Thursday 27 October 2005

Breaking News!
Miers Exit Clears Path To Elevate Cheney To High Court

RNC, Mehlman Taking Control Of White House Agenda; Will Ride Religion in 2006 and 2008

Not saying if pressure was applied, the Republican National Committee welcomed the withdrawal of Harriet Miers, and her nomination to the Supreme Court and announced that they will be taking over the White House agenda for the remainder of President's Bush's term.

Miers, presently, and will be remaining, President Bush's White House council, advised the President via letter to pull her nomination, as it "presents a burden for the White House and our staff that is not in the best interest of the country." Miers also cited the call for executive branch papers and materials from Senate members as another reason she should be withdrawn.

President Bush, in an issued statement, said that "Harriet Miers's decision demonstrates her deep respect for this essential aspect of the Constitutional separation of powers - and confirms my deep respect and admiration for her". Mr. Bush said he would announce a new nominee "in a timely manner".

In a meeting late this morning, RNC Chairman Ken Mehlman, rumored to be a possible replacement should Karl Rove be indicted, delivered a letter to President Bush, strongly suggesting that he nominate Vice President Dick Cheney to the Supreme Court, and stating that the RNC will choose the next Vice President.

"With the rancor and divisive split among our party members, and other conservatives," said Mehlman in a briefing following the meeting, "we had to take this step. We need to restore order and discipline to the White House if we are going to keep after 2008."

Mehlman offered that it "makes sense" to place Cheney on the high court.

"He has a thing for secrecy," said the Chairman. "He has his secret bunker, his secret energy meetings, his secret cabal… Secrecy is almost an obsession with Mr. Cheney. The anonymity of the court should allow him his comfort zone in that regard."

"If he doesn't accept the nomination, or is, somehow, rejected by the Senate, then he'll have to resign. We can always cite health reasons, which are totally plausible."

Mehlman wouldn't say who the next Vice President will be but sources close to the RNC and White House say it will likely be Senator George Allen (R-VA).

"We'll have an announcement on that soon. No decisions have been made just yet." said Mehlman.

"The important thing right now is to get back on message and lay out an agenda that Republicans, and the Conservative base can get behind without hesitation."

Mehlman indicated that the RNC plans on "riding religion", through the 2006 Congressional races and "all the way up to November of 2008".

"It's the main issue that can unify us again. After all this hubris clears, we will submit legislation, probably in the next session, to have 'God' inserted more in the Pledge of Allegiance. We want a court fight. We want some liberal or Democrat to fight this all the way to the Supreme Court. We'll have our guys in there now."

Mehlman also hinted that the Ten Commandments will play a key role in the new agenda.

"This is big with the base and we're working on some things that can bring them out to the forefront. Maybe a new flag with the Commandments on them, that will, by law, have to fly under the Stars and Stripes. Perhaps a standardize monument that will have to be placed on the grounds of all federal buildings. We'll have something with the Big Ten, I can guarantee you."

The RNC and Mehlman also want the President to "spread more seeds of Democracy", particularly in the Middle East.

"We're consulting with the PNAC as to how to go about this in the right manner," offered Mehlman. Like, do we invade Iran and Syria simultaneously, or hit them one-at-a-time."

"We haven't used up yet the Weapons of Mass Destruction threat just yet. People can say we're crying wolf, but we know they are out there and, if we have to, we'll go country-to-country over there until we find them."

Mehlman would neither confirm or deny the rumor circulating in Washington the RNC plans on hiring Judith Miller, who, herself, is speculated to be on the way out of the door at the New York Times, to help promote the new Republican agenda.

"She did a fantastic job in the run up to invading Iraq, "gushed Mehlman. "It certainly wouldn't hurt to have her with us on this next leg to 2008."

Vice President Dick Cheney may soon be trading in his cane for a Supreme Court gavel