Tuesday 27 September 2005

Garlic Exclusive!

Secret Bush Call For Television Summit with Fictional Leaders Revealed

Meeting Scheduled With Sheen, Davis For Crisis Input; May Reach Out To Other Actors

Sources have told The Garlic that President Bush has reached out to actors Martin Sheen and Gena Davis, who portray presidents on television, to get their input on the unfolding crisis's engulfing the White House.

Sheen, who is President Josiah Bartlett on the award-winning 'West Wing' and Davis, whose new program, 'Commander in Chief' debuts this evening, plays MacKenzie Allen, a vice president thrust into the Oval Office after the sitting president dies, received the invitation to meet with President Bush from Chief of Staff Andy Card.

"It's either raw, naked panic," offered a staffer close to the White House, "or a stroke of genius by Card to make this call."

The President is reported to be "very shaky" and there are rumors that he has begun drinking again. Aides say he is unfocused, surly and spends a good deal of the day "sitting in the Oval Office listening to his iPod".

"He doesn't trust anyone," offered another aid. "His Senate and Congress leaders are up to their necks in indictable deals, he still has the Fitzgerald investigation waiting to drop a shoe and his vice president is a steak dinner away from taking a dirt nap."

The Fitzgerald investigation is the Grand Jury inquiry into the Valerie Plame leak that has White House Special Advisor Karl Rove, and Cheney staffers Scooter Libbey and Stephen Hadley possibly looking at indictments. The New York Times Judith Miller has been in jail for nearly three-months, for refusing to divulge her sources regarding the leak.

"With all this going on, as well as plummeting approval ratings, the war in Iraq going badly, two major hurricanes hitting the Gulf Coast leaving over a half-million people homeless and jobless, the FEMA fiasco and a looming energy crises that threatens plunging the nation's economy into a recession, Card needed to do something to get the ball moving again."

Details of the meeting with Sheen and Davis were not released. It may take place in Washington, Crawford, Texas or even having the President fly out to Hollywood

"Sheen was a no-brainer., "said the White House aide. "Along with his 'West Wing' experience, he's played Bobby Kennedy numerous times, who was an Attorney General, a Senator and a presidential candidate. Davis may give some insight to the RNC, in the event that Hillary runs in 2008"

There are unconfirmed reports that actor Michael Douglas was called as well. Douglas portrayed widowed president Andrew Shepherd in the film, 'The American President', with, ironically, Martin Sheen playing his Chief of Staff.

The Democratic response to the news of the meeting has been heated.

Senate Minority Leader Harry Reid (D-NV) suggested that the "President should meet with Bozo the Clown, since his administration is nothing more that a three-ring circus."

Representative Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) said that it was "appropriate that we have no gasoline, since we don't have a driver either."

Senator Joe Biden (D-MD), when apprised of the meeting, indicated "I've got a show the President should be on."

"The President should go on the program 'Lost', because that's what he is right now."








As hearing open up today on Capital Hill, as to FEMA's performance during Hurricane Katrina, new charges emerged that Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff actually was directing aid and rescue operations in the wrong country