite Germany beer brought in and an impromptu "party" took place.

This included a telephone call to St. Patrick's Cathedral, where the Pope and Msgr. Clark talked privately.

Sources that were present said, in overhearing parts of the conversation, Pope Benedictus was "ribbing" Msgr. Clark, joking with him and reportedly asked if "he was using Viagra or Cialis."














Citing more Republican "pork spending", Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) cited "hundreds-of-thousands" in waste, having Federal agents guarding photos


Bush Administration Grounding Iraqis Over Missed Deadline

Had Warned Playing With Friends, Staying Out Late Would Lead to Consequences

President Bush is said to be "furious" with the Iraqis, over missing today's deadline to have a constitution in place and is considering taking action.

"The President, as well as other members of his staff," stated White House Spokesperson Scott McClellan, "have repeatedly cautioned and warned the Iraqis on the deadline."

Reportedly, the Iraqis paid little attention to the deadline, according to other White House sources.

"They were out, partying with friends, staying out all hours of the night, dropping reconstruction money like it was water," said one source.

"They just kept saying to Rice, Rumsfield and others that it wasn't a problem … That they'd take care of it," said another source

The President is considering a number of actions to take, to bring the Iraqis around to focus on the work they have to do. McClellan stated two measure are being instituted immediately;

- The President is taking away television privileges for all National Assembly members, until there is, at minimum, a working draft.

- A number of "key" assembly members have been grounded. They can report to work but then, must return straight home, no lingering or "hanging out" with friends.

"The President hopes that this sends a message and that they will buckle down and get to work."

The Iraqis have complained to the Bush administration that such punishments are unfair and that "none of the other National Assemblies in the area are being treated in this manner."

Fingerpointing has surfaced as the Sunnis, Shiites and Kurdish all have blamed each other.

The President has remained resolute, saying all three groups will be punished and also indicated there are other measure that may be instituted, including giving the Iraqis "extra chores", and extending the television ban into the Fall and "not letting them watch the World Cup action."