Top Ten Cloves: Options Speaker of the House Denny Hastert Is Looking At To Save His Job

News Item: Hastert Rejects Calls To Give Up Leadership

10. Following Donald Rumsfeld’s advice - You go with the scandal you have, not the scandal you wish you had

9. Debating whether to check into an alcohol rehab clinic or announce he, as a youth, was molested by a clergyman

8. Pushing the White House to release as many declassified N.I.E. reports as fast as they can

7. Fearing Foley’s action may threaten National Security, had meeting with Condoleezza Rice, but she probably doesn’t remember it

6. Badgering Chertoff and DHS to let loose with some new Terrorist Threats that raise the colors on the Terror Chart

5. Looking at bending House rules, much like he tried to do for Tom DeLay and make himself Speaker-For-Life

4. Seeking meeting with President Bush, Vice President Cheney, to ask, with all their scandals, what did they do to keep their jobs

3. Badgering Senator George Allen’s campaign staff to have the Senator let loose with another “macaca” incident

2. Will do the ultimate - Go on Oprah , spill his guts and beg for forgiveness

1. In a panic, and ironically, emailing and instant messaging all Republicans, including pages and former pages seeking a statement of endorsement

To draw away attention to himself, in the Mark Foley Scandal, House Speaker Denny Hastert is said to be badgering Chertoff and DHS to let loose with some new Terrorist Threats that raise the colors on the Terror Chart