Thursday 18 August 2005

Possible Break In Crawford Impasse: President Mulling Humming To Peace Mom

Can Keep Normal Vacation Schedule; Plans Centered On Tunes, Earphones, iPod or Radio

A possible break in the standoff between President Bush and Cindy Sheehan, the "Peace Mom" protesting out in front of the President's Crawford vacation ranch is being broached by White House staff members said today, as Mrs. Sheehan will be moving her growing 'Camp Casey' to within one-mile of the President.

Sources have told The Garlic that a memo has been delivered to Sheehan, indicating the President would meet with her, but will only hum during their time together. Aides to the President consider this offering to be "flexible" and "a step in the right direction".

"If she accepts," said White House Communications Director Nicole Devenish, "the President can maintain his set schedule for the day. Depending on the time-of-day, Mr. Bush may be cutting brush, or, she can go for a bicycle ride with him."

While waiting for a response from Mrs. Sheehan, the White House Communications office has been working to cover all possible contingencies.

They have had the President practicing his humming talents, across various genres of music. The President is working on inflections, emulating various instruments, such as bass and drums and whether or not he should "silently lip-synch".

Sources say the President has also "improvised" by adding in "whistling".

Staffers are also testing hardware options, on whether the President should use his iPod, with earphone, or some other MP3 player. They are also considering casting a "retro ambiance" by using an old-fashioned transistor radio that the President can hum along to.

Devenish was emphatic that, in the first meeting between the President and Mrs. Sheehan, over a year ago, the President spoke to her and did not hum.

"The President won't be rehashing rhetoric here," stated Devenish. "This will be fresh content, in real-time, with the President having the ability to improvise as needed."

Devenish also said that "we're not breaking any new ground here."

"Clinton used to play his saxophone … Reagan walked around the White House singing show tunes."

The memo sent to Mrs. Sheehan invites her to "hum along with the President."

Devenish stated that "if we go with the iPod, we'll have one for Mrs. Sheehan, programmed exactly the same as the President's."

Any clue as to what tune the President will open with?

"Right now," said Devenish, "The President is leaning toward something by the Black-eyed Peas … But he's also been listening to that new Paul Anka CD"


President Bush was seen yesterday practicing his humming and, auditioning Condeleeza Rice and Donald Rumsfield as 'back-up hummers'. The goup playfully billed themselves as 'The Global Strugglers'.