Thursday, October 05, 2006

Breaking News! Giant Search Engine Downed By GOP and RNC Staffers

Google Crashes! Besieged With “I’m Feeling Lucky” Searches From White House, Congress

Amazon, D.C. Novelty Stores Hit With Run On Magic 8-Balls

Millions of computer users around the world this morning where stunned to find that the Google Search Engine was unavailable, that it had crashed. A one-line message, on an even more barren home page than the usually sparse Google offering, read “Unavailable To Perform Task; Server Down

The cause, according to a Google executive, was due to a “tsunami of searches”, concentrated on Google’s infamously whimsy “I’m Feeling Lucky” search bar, from IP addresses traced back to the Capital Building, the White House and an undisclosed alcohol and drug rehabilitation clinic.

Google, as of the time of this report, has not been successful in restoring service, as a flood of “I’m Feeling Lucky” searches continue to stream from the Washington, D.C. area

‘This is really unprecedented,” offered a beleaguered Marissa Mayer, the company's vice president for search products and user experience. “We’ve never really experienced this before ... The system was strained around the time Princess Diana died, but that was when we were very young and not nearly as big ... We’ve had some other scary spikes - we get clusters of people looking for when Rosanne sang the National Anthem... Or, very recently, Senator Allen’s Macaca incident... Also, our “I’m Feeling Lucky” on Google Iraq has been running at near capacity for the past three-years.”

Mayer says that company engineers are “on the case”, and that Google is contemplating firing up new servers, in their still-under-construction server farms up in the Pacific Northwest.

Other search engines, including Ask.Com, MSN and Yahoo report average, to slightly above-average search inquiries.

Among the “I’m Feeling Lucky” searches that crashed Google, include;

- Crisis + Save Job?
Plausible Alibis
- Hastert home address
- Democrats + IM’s + Congressional Pages
Woodward home address
- Meeting denials
- Timmy + Congressional Page + Florida
- New Smears
Scandals + Best + Placing Blame
Gay Democrats
Images = Nancy Pelosi + Barnyard Animals
- Famous Nazi Appeasers

Mayer indicated that “Gay Democrats” and “Images = Nancy Pelosi + Barnyard Animals” were the two most searched items, from late yesterday afternoon, into the early morning hours, and just before the system crashed, “Crisis + Save Job?” was flooding the “I’m Feeling Lucky” search bar.

Mayer was emphatic that the crash of Google has nothing to do with any type of “click-fraud” and, that it won’t affect the planned Google Government Search program that is in the works.

“I knew they were burning the midnight oil,” offered David Aaronson, editor of What Color Is My Coat Today?, the Capital Hill Newsletter that tracks politicians who turn on their own party, “but for something like this to happen, they must have bused the entire RNC in here.”

Coincidently, Amazon.Com, as well as novelty stores in the nation’s capital, and the surrounding D.C. area, have reported an unexpected run on Magic 8-Ball’s. An Amazon spokesperson said that the company “came pretty close” to setting a new record for overnight, next-day deliveries, while the novelty stores indicated a steady stream, beginning yesterday morning, and staying strong from the moment they opened their doors today.

Along with the crash of Google, due to a "tsunami of searches" in its' "I'm Feeling Lucky" bar, Amazon.Com and D.C.-area novelty shops had a massive run on Magic 8-Balls

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