Bush To "Kick Back" For 45-Days

Bush To Tackle First Lady's "To-Do" List During Port Review

Mowing Lawn, Painting White House Shutters Among Chores; Will Dial Up Veto Threat "As Needed"

A testy White House announced this morning that President Bush, during the 45-day review period of the Dubai Ports World Company's operation of six American ports, will be "tackling First Lady Laura Bush's "To-Do" list".

"She's got quite the list," said White House Press Secretary Scott McClellan. "She had to start a second jar."

When pressed by reporters, asking shouldn't President Bush be involved in the review, talking with members of Congress, McClellan shot back;

"The President has made his position very clear. He believes the deal should move forward and, after some discussion, he's accepted to wait the 45-days for that to happen. The review is important, and more people will see the facts, but the President doesn't feel there will be anything that will change."

When questioned further by NBC's David Gregory, McClellan snapped;

"Simply put, this wouldn't be going forward if we were not certain that our ports would be secure. Perhaps, David, you should follow the advice that is being given to Lou Dobbs,"

The Dubai Ports World Company, criticized by the CNN anchor, has told Dobbs to "shut up".

Day Trips, Tours. Tapes and March Madness

Items on the "To-Do" list include mowing White House lawns and painting White House shutters and "a lot of odds-and-ends kind of things".

McClellan continued on, saying the President will "sleep late on some days" and "take some day trips".

Unconfirmed reports say that the NSA is preparing a "Greatest Hits Tape", highlights of wiretaps from 2005 and Vice President Cheney is reported to have offered a guided tour of his Secret Bunker, something the President is said to be "very eager" to see.

"And, for the first time since he took office, the President will be able to kick back, fire up the big screen TV and watch March Madness," added McClellan, who wouldn't comment if there would be a White House Pool set up for the NCCA Basketball Tournament.

The President won't be visiting the Armstrong Ranch, after, reportedly, Katherine Armstrong indicated to the White House that she wanted "the story, upfront, and before anything happens … I don't want to go through that bull spit again."

Republicans Running, Using Orbitz, To Move Away From President

With new polls showing President Bush at an all-time low in approval (34%), and the opposition to the port deal very much a bipartisan affair, Republicans have been fleeing from Bush.

Unconfirmed reports say that staunch supporter Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), in a bitter fight to keep his seat, and running behind in the polls, has ordered the Pennsylvania State Police to turn back the President if he tries to enter the state. Law enforcement officials at airports, train stations and bus depots also have orders to keep Bush out.

"You can bet your ass he won't be coming in by way of the Port of Philadelphia, that's for sure," Santorum allegedly said during a interview on a local radio show.

Santorum also said he's used his "weather contacts" to see about creating "a nasty storm" if the President insists on coming into the state.

California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger is said to be "cramming" to get his motorcycle license, so he can "out run the motorcade, go off-road if I have to".

Senator John McCain (R-AZ), while publicly backing the President, has been said to be telling staffers in his office that "he'd [President Bush] be about as useful in our state as snow shovel". A spokesperson later stated that "the Senator may have been a little angry, or, perhaps he was attempting to make a joke - we always have a hard time reading the Senator on those kinds of things."

Veto Classes Will Continue

As reported by The Garlic last week, the White House will continue to run the "Veto" classes for President Bush, who is said to have "first-time jitters".

'The President," said McClellan, "will have a few more brush up classes on the Veto. He's pretty confident about vetoing any legislation that will hinder the port deal, but now, it's more a matter of some style and posture issues. He wants to look confident when he's signing it."

When asked if he was confirming that the President will veto any bills, McClellan said only that "we'll dial up the Veto threat, as needed, over the next 45-days."

McClellan would not confirm or deny that President Bush, as an exercise in the "Veto Classes", has been overruling civil war in Iraq, as practice.

First Lady Laura Bush's "To-Do List" is expected to keep President Bush busy during the 45-day review period of the Dubai Port Worlds deal