Top Ten Cloves: Things North Korean leader Kim Jong-il Received For Releasing The Two U.S. Journalists

News Item: Bill Clinton gets two US journalists pardoned from North Korea: UPDATED with a Bolton

10. The opportunity to bitch-slap John Bolton

9. Beer Summit at the White House, but with Bush and Cheney, over all that "Axis of Evil" stuff

8. A date with that irritating woman from the Progressive Auto Insurance commercials

7. Promise of a starring role, if ever a sequel is made to Mystic Pizza, as owner of the pizza place

6. A signed, framed reproduction of one of President Barack Obama's birth certificates

5. Years' supply of Sham Wow

4. Since they are a favorite of President Clinton, the rights to Krispy Kreme franchise in North Korea

3. A two-week stay at the House on C Street

2. That if he criticizes Keith Olbermann, Olbermann won't name him to the "Worst Persons" list

1. Nothing - Senator John Ensign's parents already paid him, for the release of the hostages




Bonus Links

Ben Armbruster: Even After North Korea Frees American Journalists, Bolton Insists Clinton Trip Was A Mistake

Joe Sudbay (DC): CNN already asking: Could Clinton's "high-profile presence backfire?"

Melissa McEwan: Welcome Home

TBogg: The Ransom of Red Chief Ass

Joe Sudbay (DC): Could the U.S. send Bush anywhere?

That's Amore!

Not exactly as riveting as Gabriel Garcia Marquez, in his awesome "Cien Anos de Soledad" (One Hundred Years of Solitude), where he spent about the first page-and-a-half having his protagonist describe, while standing in front of a firing squad, the first time he discovered ice, but interesting nonetheless.

Kim Young Ill had completed a 10-year project to bring pizza to North Korea

It has taken almost 10 years of work, but North Korea has acquired the technology to launch a project very dear to its leader's heart - the nation's first "authentic" Italian pizzeria.

The launch of Pyongyang's first Italian restaurant meanwhile brings to fruition a ten-year effort by Kim Jong-il - a renowned gourmand and lover of western food - to create the perfect pizza and pasta in his homeland

Imagine that.

All that huffing-and-puffing by The Bush Grindhouse, the Axis of Evil bullshit, when all they had to do was woo him with "a couple of slices".

Perhaps, we need to update that old saw of "guns-and-butter", to "nukes-and-pizza".

Last year a delegation of local chefs was sent by Kim to Naples and Rome to learn the proper Italian techniques after their homegrown efforts to mimic Italian cuisine were found by Kim to contain "errors".

In the late 1990s Kim brought a team of Italian pizza chefs to North Korea to instruct his army officers how to make pizza, a luxury which is now being offered to a tiny elite able to afford such luxuries in a country that cannot feed many of its 24 million inhabitants.

Despite the food shortages high-quality Italian wheat, flour, butter and cheese are being imported to ensure the perfect pizza is created every time.

Ahh, Little Kimmy, you need to go the distance with this.

If you are building the perfect pizza parlor, that you gots to get a Wurlitzer, and make sure this tune is in it;

That's Amore - Dean Martin




Bonus North Korean Riffs

Deadline Looms For Axis of Evil Applicants ...White House Cramming To Fill List For State of Union Address; Is Considering Adding Individuals For First Time

Axis of Evil Update ... It's Sheehan; Anti-War Mom Makes Axis of Evil List ...Down To Minutes Before Speech, Sheehan Arrested, Removed From House Chamber

Developing Story - Secretary of State Defends “Mushroom Cloud” Prediction ...Rice Touts ‘Axis of Evil’ Program As “Wildly Successful” In Wake Of North Korea Nuke Test ...AEL Members Adhering To Program; Allows Bush, World “Swift and Unfettered” Rhetoric” As Precursor To Planting Seeds of Democracy

Developing Story! Rove Has Gone From “Bush’s Brain” To “Bush’s Drain” ...White House In Crises, As Rove Takes Credit For North Korean Nuke Test ... Sources Say ‘Bush’s Brain” Weary From Sinking Polls, Fundraising; Too Tired To Come Up With New October Surprise

Breaking News! Back To The Drawing Board For Security Council ...New Problem As Jong Il Issues “Korean-Style” Signing Statement To Invalidate U.N. Sanctions ...U.S. Irate But Must Abstain Due To Conflict of Interest; North Korea Also To Start Page Program For Potential Scandal

Breaking News! Back To The Drawing Board For Security Council

New Problem As Jong Il Issues “Korean-Style” Signing Statement To Invalidate U.N. Sanctions

U.S. Irate But Must Abstain Due To Conflict of Interest; North Korea Also To Start Page Program For Potential Scandal

A new crisis has enveloped the White House, as, in rejecting the United Nations Security Council sanctions voted last Saturday, Kim Jong Il, the North Korean leader issued “Signing Statements” this morning that invalidate the sanctions and allow him to act freely in interpreting the rules, as he sees fitting his own agenda.

U.S. Ambassador to the United Nations, John Bolton, was livid, first at the brazen disregard of the Security Council by Jong Il, then, after being informed that the United States would have to abstain from further discussion and debate on the matter, due to the conflict of interest it presents, namely, President Bush’s extensive and profound use of Signing Statements.

Bolton, red-faced, brushed past reporters after being asked to leave the Security Council chamber, barking at an aide, however he refused comment to the shouted questions from the media throng.

Did Rice’s Comments ‘Embolden” The North Koreans?

Also refusing comment as the State Department, and Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice.

Just last week, Rice praised the success of the Bush Administration’s ‘Axis of Evil’ program in relation to North Korea testing a nuclear device, calling it “wildly successful” that North Korea was exhibiting the characteristic rogue behavior.

It’s not clear if Jong Il’s use of Signing Statements falls within the ‘Axis of Evil’ program, or if North Korea is improvising, feeling emboldened by Rice’s comments.

This all goes back, says John Lloyd Sullivan, principal of ‘All American Seeds’, the think tank that monitors the use of seeds in political or humanitarian projects, “to the Inspector General’s report earlier this year. These people have no strategies ... No plan ... And they have no seeds to plant in North Korea, if that’s what they are thinking about.”

Rice attempted to backtrack today, warning Iran that the sanctions issued against North Korea should serve as notice to abandon their own nuclear ambitions.

“Bush Dug This Hole And Rove Was Holding The Shovel”

Perhaps, more than Secretary Rice, the White House has been put in a box, by the alleged actions of top Bush aide, Karl Rove, as well as the President’s habitual use of Signing Statements.

Last Friday, a bombshell was dropped, with reports that Rove has been boasting the North Korean nuclear test was “his work”, this year’s “October Surprise”

More than Rove shining his own apple, it is President Bush that may come to feel the brunt of International outrage.

Since taking office in 2000, Bush as issued well over 700 Signing Statements, at the urging of Vice President Dick Cheney, and longtime Cheney aide, David Addington. In citing elements of the Constitution, it is Cheney and Addington’s philosophy that the President’s office have virtually unchecked and unfettered authority, essentially ignoring the other two wings of the government - Congress and the Judiciary.

“This is likely to develop into a new trend,” offered Harold "Ace" Larson, an analyst for the counterintelligence think tank, 'Book'em and Beat'em'.

“You’ll see others ... be it terrorists, rogue nations, perhaps even some of our friends and allies, use their own version of Signing Statements to push back against U.S. policy. They’ll just stand up and say “Hey, we don’t have to do that’ and what will our response be?”

"Bush dug this hole," added Larson, "and Rove was holding the shovel."

Signals From Pyongyang?

For the North Korean leader to issue a Signing Statement is, for all practical matters, redundant, having issued a terse denunciation of the sanctions. Being that Jong Il issues the edicts and laws of the country, there are little, to no consequences inside North Korea as to implementing the Signing Statement

And it is not known if Jong Il was being serious or not, with the statement issued by the North Koreans, which read in part that “we wish to use this time to endeavor to be a good world citizen, and will employ more of the Western governmental practices of other nations to help us in our cause.”

Sources close to the North Korean delegation to the United Nations say that Jong Il, in addition to employing Signing Statements, has given signals that the government in Pyongyang will launch a “Page Program”, to further emulate Western-style governments. The goal, sources say is that, hopefully, the North Korean Page Program will break into a scandal, which will offer further proof of the North Korean’s desire to join the ranks of world citizenry.

Other then saying that the North Koreans’ actions are “unacceptable”, there was no further comment from the White House.















President Bush's profound and extensive use of Signing Statements has come back to haunt him

Developing Story - Secretary of State Defends “Mushroom Cloud” Prediction

Rice Touts ‘Axis of Evil’ Program As “Wildly Successful” In Wake Of North Korea Nuke Test

AEL Members Adhering To Program; Allows Bush, World “Swift and Unfettered” Rhetoric” As Precursor To Planting Seeds of Democracy

Barely containing an “I told you so” smile, as to her earlier warning of “mushroom clouds”, Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice hailed President Bush and his ‘Axis of Evil’ program as being “wildly successful” in wake of the reports of the North Korean government testing a nuclear device this past weekend.

Rice made her comments, following a “surprise” news conference in the Rose Garden by President Bush, where he both denounced North Korea, yet also stated he has no plans to invade or attack the country.

Rice: North Korea “Following the AEL Protocol Quite Well”

Rice offered that “we have a team, an interim government we can place in North Korea, if it comes down to that.”

“I haven't spoken with the President yet today,” added Rice, “I believe he is very pleased that the North Koreans are embracing their Axis of Evil List placement and, I must admit, have been following the AEL protocol quite well... We could not have asked more of them, to prove our judgment was correct as to placing them on the AEL.”

While the President “reserves all options to defend our friends and our interests in the region against the threats from North Korea," sources close to the White House believe there is a queuing taking place, with Iran, a fellow AEL member with the North Koreans, first in line to have military action aimed against them. North Korea, the sources tell The Garlic is “likely number two ... possible number three ,,,:

According to Holly Martins, Publisher of Axis of Evil Illustrated, a quarterly publication, that is rumored to be a house magazine for the Project for The New American Century, the White House believes that, with a pumped-up ‘Axis of Evil List program, there’ll likely be a new, North Korea Group formed inside the West Wing, a second spin-off of the White House Iraq Group, following the development of the White House Iraq and Iran Group earlier this year.

Cheney and Rumsfeld Waiting In Wings With “Little Red Mao Book” Jibs For Critics

“We’d certainly welcome that,” admitted Martins. “They’ve got tons of rhetoric and slogans just sitting in the files ... And with this nuke test, they actually save themselves a few months ... The nuclear issue is on the table ... They can cut right away to the WMD’s, and how unsafe Kim Jong IL makes the world, how he mistreats his own people ... The AEL made it all possible and I believe you’ll see the White House leverage that.”

Rumors have circulated around Washington that Vice President Dick Cheney and Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld may hit the speaking circuit again, reviving their “Nazi Appeasers” rhetoric, but tailoring it for the situation with the North Koreans.

“They’ll tweak the same speeches, “ said Hugh P. Varicator, a consultant with the conservative hawkish think tank, “Cry Wolf”, that is said to be closely affiliated with The Project for the New American Century (PNAC), and, some say, may be an adjunct to the White House Iraq Group, or WHIG, “and they attack the President critics with some jabs about “taking a page from Mao’s little Red Book”. They’ll have to walk a fine line, so as not to offend China.”

If President Bush was to take military action against the North Koreans, he’ll have to do it under some other auspices, as the White House is still on it’s heels as to planting any new seeds of democracy, following the stinging Inspector General’s report this past August. The report cited that the seeds used in Iraq were from an unapproved mail-order house and were “worthless”.

Varicator said that there are “many, many options besides planting seeds of democracy” and “and all scenarios are mapped out”. Including, according to Varicator, “they’ve even budgeted for the victory celebration”.

“After watching, for hours, the Iraqi’s pulling down the Saddam statue,” added Varicator, “they’ve got some new devices that will trim tearing down any statues or memorials down to minutes ... The goal is to have it work so it could be packaged inside a typical evening news broadcast.”

Rice Defends ‘Mushroom Clouds” Prediction; “Never Said It Would Be Above Ground or Below Ground”

North Korea kept to its’ AEL role, denouncing the President and the United States, calling for an end to the “hostile attitude”, which comes as no surprise to Rice.

“They’ll hem-and-haw for a few days before it all sinks in.”

Before leaving, Rice gave directions to the media assembled that “I hope you take note in your reports, that I was right about the mushroom clouds, and if you go back to when I made that fact-based assessment, I never said if it would be above ground or below ground.”

Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice said of North Korea’s reported testing of a nuclear device “we could not have asked more of them, to prove our judgment was correct as to placing them on the AEL.”