Friday, February 17, 2006

Bush To Change Legal Landscape

White House Primed To Replace "Miranda" With New, "Cheney Decision"

Says Still Tough On Crime; Won't Be Applicable For Rounded-Up Terror Suspects - "That's What Patriot Act Is For"

The White House, contrary to speculation, has spent the week quietly working with the Justice Department, and the senior leadership of the Republican Congress, writing briefs, opinions and preparing legislation that will replace the "Miranda Decision" with a new, "Cheney Decision", a source told The Garlic this morning.

The new "Cheney Decision" will allow persons of a certain income level the benefit of not being interviewed by law enforcement officials, following an incident or accident, for 12-hours, and in some cases, up to 36-hours

"They're attaching all sorts of provisos to it," said the source, who works in the Justice Department. "It won't, in most cases, be available for the average citizen … They're gearing it to the fat cats, upper income people, government officials and the like."

Another element of the "Cheney Decision" is that law enforcement officials are forbidden, during this 12-to-36-hour period refer to their subject to be interviewed as a "suspect" or a "person of interest"

After Cheney shot his friend, fellow hunter Harry Whittington, this past weekend, he was not interviewed by the local police for nearly 15-hours.

Cheney Decision Strives for "Accuracy" In Charges

The new 'Cheney Decision" won't have any impact on the Bush Administration's War On Terror, or their "National Strategy For Victory In Iraq". The White House is preparing a full-court press on presenting the new "Cheney Decision",

"Terror suspects will still be rounded up, said the source. "That's what the Patriot Act is for."

"They are going to say that it is still tough on crime," added the source. "It will be in the light that the law is aimed at making sure the story of the incident is as accurate as possible, especially if it is a complicated story, like the Vice President's shooting of his hunting friend … That's where they got the name for it."

President Had "Eureka Moment"

President Bush was said to have a "eureka' moment", similar to the one he had when he first hired Katherine Armstrong to the Texas Parks and Wildlife Commission back in 1999, as reported today by Arianna Huffington, early Sunday morning, as the White House struggled to find a way to spin the news of Cheney's shooting.

Armstrong is owner of the ranch where the shooting occurred, and was an eyewitness to it, from approximately 100-yards away.

Sources have told The Garlic, that in the early hours of Sunday Morning, Karl Rove prepared a smear campaign against Harry Whittington, questioning his service in the military and that Whittington "might be gay". Rove also proposed "bugging" Whittington's hospital room, in order to get more, fresh information on him to use.

They decided to let Cheney handle it, as he did, launching the new White House Media Strategy of releasing breaking news to small, local news outlets, while the President summoned Attorney General Alberto Gonzales to the White House to get working on his new idea for the "Cheney Decision".

Miranda Was Precident For Nearly Four Decades

The Miranda Decision has been law since 1966, coming out of the case of Ernesto Miranda versus Arizona from 1963. The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a suspect being questioned by the police must be informed that "they have the right to remain silent and the right to consult an attorney, and that anything they say may be used against them in court", protecting a suspect's Fifth Amendment right against self-incrimination.

"It will still carry the rights inherent in Miranda," said Dix Whitcomb, editor of the newsletter "Our Laws Are Different", but it will known now as the 'Cheney Decision'. This won't have any effect on current or past cases."

"For instance," added Whitcomb, "Scooter Libby. He can't use the 'Cheney Decision' for his current charges. But if the special prosecutor hits him with new charges, likely he'll get that 36-hour window before they get a chance to talk to him about it."

There was no comment from Vice President Cheney, about having a law named after him.

It is being reported that Cheney has "locked himself" in his Secret Bunker and is unreachable, with even President Bush not being able to communicate with him.

While some legal scholars question if the new "Cheney Decision" will stand up as law, sources say that the White House is "eagerly hoping" for a case using it to make it's way to the Supreme Court.

"You've got the new dynamic duo of Roberts and Alito now," said Whitcomb, "and let's not forget fellow Cheney hunting partner, Antonio Scalia. They have no worries the court won't uphold the law."

The new "Cheney Decision" law will prevent police from carting away people of means, giving them a 12-36-hour window before they can be questioned

Law enforcement will also be unable to call people that are to be interviewed, following accidents or incidents, "suspects" or "persons-of-interest"

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