Tuesday, January 10, 2006

Top Ten Cloves: How Andy Rooney Would Spend $20-Million, Instead Of Giving It To Katie Couric

10. Buy a Hummer, but leave it in the driveway all the time … Just to show off to the neighbors

9. Put it in a bank that still appreciates customers, and gives toasters or Green Stamps for making deposits

8. Hire someone to catalog all those little pieces of paper with scribbling that one accumulates

7. Maybe buy a hot air balloon, like Richard Branson, except he can't get on a little step ladder without getting vertigo

6. Might go into work late one day … Just because he can

5. Can finally afford to get the ol' eyebrows trimmed a little

4. Complain to the tellers when they don't put those little paper bands around his cash

3. Will consider breaking down and buying first color television set

2. Put down payment on sending his ashes into space … Not that anyone up there would want them, or have use for them

1. Grab Bob Schieffer and go out and really tie one on

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