Friday, October 13, 2006

Developing Story! Rove Has Gone From “Bush’s Brain” To “Bush’s Drain”

White House In Crises, As Rove Takes Credit For North Korean Nuke Test

Sources Say ‘Bush’s Brain” Weary From Sinking Polls, Fundraising; Too Tired To Come Up With New October Surprise

Sources have told The Garlic that a brutal and bitter flare-up is occurring inside the White House, as top Bush Aide Karl Rove has been “boasting” to colleagues and GOP officials that the recent North Korean test of a nuclear device was his work, this years’ “October Surprise” that Rove has become famous for pulling out of his infamous playbook.

Numerous sources have reported on Rove, making his rounds around Capital Hill, taking credit for the recent, alleged nuclear test by the North Korean government.

During his appearances at GOP fundraisers, Rove is, reportedly, opening up his speeches with a greeting, in mangled, choppy Korean, that translates to “You wanted an October Surprise, I give you an October Surprise”, and then launches into talking points, based on national security, that Republican candidates can use in their campaigns.

He wanted to take Iraq off the table for the upcoming Midterms,” said a highly-placed official on Capital Hill. “That he did, but then this Foley Scandal hit and he didn’t have anything left in his bag of tricks to suppress it ... It’s all blown him, Bush and the Republicans out of the water.”

With the attempts to foist the Foley scandal at the feet of the Democrats falling flat, it’s possible, offered the source, that “this nuke thing is the backside - no pun intended - of resolving the Foley mess.”

“They’re going to need some cover in purging the Congress of the gay staffers,” predicted the source. “They’ll throw in a few top aides and, perhaps, a congressman or two - if the Midterms don’t bury them first.”

What is being seen as insurance, but not something Rove can claim as a bonafide “October Surprise” was the news out of the White House last week that President Bush is considering awarding the disgraced, former Congressman Foley the Medal of Freedom Award.

Rove Boast Pits Him Against Secretary of State Rice On North Korea Issue

While the buzz is growing of Rove’s “October Surprise”, others in the Capital are dismissive of it, indicating it would “open a can of worms” if it were the case.

Earlier this week, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice went on record, giving credit to the Bush Administration’s ‘Axis of Evil” program, calling it “wildly successful”, for the North Korean nuclear situation and used the report to point out her claims three-years ago of “mushroom clouds” were valid.

If a rift has developed between Rice and Rove, it won’t be the first head butt with administration colleagues for the Secretary of State.

Earlier this year, Rice got into a shouting match with U.N. Ambassador John Bolton, over her admission of “thousands of errors” in regard to the invasion and occupation of Iraq.

The Secretary of State also ran into trouble with President Bush, after Rice initially claimed surprise over the election of the Hamas party in the Palestinian elections, later backtracking her statement to back up the President, who had said he was surprised the levees in New Orleans broke.

“This has the makings of a classic White House battle,” offered David Aaronson, editor of 'What Color Is My Coat Today?', the Capital Hill Newsletter that tracks politicians who turn on their own party.

“The President’s longest loyal aide versus his favorite loyal aide ... We’re talking pay-per-view level fighting here.”

Rove Has Gone From “Bush’s Brain” To “Bush’s Drain”

Another critic, Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication, that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century, is dismissive of Rove and his claim of an “October Surprise”.

“We’ve been hearing that Rove’s burnt out,” offered Martins. “Yeah, sure, he’s raised over $12-million for the GOP this election year, but it’s taking a toll on him ... He’s clearly tired and ineffective, when you look at all that’s going on ... He’s gone from “Bush’s Brain” to “Bush’s Drain.”

Martins also points to the Inspector General report earlier this year, that cited the Bush Administration as being “out of strategies” as an indication that Rove could not have coordinated the North Korean situation.

‘The Bush Team had this covered a long time ago ... Before they even took office ... North Korea is Bill Clinton’s fault, so it doesn’t make sense that Rove would try to take credit for it. He’s veering off his own playbook, which could be a sign of just how bad things are inside the West Wing.”

In a related matter, in his continuing efforts to distance himself from the growing scandal, House Leader Dennis Hastert (R-IL) declared himself today, the October Surprise and vowed to stay on and earn the title of “November Surprise” as well.

More on this story as new developments surface

With his latest effort, to take credit for the North Korean Nuclear Test and passing it off as his "October Surprise", critics say that Karl Rove as gone from being "Bush's Brain" to "Bush's Drain"

Top Ten Cloves: Signs That Tell How The Friday The 13th Jinx Is On You

10. You work for House Leader Denny Hastert

9. After waking up, you realize that you are a North Korean citizen

8. Your office building is being renovated and the only way in is to walk under a gauntlet of ladders

7. You’re Condi Rice and former CIA Director George Tenet suddenly remembers even more meetings

6. You wake up and your house is surrounded by thousands of black cats

5. You’re an Iraqi citizen and what’s going on sure doesn’t feel like a “comma”

4. Due to cutbacks and a corporate shuffle, you end up as Ann Coulter’s editor

3. After waking up, you realize that it wasn’t a dream that you are Senator George Allen’s Campaign Manager

2. Your stockbroker took your entire fortune out of Spinach and Lettuce commodities and put it in Air America Radio

1. You hit the “I’m Feeling Lucky” search button on Google and it comes back - I’m Feeling Pretty Tired Today, Search Somewhere Else

One sign of being hit with the Friday The 13th Jinx is that your find yourself as Ann Coulter's editor

Wednesday, October 11, 2006

Developing Story - Secretary of State Defends “Mushroom Cloud” Prediction

Rice Touts ‘Axis of Evil’ Program As “Wildly Successful” In Wake Of North Korea Nuke Test

AEL Members Adhering To Program; Allows Bush, World “Swift and Unfettered” Rhetoric” As Precursor To Planting Seeds of Democracy

Barely containing an “I told you so” smile, as to her earlier warning of “mushroom clouds”, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice hailed President Bush and his ‘Axis of Evil’ program as being “wildly successful” in wake of the reports of the North Korean government testing a nuclear device this past weekend.

Rice made her comments, following a “surprise” news conference in the Rose Garden by President Bush, where he both denounced North Korea, yet also stated he has no plans to invade or attack the country.

Rice: North Korea “Following the AEL Protocol Quite Well”

Rice offered that “we have a team, an interim government we can place in North Korea, if it comes down to that.”

“I haven't spoken with the President yet today,” added Rice, “I believe he is very pleased that the North Koreans are embracing their Axis of Evil List placement and, I must admit, have been following the AEL protocol quite well... We could not have asked more of them, to prove our judgment was correct as to placing them on the AEL.”

While the President “reserves all options to defend our friends and our interests in the region against the threats from North Korea," sources close to the White House believe there is a queuing taking place, with Iran, a fellow AEL member with the North Koreans, first in line to have military action aimed against them. North Korea, the sources tell The Garlic is “likely number two ... possible number three ,,,:

According to Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication, that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century, the White House believes that, with a pumped-up ‘Axis of Evil List program, there’ll likely be a new, North Korea Group formed inside the West Wing, a second spin-off of the White House Iraq Group, following the development of the White House Iraq and Iran Group earlier this year.

Cheney and Rumsfeld Waiting In Wings With “Little Red Mao Book” Jibs For Critics

“We’d certainly welcome that,” admitted Martins. “They’ve got tons of rhetoric and slogans just sitting in the files ... And with this nuke test, they actually save themselves a few months ... The nuclear issue is on the table ... They can cut right away to the WMD’s, and how unsafe Kim Jong IL makes the world, how he mistreats his own people ... The AEL made it all possible and I believe you’ll see the White House leverage that.”

Rumors have circulated around Washington that Vice President Dick Cheney and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld may hit the speaking circuit again, reviving their “Nazi Appeasers” rhetoric, but tailoring it for the situation with the North Koreans.

“They’ll tweak the same speeches, “ said Hugh P. Varicator, a consultant with the conservative hawkish think tank, “Cry Wolf”, that is said to be closely affiliated with The Project for the New American Century (PNAC), and, some say, may be an adjunct to the White House Iraq Group, or WHIG, “and they attack the President critics with some jabs about “taking a page from Mao’s little Red Book”. They’ll have to walk a fine line, so as not to offend China.”

If President Bush was to take military action against the North Koreans, he’ll have to do it under some other auspices, as the White House is still on it’s heels as to planting any new seeds of democracy, following the stinging Inspector General’s report this past August. The report cited that the seeds used in Iraq were from an unapproved mail-order house and were “worthless”.

Varicator said that there are “many, many options besides planting seeds of democracy” and “and all scenarios are mapped out”. Including, according to Varicator, “they’ve even budgeted for the victory celebration”.

“After watching, for hours, the Iraqi’s pulling down the Saddam statue,” added Varicator, “they’ve got some new devices that will trim tearing down any statues or memorials down to minutes ... The goal is to have it work so it could be packaged inside a typical evening news broadcast.”

Rice Defends ‘Mushroom Clouds” Prediction; “Never Said It Would Be Above Ground or Below Ground”

North Korea kept to its’ AEL role, denouncing the President and the United States, calling for an end to the “hostile attitude”, which comes as no surprise to Rice.

“They’ll hem-and-haw for a few days before it all sinks in.”

Before leaving, Rice gave directions to the media assembled that “I hope you take note in your reports, that I was right about the mushroom clouds, and if you go back to when I made that fact-based assessment, I never said if it would be above ground or below ground.”

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said of North Korea’s reported testing of a nuclear device “we could not have asked more of them, to prove our judgment was correct as to placing them on the AEL.”

Breaking News! Baseball Rocked With Calls For Firing Of Yankee Manager

Retired Baseball Managers Call On Torre To Resign

Handful of Skippers Protest Steinbrenner Move; Cite No Plan Or Successful Winning Strategy

Major League Baseball was rocked this morning as a group of former and retired managers, led by ex-Los Angeles Dodger Tommy LaSorda and recently-resigned Washington National Frank Robinson issued a blistering statement, calling on New York Yankee Manager Joe Torre to resign.

The group also protested the move by owner George Steinbrenner, who, seemingly, was on the verge of firing Torre within minutes of the final out of the American League Division Series game last weekend, against the Detroit Tigers, that saw the Yankees eliminated, yet changed his course and announced yesterday, through a spokesperson, that Torre was being kept on for another year.

Despite 11 consecutive AL East Division titles, the Yankees have not won the World Series since 2000.

“This is hogwash,” bellowed LaSorda, a former World Series-winning manager with the Los Angeles Dodges. “Now is not the time to for Steinbrenner to stay-the-course. Just look at the last few years, the man doesn’t have a strategy to win ... He’s floundering around while innocent, young men are being sent out onto the field without a clue, unprepared to win.”

Hall of Fame player, and recently resigned manager of the Washington Nationals, Frank Robinson says that “dozens of former managers and coaches” have been in contact with him, and all calling for Torre to step down.

“Managers, coaches, players, they’ve all said this is a bad situation,” offered Robinson. “Torre just doesn’t have any credibility anymore. Nobody believes he can lead them to victory.”

Minor League managers are expected, later today or tomorrow, to join in with the “big show” counterparts and issue their own statement calling on Torre to resign, and/or Steinbrenner to fire him.

Torre, who has a year left on his contract to manage the Yankees, for a reported $7-Million, received a telephone call from Steinbrenner.

“I spoke to Joe Torre today and I told him: ‘You’re back for the year,’ ” the statement said. “ ‘I expect a great deal from you and the entire team. I have high expectations and I want to see enthusiasm, a fighting spirit and a team that works together. The responsibility is yours, Joe, and all of the Yankees.’ ”

Steinbrenner, reported, cribbed notes in the column of a newspaper article, asking “Did we send Torre out there to manage?”

Yankee’s General Manager Brian Cashman, a supporter of Torre, denied reports that former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger was advising Steinbrenner, or the Yankees.

Rumors have circulated that Kissinger has advocated to the Yankee owner that “the only viable exit strategy is a World Series victory.”

Kissinger, when reached for comment, would neither confirm nor deny his consulting the New York Yankees but did offer that “they have to execute if the intend on winning.”

Cashman also denied that he called for an emergency meeting with Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, citing the increased chatter throughout Major League Baseball over the course of the summer, that the Yankees were likely to bomb in the playoffs.

A report, said to be leaked out of the Commissioner’s office, shows that the league has tried to cover-up the decline of the Yankees, and to downplay their losses in the playoffs.

“Sure,” sniped LaSorda, “they have their television ratings to protect. They only want to take you to Yankee Stadium or Fenway Park, but when you step out into some of the other parks in baseball, the situation is catastrophic ... For Torre to remain at the helm only means more losses, for the Yankees and all of baseball.”

Baseball Commissioner Bud Selig could not be reached for comment, with an aide saying “he’s busy ... totally focused on what to do about the Barry Bonds’ situation.”

Pressure is mounting, from retired baseball managers, for either New York Yankee manager Joe Torre to resign, or for owner George Steinbrenner to fire him

Top Ten Cloves: Things About The Google-YouTube Deal

News Item: Google Gambles on Web Video

10. Are you ready for “YoogleTube?”

9. Reportedly, SEC filing shows Google motivated to do deal strictly to bust Rupert Murdoch’s balls, and keep YouTube away from merging with MySpace

8. Clause in sale contract forcing YouTube to have new, very sparse Home Page

7. Agreed, in advance, to point at each other and issue “plausible deniability” statements when the copyright issues start popping up

6. Stipulation in contract that YouTube, under any circumstances, can’t hire former Google Executive Chef, Charlie Ayers

5. Searches on both Google and YouTube for “moron” videos only pull up Mark Cuban

4. Even though they have been running for about three-years, YouTube has to start over again, in Beta-Mode

3. LonelyGirl15 making waves, demanding cut of Google Ad Word revenue

2. YouTube braced for a flood of new “Numa Numa” or “Star Wars Kid” videos from Google Employees

1. New “I’m Feel Lucky” search bar on YouTube delivers photo of founders’ Chad Hurley and Steve Chen holding giant oversized $1.6-Billion check

Reportedly, Google’s SEC filing states their purchase of YouTube was strictly done to bust News Corp., as well as MySpace and Fox News, owner Rupert Murdoch’s balls

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

New Features On The Garlic!

New Features!

As we referenced on Sunday, we updated The Garlic to the new Beta Blogger, which improves functions in the back office (easier posting), as well as giving The Garlic a sleeker look, along with better Search and Archives.

So, taking advantage of this opportunity, we’ve added some new features to our Sidebar.

You can now (being we’ve been at this going on two-years) look at “On This Day” and see what The Garlic was riffing and poking at ... Scroll down further and you can read more content and retro-posts on;

Sports ... On The Garlic
Business ... On The Garlic
Songs ... On The Garlic

As you explore the new, improved Sidebar, please take some time to visit the fine folks in our Link List ... It a good gathering of some other great content out there on the World Wide Web ...

Lastly, get The Garlic delivered right to your In-Box, by signing up for the daily feed, from FeedBurner. You can use the subscription box, or just click on any of the blinking marquees that you see. We also offer a bevy of choices if you have your own favorite RSS Feed to get The Garlic delivered to you.

Once again, many thanks for visiting and reading The Garlic: All The Cloves Fit To Peel


Monday, October 09, 2006

What’s A Little Name-Calling? They’re Young, They’ll Get Over It ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll October 1 - October 7 2006

What’s A Little Name-Calling? They’re Young, They’ll Get Over It ...

Sure enough, our Garlic Poll voters were on-target.

It may not have been Karl Rove (he’s busy on who to smear for the over 400 Jack Abramoff visits to the White House, after throwing his top aide under the bus) or the Swift Boat Veterans (who’s heads must be spinning, since Senator John Warner (R-VA) has come out with rather profound, anti-talking-points about the situation in Iraq), but the Republican Freak Show, everybody from Matted Sludge (Matt Drudge), to the Talking Dirigible (Rush Limbaugh) and other assorted hit artists, have been attempting to spin the Congressional Page Sex Scandal as far away from the Republican Leadership as possible.

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll October 1 - October 7 2006

With the Mark Foley scandal growing by the day, the Republican Leadership in Congress is likely to ...

1. Have Karl Rove or the Swiftboat Veterans begin a Smear Campaign against the teenage Congressional Pages Tally 35%

2. Quickly make it a “Do Everything We Can To Save Our Asses” Congress Tally 33%

3. Rush through emergency legislation that allows teenage Congressional Pages to become Ambassadors Tally 17%

4. Adopt the White House mantra of saying they can’t comment on on-going investigations or court cases Tally 15%

This week’s Poll - With scandals piling up, the Iraq occupation, along with World events, getting worse President Bush may be forced to reach out to his father, former, and 41st President, George H.W. Bush for advice. He will likely ask him ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Karl Rove is too busy figuring out who to smear, for the over-400 visits to the White House by convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff, after throwing his top aide under the bus, to join in with the Republican Freak Show in attempting to blame everyone involved in the Congressional Page Sex Scandal - except the Republican Leadership

Weekend Special - Sautéed Cloves 8 October 2006

The White House has offered no comment on a recent campaign snafu, when President Bush appeared with Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA).

Santorum stunned the President, his staff and the supporters in attendance when he tied Saddam Hussein and Al Qaeda into the Congressional Page Scandal, saying that he has evidence supporting the charge that "Saddam, if he didn't have one already, was working on building a page sex scandal to deploy here in the United States"

Fox News Host Sean Hannity leveled charges in the Congressional Sex Scandal at the feet of " New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin", charging Nagin ignored it, and "failed to use the hundreds of buses to get the pages out of harms way"

Embattled House Speaker Denny Hastert (R-IL) announced today that, in addition to the House Ethics investigation, and the FBI, Hastert has contracted American Revolutionary War re-enactors to look into the "page sex scandal

Afghanistan President Hamid Karzai disclosed that his recent visit to Washington was sponsored by Coca-Cola, saying that it has been a life-long dream "to teach the world to sing"

While in Washington, Karzai met with New Orleans Saints fan, Penalty Man, who President Bush is considering conscripting into the military service and sending him over to Iraq, believing he may be able to curb the growing violence by "what else, issuing penalties against the terrorists and insurgents".

Under an agreement with the Iraqi Government, after receiving three penalties, the offending person will have to sit out of the violence for one-month. Five penalties in a one-year period will bring about a complete banishment from the Iraq Civil War

In Washington this weekend,
with calls growing louder for his resignation, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld received an unexpected boost, when Captain America and Spiderman dropped by to declare their support for Rumsfeld

Said Rumsfeld, "Am I pleased to get this endorsement? ... You bet'cha ... Will you see me in tights and a cape? ... Now, wouldn't that be something ..."

Sunday, October 08, 2006

The Garlic Blog Update - New and Improved With Beta Blogger

The Garlic Blog Update

Good Evening Garlic Readers

Our apologies if you came looking today for our Weekly Special - Sautéed Cloves, as well as the new Weekly Garlic Poll.

We’ve been down most of the weekend, updating The Garlic, taking advantage of the Beta Blogger.

With “Beta” being the operative word, that meant, after the switchover, time was consumed with tweaks and rebuilding, rewriting and replacing code and cleaning up files so that all the favorites would be back in place.

You should find your visits to The Garlic as you always have (and the correct answer here is ... enjoyable, right?) and a bit sleeker, with better Search, and easier viewing of the Recent Garlic Posts and Archives.

Posting will resume tomorrow (Monday, 9 October 2006) and we look forward to your visits and comments.

Thank you, once again, for visiting The Garlic: All The Cloves Fit To Peel.