Wednesday, June 28, 2006

Garlic Exclusive! Looking To Keep The Base

White House, RNC Rolling Out Greatest Hits, Summer Reruns

Times Bashing, Santorum WMD’s Sign of Rove Bookmark For Base; Mehlman Promises “To Stay The Course On Dems”

No, you didn’t wake-up from an early summer nap, only to find you’ve gotten stuck in some kind of time-warp of a Fox News broadcast looping itself out on YouTube.

What you are seeing is a not-so-quiet, bold rollout of a new program, being launched by White House Special Councilor Karl Rove, and RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman of jumping out in front of the networks and offering Summer Reruns of the Bush Administration’s greatest hits.

And, The Garlic has learned, through a secret memo, that a wildly extravagant “Mission Accomplished II” is being planned for the Labor Day Holiday.

Looking To Keep The Base

“They really went into it early,” says Eddie Mars, editor of 'Please Shoot Me', the newsletter that tracks the Fox News Channel.

“Last throes ... WMD’s ... Now, lining up against the liberal media ... This is classic Rerun material ... Rove and the rest are going after the base, looking to give them a thrill, and some hope, heading into the Mid-Terms.”

Mars admits that it is hard to say when the Rerun campaign started, offering that “the Administration, along with all the pundits, tend to just say the same thing, over-and-over,” but that it is likely, last week was the kick-off.

Cheney Launches Rerun Package with “Last Throes”

First, there was Vice President Dick Cheney defending and reprising his May 2005 “I think they're in the last throes, if you will, of the insurgency." at both a National Press Club speech and in an interview with CNN’s John King (and nearly a year ago, in June 2005, CNN’s Wolf Blitzer offered the Vice President an opportunity to “revise or amend those comments” and Cheney refused.

When asked by King last week, “,,, do you wish you could take those words back?, Cheney replied “No, I think that, in fact, we are making very significant progress ...”

“The last throes have been very effective for them,” said Hugh P. Varicator, a consultant with the conservative think tank, 'Cry Wolf'.

“It allows the Administration to be muscular, to infer progress and gains, without having to define them, to verify them.”

Varicator also points out that “the last throes” also gives the RNC pundits a launching pad, to defend President Bush’s decision to invade and occupy Iraq, or to justify the military’s continued presence there.

Santorum Races Into The Wings With WMD’s

Nothing fills in a Summer Rerun Package like an old favorite, something, even though you know the story, still makes you want to watch and feel good.

Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), along with Congressman Peter Hoekstra (R-MI) deliver that “Must-Spin-TV” with their trumpeted call on the long-sought discovery of the Weapons of Mass Destruction in Iraq.

Santorum, down by over 18-points in his bid to be reelected to the Senate, and Hoekstra used a newly declassified report that showed coalition forces finding 500 munitions that turned out to contain degraded sarin or mustard gases.

With a “Take-That-In-Your-Face” approach, Santorum attempted to justify the find to rebut critics of the administration and show that Saddam Hussein did have Weapons of Mass Destruction.

The report was quickly debunked, by an array of officials, from the Defense Department, as well as the Iraq Survey Groupand other agencies.

“This is not the WMD we were looking for when we went in this time," offered one top former U.S. Weapons Inspector.

With a still-measurable number of people believing the Saddam Hussein and Iraq were responsible, or involved in the 9-11 attack, the WMD story won’t be retired to TVLand anytime soon.

This dog still hunts,” said Harold "Ace" Larson, an analyst for the counterintelligence think tank, 'Book'em and Beat'em',

Old Stand-By “Liberal Media" Likely To Run For Months

Another favorite of the Bush Administration was also displayed last week – Attacking the Liberal Media.

“They’ve lived off this for the last five-years,” said David Aaronson, editor of 'What Color Is My Coat Today?', the Capital Hill Newsletter that tracks politicians who turn on their own party. “And they’ll keep spooning it out until the day they leave office.”

The latest installment of this storyline came this past Friday and Monday, with the President, Vice President, Secretary of Treasury the White House Press Secretary and the entire cast of conservative talk show hosts and bloggers exploding and railing against The New York Times, for their reporting, last Thursday, on the Bush Administrations combing through financial records.

President Bush labeled the reporting on the bank surveillance “disgraceful”, while Cheney lamented that the Times exposure of this covert program is “making it more difficult for us to prevent future attacks against the American people."

Tony Snow, White House Press Secretary jumped in with "The New York Times and other news organizations ought to think long and hard about whether a public's right to know, in some cases, might overwrite somebody's right to live, and whether, in fact, the publications of these could place in jeopardy the safety of fellow Americans," while outgoing Treasury Secretary John Snow said the Times undermined a highly successful counterterrorism program and alerted terrorists to the methods and sources used to track their money trail.”

With the leaking of the Bank Surveillance Program, came a “In our last episode” moment, as the Administration is still at war with The New York Times for reporting on the secret NSA wiretapping and eavesdropping program last December.

“This is the gift that keeps on giving, for the White House and RNC,” said Mars. “They’re likely to run with this for months, at least up to the Fall Mid-Terms. It stirs up the base and it’s a horse they can’t beat to death often enough.”

“Cut-and-Run” and “Two Parties Enter ... One Party Leads” Added As New Summer-Only Programs

No network would run a slate of just reruns, without sprinkling in a few new summer-only-run programs and the White House and RNC haven’t missed out on that.

Cut-and-Run” and “Two Parties Enter ... One Party Leads” made their debuts last week, with two votes in the Senate, and the full star treatment by GOP lawmakers and rightwing pundits was in play, bashing the Democrats, implying they wanted to “surrender to the terrorists” in Iraq.

However, as with live events on television, glitches can occur and one of the star players landed one with a thud.

It was revealed over the weekend that General George Casey briefed President Bush and Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfield on Troop Withdrawal plans, eerily similar to the plans offered by the Democrats in the Senate debate and vote last week.

“They’ll slap him down privately,” offered Varicator, “and it’s unlikely you’ll see Casey in any more episodes this summer.”

“This is what it is, a summer replacement series,” said Mars. “They’ll throw a few tease out that they plan on making it a permanent series, but the White House and RNC only want it out there for a short time, just enough to milk and leverage it for the Fall Mid-Terms. ”

RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman is committed to offering some new programming to the base, and to “stay the course on the Democrats”.

In a recent appearance, last week, on MSNBC’s “Hardball” program, Mehlman offered the tease of what is to come, saying "There's a debate within the Democratic party. John Kerry believes in the cut and run approach. Other people say maybe we should cut and walk or even cut and jog.”

Mission Accomplished II” Planned To Close Out Summer; Maybe End To Salad Days

Through sources close to the White House, The Garlic has learned of an extravagant “Mission Accomplished II” special celebration being planned for the Labor Day Holiday.

“We’re talking about it being on the level of a Super Bowl Halftime production,” said our source.

Likely, according to the secret memo, “Mission Accomplished II” will be coordinated with a troop
withdrawal from Iraq, and having the returning soldiers parade down Constitution Avenue.

Along with massive parades, speeches, live music and entertainment and air shows, planning is in the works to have non-lethal war games for children, to teach them about freedom and democracy.

The memo also cites tentative plans to have an aircraft carrier placed in the Tidal Basin, with President Bush, and the entire cabinet – all in flight suits – landing on the deck via helicopter

Last Chance To Play It Up ... President Medals For Libby, DeLay, Chalabi and Others

On the deck of the aircraft carrier, pending the results of an RNC Focus Group, President Bush will award the Presidential Medal of Freedom indicted former Vice President Chief of Staff I. Lewis ‘Scooter Libby, convicted lobbyist Jack Abramoff, indicted former Congressman Tom DeLay, convicted former Bush Administration official David Safavian and two Iraqis, deputy prime minister and currently interim oil minister Dr. Ahmad Chalabi and defector-turned informant, Curveball

“This may be the last opportunity for the White House to play it up big,” offered Mars.

“If the numbers stay steady, it’s looking like the Republicans will lose the House, and, possibly the Senate. This would be an end to the salad days for the Bush Administration, and likely a boon for DC-area lawyers.”

Superstar singer Gwen Stefani is said to be on tap to perform in “Mission Accomplished II” parade and festivities being planned for the Labor Day Holiday, capping off the White House and RNC’s Summer Rerun Program

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