The Buzzards Are Picking At Each Other ...

Leave it to the Bush Grindhouse, the Neocon Nitwits and the freakshow dittoheads.

Right Wing Attacks Khalilzad For Not Defending Bolton’s Honor: ‘A Lack Of Testicular Fortitude’

Last Saturday, Zalmay Khalilzad, U.S. ambassador to the United Nations, participated in a panel discussion on Iranian foreign policy with two high-ranking Iranian officials at the World Economic Forum in Davos, Switzerland. The New York Times reports that the White House and Condoleezza Rice were “angered” by Khalilzad’s move because he did not receive explicit authorization.

The moderator of the forum joked that Khalilzad has a “really formidable advantage of having a name that is not John Bolton.” Because Khalilzad let that comment stand without repudiating it, right-wing bloggers have erupted in full rage that Khalilzad did not jump to defend Bolton’s honor (as they surely would have). Thus, Khalilzad’s behavior was “disgusting,” “an insult to the United States” and showed “a lack of testicular fortitude”:

Bolton was a joke, so, the moderators' comment was spot on, more of an observation and compliment, than anything else.

But what am I saying? ... OMG! ... Someone in the administration talked to an Iranian!

From The L.A. Times;

"Khalilzad did not veer from the U.S. position, but broke rules that permit Bush administration officials to discuss issues with Iranians only under limited circumstances and with advance approval.

"Ambassador Khalilzad's appearance with the Iranian foreign minister and presidential advisor was not authorized," said a State Department spokesman, who declined to be identified while discussing a personnel issue. He said officials would speak to Khalilzad about the infraction."

No doubt, Khalilzad must have been put through a Karen Silkwood scrubdown soon after the meeting.

Hmmm ... I wonder, if they're more pissed off, because they got caught with their fearmongering-warmongering pants down last month ...

Who knows, maybe Khalilzad was buttering them up, trying to find out who the "Filipino Monkey" is?


Bonus Reads

Cernig: Khalilzad Goes Off The Reservation

Kevin Drum: US AND THEM....

NYT: White House Criticizes Envoy Over Iran

Bolton: Card Had White House In Coma; White House Shake-Up Causes Bolton Snafu; Fiery UN Ambassador Thought Bush Reaching Out To Him; Lambastes Card and “that little bean-counting pansy”

Breaking News! Zidane Signals New Era of “Hooligan Diplomacy”; Have Head-Butt, Will Travel - Mr. Zizou Goes To Washington; World Cup Golden Ball Winner Wooed By Bush Team; Likely Will Be Assigned To Bolton at U.N.


"I will not have members of my administration talking to Iranians!"

Top Ten Cloves: Other Possibilities Being Investigated, As To Iranian Radio Transmission That Threatened U.S. Ships

News Item: The U.S. military inflicts more damage on its own credibility

10. Britney Spears, trying out her Iranian accent

9. President Bush, messing around with the intercom system on Air Force One

8. A couple of sailors, below deck on one of the ships being threatened, playing Battleship

7. When analyzed, second-by-second, could be either John Boehner and Mitt Romney, or Hillary Clinton, crying

6. Someone is reporting Vice President Dick Cheney, alone in the Situation Room, playing with the radios around the same time that the transmission was made

5. Some Iranian, playing with toy boats and rubber duckies while taking a bath, who, inadvertently, left his CB radio on

4. Ashton Kutcher ... U.S. Navy ... You just got punk'd!

3. Rich Little, working on new material, in hopes of being asked to host again, the White House Correspondents Dinner

2. Oops! ... Opie and Anthony did it again!

1. Same, mysterious person that asked Dan Rather "Kenneth, what is the frequency?"


Bonus Links

Top Ten Cloves: Surprising Things About Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's New Blog

Breaking News! New White House Discord Pits Neocons Versus Bush, Baker; Cheney Launches Iran Study Group; Planning To Up Ante, Outgun Baker’s Recommendation; Rumsfeld Installed As Co-Chair; WHIG Moves Into Secret Bunker, As Neocons Draw Line, Choose Sides

Breaking News! Confusion, As Ahmadinejad Claims He's Enrolling In Columbia, Wants "Campus Life Experience"; State Department Says No Defection Or Asylum Requested; Levi's and Girls Gone Wild Videos Factor In Iranian President Decision

Thomas Friedman, Clearly, Is Eating Lead-Painted Toys From His Flat World Economy!

While he has long been on this path, it may be that, the effects of eating the lead-painted toys from his heralded "world is flat" economy must be taking over.

Thomas "My Head Is Flat" Friedman (or, as Barry Crimmins likes to call him, Thomas L. Freepass) uses his column space today ( "Channeling Dick Cheney") to advocate - self admittedly ("No, I personally am not a Dick Cheney fan, and I know it is absurd to even suggest, but now that I have your attention, here’s what’s on my mind ...") - that, if elected, Senator Barack Obama should retain Dick Cheney as his Vice President.

Okay, I'll wait a moment for you to pick yourself up off the floor.

Friedman quickly drops his absurdity to lay out that the Democrats are going to need to have - in their President or Vice President - a harsh, warmongering, crazy motha ..., "standing over his right shoulder, quietly pounding a baseball bat into his palm" kind of guy, to deal with Iran, and the Middle East overall

A kind of "Walk Loudly and Carry An Even Bigger Stick" foreign policy approach.

A kind of "Suck On This" Friedman-favorite approach.

A kind of same thing Friedman has been saying since the start of the Invasion and Occupation of Iraq, for which Glenn Greenwald, over at Salon, becoming equally-alarmed with the preposterous suggestion, points out that "The Tom Friedman of 2002 has not gone anywhere".

While Friedman paints (presumably loaded with lead, from his "word is flat" economy) a broad picture, let's take a look at some of the practical obstacles and hurdles that would have to be overcome in order for Darth Vader to stay in control of the galaxy.

The Axis of Evil List

Presumably, this AEL will expire on January 20th, 2009 - Will the new, presumably, Democratic President renew it?

Will the same players stay on the Axis of Evil List if it renewed? A new president may want to refresh the list, put some new countries on it, based on his (or her) agenda.

But, if we take into consideration Friedman's, as well as his rightwing, warmongering, Neocon buddies, a Democratic president will be, most assuredly, soft on terror ... A wimp, who will coddle and appease the terrorists.

So, almost assuredly, a new Democratic President won't have an AEL, which would leave the Vice President of Darkness with nothing to rail about. He can trade in his Louisville Slugger for a whiffleball bat.

Lawsuits

If the Congress hangs on to its' recently-grown spine, and keeps immunity out of any new FISA legislation, chances are Mr. Cheney is going to be busy, giving depositions, huddling with lawyers, going in-and-out of court.

He certainly isn't going to have time to shake his fist at Iran, or any other country, at least not while holding a subpoena in it.

This will be a nightmare for Friedman and his crowd.

The terrorists gaining an upper hand, winning because of our functioning, democratic, impartial legal system?

This certainly wont do, and Friedman will use his columns, and there'll be Weekly Standard an WSJ editorials, calling for more of our civil rights and liberties to be taken away. It will be like a warm, fuzzy dream when we think of how, under the Bush Grindhouse, we only lost Habeas Corpus.

(We also should factor in here, that in a third or fourth term as Vice President, Dick Cheney is very likely to continue with his hunting trips and, the chance that he may shoot - again - another fellow hunter, who won't be inclined to blame himself, or the local authorities will refuse to cover it up,. may bog down the Vice President's office)

Health

Considering the heated brouhaha over stem cells, what kind of outcry will come when we will possibly have a bionic Vice President?

Cheney is on, what, his third or fourth pacemaker, and warmongering is heavy-duty stressful work.

Constantly having to stay on message, having to constantly badger the CIA and other intelligence units, constantly having to lie, that takes stamina, and good, strong physical condition.

Will Cheney be up for that, capable of that?

Yes, we could bring back John Yoo, and have him, and David Addington, draft up new laws that "Organ Harvesting" of all those terrorist prisoners in Gitmo is not torture. Or, scanning the medical records of U.S. Citizens, a new round-up of enemy combatants could occur, taking into custody only those with healthy hearts that would be compatible with Cheney's (whoa, that's a frightening thought - that there could be another American with a dark, as black a heart, as Cheney)

The Shadow Presidency

Friedman, blatantly, overlooks one serious element of his equation.

It isn't a question of if a President-Elect Barack Obama would retain the current Vice President, but more, would the current Vice President allow a President-Elect Obama into his Shadow Presidency.

Will Dick Cheney give up his control of the Executive Branch?

We have to factor in another part of Friedman's flat world that may be giving the Lord of Darkness some ideas.

Pakistan.

On January 19th, or 20th, 2009, will Cheney step forward and officially announce he is in control of the government, abolish the Congress and the courts, start jailing anyone who opposes or criticizes the coup, all under the name of saving our democracy?

Granted, Friedman, and his rightwing power hawks would cheerlead such a Cheney coup, and that would likely generate another phony "mea culpa" column from Freidman, pointing back to today's dribble and how naïve he was, as he starts shouting to the new Dictator Cheney, with the decks all clear, to start having the Middle East "Suck On This"!

And we'll all be subjected to their nauseating anthem.

Neocon Days Are Here Again

So long New York Times
Go long LA Times
We are rid of you at last

Rowdy gay times
Cloudy gray times
You are now a thing of the past

Neocon Days are here again
The torture we had is cleared again
So let's wage a war and cheer again
Neocon Days are here again

All together, shout it now
There's no one who can stop us now
So lets dominate the world about it now
Neocon Days are here again

Your laws and rights are gone
There'll be no constitution from now on
Neocon Days are here again

Neocon Days are here again
The laws we had are clear again
So let's wage a war and cheer again
Neocon Days are here again

Happy times
No Civil Rights
Only our ways
Neocon Days are here again!

Bonus Thomas "My Head Is Flat" Friedman Links

Jules Crittenden - Tom Friedman: “9/11 has made us stupid.”

Hollywood Reporter - Columnist in biz with MSNBC.com

David Sirota - Billionaire Tom & More Education Mythmaking

FAIR - Media Advisory: Tom Friedman's Flexible Deadlines Iraq's 'decisive' six months have lasted two and a half years

Dick Cheney's Not Darth Vader ... He's Harry Caul!

Perhaps, when the regime's term finally ends, we'll find Vice President Dick Cheney sitting in his secret bunker, the floorboards torn up, the walls ripped out, light fixtures disassembled, the sharp bits of broken figurines littered about.

It could be his last, futile attempt at finding those mushroom-clouding WMD's.

In hindsight, though, we've all had it wrong.

Cheney isn't Darth Vader.

He's Harry Caul, the paranoid surveillance freak from The Conversation.

From Wikipedia;

"Caul is utterly professional at work, but he finds personal contact difficult. He is exquisitely uncomfortable in dense crowds and withdrawn and taciturn in more intimate situations; he is also reticent and secretive with work colleagues."

From Filmsite.org;

"Its claustrophobic themes of the destruction of privacy, alienation, guilt, voyeurism, justified paranoia, unprincipled corporate power and personal responsibility effectively responded to growing, ominous 20th century threats of eavesdropping to personal liberties."

Certainly more than a handful of the Vice President's characteristics in there.

Unlike Harry Caul of the movies, Cheney/Harry Caul isn't hunting for electronic bugs - He is looking for Iranians!

And, gosh-darn-it, he's gonna get his Iranians ... He's going to fuss-and-fume, and stamp his feet until he gets his Iranians.

Where does this new, cinematic revisionist view of the Secret-Energy-Meeting Vice President come from?

Iraqi fighters 'grilled for evidence on Iran'; Interrogator says US military seeks evidence incriminating Tehran

The Guardian Unlimited has a report filed today, indicating military interrogators are feeling the thumbs-on-the-backs-of-their-necks kind of pressure to come up with evidence of Iranian involvement in Iraq.

"US military officials are putting huge pressure on interrogators who question Iraqi insurgents to find incriminating evidence pointing to Iran, it was claimed last night."

"Other military intelligence officials in Iraq refused to comment, but one said: 'The message is, "Got to find a link with Iran, got to find a link with Iran." It's sickening.'

And then there this, from IPS;

POLITICS-US: Cheney Tried to Stifle Dissent in Iran NIE

It appears that our Cheney/Harry Caul is gumming up the release of the latest National Intelligence Estimate on Iran, while he rips up the floorboards, searching out those darn Iranians.

"But this pressure on intelligence analysts, obviously instigated by Cheney himself, has not produced a draft estimate without those dissenting views, these sources say. The White House has now apparently decided to release the unsatisfactory draft NIE, but without making its key findings public."

In the move version, our Cheney/Harry Caul would be sitting with a tape recorder, wearing headphones, sweating, increasingly showing signs of agitation, as he plays and rewinds a piece of tape, back-and-forth, without getting his desired results.

"Former CIA officer Philip Giraldi provided a similar account, based on his own sources in the intelligence community. He told IPS that intelligence analysts have had to review and rewrite their findings three times, because of pressure from the White House.

"The White House wants a document that it can use as evidence for its Iran policy," says Giraldi. Despite pressures on them to change their dissenting conclusions, however, Giraldi says some analysts have refused to go along with conclusions that they believe are not supported by the evidence."

Hmmm ... Haven't we seen this movie before?

Send your refund request to the attention of Dennis Kucinich and the House Judiciary Committee.


Bonus, But Not De-Bugged, Links

David Swanson/AfterDowningStreet: The Low Down on Dick Cheney

McClatchy Newspapers: The confrontation with Iran - Experts: No evidence of Iranian nuclear weapons program

Seymour M. Hersh: Shifting Targets; The Administration’s plan for Iran.

General, Drop Your Draws, The Country Wants To Thank You ... The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll

Well, since the Congress got down on their knees, during the PetraeusReportPalooza, it wouldn't be out-of-the-question for the Bush Grindhouse to have the expectation for the country to give the Golden Boy a good hummer.

But, alas, the news has advanced far past our latest Garlic Weekly Poll.

AQI is nearly as passe as bell-bottom pants... They're as out as Joe Torre... Gone, Arriverderchi, Addios ...

It's in with the new and that means its all Iran, all the time... Iran is fomenting the violence in Iraq now... Iran is providing the bombs ... Iran is providing the training... And, if you haven't been paying attention, Iran has wrestled that much-heralded impending mushroom cloud out of the cold, dead hands of Saddam Hussein and are proudly waving it in Tehran.

Don't worry, even if the Faux News Networks is running a bit behind in their fear-mongering, it won't take them long to catch up ... I mean, there's less than 60-days for them to put some terror into your holidays (and an Iranian terrorist under every tree) ... I'm sure they're working on it ...

The Results - The Garlic's Weekly Poll October 15 - October 27, 2007

If Al Qaeda in Iraq is vanquished, President Bush will have to ...

1. Get caught with his microphone still on, saying that "The country owes General Petraeus a blow job" Tally 33%

2. Jump into his flightsuit, fire up the aircraft carrier and hang the Mission Accomplised banners Tally 29%

3. Start invading and occupying Iran Tally 27%

4. Appeal to the Nobel Prize people, to take away the Peace Prize from Al Gore and give it to him Tally 12%

This week’s Poll - Rather than amnesty, for aiding Bush & Co. to spy on Americans, the Telecom Companies should ...

Scroll up to the top right corner to place your vote

Retro Garlic - Life Imitating Satire ... Again ... Iran Study Group

Well bust my buttons, we find ourselves with another Retro Garlic, this time, a bit more on the frightening side.

Quite the hubbub the past few days (actually, months, if you've been listening to the Bush Grindhouse-beaten drums) on the ever-increasing prospects of The Commander Guy issuing orders to start bombing Iran.

The ever-shining journalist Sy Hersh (take note, you rest of the stenography school of MSM) has some new news on that Bombing Iran front, that appears in the New Yorker's current issue;

Annals of National Security - Shifting Targets: The Administration’s plan for Iran.

Of the bevy of links and discussion on this, John Amato, over at Crooks and Liars, in his post "Sy Hersh on Bush and Iran: Shifting targets: New Propaganda push to attack their Revolutionary Guard" noted this;

UPDATED: Sy Hersh joined CNN’s Late Edition and discussed his new article out in the NewYorker: “Shifting Targets,” which says that the WH has a new talking point which it will sell attacking Iran and as usual, our media will lap it up. The CIA has created an Iran Study Group with dozens of new members with the goal of launching a strike against Iran, including ground forces. Bush feels that using the nuclear threat as the reason to bomb Iran has failed miserably, so they switched talking points and are going to say they are defending themselves against Iranian meddling in Iraq. We told you so….

The Retro Part

From Wednesday, November 15, 2006, on The Garlic;

Breaking News! New White House Discord Pits Neocons Versus Bush, Baker; Cheney Launches Iran Study Group; Planning To Up Ante, Outgun Baker’s Recommendation; Rumsfeld Installed As Co-Chair; WHIG Moves Into Secret Bunker, As Neocons Draw Line, Choose Sides

And here's a Google Search Link to show it.

Bonus Here-We-Go-Again Links

Guardian Unlimited: Cheney pushes Bush to act on Iran; Military solution back in favour as Rice loses out; President 'not prepared to leave conflict unresolved'

Greg Sargent/TPM: Kyl-Lieberman Iran Amendment Passes By Huge Margin

Guardian Unlimited: Bolton calls for bombing of Iran

Think Progress: Bolton Podhoretz: ‘I Believe Bush Is Going To Order Airstrikes On Iran Before He Leaves Office’

Chopped Garlic: Tinfoil Hats, or Canaries In The Proverbial War Zone?

A funny thing happened on the way to democracy in Iraq ... And it could end up being called "Iran".

We've had the PetraeusReportPalooza, and the now spotlight-sharing AhmadinejadPalooza ... The Bush Grindhouse is asking for for more money than ever, to continue the war-making machine they are so wedded to ... The spineless Congress (Democrats in particular) cave, abandoning common sense, and the lessons of their errors in the build-up to the invasion and occupation of Iraq, with passing - supposedly a non-binding resolution, unless you've been paying attention to Senator Jim Webb - the chest-thumping Kyl-Lieberman Iran Amendment.

Transcripts surface showing The Commander Guy lying... Today, a new report offers that the Golden Boy General does admit that violence has increased in Iraq ...

And nobody seems to care ... Business-as-usual ... Keep going shopping

Well, a few people do seem to have their eyes on the ball.

One is the man who helped expose the lies of the Viet Nam War, Daniel Ellsberg, in a recent speech titled 'A Coup Has Occurred'.

The other is Juan Cole, looking at those Spanish transcripts and concluding "Transcript Reveals Impeachable Offenses by Bush Re: Iraq War".

Let us hope that Glen Greenwald, and his sources, have it right, with his post "The U.S. military's role in preventing the bombing of Iran".

Otherwise ...

Cue up Que Sera Sera...

Bonus Link

Seymour M. Hersh: Shifting Targets - The Administration’s plan for Iran.


Koppel On Discovery: Iran

Breaking News! Bush Reaching Out To Columbia University's Bollinger With Plum Position

Believes School President Can Be Asset In Sliming War Critics, Up-Front and Face-To-Face; Cheney Wants Him For More Iran Bashing

It appears that Columbia University Lee Bollinger's 15-minutes in the spotlight yesterday may land him in the White House.

Sources have told The Garlic that the Bush Grindhouse flocked to televisions, as Bollinger, face-to-face, with Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad sitting a few feet away, and exorcised his school's invited guest, with blistering, double-barreled shots, including "Let’s, then, be clear at the beginning, Mr. President you exhibit all the signs of a petty and cruel dictator."

So impressed was the Grindhouse staff, that Vice President Dick Cheney, furiously scribbling in the margin of a newspaper, quickly whipped out his cellphone, calling former White House Smearmeister Karl Rove, ordering him to turn on his television and watch Bollinger.

Cheney, according to some of the staffers interviewed, was already making moves to bring Bollinger into his Iran Study Group.

"The President," offered one West Wing staffer who was present, "had tears in his eyes."

A spontaneous burst of applause and shouts erupted when Bollinger hit Ahmadinejad again with;

"For the illiterate and ignorant, this is dangerous propaganda. When you come to a place like this, this makes you, quite simply, ridiculous. You are either brazenly provocative or astonishingly uneducated."

Our sources tell us that Chief of Staff Josh Bolten was the first to suggest bringing in Bollinger for a White House position.

Bolton was overheard saying to The Commander Guy that "he can slime our war critics, face-to-face ... Walk right up the hill and lay into them ... He's got a brass set balls on him ..."

"Boy, does he ...," The Decider Guy was said to respond to Bolten, adding that "he might just take the shine off of Turd Blossom's mantle ..."

And, according to our sources, when Bollinger ended his attack on Ahmadinejad with "I am only a professor, who is also a university president, and today I feel all the weight of the modern civilized world yearning to express the revulsion at what you stand for. I only wish I could do better," Bolten was already on the telephone to Columbia University, making arrangements for Bollinger to come down to Washington.

Reportedly, late into the evening, extra speech writers were ushered into the White House, to begin writing custom, individualized attacks on members of Congress, in preparation of Bollinger coming in and doing a read-through for The Commander Guy.

The White House officially refused comment on the report, and, when asked as she rushed into the White House, Homeland Security Advisor Fran Townsend offered "I didn't know there was a Columbia University."

More as this story develops

From the school house to the White House, Columbia University President Lee Bollinger is reportedly being tapped to become President Bush's new Smearmeister

Top Ten Cloves: Things Overheard During Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Visit To Columbia University

News Item: Ahmadinejad, big man on campus; The Iranian leader's visit to Columbia provoked outcry, support and a twist on free speech: "We're glad you're here -- so we can tell you you're an asshole."

10. Is it me or does this guy have only one suit?

9. Look, over in the Media pool - Isn't that Bill Belichick? Is he videotaping Ahmadinejad?

8. What's the University of Florida Campus Police doing here?

7. I heard he was coming here to enroll

6. Someone said they saw Ahmadinejad talking with Isiah Thomas and then, a few minutes later, Ahmadinejad was walking around, practicing pronouncing the word "bitch"

5. I heard he was gay

4. Ahmadinejad? ... Isn't that, that Syrian apricot leather stuff?

3. I don't want to start anything, but I was just in the Mens Room and Ahmadinejad was in there, in a stall, furiously tapping his foot

2. Some said the Bill O'Reilly is going to take him to dinner ... That knows a great restaurant up in Harlem

1. Mr. President, I don't think it would be in our best interests to add Columbia University to the Axis of Evil List


Bonus Links

Dana Milbank: Live From New York, Mahmoud Ahmadinejad's Unreality Show

Glenn Greenwald: Columbia to be punished for hosting the new Hitler enemy

Joe Gandelman: The Ahmadinejad Show: Less Horror Show And More Like Crossfire

I heard he was gay

Breaking News! Confusion, As Ahmadinejad Claims He's Enrolling In Columbia, Wants "Campus Life Experience"

State Department Says No Defection Or Asylum Requested; Levi's and Girls Gone Wild Videos Factor In Iranian President Decision

State Department officials are scrambling this morning, after reports surfaced that Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad made statements that he wasn't coming to speak at Columbia University, in New York City, but rather to enroll in the school.

Intercepted cables, which the government would neither confirm or deny were obtained via their illegal wiretapping program, and readings of the Iranian President's blog, as one State Department official close to the investigation characterized, that Ahmadinejad "longs for an American college campus life experience".

"He's obsessed with it," said the official. "All he talks about is wearing t-shirts and Levi's ... Hanging out in coffee shops ... And girls."

Reportedly, the Iranian President is a big fan of the 'Girls Gone Wild' videos and believes he's missing out on something. His desire to enter college, an American college, is the driving force to meet girls as depicted in the videos.

Ahmadinejad is said to be keen on "an Ivy League School", believing the girls he will meet will be "smarter and better breeders".

The Iranian President made no mention of his plans to enroll in Columbia during his '60-Minutes' interview broadcast last evening.

State Department officials say that Ahmadinejad has been working on this "for months", to coordinate the move with his trip to New York and General Assembly address at the United Nations.

It's not know when Ahmadinejad will formally ask for asylum, or even if he will. There are some indications, which officials won't divulge, that the Iranian President may simply just walk into Columbia University and enroll, without much fanfare.

Columbia University would offer no comment, however Dean John Coatsworth of Columbia's School of International and Public Affairs indicated, in an interview, that he would also admit Adolph Hitler, if the former Nazi Dictator applied for studies.

The university has refused to cancel the visit.

There is also unconfirmed reports that Ahmadinejad will be using his inflammatory rantings, such as the destruction of Israel, and his tirades against the United States as part of his admission essay, and is planning a double-major in Civics and Psychology.

There has been little to no news out of the Bush Grindhouse over this report of Ahmadinejad's plans, but sources have told The Garlic that, when apprised of the reports, Vice President Dick Cheney was livid.

"Hell, he can't do that," Cheney was reported to have fumed, as he was leaving to attend a meeting in Brooklyn, "It screws up all my plans."

More, as this story develops

Bonus Ahmadinejad Links

Daily Kos: Why I Have A Little Crush on Mahmoud Ahmadinejad

Ahmadinejad “Sort Of An Islamic Lyndon LaRouche”; Said To Have Made Offer To Mexico; Ahmadinejad Claims Letter A Hoax, Cites Propaganda, Prelude To U.S. Invasion; Other World Leaders Received Similar Tomes; Mexico Offered Iran National Guard Deployed on Their Side of Border


















The Garlic has obtained a rare photo of Iranian President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, said to be practicing "The Wave", in anticipation of attending his first Columbia University football game after he enrolls in the school

Inner Turmoil Has Bush Blaming Bridge Collapse On Al Qaeda In Iraq; Cheney Points To Iran

White House Torn Apart, Aides Sniping At Each Other; DHS's Chertoff Ad-Libs "Dry Run" Scenario As Middle Ground

On the eve of his visit to the disaster-stricken, collapsed Minnesota bridge, President Bush is said to be engaged in a bitter division with his self-appointed Vice President.

Sources tell The Garlic this evening that a full-scale brawl has erupted in the West Wing of the Bush Grindhouse, as aides supportive of The Commander Guy are standing behind him in wanting to blame the collapse of the I-35W Bridge in Minneapolis, Minnesota on al Qaeda in Iraq.

This pits them against a larger group firmly supporting Vice President Dick Cheney, who seeks to claim that the bridge collapse is the work of agents from Iran.

"This is as bad as it has ever been," offered a source, with close ties to the Bush Grindhouse.

"They've gone full bore on this, with press releases already prepared ... Video is being edited in the Situation Room, to back up arguments ... There's a rumor going around that Cheney, working through his people in the Pentagon, already have four, or five stooges in Iran, that they can pin a conspiracy gang charge on ...Cheney's winning this thing, he's got all his cards lined-up"

The President, reportedly, is leaning on the National Security Agency (NSA) to produce captured, legal or illegal, wiretaps to back up his claim.

Publicly, The Decider Guy has been conducting his affairs in a normal fashion, offering his sympathies to the victims of the bridge collapse and, at the same time, hedging his bets with citing deficiencies in the bridge.

It was said that Bush had a "very difficult time" not speaking out at his Rose Garden news conference yesterday, to begin pointing the finger at al Qaeda in Iraq.

Cheney Stiffed By Russert; Chertoff Ad-Libs New "Gut Feeling"

Meanwhile, the Vice President was said to be calling Tim Russert, and seeking to get on 'Meet The Press" this coming weekend, offering the host an "irresistible scoop" regarding the bridge collapse.

The Vice President's office, confident that could break the Iran-Is-To-Blame charge on national television, was stunned when Russert failed to offer Cheney a segment on the program.

There are reports that Department of Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff was pulled into the mix, and put on the spot of either supporting the President, or the Vice President.

Chertoff, apparently, ad-libbed a new "gut feeling", indicating that it would be best to categorize the bridge collapse as a "possible dry run" by terrorists looking to attack the United States again.

First Lady Calls For New Donation

With the First Lady, Laura Bush, visiting the disaster site today, no word of the feud was leaked, so as not to put the First Lady in a position of having to publicly rebuke, presumably, the Vice President.

The First Lady met with emergency officials and rescue workers, offering her sympathies and support.

"And many bridges are stable ahh..now. But, of course, what we see on television is the one bridge collapse a day that discourages everybody."

The First Lady also announced that she will be asking friends and supporters of the President add $35 to their $61 donation to the RNC, as a tribute for her husbands' birthday, with the extra money being designated for any single woman effected by the bridge collapse, that they can continue their hunt for a husband.

Bridge Opportunity Zone May Be In The Offing

It's not clear if The Shakespeare Guy will come out and blame al Qaeda in Iraq during his visit to Minneapolis tomorrow.

Aides, particularly the group working on his domestic agenda, are lobbying for a "New Orleans-type" speech.

The White House has shipped klieg lights to the Twin Cities, and sent an advance team to scout out cathedrals that Bush could use as a backdrop.

If the President does that, gushed a source close to the West Wing, "we can get the bridge refugees up and back on their feet, just as good, and just as quickly as we got New Orleans back on her feet".

The domestic team has advocated to the President that he announce a "Bridge Opportunity Zone", following his New Orleans blueprint, to assist persons and business affected by the bridge collapse.

The President, will not, as some wire reports indicated, name a "Bridge Czar", and Vice President Dick Cheney will not accompany the President to Minneapolis.

The OVP indicated there is a schedule conflict, that the Vice President will be with former Secretary of War Donald "I Can't Recall" Rumsfeld, preparing for the Armageddon.
















The President may reprise his New Orleans plan and announce a "Bridge Opportunity Zone" during his visit to Minneapolis tomorrow

Become a Cheney's Cheney ... Help The VP Build His Team, For The Most Gleaming of Brass Rings - Iran

We have a situation developing, with the Cheney side of our government all running around with puffed up tents in the crotch of their trousers, over the prospects of "hot conflict" with Iran, that there is talk of "insubordination against President Bush" and his wimpy diplomacy-first side of the government.

We'll set aside, for the moment, using the words "President Bush" and "diplomacy" in the same sentence.

Jackson Williams, on the Huffington Post, asked yesterday "Just who is Cheney's team these days, what with Scooter Libby headed to jail and Rummy off playing bridge? Well, the ranks have surely thinned as this blunder has gone on, but there is probably some recruitment of new blood taking place, too."

Where is the new blood coming from?

The Garlic, not wanting to be shown up as not supporting our troops, wants to lend a hand for this effort and has composed a Want Ad for the Office of Vice President, being that Monica Goodling resigned, and can't be sitting there any longer, wearing her BL armband (Bush Loyalist) when screening potential candidates.

Get yourself in the game, it's likely this position will be filled very quickly.

Position: Loyal, Hard-Nosed Neoconservative Yes-Man

Have you ever wanted to overthrow a foreign regime, start a war or tell a United States Senator to "go fuck yourself"?

Do you often find yourself sticking, obstinately, to a minority viewpoint, refusing to give in because you know, deep in your gut, you are correct - even when some panty-waist liberal is waving irrefutable evidence in your face?

If so, the Office of the Vice President has an exciting and rewarding career opportunity for you.

In the dynamic world of the nation's first "Shadow President", you will be in the vortex of domestic and world events, meeting with the nation's energy chiefs, or taking an overseas trips to berate foreign governments.

You may, at times find yourself holed-up in a genuine Secret Bunker, and you'll have the thrill of living through the Armageddon drills and running the country "the day after" with surreptitious weekend retreats.

And, you just may be on-board for the most gleaming of brass rings - Iran.

Qualifications

• Ability to write, bully, steal, fabricate, and/or otherwise generate intelligence supporting the Vice President's policies and vision
• Talent, in face of withering criticism, to be able to stay on message and repeat false claims
• No Conscious and no regrets in outing and exposing covert CIA agents
• Lying and the knack for placing blame on others are required skills for the position

*Internships and/or employment with the American Enterprise Institute or the PNAC is highly desirable

** All candidates, to be considered for the position, will be required to sign a waiver, indicating the acceptance of going to prison in order to protect the Vice President should such an occurance manifest in carrying out your duties in the Office of the Vice President.

Contact, with cover letter and resume, Chief of Staff (and the original Cheney's Cheney) David Addington at vice_president@whitehouse.gov


Bonus Links

The Trouble With Cheney: He's Dumb

Cheney Sets Up Shadow Government In Area 51

Libby Trial Update - The Scooter and Cheney Show Theme Song

Breaking News - White House Bombshell: "VP Could Be In His Last Throes"

Libby Verdict Has Bush, White House Urging Cheney Into Rehab

Sources Claim "Can't Be Trusted He Won't Break"; Iraq Comments "Last Straw" and "Were Not An Enormous Success"

Sources have told The Garlic that a fierce battle is being waged inside the White House, as President Bush, and other staffers, are strongly urging Vice President Dick Cheney enter into rehab.

The overriding fear is that recently convicted former Assistant to the President, and Vice President Chief of Staff I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby, in an effort to stay out of prison, by make a deal with Special Prosecutor Patrick Fitzgerald and implicate the Vice President in the Valerie Plame CIA Leak Case.

If that were to occur, and with Fitzgerald already "owning" Assistant to the President, Deputy Chief of Staff and Senior Advisor Karl Rove, the White House wants to have Cheney "completely off-limits" to investigators.

He can't be trusted that he won't break. They'll have him disappear." said one official who works in the West Wing. "I mean, he'll be gone, untouchable."

Cheney's Staff Fighting Back

In the Office of the Vice President, a chaotic and frenzied effort is underway by staffers, to block the President from forcing Cheney into rehab.

David Addington, Cheney's new Chief of Staff, is said to be "sweating blood", digging furiously through legal volumes, looking for the slightest edge that can be employed, or a precedent that can be slipped into the next Bush Signing Statement.

Communication between the West Wing and the Vice President's office is so strained, that necessary information, and daily business, is being conducted by messenger.

Cheney could not be reached for comment, rumored to be holed-up in his Secret Bunker.

Cheney spokeswoman Lea Anne McBride said the Vice President would not be issuing any comments on the rehab story and that, "frankly, he doesn't give a hoot what people think."

Cheney Was On Thin Ice

With Cheney's influence in the White House being questioned, and calls coming of the impeachment of the Vice President, Cheney, according to the insiders, was already on the President's radar, and "very thin ice".

Since his combative interview with CNN's Wolf Blitzer, in which Cheney sang of the "enormous successes" in Iraq and arrogantly dismissed criticism of himself as "hogwash", the White House has attempted to harness the Vice President, but without much success.

Cheney has also been a the center of amping up the war cry against Iran, having already angered the President earlier by by splitting off from the White House and establishing his own Iran Study Group.

"Christ," sighed another source inside the White House, "you want reasons? We've got over six-years' worth ... Take your pick ... Last throes ... Endorsing waterboarding... Busting the Senate Intelligence Committee's balls... His secret energy meetings... The Nazi Appeaser thing... This guys a one-man PR nightmare ... Every time the President wants to do something on the QT, there goes Cheney shooting - no pun intended - his mouth off ..."

All In The Family

The White House is also displeased that it has become a "family affair"; with the Cheney's, in putting the spotlight on the President and his policies.

Last Fall, Lynne Cheney, the Vice President's wife, had her own head butting contest with CNN's Blitzer that generated an unwanted glare.

That was followed by a pair of Op-Ed's by Cheney's daughter, Elizabeth, urging continued support for the Iraq Occupation and lashing out at Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice, for her "single, unmarried" status.

Faith and Fallback In Play

The President is said to have faith, that the Vice President will "do the right thing", and gracefully step into rehab.

If not, the sources say, the President already has a "fallback" position in ordering Cheney into rehab.

Shortly after the Libby guilty verdict was announced, Cheney, reportedly, stormed around his office in a raging tirade, and is said to be heard by a handful of staffers, of calling Special Prosecutor Fitzgerald a "little faggot".

"And there's already an established procedure and precedent for that." added the staffer. "Even Ann Coulter worried about going into rehab is she used that word."

With his influence down, and his former Chief of Staff now a convicted felon, the White House is urging Vice President Dick Cheney to enter into rehab, but no one is expecting Cheney Cheney to go without a fight