Thomas Friedman, Clearly, Is Eating Lead-Painted Toys From His Flat World Economy!

While he has long been on this path, it may be that, the effects of eating the lead-painted toys from his heralded "world is flat" economy must be taking over.

Thomas "My Head Is Flat" Friedman (or, as Barry Crimmins likes to call him, Thomas L. Freepass) uses his column space today ( "Channeling Dick Cheney") to advocate - self admittedly ("No, I personally am not a Dick Cheney fan, and I know it is absurd to even suggest, but now that I have your attention, here’s what’s on my mind ...") - that, if elected, Senator Barack Obama should retain Dick Cheney as his Vice President.

Okay, I'll wait a moment for you to pick yourself up off the floor.

Friedman quickly drops his absurdity to lay out that the Democrats are going to need to have - in their President or Vice President - a harsh, warmongering, crazy motha ..., "standing over his right shoulder, quietly pounding a baseball bat into his palm" kind of guy, to deal with Iran, and the Middle East overall

A kind of "Walk Loudly and Carry An Even Bigger Stick" foreign policy approach.

A kind of "Suck On This" Friedman-favorite approach.

A kind of same thing Friedman has been saying since the start of the Invasion and Occupation of Iraq, for which Glenn Greenwald, over at Salon, becoming equally-alarmed with the preposterous suggestion, points out that "The Tom Friedman of 2002 has not gone anywhere".

While Friedman paints (presumably loaded with lead, from his "word is flat" economy) a broad picture, let's take a look at some of the practical obstacles and hurdles that would have to be overcome in order for Darth Vader to stay in control of the galaxy.

The Axis of Evil List

Presumably, this AEL will expire on January 20th, 2009 - Will the new, presumably, Democratic President renew it?

Will the same players stay on the Axis of Evil List if it renewed? A new president may want to refresh the list, put some new countries on it, based on his (or her) agenda.

But, if we take into consideration Friedman's, as well as his rightwing, warmongering, Neocon buddies, a Democratic president will be, most assuredly, soft on terror ... A wimp, who will coddle and appease the terrorists.

So, almost assuredly, a new Democratic President won't have an AEL, which would leave the Vice President of Darkness with nothing to rail about. He can trade in his Louisville Slugger for a whiffleball bat.

Lawsuits

If the Congress hangs on to its' recently-grown spine, and keeps immunity out of any new FISA legislation, chances are Mr. Cheney is going to be busy, giving depositions, huddling with lawyers, going in-and-out of court.

He certainly isn't going to have time to shake his fist at Iran, or any other country, at least not while holding a subpoena in it.

This will be a nightmare for Friedman and his crowd.

The terrorists gaining an upper hand, winning because of our functioning, democratic, impartial legal system?

This certainly wont do, and Friedman will use his columns, and there'll be Weekly Standard an WSJ editorials, calling for more of our civil rights and liberties to be taken away. It will be like a warm, fuzzy dream when we think of how, under the Bush Grindhouse, we only lost Habeas Corpus.

(We also should factor in here, that in a third or fourth term as Vice President, Dick Cheney is very likely to continue with his hunting trips and, the chance that he may shoot - again - another fellow hunter, who won't be inclined to blame himself, or the local authorities will refuse to cover it up,. may bog down the Vice President's office)

Health

Considering the heated brouhaha over stem cells, what kind of outcry will come when we will possibly have a bionic Vice President?

Cheney is on, what, his third or fourth pacemaker, and warmongering is heavy-duty stressful work.

Constantly having to stay on message, having to constantly badger the CIA and other intelligence units, constantly having to lie, that takes stamina, and good, strong physical condition.

Will Cheney be up for that, capable of that?

Yes, we could bring back John Yoo, and have him, and David Addington, draft up new laws that "Organ Harvesting" of all those terrorist prisoners in Gitmo is not torture. Or, scanning the medical records of U.S. Citizens, a new round-up of enemy combatants could occur, taking into custody only those with healthy hearts that would be compatible with Cheney's (whoa, that's a frightening thought - that there could be another American with a dark, as black a heart, as Cheney)

The Shadow Presidency

Friedman, blatantly, overlooks one serious element of his equation.

It isn't a question of if a President-Elect Barack Obama would retain the current Vice President, but more, would the current Vice President allow a President-Elect Obama into his Shadow Presidency.

Will Dick Cheney give up his control of the Executive Branch?

We have to factor in another part of Friedman's flat world that may be giving the Lord of Darkness some ideas.

Pakistan.

On January 19th, or 20th, 2009, will Cheney step forward and officially announce he is in control of the government, abolish the Congress and the courts, start jailing anyone who opposes or criticizes the coup, all under the name of saving our democracy?

Granted, Friedman, and his rightwing power hawks would cheerlead such a Cheney coup, and that would likely generate another phony "mea culpa" column from Freidman, pointing back to today's dribble and how naïve he was, as he starts shouting to the new Dictator Cheney, with the decks all clear, to start having the Middle East "Suck On This"!

And we'll all be subjected to their nauseating anthem.

Neocon Days Are Here Again

So long New York Times
Go long LA Times
We are rid of you at last

Rowdy gay times
Cloudy gray times
You are now a thing of the past

Neocon Days are here again
The torture we had is cleared again
So let's wage a war and cheer again
Neocon Days are here again

All together, shout it now
There's no one who can stop us now
So lets dominate the world about it now
Neocon Days are here again

Your laws and rights are gone
There'll be no constitution from now on
Neocon Days are here again

Neocon Days are here again
The laws we had are clear again
So let's wage a war and cheer again
Neocon Days are here again

Happy times
No Civil Rights
Only our ways
Neocon Days are here again!

Bonus Thomas "My Head Is Flat" Friedman Links

Jules Crittenden - Tom Friedman: “9/11 has made us stupid.”

Hollywood Reporter - Columnist in biz with MSNBC.com

David Sirota - Billionaire Tom & More Education Mythmaking

FAIR - Media Advisory: Tom Friedman's Flexible Deadlines Iraq's 'decisive' six months have lasted two and a half years